Mama-Led Weaning Support Thread - Page 3

[Surfacing]

Congratulations Samantha!

Just checking in on this thread again. I hope everyone is making some sort of progress or happy with where they are at.

Over here I am not doing much other than refusing dd2 sometimes during the day, although we were all just sick with the Flu and colds for weeks now, and I was nursing her on demand, wanting to support her back to better health. Scary.

I think the problem is that I've always nursed her back to sleep whenever she woke up, so I'm either going to have to cut it out completely and just shush, pat, rock her back to sleep ..... or.... see if dh will do it. She just loves nursing so very very much, and is so adorable. I really love to see the satisfaction and emotional nurturing it gives her. But I'm ready to be making some new patterns, and definitely want her weaned and sleeping by herself by the time we have another baby.

One part of me feels so sad to let go of this little baby! I really love my little snuggle bunny. But another part of me knows that I WILL GO AROUND THE BEND MAD if I have to be on-call for two little nurslings at night and all day long. Mommy's mental health matters.

It was helpful to read on the tandem thread about settling up boundaries or rules for the older one -- like only 3x/day, and the newborn has full access.

[Baby_Cakes]

Originally Posted by naturalmamaof1

Now I have to nightwean all over again How do you all handle sickness? give in and start over or be firm? What are good comfort measures for sick kiddos who are on the younger side of weaning?

When Nora got sick w/a miserable cold right before her 1st birthday, I threw all night weaning out the window. She had been refusing solids and only nursing, so I could not, with good conscience, not nurse her, even at night. I personally think that when they are sick, they don't need tough love or nursing restrictions. Especially this young and especially since they need fluids and antibodies to get better. It's frustrating to start over, but worth it, IMO.

Originally Posted by naturalmamaof1

Hello mamas, I sucessfully nightweaned my lo! It was soooo gentle, basically I told him ahead of time that we were not having nursies until the am. Then when he wanted to nurse I told him not until the am, and I basically hugged him to sleep! He wanted to be close to me, so he layed on my chest and hugged. It was so sweet, with minimal tears. Perhaps he was more ready last night then when I tried a while back. Here's to happy weaning babies!

Congrats!! Sounds like a sweet middle of the night moment, too. Nora and I have those often (lol)!

We are still about the same here. Teething is causing some night waking, but I'm trying to grin and bear it, and not get dismayed. All good things take time, and we will get there someday.

[RedPony]

I'm having terrible luck finding the time to post lately, so this may be brief. My oldest is about 3.5 and nurses 2 times a day. My baby is six months and nurses on demand! I've been mama-led weaning the oldest probably since 16 months or so. I was in my second pregnancy, which started when DD1 was 13 months, and the nursing was NON STOP. I was in agony and getting almost no sleep. So very gradually, between moving her out of our bed into her own, and getting DH's help at night, we nightweaned at 18 months. Best decision I ever made, and super easy for us. I started with nursing her before bed, leaving when she was alseep, nursing on the first wake up, and then saying "no more nursies until morning" on the subesequent wakeups. There was really no trauma. I think DD1 was also ready to accept something different at night. We continued to nurse on demand during the day until maybe 2.5. I was pregnant for the third time (we lost the second baby), and once again needed some what of a break so I started limiting more and more. Since then we've just gradually worked it down!

For the most part I'm happy w/ where we're at. We've tandemed successfully for over six months now, the baby is fat and sassy, and big sister is well... three. I'm ready to be done, but I don't think DD1 is! I do get irritated with her. I feel waaay touched out somehow when she's nursing, plus she's often rough with her teeth. Thankfully, DD1 only nurses for seconds at a time now. I think I could probably pick a date and be done whenever I wanted. I'm not quite sure what I'm waiting for!

Oh, and as for sleeping? DD1 didn't STTN regularly until she turned three. A godsend, really, because we had a new baby! But before that, 2 or more wake ups were pretty common! DH took over a lot of those and one or the other of us would still sleep with DD1. Now she'll come down to our bedroom at night once in awhile or we'll bring her down. It's not perfect, but it's soooo much better than it was when she was 1 and 2! Terrible, awful sleeper, she was. DD2 is waaay better in that regard.

