I was just woken by my 6yr old dd crying out in a distressed voice in her sleep, begging her brother not to destroy something. Her brother is 3.5 and has recently begun tormenting her by taking her things, especially things she has made, and destroying them and I can't figure out what to do about it.
I have pretty good guesses about what is behind the behavior, we moved in May, away from his best friend, just before having a new baby who took his place as the youngest and who is super fussy lately due in part to teething, and now I have started trying to limit his nursing a bit (I'm tandeming) simply because he had built up to getting almost 100% of his nutrition from it since anytime I sat down and most of the time I was standing he wants to nurse (I am not working on weaning [I still let dd nurse if she asks which is not often since the middle of the last pregnancy] just on making sure he is hungry enough to eat at least one meal a day). It also doesn't help that DH has been working super long days after some major paycutts that have created money stress within our family or that my mom who had been spending two or more days helping us each week (and who the children adore) is now caregiving for her mother who had a stroke about a month and a half ago and since she is now 7 hours away, we rarely see her.
I think what he is really needing is attention, but more than I can see how to give. I try reading books to him any time I am sitting with the baby, and sometimes he'll agree to that instead of nursing, but its never enough time with me and when I stand up to change a diaper,lay the baby down, or make food, he goes and torments his sister.
Overall we do pretty good on gentle discipline, meeting needs instead of punishing, but I am at my witts end now because it feels like his needs are unmeetable - which is likely partly a reflection of my stress level and unmet needs and partly true. I have recently tried timeouts with him taking a break from playing while sitting next to me, which hasn't helped -and I can't imagine any form of punishment would in this situation, I feel like what he really needs is more attention (which I feel unable to give) or maybe meaningful work to do alongside his sister and me (but I am so sleep deprived I can't think what that might be), and in my more desperate times, I think what really needs to happen is to separate he and his sister for a while (and I can't think of a good way to make that happen either).
So, while I am still working on meeting the needs behind his actions and wouldn't mind help with creative solutions there, what I really need now is ideas of appropriate ways to respond when he destroys his sister's things - keeping in mind it almost always happens when I am doing my most active caring for the baby (ie. when I'm in the middle of changing a poopy diaper or almost have the baby asleep and laying down, etc)..
(sorry for any typos or rambling - shortly after starting this baby woke up so I had my thought process interrupted and have been typing one handed.)
I have pretty good guesses about what is behind the behavior, we moved in May, away from his best friend, just before having a new baby who took his place as the youngest and who is super fussy lately due in part to teething, and now I have started trying to limit his nursing a bit (I'm tandeming) simply because he had built up to getting almost 100% of his nutrition from it since anytime I sat down and most of the time I was standing he wants to nurse (I am not working on weaning [I still let dd nurse if she asks which is not often since the middle of the last pregnancy] just on making sure he is hungry enough to eat at least one meal a day). It also doesn't help that DH has been working super long days after some major paycutts that have created money stress within our family or that my mom who had been spending two or more days helping us each week (and who the children adore) is now caregiving for her mother who had a stroke about a month and a half ago and since she is now 7 hours away, we rarely see her.
I think what he is really needing is attention, but more than I can see how to give. I try reading books to him any time I am sitting with the baby, and sometimes he'll agree to that instead of nursing, but its never enough time with me and when I stand up to change a diaper,lay the baby down, or make food, he goes and torments his sister.
Overall we do pretty good on gentle discipline, meeting needs instead of punishing, but I am at my witts end now because it feels like his needs are unmeetable - which is likely partly a reflection of my stress level and unmet needs and partly true. I have recently tried timeouts with him taking a break from playing while sitting next to me, which hasn't helped -and I can't imagine any form of punishment would in this situation, I feel like what he really needs is more attention (which I feel unable to give) or maybe meaningful work to do alongside his sister and me (but I am so sleep deprived I can't think what that might be), and in my more desperate times, I think what really needs to happen is to separate he and his sister for a while (and I can't think of a good way to make that happen either).
So, while I am still working on meeting the needs behind his actions and wouldn't mind help with creative solutions there, what I really need now is ideas of appropriate ways to respond when he destroys his sister's things - keeping in mind it almost always happens when I am doing my most active caring for the baby (ie. when I'm in the middle of changing a poopy diaper or almost have the baby asleep and laying down, etc)..
(sorry for any typos or rambling - shortly after starting this baby woke up so I had my thought process interrupted and have been typing one handed.)
