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If you find your multiples 'easy' - Page 2

post #21 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by yogafeet View Post
Alwats have STTN?!? You are so LUCKY!
i know! my daughter was an all night nurser/had to be in arms all day/didn't sleep well until age 2 baby. i actually got pregnant the month after she started sleeping well (at 3 she still often wakes up once or twice). i really really do appreciate how well we have it with these guys. i promise i am not taking it for granted.
post #22 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamaeliz View Post
My twins were and are "easy" in comparison to a lot of things, but no, I don't really think it's "easy".

I pretty much agree with this and the others who've said things along the lines of "these babies are easy, but 'it' is not easy." I actually couldn't tell if you meant finding the individual multiples to be "easy babies" or finding it easy to have multiples....finding having twins to be "easy."

I have, generally speaking, two easy babies. Easy-ish babies? They can challenge my patience and all, but they are cheerful, pretty self-directed, good sleepers (again, typically.) They get into these jags when they don't nap at the same time (and when it gets completely opposite, then NOTHING seems easy!) but in general, when things are going normally, they are pretty easy babies.

But....there are two of them. Even easy babies take a lot of care, and take a lot out of you. You don't have colic or excessive fussiness, you may not have reflux issues and long periods with them fighting sleep or waking frequently, but you still have to care for two babies and it takes a lot of work, time, energy. And mine are toddlers and that's a whole new thing, where having two can really make moments feel impossible.

Even though they still are "easy" kids.

In conversation, I qualify with what wonderful, easygoing babies they are. But that there are two of them, and it can be exhausting to care for them.

I do, at random times in almost every day, feel crazy-joyful about how great they are, how funny and sweet, how they are wonderfully easy and really just princes. I look at my husband and gush about how lucky we are, how it's so amazing to have them both, and how they really are just the kinds of babies you'd pick if you could pick. And a lot of what I am loving is the twin experience, as well as just the fact of who these babies are, personally. Yes, the "easy" thing comes up a lot and I very much appreciate their flexibility and resilience. But even so, I constantly feel overwhelmed, taxed beyond my resources, frustrated, etc. I couldn't say it's really easy.
post #23 of 28
Attitude certainly helps. I think the past 6.75 years could have been a lot harder if I weren't able to laugh in a lot of really difficult situations. But I do not find parenting any of my children to be "easy." Some parts are always easy for me (the loving, the snuggling, the playing, creating, and adventuring), and some parts are always hard (the worrying, the lack of sleep, the sibling rivalry).

I found the first year to be mostly delightful. I still don't think I'd call it easy, but nor did I find it difficult (overall). Since then, there have been times when having twins is like having less than ONE kid . . . when they're getting along wonderfully and entertaining each other and simply increasing the amount of joy in a given moment. And then, there have been times when having twins is like having FOUR kids . . . when they're constantly fighting and being jealous and making each other miserable and can't agree on anything.

I have noticed that one hour of "difficult" in an otherwise "easy" day can flavor my whole mindset in a negative way. I try not to let that happen. I try to focus on the positive, and not let hard times overshadow good times.

Most people I know who have a truly easy time with their twins (beyond infancy) have boy/girl twins. Not sure if it's just a coincidence or if there is less competition and jealousy with boy/girl twins than with girl/girl or boy/boy pairs.

Lex
post #24 of 28
Thread Starter 
oh well. i have b/g so maybe there is hope later on....

when i said 'easy' i mean in the sense that it doesn't make you scared everyday you know. the happy moments outweigh the crying and you wouldn't change it for anything.