ETA: We also co-sleep with DD2 and I intend to follow this plan exactly as long as all goes well (DD2 is accepting of it!).

[S.Lee]

Great thread!! My ds is 3.5, he says he will be done nursing when he turns 4 I regularly bring the subject up,(because I am ready to be done) so I know that's not child-led. until then he still nurses first thing in the morning. It has been a very long road weaning. Until this summer he never slept through the night. I weaned him from his bed time nursing last year just so dad could put him down when I am gone once a week or so. He just got over the flu, so I am glad there was some milk there while he was sick. Illness has been the major deciding factor in not pushing weaning any faster. It seems each time we have both been in a good place to wean (with patience), he gets sick and then we have to start over. He has skipped a few morning nursings, which later in the day I will point out and we celebrate him growing up and not needing to nurse. Technically, I guess I have been weaning for over a year, I just like to keep some in reserve for illness. Sorry to ramble, it's just nice to be able to say we're weaning outloud and not feel guilty for being the one to push it or feel wierd by "cultural standards" for nursing so long.

[BarefootScientist]

Originally Posted by naturalmamaof1

Hello mamas, I sucessfully nightweaned my lo! It was soooo gentle, basically I told him ahead of time that we were not having nursies until the am. Then when he wanted to nurse I told him not until the am, and I basically hugged him to sleep! He wanted to be close to me, so he layed on my chest and hugged. It was so sweet, with minimal tears. Perhaps he was more ready last night then when I tried a while back. Here's to happy weaning babies!

Yay!

Glad to hear things going well for so many. We are still pretty much in the same place. Nightweaning complete, he has stopped asking at night. Only wakes once or twice to flop around and get more comfortable or to crawl into our bed, and last night he was still in his bed at 5 am! Sometimes he asks me to hold his hand at night. Daytime nursing still happening.

[rozziemama]

So happy to find this thread. Baby_Cakes you were in my DDC last year, so its great to see you again.

I am starting to think about weaning my now 1 year old DS... He is a great solid food eater, and is nursing for comfort, not that this is a bad thing...
My challenge is that I work full time, and I've also been away from him overnight, and he's done great - he rejected the bottle pretty early on, and will only drink from cups. But when I'm with him recently, ALL he wants to do is nurse "ees ees" as he calls it...
I think it's become the way he connects with me. Sometimes he may be bored - so if he is entertained he won't ask for it - It feels like he is nursing MORE on weekends and evenings when he is with me than he was a few weeks ago.
Do you think it is a phase - he is starting to walk, developing a lot, makes me wonder if the nursing is kind of his way of finding comfort in his rapidly changing world ... but then I wonder - should I be doing something differently if I don't want to be nursing him by the time he is 18 months?
Our most significant bf-ing sessions are morning (Looooong session, feels like my breasts are going to fall off) and before bed. I wouldn't mind keeping those two and dropping all the others during the day, but I can't see how to do it at this point.
Anyone out there who works full time and has experienced a similar nursing pattern?

[Surfacing]

Hi Mamas, it's good to hear the progress!

Over here last night I was just TIRED of nursing after 45 min and dd2 let me pat her back to sleep. Sometimes she is happy having her nose in my armpit and will fall back to sleep like that. Sometimes she still wants the boob though. She seems to be adapting, slowly, slowly... It's progress in the right direction.

[Baby_Cakes]

Hi Rozzie!!!

[kcstar]

Count me in, with my two-year-old. At the moment, I'm focusing on the nightweaning... but since I WOH, he's been "workday weaned" for a year now.

I need to be consistent on the non-nursing times. I had one night where I turned him down at the ~2 am, and was slowly able to massage him out of his rage. The second night wasn't QUITE as long a tantrum once I remembered to do what worked the first time. The third night, I also turned down the Mom's bedtime nurse, and it worked pretty well. Last night I did that again, but at the 1-2 am he seemed REALLY hungry and I caved in.

I'm thinking I'll go back to nursing at my bedtime if he wakes enough to want it, and stick with just dropping the 1-2 am time.

[BlackSheepPDX]

Another mama with the same feelings.

Hi everybody. This is the thread for me! I'm nursing my nearly 29 month old daughter 1-3 times a day. We three (DH, DD, and I) cosleep and have since birth.

