Mama-Led Weaning Support Thread - Page 7

[blizzard_babe]

I think I might just be done. I know I said I was going to wait until summer, but I think this might just be it. He's down to one nursing a day (as soon as I get home from work), and is easily distracted from it. I'm pregnant and exhausted and my nipples are getting sensitive. I do not want to tandem; I just can't handle that much body contact. I also don't want DS to think he had to give up his mum-mums for the new baby (even if that might be the truth), so I think the longer space he has between weaning and the baby's birth the better.

I think we might have a nice nursey-nap together on Sunday and then the mum-mums are going to be "all gone." I'm not sure he'll even notice, beyond two minutes of frustration right when I walk in the door at 4:30. I'm I really wanted to make it to his second birthday... but May 6th just seems so far away. Maybe I'll see if he wants to un-wean after the first-trimester, maybe not.

I feel bad about it, though. I know I need to, for my own sanity, and for DS's sanity once the baby comes in fall. But I still feel like I'm depriving him. 22 months seems like a long time... but really...

GAH!

[rozziemama]

Hi everyone.
I'm not sure if this is the right thread to post to, I'll post somewhere else, but I wondered if anyone has any advice...
So, my DS is nearly 16 months old. I have been thinking that I'd like to wean him completely by 18 months. Right now, we are very nearly weaned. He only nurses before bed and first thing in the morning, at 5am, when he cries to come into our bed, nurses, and we all 3 usually sleep for 2+ more hours. It is a lovely time, in many ways, but we are very very tired in our house from broken sleep.
I have this hunch that the reason he wakes up so early at all is because his body is trained to nurse at that time, and if I could somehow eliminate it, he'd sleep longer. Yes, I'd miss him cuddling up with me in our bed, but I would also appreciate more sleep, if he could stop waking up at 5.
All the other feedings fell off very easily, so I've not needed any advice or help. He is a big eater, he *finally* drinks juice, milk and water (for a while he seemed to only get his liquids from me!), and weaning from all the day time feedings was a very natural, peaceful, momma/baby co-led process.
I haven't tried to eliminate the last two because they seem very different - about serious comfort, not food or drink or boredom.
I don't really know how to "wean" him -- since I haven't really had to with the other feedings... there's nothing to distract him in the morning, and there's so much more emotion and vulnerability tied up in it. I'm afraid that he will be hurt and I am confident he will put up a *VERY* good fight if I refuse to nurse at 5am...
Part of me feels like I should just wait until I can have a real conversation about it with him, so wait a little longer til he understands more.
Any thoughts?

[BarefootScientist]

Originally Posted by rozziemama

Part of me feels like I should just wait until I can have a real conversation about it with him, so wait a little longer til he understands more.
Any thoughts?

I guess that's probably what I would do...I don't know, at 16 months my DS was still nursing a LOT so it seems really young to me. If everyone is able to get back to sleep and it doesn't totally wig you out, I would probably let him continue for now...but it sounds like it is bothering you, so you gotta do what you gotta do.

I guess I am kinda wondering what causes the sleep problem. It sounds like you are all able to get back to sleep eventually? So is it the interruption, or does the nursing make you want to climb the walls, or what? Do you have to get out of your bed to go get him from his crib? If that's the case, I guess I would suggest putting him in a toddler bed or floor bed near yours so he can just climb in on his own. I don't know how much that would help...

If you decide to wean, maybe gradually cutting down on the amount of time he nurses each morning would work? Or try putting him to sleep in the same way that he goes down at night, just in your bed?

I don't know...I hope some of that helps.

[justthinkn]

Just joining... I haven't been in the nursing forums for so long! It had all become so natural, even the gradual limitations/mama-led weaning I did, all felt so natural. But now I think our time nursing is coming to a close, and I feel ready, yet a little conflicted, you know?

We had a really rough start to nursing - it turns out I have IGT, persistent low supply problems that couldn't be fully resolved despite months of effort, expensive herbs and visits with a great LC. So we used an SNS to supplement until she was almost 18mo's, and then kept going from there!

I think I set my first nursing limit around 18mo's - she was so into nursing, I felt like I could hardly play with her - as soon as I got on the floor with her, she was attacking my shirt! So the first "limit" was that Mommy sits in a comfortable seat - it cut 50% of the floor attacks (No, wait, we set nighttime limits gradually starting around 12mo's, as we said first that DH would comfort her anytime before 1a - then 3a - then 4a...) Probably around 2yo, a little after, I started limiting nursing to when we were at home, b/c I started to feel more self-conscious in public. I don't remember when it became natural to just hold her sometimes when she needed comfort, rather than automatically whipping out the breast - but at some point, it did Just a few months ago, around 2.5yo, I realized that I was really feeling tired of how often DD was still asking to nurse - that I would rather hold her or read her a book when she needed some closeness and attention - so I told her that we would just be snuggling before and after sleeping times now, so 3-4x/day, depending on whether she actually fell asleep for her nap.

