I am so angry at him.. I need to vent...

[LadyCatherine185]

So we're going on 13.5 months of crappy sleep here. Sure, we get a "good" night maybe twice a week.. where we get one or two 2-3 hour stretches, and then hourly stretches after that.. sometimes I get to sleep in past 6.. but most nights it is hourly waking with a couple 15 minute stretches and lately his new thing is to stay awake for 2+ hours in the middle of the night... oh, and then there's the all night nursing marathons, where he wants to stay latched all night, all the while pinching, scratching, and twiddling to the point where I am in pain and just want to throw him across the room.

Last night was probably one of the worst nights we've had yet. Of course, DH is out of town for work so it was just me... Thought it would be a good night, though, he went down around 7:30 without a fight and slept straight until 10:00 when I went to bed.... Well of course it took me forever to fall asleep, and by his next waking at 11, I was almost there. Nursed him back to sleep.. and then the *fun* began. From 11-2 he woke up every 5-10 minutes.. tossing and turning and wanting to nurse.. my poor nipples were so sore and I was so tired I just wanted to SLEEP... no such luck. Then I had to pee.... I tried several times to get out of the bed without waking him, but no luck. Finally at 2:30 I got up, and he stood up and started laughing, so I just grabbed him and took him to the bathroom with me. When we got back into bed after I used the bathroom, he stayed awake, tossing and turning and fussing and nursing and playing until 4 AM!! Then I finally got to go to sleep... Of course he was up hourly from 4-7 and then up for good. So I got 3 hours of broken sleep last night. I felt like I was being tortured all night.. I just kept praying that he would fall asleep... I was so TIRED. I have no reserves to get me through nights like that. You would think after 13 months sleep would have gotten a LITTLE better.. but no. I can't keep going on like this. I am not a good person today. I am so angry at Liam, even though I know he can't help it.. I suspect it is from his molar that is working its way up..... If I had a crib or pack-n-play set up I would've let him CIO last night. And I hate to say that.. but like I said.. I felt like I was being tortured.

I guess I just needed to vent.. all my other mom friends have babes who STTN, or are good sleepers anyway, and have let them CIO from a young age so they probably all just think his crappy sleep is due to my crappy parenting.

Luckily, DH is coming home today, and has agreed to taking DS for a couple hours tonight and tomorrow night and letting me sleep.

[Rowansmama]

I'm a firm believer in cosleeping IF it's what's best for all involved. It sounds like neither of you are getting enough sleep with the current situation.

Once DD started being more active at night, rolling, tossing, etc, we transitioned her to her crib. This was probably around 7 or 8 months. Cosleeping just didn't work for us past this point. Oh, there are a few nights when she still comes in with us if she's sick, and she always comes in for cuddles in the morning. But once she started sleeping in her own space, we ALL got enough sleep. She was awake a lot less at night because there was no one to interact with, and we didn't keep each other awake with our tossing and turning.

It's probably also a good time to cut back on the night nursings. Since he's nursing so often you know it's not hunger. It's okay for you to cut back.

I guess you need to assess what's more important - continued cosleeping or getting a good night's sleep. Whatever you decide, it will be the right decision for you. Good luck!

[LadyCatherine185]

Originally Posted by Rowansmama

I'm a firm believer in cosleeping IF it's what's best for all involved. It sounds like neither of you are getting enough sleep with the current situation.

Once DD started being more active at night, rolling, tossing, etc, we transitioned her to her crib. This was probably around 7 or 8 months. Cosleeping just didn't work for us past this point. Oh, there are a few nights when she still comes in with us if she's sick, and she always comes in for cuddles in the morning. But once she started sleeping in her own space, we ALL got enough sleep. She was awake a lot less at night because there was no one to interact with, and we didn't keep each other awake with our tossing and turning.

It's probably also a good time to cut back on the night nursings. Since he's nursing so often you know it's not hunger. It's okay for you to cut back.

I guess you need to assess what's more important - continued cosleeping or getting a good night's sleep. Whatever you decide, it will be the right decision for you. Good luck!

Honestly I never wanted to cosleep... But of course when he was new I couldn't be away from him.. he did sleep in a bassinett for part of the night.. but when he outgrew that and was still waking every hour, I couldn't put him in a crib and get up 10+ times a night.

The only reason we still cosleep, is because he is still waking so frequently at night and it's the only way I get any sleep... And I nurse when he wakes up cuz it is the easiest way to get him back to sleep. Oh, and he is an extremely light sleeper, so it isn't like I could get him to sleep and then transfer him.. He doesn't transfer, period. I don't feel like getting up out of bed 5-10 times a night will make things any better. I think we will see how the next 2 nights go with DH taking over part, and if it goes ok maybe try nightweaning...... I don't mind nursing at night, if it was only every 2-3 hours but this is getting rediculous.

[Louisep]

Big hugs to you mama. I often read your posts and think you're doing an amazing job and wonder how you keep it together - because I'm in a similar situation and I mostly feel like I'm losing it!

