Neat antedoctal experience... - Page 2

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

I have removed numerous posts from this thread for either being UAVs or for quoting UAVs. Please keep things respectful, even if you disagree with each other. Thank you!

Per the UA:

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[Krisis]

See, threads like this make me sad. They make me feel like because I wasn't an awesome AP mama, DS is going to grow up and be a psychopath with mama issues. DS was born by C-section, I couldn't breastfeed, we didn't cosleep, CIO was resorted to more times than I would like, I babywore some but lots of times just let DS chill in his bouncy seat, spanking did sometimes happen and there were moments when as a PPD zombie I screamed and threw things and slammed doors.

Luckily as of now DS still has a strong love for me (which is surprising to me every day!) and is an active, healthy boy. But I do worry about his mental development, and every time I read a post that (to me) says "I was an awesome AP mama and my 3 year old is reading on a 5th grade level/designing a teleporter/working on the cure for cancer!" it kills me. I'd give anything to go back and try again. In fact sometimes I think the only reason I want another child is to try to undo the mistakes I made with DS. Maybe some will say that I shouldn't be on this forum since I pretty much fail at everything AP, but this is my Internet home and I ain't going anywhere

[Karamom]

Originally Posted by Krisis

See, threads like this make me sad. They make me feel like because I wasn't an awesome AP mama, DS is going to grow up and be a psychopath with mama issues. DS was born by C-section, I couldn't breastfeed, we didn't cosleep, CIO was resorted to more times than I would like, I babywore some but lots of times just let DS chill in his bouncy seat, spanking did sometimes happen and there were moments when as a PPD zombie I screamed and threw things and slammed doors.

Luckily as of now DS still has a strong love for me (which is surprising to me every day!) and is an active, healthy boy. But I do worry about his mental development, and every time I read a post that (to me) says "I was an awesome AP mama and my 3 year old is reading on a 5th grade level/designing a teleporter/working on the cure for cancer!" it kills me. I'd give anything to go back and try again. In fact sometimes I think t he only reason I want another child is to try to undo the mistakes I made with DS. Maybe some will say that I shouldn't be on this forum since I pretty much fail at everything AP, but this is my Internet home and I ain't going anywhere

Are you writing about the ds in your sig who was born in 08? I understand your regrets but you still have plenty of time. If from here on out you treat him with respect then he will turn out great. Kids are resilient I highly doubt he will be a psychopath. Don't dwell on the things you cannot change just work on your behavior now.

[Dandelionkid]

Originally Posted by Krisis

See, threads like this make me sad. They make me feel like because I wasn't an awesome AP mama, DS is going to grow up and be a psychopath with mama issues. DS was born by C-section, I couldn't breastfeed, we didn't cosleep, CIO was resorted to more times than I would like, I babywore some but lots of times just let DS chill in his bouncy seat, spanking did sometimes happen and there were moments when as a PPD zombie I screamed and threw things and slammed doors.

Luckily as of now DS still has a strong love for me (which is surprising to me every day!) and is an active, healthy boy. But I do worry about his mental development, and every time I read a post that (to me) says "I was an awesome AP mama and my 3 year old is reading on a 5th grade level/designing a teleporter/working on the cure for cancer!" it kills me. I'd give anything to go back and try again. In fact sometimes I think the only reason I want another child is to try to undo the mistakes I made with DS. Maybe some will say that I shouldn't be on this forum since I pretty much fail at everything AP, but this is my Internet home and I ain't going anywhere

At the heart of AP is attachment. All the AP stuff- bf, co-sleeping, gentle sleep methods- these are not the goal of AP. They are the means to the end, which is attachment. Sounds like you reached the "end" without a lot of the more "fail-safe" methods for getting there so I would firmly lay that past to rest. You sound like a wonderful mom.

[Hoopin' Mama]

Eh, it goes both ways. I know a lot of AP families, and many of them have delightful bright children. And some have children that are so incredibly unpleasant to be around it's almost astounding.

I even had one Dad tell me, after his son was asked to be removed from yet another activity group because he was so disrupting, that all the other little 4year olds weren't disruptive because they were already like programmed little zombies. But not HIS boy, his boy had lots of spirit and knew how to think for himself.

I avoid them now

[Just1More]

Well...I have to say I was traveling and therefore missed what were apparently some scathing posts. Thanks to those of you who had positive things to say on my behalf. I really appreciate you assuming I was good intentioned!

Not to start this up again...I just thought I should reply to my own post...

I should have said it all differently. Like, it was obvious how much the little boy had been loved on and included at home, and that it was helping him to be the best he could be...and that hearing that he wanted held all the time was almost a confirmation to me of that love I felt sure was being showered on him constantly.

So, no one who is loving on thier baby and doing what their baby needs (which is, to me, the point of AP...being in tune with your baby), should feel guilty (or judged) at all by my comments. You ARE doing what I was saying.

But...I've probably only managed to muddle the water worse.

Let's not go round again.

Thanks for your comments...

[MG01]

Quote:
It just makes sense to me that a person who feels loved and connected is more likely to glow with joy and self confidence than one who does not.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by Just1More

I should have said it all differently. Like, it was obvious how much the little boy had been loved on and included at home, and that it was helping him to be the best he could be...and that hearing that he wanted held all the time was almost a confirmation to me of that love I felt sure was being showered on him constantly.

i think being held has more to do with personality rather than love issues.

some children really need to be held. they want touch - all the time. many dont. doesnt mean they dont want touch. they just dont want to be carried or held close all the time.

my dd went from super clingy baby to a year old nothing to do with mama. didnt want physical closeness at all.

so equating carrying with love - i am not sure.

here is what i find is a big issue and i have no way of knowing now.

there is a parents desire to love, and a child's desire to be loved on their terms. i have no idea if i am fulfilling my dd's desire to be loved in her way. perhaps the very thing i feel i am doing out of love for her - she might feel too controlling. somethings she can speak about, most of it not. it is not easy communicating what love means to my dd.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by meemee

there is a parents desire to love, and a child's desire to be loved on their terms.

So true. Parenting dd was very difficult for me when she was a baby, because the ways I wanted to express love just didn't work for her at all. It was...humbling (and, I'll admit, a little upsetting - I tried to have her for a long time, and then when she got here, I felt rejected). It was pretty tough.