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If you find your multiples 'easy'

post #1 of 28
Thread Starter 
Do you think it's all about the attitude you approach the challenges with?
post #2 of 28
A few months back my mom said, "wow, I don't know what people mean about the first year with twins being so hard."

Now, I know exactly what she meant. We had a fairly easy time with it. And the subtext was that twin toddlers were tougher than newborns, which for us is sometimes true. (Ignore that, expectant MoMs!)

What I said to my mom was, sure, our first year was OK, but remember:
- the twins were our first and only children
- they're the first grandchildren with lots of hands on grandparent and uncle/aunt help
- I had an uncomplicated vaginal birth and easy recovery
- they've been 100% breastfed, no formula mixing, cleaning and shopping
- no allergies, ear infections, colic, reflux
- No NICU time
- No problems, just healthy little girls that need a lot of attention and loving

And still I wouldn't say twins are easy. For me, luxury is folding clean clothes right out of the dryer and not having them sit in a wrinkling pile for a week. True luxury is having one on one time with a babe. I'm either at work or with one or both of my girls. Great, but it's a lot, especially when trying to do anything else.

Compared to many other twin moms, I have it "easy," and with the right perspective I might say it is. But there are too many times I collapse when the babies go down for a nap, depressed that my house is so dirty but too tired to do anything about it. I do consider myself lucky to have my girls, lucky things go so well with us, and lucky to get out on my own once or twice a month.

But no, it's not easy.
post #3 of 28

Attitude definitely helps but

more importantly the personalities of the babies. My b/g were reasonably easy in that they settled into similar sleep patterns, slept well, didn't have colic, were happy and most importantly had similar and good sleep patterns. The next child...oh heavens, she was shiny bright and awake all the time. Her needs were overwhelming and insistent, I am tired just remembering back.
post #4 of 28
That's so interesting that you say that ... Everyone keeps telling me how hard it's going to be with newborn twins .... but I'm not freaking out about the new babies part. It's the entertaining of twin boy toddlers that worries me! Chasing them when they are running in every direction ... that's what sounds exhausting to me!
post #5 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gena 22 View Post
A few months back my mom said, "wow, I don't know what people mean about the first year with twins being so hard."

Now, I know exactly what she meant. We had a fairly easy time with it. And the subtext was that twin toddlers were tougher than newborns, which for us is sometimes true. (Ignore that, expectant MoMs!)

What I said to my mom was, sure, our first year was OK, but remember:
- I had an uncomplicated vaginal birth and easy recovery
- they've been 100% breastfed, no formula mixing, cleaning and shopping
- no allergies, ear infections, colic, reflux
- No NICU time
- No problems, just healthy little girls that need a lot of attention and loving

And still I wouldn't say twins are easy. For me, luxury is folding clean clothes right out of the dryer and not having them sit in a wrinkling pile for a week. True luxury is having one on one time with a babe. I'm either at work or with one or both of my girls. Great, but it's a lot, especially when trying to do anything else.

Compared to many other twin moms, I have it "easy," and with the right perspective I might say it is. But there are too many times I collapse when the babies go down for a nap, depressed that my house is so dirty but too tired to do anything about it. I do consider myself lucky to have my girls, lucky things go so well with us, and lucky to get out on my own once or twice a month.

But no, it's not easy.
I've copied most of your points of what has made your situation "easy" because they apply to me as well. And I coloured my favourite ITA parts.

But to me, that really does all sound "easy" compared with what I could be dealing with. I'd rather deal with this than fussy eaters, or non-sleeping kids (nevermind any real health or social problems!) So I don't see it as an endlessly-sunshiny attitude on my part. . . more of an intolerance of other situations. Makes this seem pretty sweet!

Toddlers have been way more work than newborns. I can't even begin to list all the stuff they've messed up or wrecked. You'd think that after three older kids, you are pretty much "safe" (either it's resilient, or it's already broken). But nope!
post #6 of 28
I wouldn't say my life is easy, but I have found that there have been many times in the past 2.5 years when the hardest part has been parenting my eldest. Individually, the trips have each been so much easier than my eldest. There have been long periods where the three of them together felt easy compared to him.

