Avoiding the "stuff" - Page 2

[mbm]

Just think hard about what stuff will really fit with your lifestyle. For example, we walk a lot and bought a really good stroller. But we didn't have space for a changing table so we skipped it.

Remember that you don't need to get everything right away -- it will still be at Target if/when you need it. And don't feel bad about losing your minimalist street cred when your kid really loves that huge garish battery powered exersaucer from Grandma.

[Murph12334]

our swing rarely got used with two kids. boppy was used a lot for both, slings were used the most.

our house is actually a little neater than before, but tons of kids toys always seem to be everywhere

[AislinCarys]

My back and shoulders tell me that if we have another baby, top of the list is a comfortable breastfeeding chair (with good back support, quite high, and a bit firm, and arm rests at a comfortable place), and a boppy or similar. A pillow just didn't get DD high enough up, so I ended up bending over sightly.

We used very little, and no, you don't need much. We got DD her first toys around 3 months. Around 4-5 months she started playing - with the plastic clothespegs off the line! Teething pegs were good to suck on, though. We used very few clothes as DD wasn't a spitter-uper, and didn't have poo explosions. The first two months we had 2 nightgowns, 3 kimono tops and 3 pairs of socks (+ a singlet, and wooly wear for cold days outside - hardly ever used them, as DD is very warm). Lots and lots of diaper flats, to use for EVERYTHING! Blankets of different thickness. Sling/baby carrier of some sort and/or push chair (DD has refused both at different times). Car seat. We used a bouncer for a short while to place her in while I had a shower or something, as she wanted to be carried always (later we just started taking her in with us). We got a Moses basket we never used as DD refused to sleep there. Although, if I was doing it gain, I might try a baby hammock (daytime-sleep has been an issue for us). And lots of books!

Now, at 19 months, DD has plenty, most of it given from friends ad relatatives. I can't stand battery operated toys, so she has none of those (it is the noise I can't stand), and very few plasic toys. She prefers her soft toys, dolls and puzzles. But her favourite is remote controls, so she's got two old ones of her own.

[ellah]

I really hope I didn't offend anyone with my example of a boppy. I googled after I read the replies and I meant a bumbo. I was envisioning that hard plastic chair they sit in. Sorry bout that!

[GoBecGo]

A combination of a small house and no money meant we didn't get a whole lot of stuff. We had nappies, a wrap, shawls, a cot and sheets for the cot (we didn't co-sleep much), a tummy tub and clothes. Most of what i had was bought for me and almost all of what i bought was second-hand. The wrap and a tummy tub bath were new, the shawls i knitted from shop-bought wool, the nappies were 2nd hand off an auction site, we spent and owned little, my dad bought the cot and sheets and etc. 3.5 years on and i suppose we have a normal amount of junk. I didn't ever want DD to have battery operated plasticky toys, but come Christmas my dad buys her something HE likes, and she loves it and i look at her laughing and his eyes shining and i am not willing to go get between them to get rid of the toy just because it offends my sensibilities! Their relationship, which is based on much more but is punctuated by these exchanges, is worth much more to me than a mere peaceful showhome type house.

TBH your life changes so much when you have a kid the "stuff" is almost by the by. I noticed not sleeping more than 3 hours at a time for over 7 months. I noticed never being able to eat, pee, poop, shower or rest when *I* wanted to but having to do it whenDD's needs allowed (or not if they didn't). I noticed my body going through so many changes in the birthing year that i was left having to try EVERYTHING on in shops because i no longer had a reliable internal picture of how i was shaped. I noticed being at the beck and call of someone else in a way i'd NEVER been before except for the shortest times. I noticed that i had learned, finally, what "relentless" really means. I noticed how unreasonable, irrational and demanding my DD was, as well as how loveable, joy-bringing and delightful she was. I didn't notice the toys. I didn't notice the crazy outfits i'd been bought but would never put her in. I didn't notice her encroaching on my physical space because she'd already crowded the me-i-used-to-be out of my head, my heart and my life. Taking up a bit of space in my flat too was nothing by comparison.

If it's any comfort despite how total and full-on it is when you have a baby, and the extent to which the You you think you are vanishes immediately after the birth to be replaced by "mama", the You who you really are *does* get to creep back evntually. Slowly slowly you are able to resume the things you use to enjoy, with a new companion on the road, and pretty soon you start looking at the road and thinking to yourself...wow, this is kind of fun, bu there's a lo of space over there... let's have another one!

[katelove]

I am really hoping to avoid ending up with a whole heap of baby stuff which we don't really need.

It is not customary in Australia to have a big baby shower and register for gifts so that will certainly help.

