How do you find time?

[mommytoavery]

I am at my wit's end. I have a 3 yo dd and a 5 mo old dd. My dh works but I do not. I do not have any one come in and help me - such as a family member or friend. I do not have a babysitter for my kids. I like to do home cooked meals, knit, scrapbook, exercise, keep a clean house and spend time with my children. And I know that some of you may respond - there is no way to do it all. I want to hear from mom's who are capable of doing it. Did you do it when you had a real young child? Do you get up early and go to bed early? My whole life I have gone to bed late and then I get up when the kids get up. Maybe that is my problem. I am not asking to do my hobbies everyday but I haven't scrapbooked since before I was pregnant with #2. I just can't find the time. Any suggestions or will it just get better as the baby gets older???

[MacKinnon]

I hate to say it, and I know you said you don't want to hearit, but the reality is that you don't get to do it all. From a mom of one Avery to another, the bottom line is that you don't get it all done. You can't do it all. You have to pick and choose what is most important. I scrapbook a few times a year with my best girlfriend, and only at the store on crop days, and only do the pics I love the most. I've done like 10 pages in the 2 1/2 years since DS's birth. Exercise is only things that include the kids, things they like to do. We have fun "racing" with the jogging stroller, little bursts of running that DS this is fun, and DD races to keep up. I work part-time, so I know that I'm not home full time, as you are, but the reality is that "getting it all done" takes on a whole different meaning. You ARE getting it all done, if your children are happy and fed, and you are at peace. Some things, just have to be let go. Best of luck Mama

[mandib50]

well i think staying at home and taking care of 2 little ones is work
anyway, i'd love to hear the secret of being able to do it all so i'm going to keep an eye on this thread

[2cutiekitties]

I am in a similar boat. Housewife, hubby works inside the home. I have one child ... 2.8 month old. No family, friends or hired hands. I get nothing done. AT.ALL. DS needs every single second focused on him.

So if you are doing any of the things that you listed above, you are my hero

If you have the right kids, I think you could "do it all." And the few people I know that get a lot done, dont get any sleep. I need sleep

[Just1More]

Another vote for just having to change your expectations. That's the Mama life.

BUT...

I had 2 demanding HN babies, but my third is SO easy. I actually CAN get stuff done, and I couldn't make her nurse every hour or more (like my first two did for their first 18 months) if I wanted to. She's just so calm and laid back and content. I am in awe. I used to think when people's babies sat happily in bouncy seats it was because they had to CIO to "train" them to sit nicely in there. I know now that some babies actually LIKE them. Go figure...

ANYWAY...I like to cook, sew, scrapbook, read, run, etc, too...here are my tips for workign things in...

1.) Put the kids in the bathtub (you may have to wait a bit for your 5mo to be ready for this...does he like a tub seat?) to play. Sit on the toliet and watch the kids and knit for 15 min or so.

2.) Find a safe place to leave out your scrapbooking stuff all the time, and organize your embellishments to be quick to access. I throw some pictures out and glance at it as I walk by caring for the kids. I get a vision in my head for what I want to do, and I might even sketch the idea on a scrap piece of paper. When I get a minute, I can easily crop a picture or two, or make a ribbon flower or whatever. I just content myself to do a little at a time. Since so much of doing any project is getting it all out and putting it all up, figuring out a way to leave it out is key.

3.) For a while, I was sewing for 15 minutes every morning. Slow going, but I was turning stuff out a little at a time. I'm going to start this again soon.

4.) For cooking...devote a Saturday a month to putting everything possible in the freezer or prep baggies. Make homemade mixes, cook chickens, freeze cookie dough, etc so that way you can have homecooked meals in processed food time. It works wonders. If you can't dedicate a Saturday, just get in the habit of having something going all the time...you can play with your kids while a chicken boils. But...cook 2 or 3 at once. It doesn't take that much more time to pick the meat off 3 as it does 1, and you'll save yourself the time and mess later.

