Pat on the Back thread

[tankgirl136]

I am so proud of myself and I bet others are feeling proud too so share!

Anyway what got me thinking about all this is that recently we found out my best friend is pregnant with her first and it has sent me back to thinking of all the things about my pregnancy, and what people told me when I was pregnant and I am so proud of how many I was able to prove wrong and how happy I am with some of my less "convientional" choices.

I was able to have my natural birth, while not in the setting we had started with, I was still able to skip the meds which was important to me. I also was able to be ok with the alternative as well in the middle of things if we had, been forced by the situation to have gone with a C-section. I am glad that, that didn't have to happen but it was something on the table for a bit. Some people tried to tell me how great C-sections are and how great the drugs are but I feel like I so made the right choice for me!

Clothing diapering is awesome!! So many people acted like I was a silly first timer who would see the error of my ways when DS got here. Well they are wrong I really like my cloth diapers and my cloth wipes. DS seems happy, and even DH is totally on board with them. I did disposables briefly (waiting for service to start), and did not find them easier at all. So though others thought we would dump the cloth diapers quickly they are so here to stay!

Breastfeeding is going great! I am lucky in this department as I do have support, so YEAH!

Co-sleeping, well the original plan was to play this by ear and have the newborn sleeper on the pack and play ready if we decided to put him in there part of the night. Well, the sleeper is currently an excellent storage area for the changing table. So we are doing really good with this and let me tell you night feedings are so much easier with him in bed with us.

ECing, we started doing this a few weeks ago and while we are so not being perfect with this, we are doing really good, we catch almost every single time we try, we have tons of misses but us parents are still learning. DS seems smarter with this then us


Overall the big things that were really important have worked really well for us. I am so glad things are going pretty darn good. I feel extra blessed since I know some one who is not doing as well That is why I think we all need a nice pat on the back for the things that are going good for us!

[dislocator3972]

I was just thinking about doing a thread like this today!

Here's a list of resolutions I made before I got pregnant and then revisited while I was preggo. I'll add comments as to how I feel thing are going.

1. Breast milk is best! And so we will try to nurse.
So far: success! It's been really, really hard, but we're doing it.

2. Cloth diapering results in fewer chemicals on baby and fewer (if any!) diaper rashes. And so, we will try those. We are trying to find an apartment with a washer and dryer in it. We need to decide how serious we are about this and decide if we need a washer and dryer or not. There is no diaper service in Fairbanks (bah! humbug) and I'm not sure I can handle going to the laundromat with dirty diapers or even paying for laundry somewhere in the building. I just don't know. I suppose we need to make a decision pretty soon, getting cloth diapers would be much cheaper here in Denver than Fairbanks, I think.
So far: Cloth diapers are the best! Nobody is tired of it or tired of laundry, and she lets us know the MINUTE she's wet.

3. Circumcision is an unnecessary intervention that risks infection and sensitivity. And so we will not participate in genital mutilation. Since there appears to be no penis, this is not really an issue anymore. But we're still completely sure about this one when we do have a son.

4. Home births are safer, for mama and baby. And so we will labor at home. I still prefer a home birth, Aaron prefers the birth center. The midwives in Fairbanks do both! And so we will talk with them and compare prices and compare possibilities. We're actually finding a lot of apartments available within a few blocks of the hospital so this new place might be an even more perfect place to try a homebirth.
So far: Our home birth was amazing. We ended up about 10 minutes away from the hospital but it was awesome.

5. This one is a religious decision and I don't want to open a can of worms. We are happy with our decision, sticking to it, and it seems to have gone over well with family.

6. Consistency is how babies learn. And so we will be together on rules and consequences. Aaron and I have been more together now than we have ever been (who knew that was possible?!). We've talked a lot about various parenting choices and we are very careful to research and weigh and discuss our options thoroughly. And we have also discussed the importance of being a unified team, and I have every confidence that we will turn to each other and approach parenting as one unit.

7. Exercise during pregnancy results in higher IQs in the children. And so, I will exercise. So far, I can't say I've done my best with this. I completely underestimated the first trimester, and the nausea and exhaustion kicked my butt. Lately, I've just been lazy. But we've started walking everyday on our break, and I have a few new prenatal workout tapes I want to try.
So far: Exercise went well for a long time. And I've started up again and I feel great!

