Toddler nursing manners?

[beadmama]

Dd is 18 months old and a very independent and assertive toddler. I have always nursed on demand and nursing is still her primary source of nutrition due to food allergies. Up until a few months ago she would pat me on the chest when she wanted to nurse which was perfectly fine as there was no mistaking what she wanted/needed so I would nurse her.

This past summer I wore a lot of camisoles and she figured out that she could just pull it down to get to my breast and nurse. It was cute at first but now she no longer asks to nurse she just pulls my shirt and bra down and goes for it. This is really starting to bother me and I am looking for advice on how to stop her from doing this and get back to asking for milk instead of just taking it. I don't want to discourage her from nursing as I want to nurse as long as she wants to but I would like some respect (?) from her. I think that is what I am feeling is the lack of respect for my space that I am sharing with her. Does that sound awful?

She has also started to twiddle with the other breast while bf and it drives me insane. I keep pulling her hand out of my shirt which just gets her angry but I don't know what else to do.

Any help or ideas?

[kcparker]

She's old enough that she can sign or ask for nursing - she's gotta have a word for it (milkies, neh-neh, etc. DS just says "Nurtz!") I think you can gently move her hands or just clasp them in yours if she starts going for your shirt and say, "Oh, it looks like you want to nurse! Can you ask mama with your words, please? I need a chance to get settled and ready for you to nurse." Maybe if you need to buy yourself a little time, you can even pick her up and say, "Let's go get a glass of water for mama first so I can make lots of milk for you!" DS was willing to wait on the couch for me if I asked him to from about that age onward.

And the twiddling, I'd again, gently remove the offending hand and say matter-of-factly,"That's not very comfortable for me. Can you hold this instead?" And give her something else to fondle - a toy, a lovey, another piece of cloth, a craft pompom, one of those little squeezable stress-balls, etc. DS went through a phase of trying that, but I'd pull his hand out of my shirt. If he got feisty/grumpy about it, we'd do high fives so he had a target to hit if he was angry and it was an acceptable, fun target, and sometimes just holding/playing with his hand (finger games or pretending to eat his thumb or giving him tons of kisses or raspberries on his palm or something silly) was enough to distract him.


Just be low-key and consistent about guiding her to the polite behavior that you need her to exhibit so that you can both be comfortable and happy. Trust me, she'll keep nursing!

[kkhan]

i pretend to eat his fingers and he forgets all about boobie #2. if he's being really rude (?) - like hitting or kicking - i just take him off the breast and tell him that it's not nice to do that to me while i'm nursing him then i put him back on if he asks for it. if he continues i take him back off and he's usually over nursing if he's acting really crazy. otherwise he gets it and nurses more kindly.

[LCBMAX]

With my 20 month old son, who loves to "meet", I've taken to saying "OK, I see you want milk - I'll meet you on the sofa (or in the rocking chair.)" These are the only 2 places I nurse him at home other than bed at night. If we're out, I'll nurse on demand still in most social places, like playgroup, library, museum, etc. but ask him to wait if we're in the store, or walking somewhere on a timeline. Lately he asks for milk as a delaying tactic to avoid getting in the carseat, and after unstrapping him and setting up in the car a few times, only to have him pop off and start playing with buttons, I now say "Oh milk! Great idea! Let's go home and meet on the sofa for some comfy milk."

For the dreaded fiddling - or for demands to switch sides when I'm not ready to do that, we have a sing song rhyme that he loves:
this breast is REST-ing
and making milk for LA-ter
this breast has milk for you
RIGHT NOW!