I think that the kids' temperaments have a huge impact on how easy or challenging things really are. Beyond that, my attitude makes a big difference.
post #7 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by hergrace View Post
I wouldn't say my life is easy, but I have found that there have been many times in the past 2.5 years when the hardest part has been parenting my eldest. Individually, the trips have each been so much easier than my eldest. There have been long periods where the three of them together felt easy compared to him.

I think that the kids' temperaments have a huge impact on how easy or challenging things really are. Beyond that, my attitude makes a big difference.
Here too. The days when ds1 is in school and I have the 3 younger at home feel so easy compared to the days when he is home. Temperament definitely plays a role.

My twins were fairly "easy" babies so our first year was busy but fairly organized and we seemed to get through it fine. I think my attitude definitely was a factor in making things easier with the twins. I still think (for us anyways) that having twins as #3 and #4 was easier in that we were much more laid-back about things and didn't have the first baby worries. I had breastfed twice before, coslept and found out some of the little tricks that make things easier. Of course, having older children does make things much busier and chaotic but if you can accept that than it'll work out. Now that we've entered the toddler years I have to say that I'm missing the "easy" baby year - lol. Wow!!
post #8 of 28
It's all in the perspective. Isabella was so challenging that, after that, anything seemed "easy". I literally barely put her down for the first 6 months. When I did, she screamed.

I don't think my twins are easy necessarily but they are "easier" than she was and easier than many sets of twins by far. Mostly, I've just seen them as completely delightful. It may be their personalities or the fact that I've always been about 7-9 months pregnant at this stage of toddlerhood but it's not nearly as hard as it was with my older singletons.

That being said, my babies are only 16 months old. We've got PLENTY of time for me to need to eat my words.
post #9 of 28

attitude matters!

I was JUST talking to my husband about this! After hearing my MIL say repeatedly how impossible our lives were going to be during my pregnancy I vowed to keep a positive attitude about caring for our babies (we also have a 2 year old).

Yes, life is more stressful because it requires more organization, but we're not unhappy. I say it a lot as my mantra. (My MIL still insists that we have a hard life no matter how often I tell her that we are happy and fine... someday she'll believe us!)

I think babies and toddlers are particularly sensitive to your mood and so maintaining a calm and peaceful attitude can be very helpful.
post #10 of 28
My twins were and are "easy" in comparison to a lot of things, but no, I don't really think it's "easy". Full term, gentle home/water birth, nursing right away, no severe colic, no health challenges, great support system in my life, lots of loving family and friends, all these things I really know made our lives easier. And having done it all before helped too, and I definitely still think DD1 takes the cake on being challenging, as much as I love her, lol!
Maybe when you know how hard it could be, you can see that at times, things are "easy".
post #11 of 28
It's hard work, but mine are easy. Their personalities make them that way. If I'd had 2 of my firstborn, I'd have been institutionalized.

Laid back, compliant twins + breastfeeding has made it not so bad.
post #12 of 28
Thread Starter 
thank you so much for sharing all these replies. so much food for thought. it seems like there is a huge dose of gratitude in all your words??

i found the first 11 months 'easy' but then i think i went into shock that it is actually real. LOL. kwim?! OMG, we actually went through all that!! maybe some PTS with the preemie thing. and i got used to having some spontaneous moments in my life pre-twins as dd was almost 4 when they were born. i've gone back to life as it was when i had my first two i guess, and i never thought that would happen!!!

