How on earth do you breastfeed a newborn without cosleeping?

[KLM99]

How on earth do you successfully breastfeed a newborn without cosleeping and still be able to function during the day??? We don't feel strongly about cosleeping, but did end up cosleeping with DD for 18 months while she was still nursing at night. It wasn't planned that way - but I found it impossible to function at work when I was getting up 3 or 4 times a night to feed her.

After the first night of trying to have DS sleep in his bassinet in our room, I gave up and he's been sleeping with us since. He's 9 days old now. I feel amazingly well-rested, considering. Even though he eats 4-5 times a night, I don't even really have to wake up to feed him, so I feel like I'm almost getting a full night's sleep. And he drifts right back to sleep after eating. If he's in the bassinet, he wakes almost immediately and wants to be held, so I would get zero sleep if he wasn't in bed with us.

We went to the pediatrician today and of course, she asked me where he was sleeping. I told her the bassinet because I know I'd get a lecture about co-sleeping. But seriously, I'm just not understanding how you could NOT cosleep and still have a successful breastfeeding experience. Oh, and not pass out on the floor while trying to deal with your 2yo the next day too.

Who has managed not to cosleep? How do you do it?

ETA: Thanks for the responses all. I'm sorry my post was so ranty! I just felt badly that I had found such a great solution for us, but I had to lie to my pediatrician about it. I'm glad everyone's found solutions that work for them! Here's to lots of sleep

[mysticmomma]

I have wondered this myself!

[lifeguard]

We used the bassinet about half the time at that stage. I honestly do not sleep well with ds in bed with me, even now, but especially when I was so nervous when he was tiny that he would smother. Quality sleep for me is the bigger issue & I can only get that when ds is not touching me.

But the bassinet was right beside the bed & I could reach out & touch him if he fussed or I wanted to check him.

How someone can bf with baby in another room is beyond me....

[2xy]

I dunno. I just did it.

DS1 slept in a crib from day one, in his own room. I'm very small-busted, even when lactating, and nursing lying down was just terribly uncomfortable for me, anyway. I would bring the baby into the living room and nurse him in the recliner, then put him back to bed.

However, he slept through the night by six weeks, so the "getting up all night" phase was relatively short. I was active duty military at the time, and had to be back to work six weeks after delivery, so I was glad he slept well.

With DS2 I figured out a way to nurse lying down, but we still didn't co-sleep.

[GoBecGo]

I am very large-busted (i was a 36J when my milk came in and the engorgement was gone, more like an M or N when i was engorged) and have flat nipples i had to sit up and put a light on every time DD needed feeding in the early months, because latching onto a flat slippery surface of an object which is physically biggerand heavier than your entire self isn't too easy (imagine you are the baby and the breast is the size of a sofa!). Thus putting her back in her cot (which was butted up to my bed, so i only had to sit up to be able to lift her and could stroke her through the bars lying down) was not a lot of hassle by comparison. By the time she was 7 months old my nipples were less flat (from all the feeding) and she had top skills and i could finally doze through her feeds, but by then she slept much better in her own cot so we never really co-slept. I didn't want to co-sleep with her as a newborn because my ex was a pot smoker and i didn't want her to be smothered by him.

Be grateful it is easy for you!

[kriket]

I'd love to know also. we have the crib sidecarred, so technically he's in his own bed, most of the night

I have toyed with the idea that he would sleep better if he was in his own room, but then I think that's insane. I WOH and he does a good portion of his eating at night. why would I try to make life harder on us?

[Youngfrankenstein]

I have never co-slept. With a new baby I sleep on the couch and they next to me in a bassinet for a few days until any type of pattern emerges. I also am large breasted and need to sit up with proper pillows and support to nurse a newborn. I turn on the TV and just "get awake". It's what I like to do and works for me.

I always had very good sleepers so while they didn't STTN, they nursed and went back to bed right away.

[Lil'Momma]

All three of mine slept in their own cribs in their own room from day one. The middle one didn't nurse, was fed EMB so I had to get up to pump frequently anyway, but it really wasn't that bad...

With number three I thought I would be exhausted, what with a two and three year old to take care of on top, but at six months, with at least one night waking a night, it's not too bad.

I agree with a PP, for me its the QUALITY of the sleep so much more than the quantity. I tried the co-sleeping for one night with DD and I was so exhausted the next morning, so much more so than when I got up four times during the night to feed, then went back to bed.

I think it just depends on the person. Everyone parents differently and what they do works for them... same way with sleeping and feeding arrangements. I have a comfy, high backed rocker/glider with a footstool that I feed her in, she's done in like 20 minutes and I go back to sleep. It's really not that bad for me...

[e(Lisa)beth]

My DD is 3 months, and it's only recently that I can (a) nurse lying down and (b) latch her on the dark. It was a huge day (night, actually) when I mastered doing both at the same time! So even if she had been in our bed, I still would have had to get up. Also, while I have zero objection to co-sleeping in theory, I found that none of us sleep very well if we're all in the same bed. She sleeps in the pack and play next to our bed.

We were also lucky that she was a good sleeper from around day four on. She went to bed at 10, woke up at 1 and 4 for a 20-minute-or-so nursing and then went right back to sleep, and then woke up for the day at 7. She began sleeping the whole night at five weeks.