8. Baby building requires good ingredients and equipment. And so I will make healthy choices with my food and my body. My midwives swear by the 80/20 rule. 80 percent of my food is good baby making food, all the right choices and portions and balances and 20 percent are cravings and indulgences and enjoyment. I get all my fruits, veggies, and protein, and I feel no guilt about my slurpees or pickles or ice cream (which is also protein!).
So far: I think I did really well with this while pregnant and I think I'm doing well while nursing too. Though I did gorge myself on cookies tonight. . .

9. Love is essential. And so we will love with all our hearts, minds, thoughts, words and actions. For years I've worried that I might not love my child. Now I find the idea even hard to type out. If my mother could have a baby and not love me, it's entirely reasonable to think that I could do the same. Except that it isn't. I adore her, in ways that I can't even explain or understand. Everyday that passes I love her more and feel her more strongly. I know this girl, and I love her. Already.
So far: so good! I have a bond with her that I never would have understood before she was born.

10. Truth is essential. And so we will remain honest. Well obviously.

[sunshynbaby]

Cloth diapering is awesome, and I'm so glad we followed through on it! We had a slow start because it took over a month for the last little chunk of DS's umbilical cord to fall out. We used disposables until then. After that we had about a week of gdiapers from our shower, which were really annoying and messy. It has been smooth sailing since we switched completely to cloth! We use disposables on trips, and ALWAYS have several messy blowouts with them. Yuck!!! We're switching brands on our next trip

I'm proud of myself that I am doing good back at work, even though I wish I could be home full time. I am the only breadwinner now and am doing my best to keep a roof over our heads. I know DS is in good hands with my DH at home, and I am here pumping away for my boy, lol!

[slimkins]

Tankgirl, I think this is a great thread and I think I could have just about written your post.

I, too, am very happy with how most of my pre-baby wants have gone.
I have a successful breast feeding relationship with my son (thank God I have the time to devote myself fully to him).
I had my natural birth (which I did have some nay sayers about).
Cloth diapering is going fantastic and my husband even really loves it (I actually didn't tell too many people about it ahead of time because I didn't want to hear their negative, naive opinion about it).
I started part-time ECing about three weeks ago and haven't had a full on poppy diaper since (pees are much harder to catch since they still happen so often).
I carry my little man in a wrap/sling almost all the time (even though people thought I wouldn't because it "seems" inconvenient). I have used his stroller as well... I'm not opposed to it- sometimes I notice he just wants to look around.
We didn't use a pacifier until this week. I am not opposed to them, but I didn't want it to be the first thing we grabbed to calm him down. I started using it this week because he started getting fussy at the end of nursing when he is really tired and wants to suckle without the milk. I give it to him for a minute and when he calms down I take it out. He is still trying to get the hang of it. This is also the same time he is franticly trying to suck his thumb, but because of lack of coordination he hasn't gotten that down either. Once he does get it down, the pacifier will probably not be of use anymore.

So, yes... we are pretty proud of ourselves, too. I will say that I never told people that I was only going to do things this way or that I am not going to do that while passing judgement on the "mainstream" way of doing things. I only said that these are the things I want and hope to be able to do. Considering that I was going to be a first time mom, I didn't want to spend all my time eating crow because I was a know-it all. I am very happy that my foot has still yet to meet my mouth

[GradysMom]

I love CD and have found it to be an absorbing hobby that is hard to give up so my love of EC takes a back seat a bit - but I get a pat on the back for trying dd out on the potty and getting that communicatio started with her with successful catches of #1 and #2... and a few peed on laps.

BF and Tandem - I get the pat because I'm sticking to my principles on this which included a not too insignifigant decision to delay Breast reduction until after kiddos (pretty sure a reduction would have destroyed my breasts given the comments made at a consult years ago).
Coping with being touched out and being open to tandem is farther out there than I thought I would ever go.

Cosleeping - what a challenge to encorporate two kids in a family bed, havn't gotten there yet but each child has someone...

VBAC - wow VBAC wow - there was sooo much more effort put into that than anyone except maybe my OB knows... long nights of journaling, reading , visualizing while DH and DS slept - researching , self advocating, facing facts... dealing with multiple past genital traumas. I am my own hero on this one!

[Talula Fairie]

I do a lot of that stuff too, and it's nice to be proud of it, but...and I am trying to say this gently, things are their very easiest when you only have one baby and that baby is an infant.

