For those of you looking, how long have you been single?

[mamafuko]

I'm really curious what stage people are at. I usually bypass the dating threads because I feel like I'm at a different stage. I haven't given up on finding the right person, but I don't feel the urgency, and I am not actively "looking".

How long were you divorced for before you started dating again? How important is finding a partner to you?

Thanks! I look forward to hearing your responses.

[Rosehip]

My X moved out more than 1.5 yrs ago, we decided to separated nearly 2 years ago, and the divorce was finalized in July.

I just went on my first post-X date tonight. It was nice. Yes, I'm actively looking right now, but only have so much time to devote to the sport of dating, so we shall see

[lilyka]

I really want to date and get married and have more kids etc but at the same time I wouldn't say I am looking. I have never ever dated before....My xh and I started dating in high school then got married. So I really have no clue what I am doing. BUt there is a part of me that just figures it will happen when it happens and that it will be really natrual.

[mamafuko]

Congrats, Rosehip. I remember the first date I went on post-X. I was soooo nervous, but fortunately, so was my date!

lilyka, I also did not really date much before marrying my ex, so I think I really needed to do a lot of learning about what I wanted. After my divorce, I was craving good attention so badly. I felt a strong need to date and thought I would find someone fairly quickly (I sort have always managed to find relationships pretty readily). Things just haven't worked out that way. But recently, I've found a sense of peace that doesn't preclude dating, but makes it seem less important. My divorce was 4 years ago. I can't believe so much time has passed.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by lilyka

I really want to date and get married and have more kids etc but at the same time I wouldn't say I am looking. I have never ever dated before....My xh and I started dating in high school then got married. So I really have no clue what I am doing. BUt there is a part of me that just figures it will happen when it happens and that it will be really natrual.

ditto here. though my kid bearing days are almost over. however i met my ex when i was older.

i do go out on dates and have been out. but i have too much going on in my life where dating is not the only thing. and because i am having so much fun doing my stuff that i dont have time to date.

i am way way waaaaaaaay tooooo picky. i am an oddball.

i have been single 6 years. i went on my first date a year and half after separation.

right now my career - rather calling for life is more important. i would love to hook up someone who 'speaks my language' in my language which is v. v. rare. the ones i am interested in are all taken. plus in a few years i will be moving all over the place.

so while i am looking forward to getting hooked up, i am also sure i dont want getting hooked up changes my future career plans.

so in a sense my situation is a quite a bit different.

however i am v. v. v hopeful. i know things will work out when the time is right. all my proff. friends who were totally into their calling - some single moms too - all met their new partners while they were in school for their field.

however i have never really been interested in dating. hanging out yes. but not in dating. i didnt date much when i was young. i found men to be terribly immature (hah!!! even married one of them) and they just did not interest me.

[MaWhit]

I've been on my own for nearly 5 years now, and am still not looking (and not interested). I LOVE being on my own.

[RockStarMom]

I got pregnant nearly 5 years ago and I've been single the whole time. I don't really consider myself looking or not looking...I feel like I'm too busy for a relationship, but at the same time I know I'd make time if I met the right person. I guess I'm just not in a rush.

[samy23]

I've been single 6 years, then had a first date this year which didn't go anywhere, and now Im seeing someone but it's friends with benefits type of situation, I see no long-term future with this guy.

Half of me wants to be looking/trying to meet someone for a real relationship, the other half still wants to be single.

I think the best idea for me personally right now, is to put myself in situations where it's possible to meet someone, but not go actively trying to find them. Just do my thing, and if I meet him, great, if not, that's okay too. There's plenty of time in the future for a relationship.

[mmace]

My X walked out in August of 2003 and I went on my first date in May of 2007, so it was almost four years. I definitely am glad I waited - I wanted to be ready, and I wanted to wait for it to be someone that mattered, not just to date just to date, you know? And he's turned out to be the love of my life!

[BelovedK]

Originally Posted by mmace

My X walked out in August of 2003 and I went on my first date in May of 2007, so it was almost four years. I definitely am glad I waited - I wanted to be ready, and I wanted to wait for it to be someone that mattered, not just to date just to date, you know? And he's turned out to be the love of my life!

I want to delurk to tell you how happy I am for you

[Pumpkin_Pie]

I have been single for a bit over 3 years now and definitely do not feel ready to be dating yet. Yes, I would love to meet someone, but I really want to be working at a job making enough money to support us and I also want to work a bit more on "me" as well. I really need to find a good therapist, start exercising more, lose a few pounds (ok, more like 75 or so ), and generally feel good about myself, our family situation, and my environment. Then I think I will feel good about letting someone into my life.

I really want another baby eventually, but I am 35 years old, and am feeling the clock ticking loudly in my ear. I also want DS to have the presence of another stable, parental figure in his life, so maybe I should be trying to date now. I just can't wrap my head around it yet.

[Rosehip]

Originally Posted by mmace

My X walked out in August of 2003 and I went on my first date in May of 2007, so it was almost four years. I definitely am glad I waited - I wanted to be ready, and I wanted to wait for it to be someone that mattered, not just to date just to date, you know? And he's turned out to be the love of my life!

What a nice story Mmace!

[kdmama33]

I have been single for two years and I recently went on my first post-divorce date. I'd very much like to be in a relationship again, but I'm also a lot pickier this time around, so we'll see how that goes. I'd be happy to fall in love with a right-for-me man, to have a partner, but I'm in no rush. The right-for-me (and my kids!) part is a lot more important than the time frame. In the meantime, I am enjoying my life as it is, so it's win/win for me.

[mamafuko]

I'm glad to hear from single mamas who are taking a life-centered approach. Honestly, I didn't get that until very recently. I was never boy crazy. In high school, I had one boyfriend to speak of and in college, I did not do much better. At the same time, the idea that I should be with someone, especially given that I had a child, was so strong that I became pretty disappointed with the fact that I had not found someone by now. Plus, I had always wanted another child. But throughout this process, I've been going through therapy and self-searching, and gradually I came to realize that I and my son were enough for me for now. It didn't take any effort. I am just very satisfied with my life. I think a partner would add to it, but that's not really in my control fully.

After my therapist realized I got it, she let me know that feeling that there is an urgency to finding a partner is usually a bad sign. It leads people to choose the wrong guy and all that foolish stuff we're all capable of. Right now I have a person or two that has shown interest in me and whom I have an interest in. And now my attitude is in the right place to do right by me and them.

[Tilia]

Let's see, the divorce has been final for 1.75 years and it was finalized 6 months after he left me. I started dating after being divorced for 1.5 years or so. Just casual dating. I am too busy for a relationship and I am picky. I want a partner eventually but not a marriage again.

DD hasn't met either of the people that I dated. I just went out when I could get a sitter after she was already asleep, or when she was with her dad.

[Rainbow2911]

I've been single for nearly 3.5 years. I am just now feeling like I might want to start dating. Not had a date yet but might be going on one this weekend - eeek!
Finding a relationship isn't hugely important to me. I don't want to live with someone or be in a serious thing now and maybe not ever. I like my life! But I also enjoy dating and meeting new people.I didn't want to date until I reached a point of not feeling like I need someone in my life. That way if I meet someone I want in my life I'll know they're special!

[mamafuko]

Have fun on your date, Ruth!

I guess the one part of the equation I miss in a relationship is the physical part. I am human. I can understand the temptation to have a "friends with benefits" arrangement. But I learned I can't do that. So that's something I have to live with.