So he's intact - now what?

[BeanSprout Mama]

I have to admit that we planned to circumcise our new DS. DS1 is circumcised, we didn't do much research and I didn't think much of it - but as soon as he was handed back to me crying his little head off afterward I felt SO awful for doing it! All the same we planned to circ DS2 also, for reasons not worth going into.

Until he was in my arms and I just couldn't do it. All the regret I felt about circing DS1 came back and I just could not do it to another baby. I didn't even talk to DH about it (and have to admit I feel sort of guilty about that) I just put it off and put it off and now the baby is a month old and "too old" to be circumcised. So he is not circumcised and will stay that way.

But now what? I know that we basically leave his penis alone - no retracting by anyone except him, wipe the outside as necessary when changing diapers. Is there anything special I need to know or share with DH about potty training or basic hygiene or anything later on? Anything special we need to watch for or avoid?

Any teaching that you can offer to this unprepared mama would be appreciated!

[Fellow Traveler]

Originally Posted by BeanSprout Mama

I have to admit that we planned to circumcise our new DS. DS1 is circumcised, we didn't do much research and I didn't think much of it - but as soon as he was handed back to me crying his little head off afterward I felt SO awful for doing it! All the same we planned to circ DS2 also, for reasons not worth going into.

Oh that's ok, when you know better you do better right? So let's get to your questions.

Originally Posted by BeanSprout Mama

Until he was in my arms and I just couldn't do it. All the regret I felt about circing DS1 came back and I just could not do it to another baby. I didn't even talk to DH about it (and have to admit I feel sort of guilty about that) I just put it off and put it off and now the baby is a month old and "too old" to be circumcised. So he is not circumcised and will stay that way.

But now what? I know that we basically leave his penis alone - no retracting by anyone except him, wipe the outside as necessary when changing diapers. Is there anything special I need to know or share with DH about potty training or basic hygiene or anything later on? Anything special we need to watch for or avoid?

Any teaching that you can offer to this unprepared mama would be appreciated!

So you got the basics down. That's a good start. I don't see how potty training would be much different. Some intact guys (like myself) will retract just a bit to expose the tip but that is not at all necessary and he might not even be able to do that when he's potty training. Hygiene is simple at some point when he is old enough to learn you can teach him that he should retract rinse replace. It might be that he can't do it fully when you teach him but it will start a good habit. The only thing to avoid is keep an eye on the doctors and care givers.

[mamabeca]

ITA that doctors (who should know better) and nurses (ditto) often DO retract (why???) during visits. Keep him in your lap, and tell them right flat out if he has/hasn't had any UTI's or other issues.

As for potty training issues, MOST boys are horrible at getting pee into the potty if they aren't sitting. As w/all boys, have him sit to pee, it'll cut down on the potential mess.

As for baby/toddler/preschooler cleaning issues, they get quite clean taking baths, with a teency bit of wiping between baths. My ds is almost 5 and still doesn't retract to clean (and has never had any kind of infection at all (of any kind) other than a couple of colds and one case of croupe when he was about 2). He can fully retract now, and does when he gets 'excited' I think, but it's not something we spend any time over.

Overall physical health is very important to keeping urinary tract health, having to do with intestinal/urinary flora/fauna balance. Does that make sense? Feel free to pm me if you want to talk in more detail. My ds is intact, my dh is not, and when I asked him "what is different between your penis and daddy's", he said "daddy's is bigger, and it's hairy, too!" Don't fret, the boys will be fine with their differences.

[PuppyFluffer]

Now what? You just love him!

There is no special care. As you said above, you know you don't pull back the foreskin at all. Just wipe clean and go. Especially poopy diaper messes....I often just swish the bottom in a sink of warm water to clean them.

The biggest issue you will have is avoiding forceful retraction by medical staff that don't know any better. Tell them not to touch the foreskin before the diaper even comes off. If they try to retract even after you've clearly said not to, be prepared to remove their hands from your child. I had to do this recently. It's really maddening that you can't trust your health care providers to be up to date on their medical knowldege and you can't trust them to follow your clearly expressed instructions or to stop when you command them to STOP! I had this exact thing happen with a nurse at Children's National Medical Center in Wash DC. She then had the audacity to ask me "Don't you clean him?"

Intact care is very simple. You are not an unprepared mama. You are a very kind and loving mama who should feee very empowered at listening to yourself and following that inner voice. Your children are lucky to have you as a mother! My warmest congrats on the arrival of your new baby.

If you have concerns about having one son circumcised and one intact, know that there are many mothers here with the same situation and there have been several threads about this and how to handle it if it comes up in discussion. I can't search right now but maybe you can or someone will find a few for you.