We night weaned at 18 months, when my sanity couldn't take the multiple night nursings anymore, and that pretty much entailed me sleeping in another room for three nights, and letting my DH do ALL the night soothing instead of just some. She's been pretty peaceable about the whole thing, and when she occasionally (STILL) wakes in the middle of the night and starts asking, we offer water or snuggles instead. Sometimes she gets angry, but usually she gives up pretty easily and goes back to sleep.

Right now I'm feeling like we need to be moving towards a conclusion to our weaning relationship. I wanted to nurse until two and then see what happened from there. At this point, I have a few hesitations, and just am not sure how to proceed. One thing I worry about it is that she doesn't have her second molars yet, and I feel like that may be the final milestone she needs to achieve physiologically, and that I may find I need to help her through that final teething stint with nursing. We're working on offering things other than "boobs," such as hugs and snuggles, water or food, depending on what I think she may be trying to get out of the deal. I am getting fairly "touched out" at times, particularly because she likes to stuff her hand absent mindedly into my cleavage anywhere and everywhere and alternatively likes to fiddle/pinch the skin on my neck, which makes me nuts. My DH is really good about supporting me and being a second strong source of comfort, so I feel good that she has a good place to go when I can't deal.

My daughter is VERY verbal and becoming more and more sophisticated in how she approaches me and tries to finagle a boob. I'm trying to keep up with her by continuing to expand the conversation to include her recognizing that she has to respect my body and that that boobs belong to ME. She attends Montessori pre-school M-F, 8-3, so we're not together 24-7, and also she's learning these concepts in relationship to how she socializes at school.

Sorry...I think I'm jumping all over the place in this, but basically, I'm trying to figure out how to approach both gently nudging her toward weaning and also feeling like she needs to start sleeping in her own bed.

I'm just glad to find some other mama's with the same stuff going on!

[BarefootScientist]

Originally Posted by BlackSheepPDX

At this point, I have a few hesitations, and just am not sure how to proceed. One thing I worry about it is that she doesn't have her second molars yet, and I feel like that may be the final milestone she needs to achieve physiologically, and that I may find I need to help her through that final teething stint with nursing.

That's something I've been thinking about too. I'm starting to kind of think I want my son to have access to nursing until he has all his teeth (still waiting on those "2-year" molars too ) and through the worst of the cold/flu season, so maybe be done in February or so, assuming he gets his teeth by then. That's pushed back a little further than my earlier estimate...maybe I really don't want to wean. No, I do.

Good news here - he has been sleeping in his bed ALL NIGHT! He comes in ours for cuddles (NOT nursing ) around 6 or so, and we get up at 7 or 7:30. It's perfect.

[kalynnsmom]

I am SO glad that this thread is here!!!

I'm Celeste and I have 3 year old twin boys (they turned 3 in October). I am so ready to wean them. I know that I've done well, we had overcome problems-prematurity, nipple preference-and never have thought in a million years that I'd be able to breastfeed twins exclusively. But, I'm ready, and have been ready for a looong time.

I've put limits on them but they love their nah nahs. I can't sit down without them wanting to nurse.

One of the problems I've come across is that if one wants to nurse, the other HAS to nurse. I'll let them nurse, but then they don't want to unlatch to let me go (like, if I have to go to the bathroom, tend to my daughter, etc). They'll cry when I've got to do something else.

So, I'm not sure how to gently wean them since they are so attached..

[everything to one]

missing nursing

i was so relieved to finally night wean and then wean altogether. DD is 22 months. but now a month later i feel really sad and guilty when she mentions nursing and i even miss it myself. i miss that closeness and complete satisfaction and comfort that she got from it. do any of you feel this way? also wondering what in the world im going to do when baby #2 is here in Jan and im nursing him. if she feels sad its going to be heartwrenching.

[S.Lee]

Just wandered how everyone is doing? DS skipped nursing 2! mornings this week. I was excited and sad all at once. But then he got sick and I let him nurse in the middle of the night because he was miserable and couldn't sleep. I wanted to add that the "touched out" feeling has gotten so much better lately, of course ds is an only and I am sure I would feel differently if I had another. It seemed like once he accepted just one nursing a day I felt better. and I also realized that when I am pms-ing, the touch out feeling comes back, so at least I know what's up now and can plan for it/accept it a little better, and drink lots of chamomille tea!