For instance, cloth diapering? Yeah it's great and I love it too, but it's not as great when they hit the age where their diet is mostly soilds and their poop stinks as much as yours and their pee stinks too. Stinky diapers that you have to pre rinse and wash in a certain way to avoid your whole house smelling like a bathroom are a bit of a pain. Not impossible to deal with mind you, but you know, it's way easier when you're only dealing with exclusively breastfed poo, which doesn't stink very badly imo.

Or say, co sleeping. Great when they are an infant but later on, when you find yourself wedged against a kicking toddler (or, in my case, two kicking toddlers) that sucks.

Or say, gentle discipline. Just wait until they get into the illogical phase where you not only can't reason with them, but you can't get them to do what you need them to. It's easier said than done.

Not trying to rain on your parade or anything like that at all, because doing all those things really is great. But like...I don't know. It gets harder. Even so, I think it's important we all parent to the best of our ability. And I'm glad you proved the naysayers wrong.

[sunshynbaby]

For those of us who are first time moms - we have a right to give ourselves a pat on the back. It is an incredible life changing adjustment, and it is by no means easy. Kudos to all of us for making it this far through this amazing journey, whether it is our first or fourteenth!

[Jilian]

Talulah I got a kick out of your post because there is a lot of truth to it. Things are so different when you have one infant versus multiple children. Things changed a LOT when my first little guy hit 18 mos or so and things weren't so easy anymore so I totally get what you're saying. I think we all deserve pats on the back whether or not we cosleep, have natural births or any other of the AP laundry list items. We all do the best we can and we all deserve kudos!

[Talula Fairie]

Originally Posted by sunshynbaby

For those of us who are first time moms - we have a right to give ourselves a pat on the back. It is an incredible life changing adjustment, and it is by no means easy. Kudos to all of us for making it this far through this amazing journey, whether it is our first or fourteenth!

Of course you do.

[stiss]

Qqq

Originally Posted by tankgirl136

I am so proud of myself and I bet others are feeling proud too so share!

Anyway what got me thinking about all this is that recently we found out my best friend is pregnant with her first and it has sent me back to thinking of all the things about my pregnancy, and what people told me when I was pregnant and I am so proud of how many I was able to prove wrong and how happy I am with some of my less "convientional" choices.

I was able to have my natural birth, while not in the setting we had started with, I was still able to skip the meds which was important to me. I also was able to be ok with the alternative as well in the middle of things if we had, been forced by the situation to have gone with a C-section. I am glad that, that didn't have to happen but it was something on the table for a bit. Some people tried to tell me how great C-sections are and how great the drugs are but I feel like I so made the right choice for me!

Clothing diapering is awesome!! So many people acted like I was a silly first timer who would see the error of my ways when DS got here. Well they are wrong I really like my cloth diapers and my cloth wipes. DS seems happy, and even DH is totally on board with them. I did disposables briefly (waiting for service to start), and did not find them easier at all. So though others thought we would dump the cloth diapers quickly they are so here to stay!

Breastfeeding is going great! I am lucky in this department as I do have support, so YEAH!

Co-sleeping, well the original plan was to play this by ear and have the newborn sleeper on the pack and play ready if we decided to put him in there part of the night. Well, the sleeper is currently an excellent storage area for the changing table. So we are doing really good with this and let me tell you night feedings are so much easier with him in bed with us.

ECing, we started doing this a few weeks ago and while we are so not being perfect with this, we are doing really good, we catch almost every single time we try, we have tons of misses but us parents are still learning. DS seems smarter with this then us


Overall the big things that were really important have worked really well for us. I am so glad things are going pretty darn good. I feel extra blessed since I know some one who is not doing as well That is why I think we all need a nice pat on the back for the things that are going good for us!

This post confuses me, a bit, but I agree that it's a great feeling to watch your child thrive. It's great that you've stood by your views and had a great experience so far, but you say what triggered this post for you was your friend's pregnancy. I hope that you'll take one of your first statements to heart and appreciate that all moms can (and should) make the choices that are best for THEM, and that maybe their choices will be different, but not better, than yours. It's so wonderful that you've had a wonderful mothering experience, and that you've gained your insight...but isn't part of that insight knowing that it's a very PERSONAL journey? If it is..I hope you'll continue to be happy for your friend no matter where her OWN journey leads her.

1) Breastmilk IS best...but it's not viable for everyone - many of us. I hope you understand this, as it's not just about support.