I was about to post on how I think the Sears' phrase "if you resent it, change it" is useless for us. Cosleeping and nursing all night long is the only chance we have for any sleep. But boy do I resent it some nights. I was up with you last night and nothing worked until he screamed himself (in my arms) to sleep. I think he's working on molars too.

All I can say is grab every chance this weekend to sleep and try to replenish those reserves. It IS going to get better and you're being a great mother. Hang in there.

Hugs

[yentroc]

I just had to post a reply... my dd was a very similar sleeper. She just couldn't sleep next to me without being awakened by my very presence but wouldn't sleep in a crib either. Our solution was a futon on the floor next to my bed (which I put on the floor). Once she got used to it she starting sleeping in consistent 3 hour stretches. (3 hrs felt like an entire night's sleep to me at the time!). I would roll off my bed and nurse her when she woke and then roll back into my bed to sleep. I don't know if something like that would work for you guys. I started when dd was 8 months old and was really adamant about her not climbing in bed with me... pretty soon she just realized that it was her space. When she got to be your ds's age, and walking, etc. we put a gate at the end of the bed that was attached to the wall so she couldn't escape. Worked for us.

The next step was nightweaning which I did at 20 months. It was a rough few nights but once she realized we were not going to nurse she slept 5 hrs one night and then all the way through the night the next!!! We played lots of games during the day about nighttime (her turning off light switches and saying "night night" to everyone, including mommy's boobies). I think she was old enough to grasp that concept on some level.

Now she is a 4.5 yr old who wakes up at night for a drink of water and goes right back to sleep with no help other than a hand holding sometimes. It's amazing. I never thought I would say it, but she's a FABULOUS sleeper now.

Hang in there, it's soooo hard but it will get better.

[Nillarilla]

My dd seems to have a similar temperament to your ds but she's only 7.5mo. I really don't think I can handle it for another 5 mos so I am changing things now. Here is my suggestion because it seems to be working for dd and definitely worked for my ds (different type of babe though).
1. Get a few nights of sleep in with dh taking ds so you have some reserve.
2. Find a space to put ds that's not in your bed but still in your room.
3. Start at night laying him down on his bed and reading him a story or singing him a song if he doesn't have the attention span for a story.
4. Nurse him but pop him off before he's sleeping. He may cry but really you are there and this is not detrimental to him.
5. Keep laying him back down and patting and rubbing his back. If he's getting terribly upset pick him up and soothe him (without the boob). Then once he's soothed put him back down and try again. It's going to be rough for a couple nights but if you are willing to night wean or nurse him when you come to bed and then no more until morning it probably will go better.
6. Get him a blankie or lovey and introduce when you are nursing and when you are cuddling before bed. Make sure it is present whenever he goes down for a sleep.
He needs to LEARN a different way to fall asleep. It's not CIO if you are there with him. He probably needs more sleep than he is getting because he can't fall asleep without your boob and like you mentioned is a light sleeper and your moving probably wakes him. He is going to cry and get angry but you just need to validate his feelings and be consistent. Hugs to you.
I always say go with what works and feels right. Your posts make it sound like it neither works nor feels right.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

I agree that any sleeping arrangements should work for everyone involved or changed. This seems like its workng for no one. Even if you have tried other options in the past, it might be time to try things again. With babies, even a month or two can completely change the reaction to something. Their worlds change so fast!

Have you tried partial co-sleeping? This worked really well for us. Each child started the night in their own bed, and then came into ours as needed. You may find that the early burst of sleep is longer if you aren't there to wake him up each time you move. But then once he does start waking up frequently you can keep him with you so you aren't getting up and down so many times.

[Birdie B.]

I've read several of your posts about your son, and I just want to give you a hug! I don't have much advice, just sympathy. I know how awful it feels to get a couple hours of broken sleep at night. I hope you can find something that works for your famiy.

[TinyMama]

I think the hardest thing about making nighttime changes is that you have to have enough sleep to implement them, and it's hard to have enough sleep when you haven't implemented them.

Around 13 mos I made a commitment to not allow those all-night nursings, except when DD was sick. They made me SO ANGRY. DD was not pleased, and sometimes we got no sleep. But I wasn't as angry, and for me that was worse than sleep deprivation.

[Amber Lion]

Many, many Mama! I was up with you last night too, complete with all the anger (only I managed to vent it all on Dh instead of DD at the time). I honestly love co-sleeping and snuggling with her and I feel like it's the only way I get ANY sleep at all.... but we're both getting so little sleep it also sucks. No solutions here, just want you to know you aren't alone!