but it could have been so much more awful. i didn't know if they were going to make it. i'm actually lucky we went to 32 weeks. we get to b'feed after the wobbly start. they've met their targets developmentally so far (despite weighing 13lbs even and 16lbs at one year )

there was a lot of trauma for me in their medical care and management. maybe i just need to purge that somehow....
post #13 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by shukr View Post
there was a lot of trauma for me in their medical care and management. maybe i just need to purge that somehow....
Wow, I think a lot of us can relate to that. Wish I knew how. Time helps, but it may just be something we always carry with us.
post #14 of 28
I actually find that after the first year is over that life is getting "easier" (whatever that means). But I think that with a year under my belt of having twins (they are 16 months old now) I am better prepared to manage day to day life. I get them out to tons of stuff now, we have been through the first year of managing sickness running through 3 kids (my daughter was 2 when the twins were born) instead of one, they are moving which makes life logistically easier on many fronts but definentely keeps me on my toes... in other words we are surviving extremely well and now really heading into the fun phase of personalities growing, ability to do things with them, etc. etc... I of course have always loved my twins but now I am no longer scared of them and at the beginning I think that I was at times All this said, attitude plays a huge roll, the days that I am frustrated now and at the beginning change the course of everyones day and with that first year gone, I am a more relaxed twin mom.... and easy twins babes certainly helps.
post #15 of 28
my twins are easy and it is at least 90% just the babies that they are. they are happy just sitting watching me do whatever most the time. they sleep all night and always have. they love the car. they like watching their siblings play. now they are old enough where they like to sit and play together. my dd was not nearly as easy and there was only one of her.
post #16 of 28
Alwats have STTN?!? You are so LUCKY!

For me the first year was the hardest. My girls didn't sleep for long stretches at all and always needed the boob. I have finally regained my sanity. Around one year was a turning point when they could walk, but 18 mos was the magic number for sleep for us. My girls are pretty even tempered, so that has helped a ton. I will never, never, ever, ever call twins easy, but it is pretty downright joyful around here.
post #17 of 28
I think attitude definitely helps. My twins are my only children so I cannot compare how easy or difficult they are to singletons.

I found the first two years to be difficult...preemies, NICU stays, unable to breastfeed, health issues, therapies, my son cried just about all of the time and I felt I spent all of my time putting out fires and never enjoying having the babies. (My house and I were also complete disasters.) I cannot remember my attitude but even a great one may not have made life easier.

After age two I found them to be much easier (even though my daughter’s personality can be very challenging). I think attitude, expectations, and under-scheduling or knowing limitations can make life much easier. I remind myself of their ages and what I can truly expect. I pick my battles and am probably considered lenient. I also feel like I missed the first two years of their lives which are just an unpleasant blur and am determined to make the most of the rest of the years. I'm not sure if this makes sense but...When planning activities or even trips out of the house I really take into consideration the children and make my life easier by under-scheduling, not leaving at certain times, etc. I am happy to have the luxury of staying home. We don't run to the stores often, or have multiple activities in a day. They have plenty of play time which makes out of the house time more enjoyable for them - and me since they tend to behave. The days I am stressed or too busy the children seem more difficult when really it is because I am expecting too much, rushing them too much, or responding to them in a way that doesn’t achieve the best results – like being too short, raising my voice, etc…

Of course, this works for our family partly because of my personality. I have friends who have the complete opposite theory. The more they are out of the house with their children, the more routines, or the more activities planned, the easier their lives with children.

Also, as they get older I think having twins is easier than having two children of different ages. They play together well, can do the same things, etc...
post #18 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by yogafeet View Post
I will never, never, ever, ever call twins easy, but it is pretty downright joyful around here.
OK, that's the perfect answer.
post #19 of 28
Honestly, for me it was mostly personality and health issues. I had one super easy twin with no health issues and the other was super high needs with multiple food allergies and silent reflux. If I had had 2 of Ava, life would really have been cake. If I had gotten 2 of Jude....I can't imagine. He rocks, but OMG he was a hard baby. I think attitude helped us through the first year though. I was so grateful to have them and wasn't into complaining about the negative stuff (for the most part). I can look back now that they are 3 and say that the first year was hard hard hard. I also had a 2 yr old and 3 yr old at the time too so I am sure that played into it.
post #20 of 28
I dunno. I had a pretty positive attitude, but it still has been pretty bad around here. AFter the first 6 months, it's been SO much easier, and gets easier everyday, but I still feel shell-shocked most of the time.
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