2) Homebirths are AMAZING. Wouldn't you agree, however, that the most important thing is that moms feel safe and comfortable with their birthing CHOICE, whatever that may be? How lovely for you (and some of us) that we were able to express and fulfill our birthing preference? I will cheers you on this because we're truly fortunate to have had a complication-free birth. It rocks.

3) Just to provide some perspective to the wonder of motherhood, which (in all its forms) is possibly the most amazing experience on earth...IQ isn't really seen as a serious indicator of success in life. It does have a correlation with grades in early years for children, however. If your kid has a high IQ, that's wonderful! However, as with all things in those formative years, it is just one of MANY indicators of a healthy, happy, and great parenting environment. In fact, among adults, IQ is sparsely referred to when reflecting on one's success, because it's such a culturally biased measure, you know?

Still, it's great that you've done right by your child based on your own truth, because I completely agree that honesty, sincerity, and your best try are the most wonderful gifts you can give your child...so well-done, mama. I hope that your friend will be as proud of her own choices, cause being a new mama is one of the biggest challenges we're given in our lives. How fortunate are we to experience the first few years of our children's lives...and what an adventure we have ahead.

[tankgirl136]

Originally Posted by Jilian

Talulah I got a kick out of your post because there is a lot of truth to it. Things are so different when you have one infant versus multiple children. Things changed a LOT when my first little guy hit 18 mos or so and things weren't so easy anymore so I totally get what you're saying. I think we all deserve pats on the back whether or not we cosleep, have natural births or any other of the AP laundry list items. We all do the best we can and we all deserve kudos!

See I was afraid some might see this post like this, (this is the best and only way), my posts was about me being happy with my choices and that some of our "tests" have really began to work for us. Everyone has a what works best for them system, this is great for us and YUP I am happy about it, and glad that my personal naysayers are seeing that it is working for us and mostly keeping their opinions to themselves now


Stiss- Honestly if you knew my friend and I's, relationship you would realise this would never happen with us. We are two completely different people, with two very different set of ideas, and two very strong personalities that run with stubborn streaks. If I got into a "this is the only way discussion" with her it would end ugly and I just wouldn't do it. I will support her choices and help her with information were I can and were she asks for it.

What has brought all this to a front for me was just going through my very recent experience, as my friend hits her own milestones. I think many people reflect on their pregnancies and your thoughts on it before your baby/babies arrive when some one close to you is pregnant.

I will also say this thread also came from talking with her sister who is also a close friend. She was proud of me and my choices, some of which she also practices. She in fact said she wanted her own pat herself on the back thread too! She has four kids close in age and is amazing herself. So yup first timers and been there done that Moms some times just want to pat them selves on the back for doing good and sticking to their guns with things that work for their families even when others might try to push their own negative opinions on them. This is good practice for the rest of my life as I know the "advice" never stops coming

[tankgirl136]

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Originally Posted by stiss

2) Homebirths are AMAZING. Wouldn't you agree, however, that the most important thing is that moms feel safe and comfortable with their birthing CHOICE, whatever that may be? How lovely for you (and some of us) that we were able to express and fulfill our birthing preference? I will cheers you on this because we're truly fortunate to have had a complication-free birth. It rocks.

You must have misunderstood me on this, I did not have a Homebirth, I could not have one due to the circumstances with the local hospital. I was actually scheduled to deliver at a birth center, but due to a low heartbeat for our DS I was transfered to the hospital in the middle of labor. I did not get the whole birth experience I went in wanting, no water birth and forced to go to the hospital, but I was able to avoid the drugs and almost all interventions. I almost was a c-section and one push from having him vaccumed. I was lucky, but I did not as I said get the birth I started out wanting, which is why I am extra happy, DS gave us a scare but is doing fantastic now!

3) Just to provide some perspective to the wonder of motherhood, which (in all its forms) is possibly the most amazing experience on earth...IQ isn't really seen as a serious indicator of success in life. It does have a correlation with grades in early years for children, however. If your kid has a high IQ, that's wonderful! However, as with all things in those formative years, it is just one of MANY indicators of a healthy, happy, and great parenting environment. In fact, among adults, IQ is sparsely referred to when reflecting on one's success, because it's such a culturally biased measure, you know?

The smart thing was a joke about ECing not his general IQ. Nothing else beyond that.