Other than that, we have thought about how we want to parent and what our lifestyle is like. Based on that we've tried to work out what we think we definitely need. For example we plan to co-sleep and babywear so we do not intend to buy a cot/craddle/bassinet or pram.

We are open to our plans changing but we will get what we need if that happens. I have done some research on the type of pram and cot we would use so we won't be starting from scratch if we suddenly need one of those things.

As far as toys go the plan is that we will not buy any ourselves as they are likely to be common new baby gifts. We will also tell anyone who asks that we would prefer books (happy to have any number of books) or clothes or wraps or whatever.

i'll let you know how it all worked out this time next year

[ZoraP]

I'm expecting my 3rd child any day now, and I've actually been tossing some baby things I know I won't use this time. We did the shower thing the first time around, but each family really has its own "needs" and preferences as it comes to paraphernalia, and you won't know what yours are until you have a child of your own. (Some of the "stuff" I thought would be essential was useless to us, and other "stuff" never even occurred to me when I registered!)

I think the posters that have mentioned how your life gets turned upside down are telling you something more essential about becoming a parent. If you are determined to avoid useless junk in your household, you will. However, the extreme lifestyle/personal change in becoming a parent is not something you'll be able to avoid (or want to), and it will be an adjustment. The first night after my oldest was born, my husband tried to comfort her crying for over an hour (at 2 am), finally got her to sleep, and was awakened 10 minutes later by more crying. His comment was, "My life is ruined!" We both laughed hysterically (perhaps even maniacally) at the time, but since then we've frequently returned to how prophetic those words were.

The life we had before is now gone, or at least it's on a long, long vacation. However, we both feel that the life we have now is richer in important things than what we had before. Also, as the kids get older we've been able to incorporate more and more of what we used to be in the here-and-now, but this time it's even better because we're sharing it with two people we love more than anything in the world. We've also found ourselves making better and healthier choices with our own lives now that young people are depending on us, and that's a purely selfish benefit to parenting, too.

I imagine some of your thinking is general anxiety about the prospect of becoming a parent. It would be irresponsible not to think about that, IMO, and people who enter parenthood thinking of a baby as another sort of pet are doomed to have difficulty. (Not to say that pet care is easy -- if you're a good pet owner it isn't at all, but there's still an order of magnitude separating animals from baby humans!)

[Latte Mama]

Originally Posted by Theoretica

Can I just say I can't imagine going through infancy without a boppy? l

. Boppy rocks. My DS still loves his Boppy at 13 months, he uses it as his pillow. As far as other "stuff", well I am guilty of getting quite a bit, hey I waited a long time to become a Mom and was excited . Some of it was a hit and some, not so much.

I had THREE showers, one big one for family and friends and 2 thrown by each of my jobs. We were given so much and we felt so grateful.

I think a baby fundamentally changes your life and home, in the most interesting, loving way possible. It's indescribable.

[ollyoxenfree]

Originally Posted by ellah

As you can tell by my post count, I am new here. I don't have children yet, but I am thinking about it. I will be honest, the thought scares me to death. I would like to believe it is possible for my home not to change as drastically as I have seen with other people. Are baby showers really necessary? Can you make it clear that you don't want tons of toys and junk for the baby? Is it possible to live with just the necessities?

No, of course baby showers aren't really necessary. They aren't even a common practice in many places. If you don't want one, just let your family and friends know. But keep in mind, those same family and friends are likely to be thrilled on your behalf, and want to welcome a new life. They would like a chance to share in the event just a little. However, there are ways to do that without building up a huge stash of unwanted presents - perhaps suggest that you prefer they bring contributions of photos and letters etc. for a baby book, or contribute their favourite books to build a lasting library for your child - all the way from board books to adult non-fiction, or a start a stock portfolio or a wine cellar...I've heard of lots of interesting ideas that don't require adding an extra room onto the house just to hold the baby inventory.

There's also no obligation to keep stuff either. You can hold a yard sale and make a little money and start an education fund, you can Freecycle it, you can donate it to a women's shelter...If you don't need/want/can't use something, don't hang on to it.

As for living with the necessities - as pp have stated, you won't really know what most of them are until the baby arrives, aside from a car seat and clothes. We needed a stroller to get around, our babies loved the swing, and we liked having a booster chair as well as a high chair, because we travelled a lot and the booster was easier to take with us. We never used baby gates or a baby bathtub or lots of other things though.

As for drastically changing your life - yes, a baby will do that. A healthy parent-child relationship focusses on the child because the child is absolutely dependent on the parents for everything. Most people cannot comprehend what that means, not just emotionally but on a practical day-to-day, moment-to-moment level, until they are living it. That's the reality. The other part of that reality is that it can be a truly rewarding relationship - and that's life-changing too.