What I wonder is how mamas who don't breastfeed calm their babies. There are times when only a boob does the job. How does that work when you have to go heat up a bottle?!

[dogretro]

Originally Posted by e(Lisa)beth

What I wonder is how mamas who don't breastfeed calm their babies. There are times when only a boob does the job. How does that work when you have to go heat up a bottle?!

We have had 2 newborn foster babies, & believe me, there are many ways that dont involve boobs that calm a baby. If there werent, no one but Mom could ever care for a baby! For one, there are pacifiers for the extra sucking, swaddle blankets, rocking, singing, and, my favourite, putting them in the bouncy chair, swaddled w/ vibrate on, and bouncing the chair w/ my foot. One of my babies actually preferred this to being rocked in a chair! The other one slept v well swaddled in the swing. They are all so very different

We did not co-sleep when dd was a newborn. It took until she was a bit bigger for me to get the hang of feeding her lying down & I couldnt just spend a lot of time on it b/c dh had to get up for work. I brought her into the computer room & sat on the couch. The Boppy pillow was across my lap & she lay on this and ate. I would slouch down on the couch and rest my head against the back. It is actually quite comfy. Many many nights we would fall asleep like this, lol. It was no trouble b/c she would fall right back asleep. I also fed our foster babies on the same couch, but I often laid down & cradled them so I could drift off while they ate.

[FMB]

We never started out intending to physically co-sleep. I was just too nervous about it and we have a pillowtop mattress, which is not recommended. We started out with an arm's reach, which DS rejected wholeheartedly despite our attempts, early on, to do just about everything and anything to get him to sleep in it. (Swaddling, rocking, walking, nursing, making sure he was asleep for over and hour and completely limp before putting him down). We had VERY limited success with this. I would even basically sleep so close to the arm's reach that I was almost in it with him anyway, and he still wasn't biting. We then wasted money on a number of products (snuggle nest, then later a sleep positioner without a barrier) to use in the arm's reach and then in our bed to make us feel safer about co-sleeping, but he hated them all! After I learned how to nurse lying down, he'd fall deeply asleep and we started trying to do that and then move him. After waking him up more often than not, I realized we were fighting what was natural for our baby, which was to sleep propped against me. Later, our pediatrician confirmed our suspicions that baby had some reflux, so it turns out that lying on his side was helpful.

We've always been upfront (if a bit sheepish) about the fact that we co-sleep to our pediatrician. She's pretty AP oriented and her response has been supportive. It's not like she encourages that, but she said sometimes you have to just do what works for you.

I noticed in another thread someone stressing about not being able to go to bed later than their child or get a babysitter because their child can ONLY sleep next to them, and that's a valid point. To try to prevent that, we try to get DS to take a few daytime naps on his own, in the pack n play or in his crib (we have a one floor home and keep the door open and stay nearby). He's 10 weeks now and we've made some progress recently.

But to be honest, now that we've embraced co-sleeping, we are happier all around. It's not just easier, it just feels right to us. (And I never ever thought I'd say that, or be a co-sleeping parent to begin with).

BTW, we also tell all of our friends / parents / acquaintences that we co-sleep. We are a very mainstream couple, so we're hoping that our frank discussions of it will help change folks' minds about it.

[tessie]

We didn't co sleep, she slept in a cot next to our bed. I could never sleep while she was laid next to me. And she wasn't too keen either. (And she was a nightmare sleeper to start with so it's a shame it didn't work.) I bf her without any issue - grab baby, stick on boob, stick baby back in cot. Each to their own, I guess.

She sleeps in her own room now. We were keeping her awake. #

ETA. She also pooed (and puked) after every single feed for months so even if we had coslept I'd have been getting out of bed to change her.

[CrunchyChristianMama]

We never co-slept, DD is a year old now, I still get up in the night with her, and we're doing fine.

I can't co-sleep. As a child I couldn't even sleep with a stuffed animal. As a married woman I can't fall asleep touching my DH. I just cannot sleep touching anything but pillows and blankets.

You just get used to the amount of sleep you get (or don't get) and move on. It works well for our family and my DD also seems to prefer sleeping on her own as well.

[pastrygirl]

I would LOVE to have a baby that would sleep in a bassinet or co-sleeper from day 1, so I could sleep comfortably and just pull him/her into bed to nurse. Does such a baby exist by nature, or do you all have to do something to get your baby to tolerate it? The two nights I tried the co-sleeper, I got ZERO sleep and ended up pulling him into bed with me. I was able to get my older son to do it at around 3 months, but jumped through hoops to do it!

[lifeguard]

Pastrygirl - It must be personality as much as anything. Ds sleeps so deeply once he's asleep I can literally plop him in the crib & walk away. Try to do while he's "drowsy" & he screams bloody murder but I know lots of people who can do that. When he was a newborn I could pop him in & out of the carseat, in & out of the sling, through a noisy mall, anywhere & he wouldn't wake up at all!

[pastrygirl]

Wow!!! I definitely don't have one of those. My older son woke up if you breathed too loud. This baby sleeps deeply as long as he's on me, but wakes up once he's been moved (won't wake with noise, thank goodness).