5.) Make a list of all the things you'd like to do. Divide it out into 15 minute segments o work. It will seem over-whelming at how long it will take to get anything done at first. Next, make a list of all the things you HAVE to do, and how much time they take. Work on becoming more effecient at those, and find the 10 to 15 minute periods you have to come and go from your hobbies. Again, leaving your things out and ready for the next step will allow you to truly work for that time instead of having to figue out where you are in your project. For scrapbooking, you can try those plastic boxes that let you make a kit. Get 2...one for the paper and picture, the other for your basic supplies and whatever embellishments you select for your current page. Then everything is right there, but can still be shut and slid on a shelf to clean up. Seeing where you have time to do things helps, but also being able to check off a box beside all the things that you do (have to do and want to do) will help you to feel like you aren't wasting time. Someone once told me to make a list of all the things I'd already done in the morning when i was making my list for the day. It really does make me feel better to see what I did with my day.

6.) Organize, organize, organize. The more organized you are, the more efficent you can be and the more time you'll have.

7.) Relax...it's only a few short years your children are small. Hug babies, read stories...it doesn't last long.

[Just1More]

Oh, and another thing I do is wear the baby for naps. It doesn't take up time trying to put her down. I just put her in my wrap and dance her to sleep. I put my projects on the counter (I even sew standing up) so I can easily reach them and I can get a lot done that way.

[MamaMonica]

Originally Posted by Just1More

1.) Put the kids in the bathtub (you may have to wait a bit for your 5mo to be ready for this...does he like a tub seat?) to play. Sit on the toliet and watch the kids and knit for 15 min or so.

That is the secret! I used to put them in the tub, too and sit on the toilet seat and knit.

[WC_hapamama]

Once my little ones were old enough to nurse while I was doing something else, I'd sit and crochet or read while they were nursing. Sure, it was stuff like reading just a few pages at a time, or crocheting something small that didn't require a lot of color changes, but it was something.

I generally saved larger project for while they were sleeping.

[Karamom]

[flapjack]

There's two kinds of breaks: there's a break with the kids where you focus on doing something fun and fulfilling for you, with the kids in tow, and there's the break without the kids where your DH steps up and looks after the kids so you get time to yourself- or, alternatively, you find different forms of childcare like a babysitter, nursery, creche. Create them. Use them. Revel in them. I don't get to knit every day, and I haven't been able to get any spinning done in months because my DS3 keeps dismantling my wheel for me : but life is good because my basic need for MEness is being met.

[mommytoavery]

Thank you so much. This really helped. I never thought about leaving the scrapbook stuff out. It does take a lot of time to get out stuff and then put it away. I think I just needed to hear it from other moms. Sometimes you just get so discouraged and you need to hear other moms who understand. I have some good friends that are moms but they either have family that helps them a lot or babysitters or a housekeeper. So of course they are able to get more done. Thanks so much ladies - I really appreciate it.

[eloise24]

Lots of good suggestions here. I get scrapbooking done by letting DD sit on the floor by the computer (I'm a digi gal) with a notebook and pens. We also haven't been her "playmate" 24/7- we've taught or allowed her to play by herself. I don't believe that my role is to be her entertainment That being said, I find that I can sit and read her a book for a few minutes, then get some things done while she plays. Obviously different kids have diff. personalities.

That being said, it IS possible to have a life for yourself and be a mom. My dearest friend has 4 kids under 6, scrapbooks more I could imagine, runs a digi scrapbook business AND spends TONS of quality time with her kids. You don't stop being YOU because you are a mom. In fact, if you do that, you'll find yourself less happy with the mom role OR losing yourself and not sure of who you are once your kids leave the house.

Just keep trying things and remember that 15 minutes here or there might be what you get for now

[mommytoavery]

My three yo will play by herself for a long time but the problem is my 5 month old. She is a pretty good baby and I can sit her in the bouncy for awhile and she is content. But even though this is true, I still have a hard time finding time to get anything done. It is inevitable that as soon as I start dinner, she needs me. I have tried slinging her but don't want to do this when I am near a hot stove.

[LeighB]

It's hard. I only have one dd, and I am just now finding the time to do anything.
I've started reading while I'm nursing her down at night (I could never get it to work before). I'm also going to get up earlier, like 6:30, when she starts sleeping better at night. That will give me a couple hours to get things out of the way.
I also put dd in the tub and do some knitting and reading. I guess that's a popular thing!

[Karamom]

Soon your baby should be old enough to wear on your back. Do you have a carrier that works on your back? I started putting my dd on my back at about 6 months. I find that it is much easier to get stuff done this way because you don't have her in the way of your arms as much and its much safer at the stove. Just a thought.

