how has mothering changed how you view the world as your child grows up

[meemee]

while reading and replying to a few threads in this forum i suddenly realised how differently i viewed the world and parenting with a 7 year old vs how i viewed the world and parenting with a baby or toddler.

today i am much more open and unbiased.

when dd was younger i was sooo into getting things right that i look back and find i was so judgemental about other people who passed 'not doing your job right' comments and other parents who did not do what i thougth was the best thing to do for their children.

but as my dd grows older and i come into contact with the mainstream world to a much larger degree - i am amazed at how much i have changed.

how i have learnt to accept others comments which i still get now without getting angry or upset. and how i see that AP is just one form of parenting. that there are others and they all work well for the families who have chosen them.

curious to see if any other moms feel the same way as me. do you notice the difference within you. i am a much tolerant parent now that i was before.

[earthgirl]

Hmmm, well I still have a toddler, but I can say that motherhood has certainly made me view our culture differently. Well, really, it's just made me very aware of how our extreme focus on individuality is pretty harmful to us. I think it's completely unfair that we expect mothers to take on as much as we do; that we are constantly having to choose what needs or priorities get met b/c by and large we don't really value community even if we say we do.

On a more personal level, I do find that even though I can still be judgmental, I have gotten much, much better about reminding myself that I don't have the whole story and it's really unfair of me to make a judgment as if I do.

[karne]

Yes, mine are now 7 and 11, and I feel that I am more accepting. Even more, I've learned some serious lessons about how being judgemental can impact relationships. I am constantly amazed at the battles new moms fight with their families over issues like too many presents, or cutting family members off because they don't think a certain way, etc. I mean, I get it, because I was there, sort of, for a while. But at this vantage point I can look back and say I wouldn't choose to do it again. I'd look for places of harmony, versus discord.

Oh well, we all survived me knowing everything and we've moved on to the bigger and better challenges of the pre-teen years. Sometimes I yearn for the day when our biggest angst was a plastic toy.

[OTMomma]

I think its a matter of not just our kids getting older, but we get older and learn a lot too. I've been a mom for 7 years now- and in that time my children have taught me a lot about patience, picking my battles, worrying only when I have to, and recognizing that life isn't as cut and dried as I once thought. Most of us are doing the best we can at the time and I see that in other parents, even ones who are very different than I am.

However, I also have a new baby- and maybe because of that, I do still have a poor opinion of people who do CIO. I don't think I'll ever understand how anyone can leave a baby to cry alone. So maybe I'm not "there" yet.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by OTMomma

However, I also have a new baby- and maybe because of that, I do still have a poor opinion of people who do CIO. I don't think I'll ever understand how anyone can leave a baby to cry alone. So maybe I'm not "there" yet.

aaaaah see just because you are more open minded doesnt mean you accept things. no i will never understand why many people do different things like CIO. however today i dont try to write them off completely as if they dont exist in my world which i used to. i try to be open even when i see a mom forcing potty training on a 18 month old. i still try to connect with that mom.

yup you are absolutely right. we are growing too and experiencing too.

i am in school full time. i see many new loving moms who follow mainstream styles. everytime i see a time out - not the gentle way - i cringe. however today i still try to connect with teh mom and try and find some middle ground. just something about being connected thru motherhood. their individual decision does not close their world to me.

[DebraStorm]

I agree with you, OP! I used to be very judgemental regarding how others parented their children. Now that mine are 10 & almost 8, I am less judgemental. I wouldn't say I am "supportive" of some choices but I do try to be open-minded & understanding of why they chose to do something.

[lovebug]

ok so i dont have kids YET, but...

i look at raising kid totally different!!!! mothering has opened a whole new world to, well mothering for me. it has made me ask questions i WOULD HAVE NEVER asked before!!! it has opened my mind and eyes to MANY things. it has changed my views on:

BF'ing
CLW
Vax's
Circ'ing
Cloth (both baby and mama)
Green ways to take care of my body
GD
and SOOOOOO many different things about birth its self.

and thats to name a small few! i had no clue about 'this' world of parenting and birth. i am so thankful!

[ollyoxenfree]

I've always been interested in observing how other families operate. It's fascinating to see how different things work for different families, yet the children still manage to become wonderful, capable people. I don't think I've been too judgemental. If I ever was, then I'm certainly less so now. However, as the years pass I have become less defensive about what works for us. I'm much more relaxed about how much we fit in or whether my dc are like everyone else's. I also have a pretty low tolerance level for the snottiness I sense in some other parents, but I usually manage to keep that to myself.