Let me tell you how much we have in common. It's not as severe as yours, but there are similarities.
I planned a birthing center birth with my first, and they had 4 midwives who rotated in and out for prenatals and births, only ONE we really connected with. We had prelabor off and on and the oh so mild contractions got us to 4 cm, after coming for about an hr one day then coming back a week later. So 4 cm at 41 wks. We go into REAL labor, contractions a couple min apart about a min long, and 27 hr later we are only at 6 cm. Yeah, I'm pooped, my midwife says "it sounds like a missfit". Oh, and did I mention we had every other midwife rotate through our birth except the one we connected with, what luck. So, we go to the hospital, I know we need a cs, something isn't right, baby is in there funky, but I don't know what to do about that, yes the midwife should have, but she didn't
The OB in the ER and the nurse actually tore the inside of my vagina by their exams, I literally, not kidding came off the table. They wouldn't even make eye contact with me. The OB insisted on Pit, I didn't want it, she kept uping my dosage, thankfully I had an epirual at that time. So we go back, after laboring another hour or two, and I say, we need a cs. So we go back, and the whole time it's like I'm a patient in an episode of MASH where they all talk over you about you like you are not there. Yeah, I glance at my baby, and then I hear him screaming, thankfully hubby was there to go with him.
We get back to the room, he didn't have to go to NICU thankfully, in that we do differ. Every nurse is rude, one even said "there is no need to be stoic, take the pain meds". The last nurse upon discharge said that they don't know if they will discharge the baby because we didn't get the vit K or the eye drops. I said, first he wasn't born vaginally so there is no need for either, and I don't have any STDs. Also, the Vit K is only good up to 6 hrs after birth, it's now 3 days. So she leaves, the Ped comes in and says we can leave (with baby) and the nurse comes back with a vit K needle IN HAND ABOUT TO GIVE IT TO HIM!! Yeah, "we are not getting the vit K" she goes, "Well, i went all the way down stairs for this". Like that is going to make me change my mind. "we are not getting the vit K".
She leaves, we leave, we have crappy BF, there was only 1 LC who came in once during our stay and was able to show me how to latch him on and have an effective feeding. The midwives at the BC said that since we had a CS, we will ahve a lot of trouble feeding, and they were no help getting me a latch and never once suggest an LC. We pump and pump and do everything we know. Looking back, we had little knowledge. So we stop BF at about 3 weeks. yeah, we had no encouragement, and a lot of bad advice. Then he get's an intolerance to milk formula, then an allergy to soy formula, and can't do the hypo allergenic formula. Things finally settled down at around 8 mo.
I was on anti-anxiety meds for about 6 months, and I had nightmares of being in the OR room for about a year PP. I had severe anxiety about everything and would cry till I couldn't breathe. It was really hard. None of my friends were supportive, all talked about how I should be happy with a healthy baby. And how a CS was just another way of birthing. That didn't help.
Now, he's 18 mo, and we are prego with #2 and are planning a HB HBAC. We have a great midwife who had a CS with her first due to acynclitism, and a HBAC with her 2nd. She is wonderful, and we will have a Doula as well.
I only have one correction/comment on your story, you said you were one of the 4% who had a cs in your midwife's practice. Yes, that may have been a long shot, but keep in mind, your midwife wasn't at your birth. If she was, she may have done something different that the accompanying midwives did or didn't do. So, even if you are under that same midwife next time, don't count yourself out. Very few moms have acynclitc babies, and the ones that do, most of them could be prevented with a few good maneuvers.
Our bodies can and will do this. We were made to give birth as much as babies were made to be born.
Hope things are better.