[NicaG]

Not sure if this is what you want to hear...but I finally hired a regular babysitter who comes twice a week. Dh and I were both stretched too thin, especially on the weekends, and we were stressed out and burned out. Having a babysitter who I like and trust is absolutely wonderful! I feel so much more relaxed, and I'm getting more done, because I can plan projects for the time she's here, instead of just finding a spare hour here or there. We don't have any family nearby, and I finally decided that "it takes a village" and maybe that means babysitters too, not just friends, neighbors, family.

[kcstar]

Originally Posted by flapjack

There's two kinds of breaks: there's a break with the kids where you focus on doing something fun and fulfilling for you, with the kids in tow, and there's the break without the kids where your DH steps up and looks after the kids so you get time to yourself- or, alternatively, you find different forms of childcare like a babysitter, nursery, creche. Create them. Use them. Revel in them. I don't get to knit every day, and I haven't been able to get any spinning done in months because my DS3 keeps dismantling my wheel for me : but life is good because my basic need for MEness is being met.

This, plus check out Flylady.net or similar organization skills groups.

[Carley]

Originally Posted by mommytoavery

My three yo will play by herself for a long time but the problem is my 5 month old. She is a pretty good baby and I can sit her in the bouncy for awhile and she is content. But even though this is true, I still have a hard time finding time to get anything done. It is inevitable that as soon as I start dinner, she needs me. I have tried slinging her but don't want to do this when I am near a hot stove.

My DD was super needy - in your situation, especially with your 3yo & not being able to sleep when your baby sleeps - I think it's important that you take it as easy as you can on yourself. Don't go waking up early just so you can play supermom - you could easily burn yourself out & that's no good for anyone!

If you like to stay up late, stay up late & do your scrapbooking or whatever then (I do stuff like that while I watch the Boob Tube after DD goes to bed ) I keep ONE project in a box/bag and take that one project out of the closet to work on. I have a super small house so there's no place I can leave anything out - this keeps things together & I can take it out & put it away quickly.

I used our crockpot ALL the time when DD was a baby. She had this window of pleasantness at some point during the morning & I'd stick a bunch of meat & vegetables in the crock & dinner would be ready at dinner. Otherwise I'd wait till DH got home & then do something quick & easy. I didn't feel comfortable with the baby around the stove either, whether she was on my back (which she never liked anyway) or not.

I do freezer cooking too, but just by dividing up what I cook e.g. whole turkey breast = turkey for lunchmeat, potpie etc in freezer ; 1 lasagne divided into 2 pans, 1 for freezer etc.


Anyway Nobody does it all (...& if they do, they're heading straight for a nervous breakdown! Trust me - I've been there! Literally lost my hair! Don't recommend it!)


ETA: Get time for yourself out of the house when you can

[dahlialia]

A sentiment that has served me well during these years with little ones is "we tend to overestimate what we can do in a day, and underestimate what we can do in a year". Just 10 minutes of scrapbooking during a day is over an hour per week, about 60 hours per year.

Once a week I will make a huge batch of some dinner - chili, meatloaf, pasta sauce, etc. I aim for 4 meals worth. The extras go in the freezer for future weeks. So essentially that's 3 days of the week that require no cooking.

Another trick is to have kid-friendly activities that go alongside your activities, and only get pulled out at that time. Some wooden thread spools to be stacked or threaded while mama is sewing. My older dd will endlessly sort my threads and fabrics into different coloured piles. Buttons were a favourite with her for ages too.

When our dd was old enough to stop putting things in her mouth, we filled a large rubbermaid tote with lentils, spread a sheet on the floor for easy clean-up, and sat her in the tote with scoops, funnels, stacking cups, etc. That tote got us through two winters when the sandbox was under snow. She would play in there for ages, and I could get lots done.

[mommytoavery]

Originally Posted by dahlialia

A sentiment that has served me well during these years with little ones is "we tend to overestimate what we can do in a day, and underestimate what we can do in a year".

Love this so much. Thanks!

For those of you who freeze - I know this may make me sound so "not smart" but how do you do it. I am a ditz when it comes to cooking but I do make a lot of soups and I do a great lasagna. If I was to do extra, what kind of containers do you get and do you have to get all the air out first? Also, with things with meat, I am assuming you are putting cooked meat in them. How long will these things last in the freezer.