How would you approach this?

[babygrace]

My 2.5 yr old has been quite intense lately. This evening, we went to the park and were there for close to an hour and a half, most of which was spent redirecting him. There is another little boy there who is a somewhat regular playdate companion. They live close to us, we often go back together. Today, my DS decided he wanted to go to his friend's house while we were returning together. I explained that his friend has a new baby brother who needs to rest (last time we were there, I felt the boys were pretty boisterous and loud, disturbing the baby). I also told him we could visit tomorrow. There followed a meltdown of epic proportions, I am talking of the 'sprawled on the sidewalk, all out, screaming' kind. Nothing I said could make him get up, he adopted his floppy stance which meant I could not pick him up and go. Finally, I told him his friend was waiting at our home which made him half-way cooperative.

What would you have done differently? I was just so angry and upset about this escalating opposition about the simplest things lately! What is going on, is it the age? Is it a stage?

[sunnmama]

Did you have a stroller with you? My dd had lots and lots of this kind of behavior at that age (and beyond), and we took an umbrella stroller everywhere that involved any walking. If she melted down (the sidewalk sprawl, lol), I'd work her into the stroller, buckle (she was too beside herself to coordinate unbuckling), and get home asap. Having an exit plan helped me to keep my cool when things like this happened away from home.

Yes, it is the age. Some kids are more intense than others, and have more....but even my very laid-back, happy 2.75 yo ds has them occasionally (dd had them multiple times a day). The best approach I've found is prevention by learning and paying attention to your dc's triggers. Is he tired? Hungry? Overstimulated? Are transitions difficult?

If my child was needing constant redirection at a park (evidence of an "off" day), and was prone to big meltdowns, I'd probably only stay for a short time and then leave while I still had enough energy to handle the fallout of leaving. I don't have the patience to redirect for 1.5 hours. If it is going to take that much energy, we're outta there! It isn't about punishment, but rather "this isn't working....lets go home and get some quiet time together".

[BellinghamCrunchie]

Yes, its the age.

Having an exit plan is crucial, as the PP mentioned. From 2 to 3, we didn't even go shopping without the stroller.

I found Harvey Karp's ideas helped quite a bit (Happiest Toddler on the Block). Providing lots of sympathy and empathy while matching their tone ("You really WANT to see your friend! You want to see him RIGHT NOW! You're so mad you can't see him RIGHT NOW!") along with patience, giving him time to process what is happening. If you have to get going, then put him in the stroller and move along, while continuing to provide empathic statements along the way.

Its okay that they have these intense feelings, and its okay to let them have these feelings, just gotta find a way to not get stuck out in public for too long without a means of getting back.

[BellaClaudia]

stroller yes. defenetely. they get tired and
that alone contributes to meltdowns.
so having them sit and rest after or duirng
extended activties does help and provides
them a comforting space and piece of home away from home

other then that I would be as pre-ampt as possible.
I know you have not seen it coming but
generally they are relatively good when they are
told ahead what will or won't happen otherwise
they come up with their own plan of action
and then you are in the position of redirecting them
more

we here at this age had similar issues with playground
among others.. we happen to have unfortunate
area where are three different contraptions for
different ages.. paby play space, 3-4 space
and 5-12 space..

I don't have to tell you that at not even 2 my DD would
of course go for 5-12 most dangrous at her age one.

so after few episodes of her just running away to that
one I had to be very specific of what I expected her
to do or not to do BEFORE we even left home, and
then remind on the way and just before entering the ground
and I kindly explained why as in being not safe and older
kids running on it that did not pay any attantion to little
ones.. and I said that if she attempts to run to the big one
we will have to leave and go home. Then she tried few times
anyway so we tried to leave but she cried so I have
another chance policy. After three tries she usually
was getting a picture and stick to the rules.

Other then that sometime they just go "rubber"
no matter what :-) I used to call it rubber baby
when she would just melt down and go gelly fish on me.

If I was going really insane and the place was inapropriate
and or not safe for her like .. in your sons case lying
on cold hard pavement could be it I would say as a last
resort that the park police is monitoring the area
and they will be passing any moment and if they see
her lying on the ground which is agianst the park rules
then they will give us tickets and tickets are expensive
and we won't be able to buy any toys for one year
because all the money will go to tickets.