[texaspeach]

well, nothing we planned for happened/worked out, but I'm glad we've made it this far.. at least bfing is going ok. threads like this make me feel like a failure because I had a c/s, cding wasn't working for us, cosleeping isn't wonderful (we're still trying). I'm sure I have a touch of ppd so that doesn't help me to feel secure in the way things worked out.

at least I wasn't a loud mouth about things so I don't have to listen to people say I told you so.

[thepoet]

Everything I planned on went according to plan. Its pretty amazing. I'm not 'proud' of myself because this is just how I do things, but yes, u/c birth, cloth diapering, spending enough time with my older children, breasteeding, co-sleeping, etc. its all going swimmingly.

I have to say that I am WAY more proud of friends of mine, Lindsay for instance, who had her first home birth. When I think of her, I get all puffy chest and want to boast.

[felix23]

Originally Posted by texaspeach

well, nothing we planned for happened/worked out, but I'm glad we've made it this far.. at least bfing is going ok. threads like this make me feel like a failure because I had a c/s, cding wasn't working for us, cosleeping isn't wonderful (we're still trying). I'm sure I have a touch of ppd so that doesn't help me to feel secure in the way things worked out.

at least I wasn't a loud mouth about things so I don't have to listen to people say I told you so.

You are NOT a failure! The ability to adapt and find new plans when the old ones fall through is something to be very, very proud of. Nothing in my pregnancies went as planned (not even my planned, scheduled c-section) and I am still pretty darned proud of myself.

[Coconut Chronicles]

Originally Posted by felix23

The ability to adapt and find new plans when the old ones fall through is something to be very, very proud of.

[Jilian]

Originally Posted by texaspeach

well, nothing we planned for happened/worked out, but I'm glad we've made it this far.. at least bfing is going ok. threads like this make me feel like a failure because I had a c/s, cding wasn't working for us, cosleeping isn't wonderful (we're still trying). I'm sure I have a touch of ppd so that doesn't help me to feel secure in the way things worked out.

at least I wasn't a loud mouth about things so I don't have to listen to people say I told you so.

That is why I don't like threads like this very much. Nothing against the OP because she does deserve kudos but threads like this make people who have not been successfull feel like they are less than those who have been successfull. We all do our best and we are all good mothers. Please don't feel bad Texas, you are awesome for going with the flow even though things didn't work out the way you had envisioned. It takes a very strong person to deal with a change of plans like that and you certainly are strong and admirable.

[dislocator3972]

Of course I don't want anyone to feel guilty about their circumstances after reading about mine, but after planning so much about mt home birth and cding with the help of MDC mamas, I'm excited to share my success. Mamas who are having hard times have support threads, why should success threads be able to be up without criticism?

And let's be honest, every life with kids has ups and downs. I can get through a lot more downs if I remember and focus on my successes.

So kudos to you ladies! We're all doing the best we can and adjusting to our new lives; that's fantastic!

[sunshynbaby]

I don't see the adjustments I had to make as making my experience unsuccessful. True, nothing went according to plan, but the csection was a neccesary deviation... And the looking at the final outcome makes it all worth it

[saoirse2007]

Originally Posted by Talula Fairie

I do a lot of that stuff too, and it's nice to be proud of it, but...and I am trying to say this gently, things are their very easiest when you only have one baby and that baby is an infant.

For instance, cloth diapering? Yeah it's great and I love it too, but it's not as great when they hit the age where their diet is mostly soilds and their poop stinks as much as yours and their pee stinks too. Stinky diapers that you have to pre rinse and wash in a certain way to avoid your whole house smelling like a bathroom are a bit of a pain. Not impossible to deal with mind you, but you know, it's way easier when you're only dealing with exclusively breastfed poo, which doesn't stink very badly imo.

Or say, co sleeping. Great when they are an infant but later on, when you find yourself wedged against a kicking toddler (or, in my case, two kicking toddlers) that sucks.

Or say, gentle discipline. Just wait until they get into the illogical phase where you not only can't reason with them, but you can't get them to do what you need them to. It's easier said than done.

Not trying to rain on your parade or anything like that at all, because doing all those things really is great. But like...I don't know. It gets harder. Even so, I think it's important we all parent to the best of our ability. And I'm glad you proved the naysayers wrong.

I was dreamily reading all of the first time mom posts....
and then slapped back to reality...lol

eta...i may be the odd one out but i love those little feet in my back...and sometimes on my head...lol