[StrawberryFields]

Originally Posted by ellah

Has anyone ever been successful at keeping the rest of the changes minimal or am I delusional? Everyone knows little kids are usually more interested in the box the toy came in anyway. I had toys as a kid but I remember building "tents" out of couch cushions and blankets. My bath toys were a giant cup and a strainer. Now everyone has these multi-colored "activity center" things the kid plays with for a week. I have friends who have bins upon bins of toys stacked in their living and dining rooms. It seems to me to be the norm. This seems like a pretty progressive group of women. Please tell me success stories about avoiding the "junk."

Well... I do agree that avoiding the excess with an infant is pretty easy and doable. Especially with only one child. We mostly needed a car seat, clothes, blankets, diapers, and a safe place to put the baby down while I did laundry/cooked/cleaned/showered/etc. Not too many changes.

With my second baby I admit I needed a few more items because I only had so many hands. For me that meant the addition of a swing, a cradle, and an exersaucer type thing. Places to put the baby while I attended to my two year old.

For me the biggest change in our house came with having an older toddler/preschooler. Now that my oldest is 4, avoiding the "stuff" really wouldn't work for us. He has likes, dislikes, and opinions, and this is his house too. So now there have been major changes. A kid sized table and chairs for snacks and coloring and playtime. A coat rack mounted under the adult one for kids to hang their own coats and hats. A kid's calendar on the kitchen wall for ds to put the date on and learn about the days of the week. Crayon drawings hanging on my fridge. Toys all over the place. A swingset and a sandbox in the yard. Sure, he likes to play with blankets and couch cushion forts too, but just as much he wants his Duplos, his wooden blocks, his trucks and cars. Right now there are fireman boots and hats strewn on my living room floor, a "fire truck" made from step stools and rubbermaid containers. We have a shelf in the corner filled with children's books and toys, plus each child has their own room. Toy food, Matchbox Cars, kids movies, art supplies, etc. etc. There is no mistaking that children live and play here but I wouldn't have it any other way.

[cschick]

Originally Posted by ellah

As you can tell by my post count, I am new here. I don't have children yet, but I am thinking about it. I will be honest, the thought scares me to death. I would like to believe it is possible for my home not to change as drastically as I have seen with other people. Are baby showers really necessary? Can you make it clear that you don't want tons of toys and junk for the baby? Is it possible to live with just the necessities? I don't believe for a second that boppies and all those other things are necessary. But in this day and age it seems the first thing women do when they get pregnant is register for ten thousand things at babies r us and clear out a wing of their house. I know that "a baby changes everything" but I interpret that as emotional change. Has anyone ever been successful at keeping the rest of the changes minimal or am I delusional?

I have a 3 year old. He has a room, which has a toddler bed in it, a pile of stuffed animals, and a closet with groups of hanging clothing in various sizes up to 5T (he wears either 3T or 4T right now, and I purchase for seasons ahead on clearance). We have a rubbermaid box of toys in the family room, and his kids books fill a bookcase.

I don't think that baby showers are useless. There is a LOT of crap that you use during the first 6 months. What I registered for and received at my baby shower: our carseat and stroller, clothing in 3m-12m, kids books, crib/toddler bed sheets and bedding, a pack'n'play, a boppie, an infant tub, a basic bouncer.

What I found extremely useful . . .
- the carseat (duh)
- the stroller (I had a kid who varied between loving being worn, and hating being worn)
- the clothing
- the pack'n'play: I kept it downstairs, and it was where he day-time napped for months; a Moses basket would probably be equally useful for that. But we also took the pack'n'play on trips later (I have one of those kids who proved not fond of cosleeping and could push me out of a king-sized bed by 6 months). We also pretty constantly used its changing table because it was the easiest one to use.
- the boppie: trust me, you need something that offers you some arm support during the marathon nursing sessions of the first three months. The boppie definitely worked better than pillows _for me_. It was also GREAT at supporting a congested, sleeping child in an drainage-oriented position during various head colds his first 2.5 years of life. Nowadays, the boppie is in the kid's reading corner, where he uses it for seating.
- a basic activity center. Starting about 12 weeks, one of those activity centers could keep him occupied while I was cooking dinner. We didn't have a fancy one, but just a plastic bridge-thing with a couple of animals hanging from it.
- the bedding: the crib converted to the toddler bed. I got a pile of waterproof mattress wraps and a bunch of crib sheets. Still using both to this day . . . nowadays, as we struggle through nighttime potty training.
- the bouncer: for those times when he was refusing to be worn or held, and being a complete crabby-face. Also, I could put it next to the tub, put him in it, and take a shower.