These were all pretty smooth, gentle, drama-free transitions, perhaps in part b/c I felt so sure of the timing of them, that it was a reasonable limit, that this was part of my evolving give-and-take relationship with my DD. And so when a few weeks ago, I suddenly felt a real aversion to nursing for the first time, I felt like it was worth experimenting NOT offering the long, post-sleep "snuggles" DD is used to, the ones I was sure she would hate to give up... And it was amazingly easy and tearless. One morning, just one, several days in, she commented half sadly, half matter-of-factly, that we no longer "snuggle" on the couch, and I just agreed and told her that we still hug and cuddle. It was such an easy transition, I'm still feeling a little amazed.

So now we're at 2x/day, before sleep, and I told DD tonight that this was our last before-bedtime snuggle. We'll see how that goes - she normally actually falls asleep with DH, not with me, and has just recently started falling to sleep on her own, so I'm very hopeful. And I think in another week or so, I'm going to start prepping her that we have just a few naptime snuggles left. I'm really ready to be done, and if taking the bedtime nursing out is peaceful, I'm going to feel pretty confident that she can handle 100% weaning.

But wow - there's still part of me that can't believe this part of our relationship is about to end. There is still a little sadness.

[rozziemama]

Originally Posted by BarefootScientist

I guess I am kinda wondering what causes the sleep problem.

BarefootScientist, thanks for your post.
I guess in my ideal world, we'd end the 5am nursing and DS would sleep on his own until REAL morning. 6am? 6:30 even? imagine if the sun were coming up when he woke up!
I know he wants more sleep, because after I nurse him he sleeps until 7:15 on some days, so I just have this feeling that it's the habit (more than hunger) of nursing at 5-ish every morning that is disrupting his sleep. And, if I stopped nursing him then, ultimately would he be able to sleep better?
That's the question.
We bring him into our bed, DS and DH always fall back to sleep, I take a bit longer and sleep VERY lightly when he's in bed with us, so in many ways, it would be healthier for me too to stop bringing him in... though I do love having him there.
Ahhh so hard, so confusing.
Bottom line - I made the decision this weekend to continue to nurse him before bed and in the morning at 5am as long as he wants it through 18 months. So we have 2+ more months to figure out a strategy.

[justthinkn]

rozziemama, just wanted to respond... my guess would be that at that age esp., your LO may truly be hungry/thirsty by that time in the morning. and if that's true, after all that sleep, less sleep-debt, it would probably be hard to convince your LO to go back to sleep without nursing or some kind of milk. this is coming from the perspective of a mom with a child who wakes at 5a daily & does not go back to sleep at all - i would totally just enjoy the 2 hour snuggle for a while longer, as you're planning to do

[rozziemama]

justthinkn that's good advice/insight. I do feel lucky that we can get a bit more sleep/rest whatever you want to call it.
it is like clockwork, it's kind of amazing - 4:51 am is when he's woken up for the past 3 days, then nursed in our bed, slept until 7.
As long as I can get to sleep by 10pm at the very latest, this arrangement will probably work for a few more months...

[LES Bear]

Hey all.

I'm not sure if this thread is still active but I sure hope so.  This is my first time posting so hi to everyone and thanks for creating this thread.  My DD is 25 mos.  She is still breastfeeding at night and cosleeps part of the night.  We start her in a toddler bed in our room and when she wakes up she gets into bed with us, nurses and goes back to sleep.  I have basically stopped producing milk at this point.  There's a bit that comes out but it's a negligible amount.  I want to be moving to cutting out nighttime nursing and need some help.

We've been on a gradual weaning thing for a while - part child-led in that she's gotten less and less interested during the day as she gets more and more interested in playing, running, etc.  I'd love some help with the mama-led side of things.  About a month ago while we were on vacation and going to be totally present and available, me and DH decided to really solidify the no nursing at day thing and used mostly distraction when she occassionally wanted to (e.g., offering airplanes rides or raisins instead).  That's worked well.  Some more clinginess when we got back from vacation and I was gone two days a week, but that's settled down now. 

The issue now is that her nightnursing/sucking has increased and since i'm not producing any/much milk, this is uncomfortable for me physically and also tiring.  I know most people do night weaning first and then the daytime stuff follows but she dropped off on the day so we're on a different path.  I'm familiar with Jay Gordon's site and I think we may try that in several weeks once she's fully acclimated to no daytime nursing.  I've been coming through the archives and found lots of good tips.  I'd be grateful for other tips/thoughts about nightweaning

1) any sort of timeline on how to move things along?  I like the gradual approach and I'm curious about behavioral markers.  My thought had been wait til clinginess subsides entirely and then go on to next.

2) thoughts from people who've dayweaned first and then nightweaned.

3) she takes a bottle too and has since she was 3 mos so we're torn about giving her a bottle in the middle of the night which allows my DH to share nightime duties but also seems to extend this process since we'll then be dealing with bottle weaning in the night, and it also gives her so much milk vs the little drops she's now getting from me.  thoughts on this?

Thanks so much!