Why won't my kids stop hitting each other???

[kay4]

AND picking on each other??? This is a CONSTANT battle in my home. My kids are plenty old enough to know not to do this. They are 14 1/2, 11 1/2 8 and 5. All girls but the 8 yo. They constantly pick on and annoy each other which i am tempted to ignore and let them work out on their own except it turns into hitting. They will give varying excuses like 'i was just playing around' Um sorry but when someone is yelling STOP IT!! It is NOT playing. Or 'he/she hit me first' I am at my wits end here!!!

[Shanelovr]

just throwing this out there, but maybe they're spending too much time together. whenever i've been around my cousins family which has 5girls and 1boy, plus babysits 3girls, they just each need more alone time and their own space. maybe this isn't a problem for your family, but it was just a thought. girls get on each other's nerves easily especially when there are hormones getting thrown into the mix. the older girl can be a big determiner of how the days going to go.

[TiredX2]

I'd love to know myself. Honestly, though, I can remember fighting with my sister (2.5 years younger than me) a *lot* as a kid and when my mom had a huge fit about it generally thinking, "Huh? What's the big deal?"

[LynnS6]

I like the book "Mom, Jason's breathing on me!" for this kind of thing.

Several insights from this book:
1. A lot of this is about getting YOUR attention - so if you don't engage, they'll do it less. Treat the bickering like a noise problem. "That's too loud. Tone it down."
2. If there's violence, you separate them. Period. Violence is not allowed. (I add verbal violence to that too, the book talks about physical violence only.) Don't take sides. Just separate. It takes two to fight.
3. Don't take sides. You don't know the whole story.

An insight from Playful Parenting that helps too:
If you can spend time with the children one-on-one (hard to do with the # of kids you've got - but maybe once a week?), sibling rivalry goes down. Why? Because they don't have to fight to get your attention.

Finally, I also like the books by Faber & Mazlish: How to Talk So Your Children Will Listen (it will help you listen to your kids without taking sides) and Siblings Without Rivalry.

ETA: Send them outside. It sounds like there's a lot of pent up energy. My mom has memories of her grandmother sweeping her and her brothers out the door. I suspect it was for similar reasons!

[Kidzaplenty]

[MotherBeary]

As long as it's not ALL THE TIME and ISN'T TOO BRUTAL, I think it's totally normal!!! All the siblings I know hit each other now and then. Not a whole lot you can do, excpet discourage them w/punishment. . . I have two boys, so I feel your pain. Really hope as they get older they grow out of it a bit too!

[kay4]

thank you for the replies. I consider it brutal when a child has scars from the other one (my 11 yo has a fresh scar ) They used to be outside all the time. I had to stop that when i would have to hunt the neighborhood for them because they would not stay at the park like i said. I've ignored it and it gets worse and more injuries. I have read How to talk so children listen but haven't read siblings without rivalry. I have it though, i will start reading it tomorrow, thanks!

[kay4]

no one? Wow.
Pretty depressing and embarrassing that it's just MY kids.

[elmh23]

I don't think it's just your kids. Dh tells stories that horrify me about how he and his siblings treated eachother (I'm an only child so all this crap is new to me!) He and his younger sister especially had a pretty violent childhood and dh can remember his brother throwing another sister up against a wall. That stuff would make me lose my mind!

That said, I have no idea how you would handle it. I'm new to the sibling relationship and my two are still young so it's easy to just do time out and seperate them. Good luck.

[Fujiko]

Not just your kids. Growing up my brothers and I would fight like cats and dogs. Once my mom got so fed up that she let me and my brother go outside and literally fight. (Don't do that, someone will call CPS and it's generally not a good idea.) My dh's childhood was much the same. Unfortunately, I really don't have a relationship with my brothers but it has more to do with lifestyle differences than rivalry. There are no hard feelings anymore, just distance. DH has a good relationship with his brothers.