What I found useless:
- the infant bathtub. The kid much preferred being laid on his back in the tub in about an inch of water.
- various kids toys that need batteries: the kid is not all that interested in them, and they randomly make noises IN the damn toy box. Over the first year of his life we received: a baby elmo, a talky puppy, a dress-me elmo, and a baby tad. The only one still around is the baby tad, because the kid likes to play his music at bedtime.

What I liked, but we could have done without
- the swing: it worked for the same reasons as the bouncer but was a lot less portable. And expensive.
- the mobile: whatever. dumb.

Then, keeping the junk down going forward . . .

Well, we kind of got lucky here. My family is a book-giving family. Birthdays, christmas: half the gifts are going to be books, another quarter clothing, the last quarter toys. My husband's family is a "money into college fund" family, so we've received even less junk from them.

As I said above: in our family room, we have one rubbermaid container that functions as a toy box, and almost all his toys that are present on the first floor fit into it. Next to it is smaller rubbermaid lego box. That toybox and his lego box are his first floor toys. In the office on the first floor, we have a bookcase. Half the bookcase is kid's books (the other half is my cookbooks). Cleaning up his toys/stuff on the first floor takes me about 5 minutes if it's a total disaster.

We also have a basement playroom, basically for the stuff that's too big to be on the first floor. We inherited a Thomas table from a neighbor, and he has enough track+trains to make a decent layout on it. We have a kids desk, where we store all his art supplies. We have a kids table, two chairs, and some games nearby. We have a little tikes basketball hoop (his specific request for his third birthday). Oh, and his wooden blocks are down there, because I got sick of him dumping them on our hardwood floors upstairs.

The kid is just getting into the whole gift concept, and we've already introduced the "toys in, toys out" concept. He knows he has to pick toys out of his toybox to give away before Christmas.

[BlueStateMama]

I learned my "must-haves" by what I shipped to my parents' house in FL and *had* to have for visits.

Traveled with: sling, car seat, stroller (used as luggage cart) and diaper bag (which can be anything, mine isn't conventional) - small blanket lay baby on, change on, etc.

Had down there (parents generously provided per our request - for multiple grandkids, though): high chair, bouncy seat and boppy

Clothes, nappies and a few v. simple toys. Also cloth dipes to use as burp cloths, cover up boy babies to avoid getting hosed while changing, etc. are really useful.

HUGE help was to take felt-backed rubber pads and cut them in pieces to cover changing spot (our pad at home.) I kept them in a stack b/c invariably you get pee or poop on the changing pad/area and it was so helpful to be able to peel one away for the wash and have a clean spot ready to go for the next change - very convenient.

I used the swing at home (DS would not nap - and it was the only place he'd snooze a bit during the day.)

Another super helpful "gadget" was a high chair that clamped onto table tops - most babies are too little to sit in restaurant high chair (which are also grubby) for a while. Plus you can keep them right next to you in a booth. I was never a fan of tipping the restaurant high chairs over to put the bucket seat on, and sometimes I'd want baby out of the sling so I could eat hot soup or spare them the indignity of ending up with noodles on their head. Here's one type: http://www.amazon.com/Chicco-Deluxe-.../dp/B0000789S0 Actually, we even traveled with that because we found it so useful.

Never used: pack and play, shopping cart seat "cover" (just wore baby)

One last tip - if you're new to slinging, get a pouch (snap) sling like one from kangarookorner.com (that fleece sling was INVALUABLE) to me - very easy for a newbie and nice & cozy for baby. If you have the cash, as baby gets older an Ergo is awesome. I wore little babies in the front and then on my back as they grew. I remember one zoo trip where I started off with a 6 month old in it, and ended up with my 2 1/2 year old in it by the end. Even with 2 little ones 20 months apart, I never needed a double stroller (WAY too big for me to manage and deal with) - I just slung one (front or back) and used the stroller if needed for the other.

I started off registering for a bunch of stuff (v. excited, and hadn't found MDC yet) and the above is the knowledge I've culled from basically having 2 babies at once.

[LeighB]

We mangaged with very little baby stuff. We had the carseat (of course), a boppy, and a small bouncy seat (the ones that recline). We don't even have many toys.
We are able to avoid "The Stuff" because we don't celebrate holidays/birthdays, so people don't have the opportunity to buy us things.

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by BellinghamCrunchie

2. Is it possible to have a child and not have your home change drastically? Well, not really, in my opinion. I guess it depends on what you mean by drastically.