i'm a *bit* fed up of hearing ppl say how much they want twins, how great it must be, how easy it must be do two nappies at the same time, bath them and put them to bed together. eugh. like that's our everyday reality. it all runs smoothly and we just do it twice over at exactly the same time. dream on

i had my first two ten months apart and it was sooooo hard. (they are same sex and i can see how it would've been easier earlier if they'd been opposite) but basically, i sometimes feel right back to being a new parent again, but i'm b'feeding them both this time (as opposed to only one) and have waaaay more housework, children to educate, weaker body etc. they are not laid back characters at all. dd screams every time she has a nappy change/ has to get changed, every time we go out and when she's in a car seat. maybe some of it is how scbu affected her sensory integration. ds is a tank who has determination and climbing power
otherwise, they are happy and lovely little people. giggling together and whacking each other round the head. gouging each others eyes as they tandem nurse. all the good bits of sibling love

but yeah, what i wanted to see is how it is for others making similar attachment choices where they can. i'd like to attend my local twins club but i've had a less than positive interaction on the forum and so it doesn't feel like i can see into the real life of other mothers with twins without being told that it would be easier if i bottle feed, put children in school, use disposables....whatever.

i think my choices are worth it, but wondered if maybe mainstream is right and i should do all the above but reading your input, how i feel is ok. it's not out of proportion. we all can benefit from a little (or a lot of) help.

hope that makes sense.
post #25 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by shukr View Post
i think my choices are worth it, but wondered if maybe mainstream is right and i should do all the above but reading your input, how i feel is ok. it's not out of proportion. we all can benefit from a little (or a lot of) help.
What I wish we had was communal living. Enough of this nuclear family silliness! Of course AP is hard when we are isolated as women caring for children. So who wants to live like humans are supposed to be living - !IN GROUPS! - and then all of us mamas and babes can live in our own circle, help one another, trade babies & share responsibilities, and laugh, joke, story tell, & sing all the while. I feel like if I had other women around in a close-knit community, not only would life be simpler & more joyful, but I'd also have more time for doing things other than child care - things that are rewarding to me b/c they are also valuable or joyful or part of my essence... or even a little alone time. I feel sad that in our society, women have to chose between raising their children or doing something else (aka 'work') that they also enjoy for valid reasons; the dichotomy isn't fair and it doesn't honor us.

Shukr, I'm sorry that people seem to be telling you how easy having twins is. Perhaps you should invite them over to help?! (Since my tribal living is likely just a dream... otherwise I'd be right there to help you!)

I hope that your DD is able to cope without as much crying as she gets older. IMO, the crying is what can make things very hard for us Mums, particularly when there is nothing we can do to help.

I have to admit that I do use sposies... I tried cloth for a while but just couldn't make it work without me going crazy from leaks, clean-ups, and never-ending laundry.

You are one busy mama. Be gentle on yourself.
post #26 of 28
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by kjoy2 View Post
I feel like if I had other women around in a close-knit community, not only would life be simpler & more joyful, but I'd also have more time for doing things other than child care - things that are rewarding to me b/c they are also valuable or joyful or part of my essence... or even a little alone time. I feel sad that in our society, women have to chose between raising their children or doing something else (aka 'work') that they also enjoy for valid reasons; the dichotomy isn't fair and it doesn't honor us.
wow - this is a big part of it kjoy2, you're so right.
post #27 of 28
I'm told a couple times a month that G-d knew exactly who to give triplets to. That said, I had quite a bit of ppd in the beginning and missed a lot of those first few months. After I got myself into a routine and made a concerted effort and purposeful decision to enjoy their childhood it became easy. We still have battles over putting things away, limiting TV, not hitting each other, not scaring the parrot, not wasting food, etc.

kjoy2, I always say I want to find an Orthodox Sephardic Jewish commune to live on. Will never happen, but I can pray!
post #28 of 28
It is hard but then again it's not! My girls have been the best and we do much better with my mom "not" around! She is so hyper that is really affects the girls. I'm very laid back than she is but yet my discipline is way more strict than hers. She does not follow through where I do. That has been key for me with the girls. They have tons of freedom than most kids it seems do not, but what they can and can't do is very cut and dry with their boundaries. It works very well for the girls it seems. So we'll see how it goes with our son due in just a few weeks!
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