[lizvt]

I REALLY needed to see this thread today!
My DS is 19mths and I'm 11wks pregnant....i have always loved our nursing relationship, but have really been struggling since becoming pregnant. i always said I would nurse him until he was at least 2, but i am so uncomfortable and just don't think I can deal with tandem nursing afterall. Most of the time, the minute he latches on I seem to have a hormonal reaction and get all hot and sweaty, my nipples are sooo uncomfortable, I get beyond irritable and sometimes start having really mild contractions. He is still nursing pretty frequently, but after a lot of thought I know I need to wean him for my own sanity. He still nurses to sleep (nap and bed), usually when he wakes up, 1 or 2 other times during the day, and around 5 or 6 in the morning. He knows that nursies are "owey" for me and is usually ok with "just for a min" or rolling over at nighttime bedtime when i tell him we are all done, but he is absolutely beside himself at naptime. He is insists on nursing until he is out cold and i just can't take it, so there has been a lot of crying....he gets himself worked up to the point where he is almost throwing up I can't bear that and usually give in to "just a min" and then he won't let go. It turns into a terrible cycle of him crying, nursing, stopping, crying and me being pushed to the point that i am really afraid I am going to be too rough with him. I have been able to control myself physically, but i really feel on the edge of pushing him away, grabbing him too hard, etc. Lately, harsh words have been escaping and i know they just upset him even more. I feel so guilty and really want our relationship to stay positive and to have a gentle positive weaning without so many tears. He had suddenly started having temper tantrums and i can't help but think they are somehow related. On the same note he has been the boy of a million kisses and super lovey lately too.
I just don't know where to begin. Something about laying down to nurse to sleep, particularly the comfort nursing is just so unbearable for me. It is the one he really seems to want and need, and the one i really need to change the most. I would love for my DH to be able to put him down, but DS gets so worked up if i'm not in bed. Plus bedtime is ok, but DH isn't home for naps.

I guess I just need some advice on where to begin, recommendations of any books that may be helpful, and thoughts on how fast is too fast, etc
I don't want to speed through it, but I don't want to loose it on him either. Also, of course concerned about the transition to being a big brother....and want to be done nursing with enough time before the baby arrives in june that he is hopefully ok with no nursies.

Sorry i know this was super long and I am all over the place. Hopefully some of it makes sense....really needed the vent after another really rough time going down for nap. It all just makes me so sad

[Mama_Meme]

well... I've tried nightweaning twice and I guess i'm still in the middle of attempt number2 My DD is a super light sleeper (2yo) and wakes often adn just keeps repeating, for literally hours, every night "nummies, nummies, nummies" and I have tried not giving it her. it's got to the poitn where, if I've decided there's no nummies until 6am, she will actually wake at 3 am and ask/cry//demand them for three hours until its time for it, at which point, we are both exhausted and the time is right, so I give it to her. Not the best reinforcement, but what do i do?

During the day, we nurse on demand. which is also overwhelming. i love nursing and I "want" to CLW, but i just don't think i'll make it. DD nurses, still, like 50x a day! I feel drained and overtouched, overwhelmed and generally like it's just TOO much. I feel like I'm just doing it out of guilt or the urge to "be the best mom" and "give her everything", which I know is just ridiculous.

During the day, we talk about no nummies at night and she agrees and wants to cooperate, but when the time comes, she forgets all we've talked about, all the methods we've come up with for comfort without nummies and just demands it endlessly. Last night it was 2 hours of screaming, and we've been working on this for 2 months.

Has anyone had good experience with no nursing during the day, but still nursing at night? I'm thinking of tryng that, as I feel like I've failed in nightweaning.
We also want to move her to her own bed, which I feel won't happen until she's nightweaned.... we'll see how it works.

Glad this thread exists. thanks

[newlywaaz]

I would consider myself a mama-led weaner (does anyone else find that phrase amusing in a really childish sort of way?). My story in a nutshell:

DS1 was 20 months by the time he was completely done nursing. I was pg with #2, and he was down to about 3 times a day (which is exactly how many times I sat down, lol) so it wasn't traumatic. I just made sure that he had plenty to eat and drink and lots of cuddles, and often he would forget to ask. 3 times a day went to one, and then none, until one day I realized it had been a week. Sad, but timely. He tried to latch on a week or 2 after that after seeing me in the shower, but seemed to have forgotten how.