[tessie]

Originally Posted by Nillarilla

My dd seems to have a similar temperament to your ds but she's only 7.5mo. I really don't think I can handle it for another 5 mos so I am changing things now. Here is my suggestion because it seems to be working for dd and definitely worked for my ds (different type of babe though).
1. Get a few nights of sleep in with dh taking ds so you have some reserve.
2. Find a space to put ds that's not in your bed but still in your room.
3. Start at night laying him down on his bed and reading him a story or singing him a song if he doesn't have the attention span for a story.
4. Nurse him but pop him off before he's sleeping. He may cry but really you are there and this is not detrimental to him.
5. Keep laying him back down and patting and rubbing his back. If he's getting terribly upset pick him up and soothe him (without the boob). Then once he's soothed put him back down and try again. It's going to be rough for a couple nights but if you are willing to night wean or nurse him when you come to bed and then no more until morning it probably will go better.
6. Get him a blankie or lovey and introduce when you are nursing and when you are cuddling before bed. Make sure it is present whenever he goes down for a sleep.
He needs to LEARN a different way to fall asleep. It's not CIO if you are there with him. He probably needs more sleep than he is getting because he can't fall asleep without your boob and like you mentioned is a light sleeper and your moving probably wakes him. He is going to cry and get angry but you just need to validate his feelings and be consistent. Hugs to you.
I always say go with what works and feels right. Your posts make it sound like it neither works nor feels right.

I think there are some excellent ideas here. Hope it all goes well. Although I don't suppose it can get much worse!

[tessie]

How are things?

[LadyCatherine185]

Well, funny thing.. I felt in his mouth and not only was he working on his second molar, but his THIRD AND FOURTH as well... Poor guy. So I've been giving him a little motrin before bed the past couple nights, and he has done much better. Saturday we had a wonderful, relaxing day as a family..

Kinda sucks that he is getting all 3 at once, but that means it will be over sooner, and hoping for better sleep once they are all in!

[paulamc]

Originally Posted by LadyCatherine185

Kinda sucks that he is getting all 3 at once, but that means it will be over sooner, and hoping for better sleep once they are all in!

Glad things are better!!! And good luck - I look forward to hearing how things go once the molars are all in. DS's just got the one molar now, so we have much to look forward to (not that things are great now - they aren't, unfortunately).

[Violet2]

Originally Posted by Nillarilla

My dd seems to have a similar temperament to your ds but she's only 7.5mo. I really don't think I can handle it for another 5 mos so I am changing things now. Here is my suggestion because it seems to be working for dd and definitely worked for my ds (different type of babe though).
1. Get a few nights of sleep in with dh taking ds so you have some reserve.
2. Find a space to put ds that's not in your bed but still in your room.
3. Start at night laying him down on his bed and reading him a story or singing him a song if he doesn't have the attention span for a story.
4. Nurse him but pop him off before he's sleeping. He may cry but really you are there and this is not detrimental to him.
5. Keep laying him back down and patting and rubbing his back. If he's getting terribly upset pick him up and soothe him (without the boob). Then once he's soothed put him back down and try again. It's going to be rough for a couple nights but if you are willing to night wean or nurse him when you come to bed and then no more until morning it probably will go better.
6. Get him a blankie or lovey and introduce when you are nursing and when you are cuddling before bed. Make sure it is present whenever he goes down for a sleep.
He needs to LEARN a different way to fall asleep. It's not CIO if you are there with him. He probably needs more sleep than he is getting because he can't fall asleep without your boob and like you mentioned is a light sleeper and your moving probably wakes him. He is going to cry and get angry but you just need to validate his feelings and be consistent. Hugs to you.
I always say go with what works and feels right. Your posts make it sound like it neither works nor feels right.

This is good advice. I am of the mind that at the 1 year mark, night weaning is on the table although I am sure there are other opinions out there. However, if the situation is consistently past all tolerance, perhaps it is time to night wean.



Good luck momma. They do eventually sleep. Sleep is a learned skill. One some kids aren't so quick to pick up.

V

[Super~Single~Mama]

We had a bad night a few days ago - Lincoln was up every single hour from 9pm to 5am. It was awful Only its not b/c he's teething, its b/c he hates the bottle and I'm at school all day.

I hope that once Liam's teeth are in he starts sleeping better, and you all start doing better!

[MorgnsGrl]

Oh, I have so much sympathy. I've been there and it is a miserable, terrible existence. *Hugs*

[2cutiekitties]

What about giving him a bottle before bed? You could pump and he could get a couple a night? It might help.

My LO slept through the night since 3 months. It is sheer hell getting him to sleep, but once he is down, he is down. I do have to be next to him though. I think it was because he was bottle fed instead of nursed (not by my choice of course).

[LadyCatherine185]

Originally Posted by 2cutiekitties

What about giving him a bottle before bed? You could pump and he could get a couple a night? It might help.

.

I'm not sure how a bottle will help? He won't take one anyway.. well, never has.. and it is a pain to pump, Lol. In the night when he wakes up, I think he is looking to the boob for comfort more than because he is hungry or thirsty anyway...

[Violet2]

Originally Posted by LadyCatherine185

I'm not sure how a bottle will help? He won't take one anyway.. well, never has.. and it is a pain to pump, Lol. In the night when he wakes up, I think he is looking to the boob for comfort more than because he is hungry or thirsty anyway...

Try a dream feed instead. Before you go to bed, nurse the baby. Usually they sleep through it but tank up for a longer sleep cycle. You can sometimes get 5 hours with a dreamfeed.

V