I would agree and add that I don't think it's desirable. I've had people tell us that we should keep the children's belongings in one room in the house. Why? They live here, too. It's as much their house as it is ours. We do try to limit toys to some areas just for the sake of mess and not stepping on toys in the middle of the floor. We do the same with my paintings and DS's projects, too, though. We're probably somewhere in the middle in terms of the toys the kids have, but we definitely don't try to limit them to only a small portion of the house anymore than we do ourselves.

[mckittre]

I live in a one-room yurt with my husband and 8 month old, which definitely requires me to keep the stuff accumulation to a minimum. I just told everyone who wanted to give us stuff that we only wanted used things (or homemade), have really only bought one baby thing (a woven wrap) other than diapers, and have been quite aggressive about passing along anything that he's grown out of or that doesn't work for us. So we do have a doorway jumper type thing in the middle of the room now because he loves it, clothes of course, and a few toys and books, but that's about all.

[Heidi74]

We didn't have a LOT of stuff with DS1, but definitely more than we needed. Since then, we have moved internationally twice (thus donating a lot of the baby stuff), so when DS2 came along we pretty much had to start from scratch.

This time around, we really don't have a lot of baby gear, but what we have is useful and good quality. These are the things I am glad we have:

-Two good quality strollers: a small Mountain Buggy Swift and one Phil and Teds double stroller. I babywear a lot, but use the strollers too. We could probably get by with just the Phil and Teds, but I like having a smaller one for the toddler if I'm wearing the baby.
-Too many slings and baby carriers: but hey-I use them. I could probably get by with one or two, but they don't take much space and I can resell them.
-Cosleeper: This time around, we have a cosleeper, since we have a really soft pillowtop mattress on our bed and it feels unsafe to cosleep in it.
-Activity Gym: We actually use the activity gym mat a lot this time. Baby likes it. (We have the one from Skip Hop, which I personally think looks a bit more toned down than some of the light and sound ones out there.)
-Tripp Trapp chair for the table-our toddler still uses it. We'll probably get a small IKEA antilop high chair for when the baby starts solids--one that can be stored in case we have guests visiting later. Then, the baby can move to the Tripp Trapp when DS1 is three or so.
-Changing mat: essential
-Crib: DS1 still sleeps in it, and DS2 will probably move there when he's around a year or so.
-Diaper bag (could well be an unconventional one, but we have a Skip Hop Dash and are happy with it.)
-car seat
-cloth diapers
-clothes

I think that's pretty much all the baby gear we have. I sort of wish we had a bouncy seat, but we decided against it since I wouldn't use it much. I do put him in his carseat on occasion. (We don't drive much, so it's not like he sits there much on a daily basis.)

[Quinalla]

No, you definitely don't need to go crazy buying tons of baby stuff. I have definitely skipped things that others consider have-to-have, but I have splurged on some things others probably wouldn't care about (changing table is one) too. However, I can definitely see the grandparents and aunt and uncles giving us tons and tons of things that we really don't need once the baby is here, so I'm guessing we are going to have much more stuff than we need, but that's ok and I hope to be able to steer that to at least some things that will be more useful and lasting and less "junk".

But yeah, your house and your life will change quite a bit. I think some go overboard with how much they change their house (but if they enjoy it, then I see no problem with it either), but there are definitely things that will change, but depending on your personality and your kids, it can be very different from family to family. But yeah, expecting no change is unrealistic.

[GuildJenn]

Originally Posted by BrandiRhoades

I would agree and add that I don't think it's desirable. I've had people tell us that we should keep the children's belongings in one room in the house. Why? They live here, too. It's as much their house as it is ours. We do try to limit toys to some areas just for the sake of mess and not stepping on toys in the middle of the floor. We do the same with my paintings and DS's projects, too, though. We're probably somewhere in the middle in terms of the toys the kids have, but we definitely don't try to limit them to only a small portion of the house anymore than we do ourselves.

This is our approach, but my adult addition was that the storage in the main parts of the house had to be relatively pleasing to my eyes (we have an Ikea expedit bookcase, the low one, in the living room and in the rec room, with baskets that fit on the shelves and can be moved from one floor to the other).

If we're talking about older kids my mantra is "Toys are not a blight on my spotless existence."

[Mommyintraining2]

OK. I didn't read all the posts, but please don't bash the boppy. It was a lifesaver for DS #1 who nursed non-stop, day and night for 18 months. Funny though, DDs #2 & 3 weren't so keen on it. So I'd say every child is different and not to have expectations one way or another. Set your goals and then let it flow from there. Be willing to grow and change with the needs of your child. Teach them your values (like not being materialistic) and then be flexible with their need and interests. You'll be a happier mama!