DS2 is currently 20 months, and I nurse him once in the early morning hours and then not again until after noon. Sometimes it's 3 before he realizes he hasn't had any, sometimes it's 12:00 on the dot. He nurses sometime before dinner, and again before bed if it's been a few hours, but not to sleep (never seemed to want to, even as a newborn). So I guess that's 3-4x within a 24 hour period. For me the key is to really make sure DS has enough to eat and drink before he gets fussy, and to stay on my feet if I'm not interested in nursing at that particular moment! I expect we'll be about done by age 2, but we'll see. It's been very gentle so far, and I'm enjoying the slow transition.

[AnnJayTwins]

What a wonderful thread! There are so many different nursing experiences, and so many different weaning (and attempted weaning) ways. Interesting to read the various exeriences.

My twins are 21 months old. Premies at birth (6w), we had a difficult start with nursing and bottles but finally got going with just nursing. And haven't had a problem since!

We did nightwean. DD nightweaned herself, and a few months later (with DH's help) DS nightweaned. We still nurse in the am, before the nap, and before bedtime. Sometimes they will nurse upon awakening from the nap, but I think only when my supply is low due to O/AF.

*I* am thinking about weaning. They are not. The other day I said to my DD, "Some day you won't nurse anymore" and she looked at me with such surprise and shock! So I added, "You'll just decide that you won't want to anymore. Some day." And she seemed comforted by that thought. For now we're just going to continue talking about weaning in the future, to let them both know that nursing will not go on forever. But I really don't know when we'll stop. Maybe (as someone else said) when the flu season is over, when they'll be 26-27 months?

It's so hard. Stopping completely is final; no going back. It's such a decision to make. All I can do now is think and talk about weaning in the future. I think talking about it now will help the three of us for when the time feels right to end the nursing. And maybe they'll take the decision out of my hands, who knows?

Can anyone share the circumstances that led to the "right" time to stop? (Other than pg or medical situations)

[arelyn]

to liz. I wish I had advice for you (all of you really) but right now I'm there too.

I've decided our present goal won't be to night wean. Instead we're going to work on falling asleep without a nipple in DS's mouth. I let him nurse on each side twice (I know from pumping that he get's a lot more milk the second time on each boob) and when he get's to the last side I warn him, last one then night night nursey" then when he stops actively nursing or asks to switch yet again I tell him "night night nursey" and he cries. Some times he stops right away and let's me snuggle him to sleep or even pat his back while he sleeps in his own bed. Some days it's too much and after a big crying spell I'll give him one more nursey and he'll fall asleep quickly. Last night was ugly. The one more nursey didn't work and he was hyper so I ended up going to sleep and just ignoring him (he wasen't crying, he was acting like a wild thing). I don't know when he went to sleep. I wonder if he ate something with gluten or if it's the teeth making him crazy. Hoping for better luck tonight.

[sarahz5]

This is such a great thread!!!

I have been tearing my hair out trying to find advice about gently weaning a toddler - as you all know, it's all either "never talk about weaning in front of your 4 year old!" or "your child should be completely weaned by 1." It's great to read so many stories here.

My son is 21 months, we are getting ready to TTC, and I don't want him to feel like a baby has anything to do with weaning. I always was sort of shooting for 2 as my end point. I am starting to feel a little embarrassed about nursing him, which is something I am trying to fight - I do NOT want that to be one of my reasons for weaning.

We nightweaned and had him sleeping well in his own bed months ago, but then sickness, vacations, etc. intervened... so we are back to the nightweaning process and I think we are almost there. Reading your posts, I think I am going to just disassociate nursing from sleep altogether - since he was young he has easily gone done for naps and nighttime without nursing, when he was with my DH or my MIL. It's only with me that it's all about nursing. He also seems to sleep through the night more often when he HASN'T nursed before bedtime.

So that's my next step. DH is going to have to step up again and do the bedtime duty for awhile!