What I remember at this age was that if she would cross
the point of no return then it would not matter what you do
really and you had to go through the whole meltdown.
I remember our DD wanting some toy and me refusing it
to buy and then even I gave in she would not want it
and it won't matter as it was about her being in the
stage of total "upsetism" as I called it.

The other thing you need to remember is that they don't call
terrible two that for nothing
My DD made me run for the money at this age and she was
an angel before and her Terrible two lasted till 3.5 years
old so then she got back to normal but back then she was
just impossible and it was like flip of switch. Often and
very intense for or withouth reason.

This too shell pass but till then deep breaths lots of them.
they are what they are, this is part of them
I think it is about growth hormones as we have ..
they grow a lot and now they have a brain and emotions
developed enough to follow the growth spurts and
they just act out the hormonal fluctuations.
The teething and growing continues weather you notice
it or not and I think that attitude is what is just manifesting
itself based on theose changes.

Once you cover alll basis.. hunger, thirst, rest, cold, heat
keeping them happily busy,... then you can only do that much.

I alwas have water around my dd for her self service
and she is always well hydrated. that is a big help.
She does not have to ask, it is always around and she will
grap and drink as she wants. or on playground I ask and offer
as she is too busy and can forget. thirst contributes to
irriatiton in anybody. big people know how to fix it . little ones
don't.

btw.. having water always around she is so used to it
that at 4.5 if I offer her juice at any place we eat out
she usually goes.. no, I want water..
or I want water and juice.. as in she uses juice
as desert and water as her drinking medium.

good luck and happy journey

[babygrace]

thank you for your replies! we do have a stroller, but it hasn't been used in months. these behaviors seem to have emerged overnight! earlier, he has been quite amenable to reasoning and explanation. of late, he has this uncontrollable urge to push our buttons! 2 hour park visits used to take place without constant redirection, nary a meltdown. i wonder what changed...for instance, for about two months now, he has been really well behaved at the library. a relief, i tell you! however, suddenly, past two visits have left me frazzled. trying to climb the shelves, whining LOUDLY, crying if i tell him to talk softly. things that were not an issue, that were going really well, are now no longer so.

he has been working on the back upper molars, but, surely that cannot cause such a personality change seemingly overnight? also, starting about 2 weeks now, he has this need to talk constantly, at night, before sleeping he has a commentary going on for about half an hour before he will sleep. it's almost as if his mind is on overdrive. i am at my wits' end as to how to handle this in a helpful manner.

[simplygreen]

Wow this so sounds like my DS, he is 2.5yrs old. It it all happened over night!! He screams constantly for no reason, hits, throws tantrums, if you ask him anything its "NO", We can relate to the diagloue at night it will last up to an hour!! I have been trying to look at his diet, his teeth, anything we can think of, we have yet to figure it out!! If it helps you are not alone, hopefully this will pass soon!!

[Nicolette507]

Sometimes understanding why a child is acting a certain way helps when it comes to figuring out the best way to react. As a few have written, it is a part of typical child development. Children learn around this age that they are separate from their parents and can have their own thoughts, wishes, and demands. This is why "no" is such a favorite word for two year olds, there is a lot of power in "no" and they want to be heard. There was great advice from the other posters, including looking for triggers and work on prevention, as well as telling your child you know that he is mad and that you understand his distress... but since there will invariably be tantrums and melt-downs, sometimes the only thing to do is wait it out (however uncomfortable it may be for you) If the tantrums help get him what he wants, he will learn to use them more and more often, instead of using language to communicate.

[Peacemamalove]

Originally Posted by simplygreen

Wow this so sounds like my DS, he is 2.5yrs old. It it all happened over night!! He screams constantly for no reason, hits, throws tantrums, if you ask him anything its "NO", We can relate to the diagloue at night it will last up to an hour!! I have been trying to look at his diet, his teeth, anything we can think of, we have yet to figure it out!! If it helps you are not alone, hopefully this will pass soon!!

Same thing here with my almost 2 year old! With my other two it was until they hit 3 that thye acted this way. Luckily I know it is a phase and does pass. It is so hard to grow up and become independent from our parents!

[bendingbirch]

Two and a half can be a challenging age...I think always going back to the basics of eating and sleep and rest times help, a very dependable rhythm to the day, less outings always helped our family as well, less choices in general (which I know doesn't work for everyone but it helped in our family)....
And, as other folks said, just being cheery and knowing this stage will pass. The assertion of independence and separation is something to be celebrated, if we can just remember during these times!