[glongley]

I'd suggest reading some of the resources in the stickies at the top of this board, in particular the Mothering Magazine article by Dr. Paul Fleiss called Protect Your Uncircumcised Son. A must read for parents of intact boys - goes over all the reasons a doctor might say an intact boy "needs" to be circumcised and why not true. Very reassuring and empowering.

http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1050900

Also the best online resource for info about the intact penis and circumcision is http://www.cirp.org - if you ever need to look something up on development, hygiene, conservative treatment etc.

Kudos to you for listening to your heart! Your son will thank you some day.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

This thread http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=764732 has some things you may or may not see but just in case you do so you dont freak out or are worried something is wrong then you will know if you need to be or not and how to deal with it.

If you are like me you want to know everything ahead of time so that you are prepared for it. I hate not knowing the answer to things.

[mummy2jess]

now? do nothing - just bath him exactly the same as any other child girl or boy and ignore his penis pretty much!. at least until he is three and starts seeing how far it will stretch (my son is in this phase lol!).
seriously I am in the uk and i have NEVER heard anything about my sons penis beyond the fact that he has one so as far as I am concerned and as I understand it from reading on here most of the rest of the world there is no special care after all your son is now how nature intended!
in my experience from my three little boys are actually alot easier to keep clean than little girls.

sophie

[Greg B]

I was circ'd as an infant. Had no experience with dealing with a foreskin. Both my sons are intact. So I had to deal with foreskin as a parent with them. Nothing to it. Didn't do anything special. Didn't even really notice except for the cool look they had. It is a non issue.

Potty training was fine. I didn't say anything to them that I would not have said to a circ'd child. Didn't ask them to do anything except pee in the toilet. Nothing different.

Now as human's we are worry warts, so you will find lots to worry about. The tip of the foreskin will get red from time to time. This is normal, no worries. But this was the biggest issue we dealt with....our own worries that something was not right. Another thing we were overly worried about was retraction. We would look and as they got older ask. Again, we were worried, but there was no reason to. They have completely normal penises now at 17 & 19 years of age.

Regards

[phatchristy]

I second pretty much everything that every one else said. I'd just familiarize yourself (and educate DH) on what is normal as well. Since he won't have any personal experience, any uneducated/misinformed health care practitioner could try to retract and he needs to know that is not only unnecessary but harmful.

[orangefoot]

Originally Posted by mummy2jess

now? do nothing - just bath him exactly the same as any other child girl or boy and ignore his penis pretty much!. at least until he is three and starts seeing how far it will stretch (my son is in this phase lol!).
seriously I am in the uk and i have NEVER heard anything about my sons penis beyond the fact that he has one so as far as I am concerned and as I understand it from reading on here most of the rest of the world there is no special care after all your son is now how nature intended!
in my experience from my three little boys are actually alot easier to keep clean than little girls.

sophie

Girls crevices are way more tricky to clean than a penis/scrotum but ECing our second daughter solved that problem

[PuppyFluffer]

Well there is the matter of the squishy nature of boy parts. They move around in a manner that girl parts don't! Otherwise, it's no big deal!

[BeanSprout Mama]

thanks everyone. I assumed that probably there wasn't a whole lot to know or do or worry about but I just tend to be such a planner and researcher that it is a little disconcerting for me to not know anything for sure, kwim? It is very out of character for me to just make a spur of the moment decision like that (but I'm glad I did this time).

I hadn't even really thought about DS1 asking questions about the differences between him and DS2. If it comes up I will explain that we thought it was better to do it when he was born but by the time DS2 was born we learned that we didn't have to do it after all.

I will look over the links and threads posted to educate myself a little. Thanks for the replies, I appreciate it.

[mummy2jess]

Originally Posted by orangefoot

Girls crevices are way more tricky to clean than a penis/scrotum but ECing our second daughter solved that problem

hi what is ECing?

sophie

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

ECing = Elimination Communication where the baby is diaper free the majority of the time. And the parents learn the babies cues for going and the baby can learn cues from the parents to go on command in a way. There is more information on the board about it you can do a search for it to find out more.

[Yulia_R]

Originally Posted by MCatLvrMom2A&X

ECing = Elimination Communication where the baby is diaper free the majority of the time. And the parents learn the babies cues for going and the baby can learn cues from the parents to go on command in a way. There is more information on the board about it you can do a search for it to find out more.

I EC'd both of my kids, but I did use cloth diapers (I would just take them off when I felt my kids needed to go and then would put them back on). This way I didn't have to be stressed when accidents would happen. My son was out of diapers when he was 10.5 months old and my daughter was a "late bloomer" for an EC-er, she wasn't completely out of diapers till she was 18 months of age. Most of the world EC's babies. The only reason why some rich countries don't is because manufactures of diapers invested a lot of $$$ into the "not ready" propaganda.