Hyphenated Last Name--DD wants to go by first one only.

[phatchristy]

DH and I were originally supposed to 'create' a new family name--not his or mine, but something in between both. After we were married, he continued to delay/make excuses for not changing his name. So, as a result I did not change mine. We've been married 14 years, together 20 and I will admit that this whole thing is the one thing I regret really. He kept on delaying it, then he had his 'degree' in that name so he couldn't change it, then he had 'experience in that name' so he couldn't change it and then finally he is 'employed in that name' and couldn't change it (because he's known by his peers). I personally think that's all excuses because I know PLENTY of women who had changed their name after being well established in their career...so how do they manage to do that if it is that difficult? Do their careers just fall off the planet of something...I think not! I don't harbor a grudge, but I have sad feelings about what was an agreement before we got married that he did not follow through with.

So, I have my original name, he has his original name. Our children have my last name-his last name. My last name is fairly easy to pronounce and spell--his is difficult and generally everybody butchers. One of the reason we put mine first.

This year (2nd grade) I've noticed that our DD is generally writing the first half of her last name only on her school work. In fact, I asked her about it. She says flat out that she wants my last name.

DH says he doesn't care, that in fact, if the kids decide they want one name or the other only he'll get them all set up with the paperwork when they're 18.

He doesn't care, I suppose I shouldn't care either. But somehow I did. If they came to me and said they only wanted Dad's name, it would bother me.

Though, then again, somehow it always 'fine' for people to call me Mrs. Hislastname and send letters to me all the time that way. It even took my parents YEARS to stop doing it, and I don't think that his parents ever stopped. I think either way, in this society we're going to get it.

One thing that is cute is that he gets mail to Mr. Mylastname, and truth be told both his first name and my last name start with the same letter sound really awesome together. If I'd known back then that either partner could change their name to the other upon marriage, I might have thrown that one into consideration.

I put this up in parenting, though I'm sure it has a bit of personal growth in it. I wish there was some way I could get past this all personally. Any ideas?

The irony of course is that DH is close to my family, his family has not only been unsupportive of us BUT they have other major issues (unfortunately a mental illness) that they have not dealt with and have exposed our children to (as in, bringing the mentally ill person to our home when they are relapsing while telling us beforehand they are 'fine').

Any thoughts on strategies to resolve my personal feelings? Obviously I still feel strongly about it if it bothers me 15 years later. I really want to get some other perspectives.

DH basically won't discuss it either. Occasionally it does come up, like when we have a new baby or with other complicated naming stuff. I'm not one to criticize or nag, however I will say occasionally that it is the one thing that I regret. And, I don't want to live a life of regrets either.

[philomom]

My kids have big hyphenated last names. Both are teens now and would like to use other family surnames. Not mine or dh's. I tell them they can change their names when they are paying their own bills. Until then, you use what I gave you.

[Peony]

I can somewhat relate. I actually took DH's name for 5 years and then legally changed back 2 years ago. I knew right after I signed the papers to change to DH's name that it was a mistake but it took me that long to change back because DH had such feelings against it.


When I went back to my name, we legally changed the children's names as well, they have my name his name, no hyphen. The two last names are on every thing, but in 1st grade this year, DD1's teacher just wrote my last name on her desk so in the classroom, she is only know as DD1 My name. I feel like you do, if she was only known as Dh's name then it would bug me to no end, and it has, usually my name is one that gets left off because DH's name is easier and it drives me nuts when that happens. I asked DH about it and he just shrugged his shoulders. I know it bothers him though, he just wants everyone to have his name, but that isn't going to happen.... The teacher did ask us what DD1 should be called and I told her both names but it has yet to be changed and I'm thinking that now this is the way it will be for the next 2 years at least, it is a combined classroom and DD1 is on the lower grade level.


Sigh. No real advice but I do wish DH would get over his outdated idea that we need to all have his name. I've thrown out the idea of changing to my name but he pulls the professional card as well. My last name is very uncommon, and I am literally the last one carrying on the name for my family branch. I refuse to change it to another name and DH wouldn't either. So here we are!

[phatchristy]

Peony--I'm sorry for what you've been through, I really do understand the emotional struggle here.

In my case, a lot of people just assume that the kids have only his last name, so a lot of times they are referred to by his family/people his family has known with just their dad's last name. It's only at school it seems that they really even would have the opportunity to be referred to by mine only.

What is weird, way back in the day when DD was born the staffer at the mws office said that we couldn't have two last names without a hyphen. It seems that she likely was wrong, because I've seen several other people say that here on MDC. Grrr...just another thing to be annoyed with.

I kind of feel like there is *no good resolution*. If he had followed through with the original plan I feel there would have been no issues. Maybe a few 'for us' initially that everyone who changes their name deals with, but none for the kids. KWIM? I think about 10-15% of their classmates have hyphenated last names. They are definitely not alone.

[sunnmama]

I think there are 2 issues here--the name your 2nd grader wants to use this year (a typical kid thing), and the names you choose to use for yourself and your family (an issue between you and your partner). I don't think they are necessarily related.

My approach is, "We gave you the name we want you to have, and this is why." I also tell my kids that they can decide how people address them, and they can change their name legally as an adult--but their legal name remains the same until they are an adult.

I took dh's name, and the kids have his name as well. Still, my 8 yo has expressed a desire to have my maiden name, because she feels more connected to my side than to his . I doubt it will still be an issue when she is older, but she can change her name as an adult if she wished.

[LynnS6]

Originally Posted by sunnmama

I think there are 2 issues here--the name your 2nd grader wants to use this year (a typical kid thing), and the names you choose to use for yourself and your family (an issue between you and your partner). I don't think they are necessarily related.

My approach is, "We gave you the name we want you to have, and this is why." I also tell my kids that they can decide how people address them, and they can change their name legally as an adult--but their legal name remains the same until they are an adult.

I agree here -- kids often want to change their names for different reasons, often ones that are unrelated to the parents' emotional attachment to the names that they've chosen. My sister actually changed her nickname when she reached college. She hated the version of the name that she'd grown up with and liked a different version. (It was akin to changing her name from "Liz" to "Beth" (names have been changed to protect the innocent here).) It took the family awhile to catch on, and I think my parents were initially a bit hurt because they liked the other version. But now she's "Beth" and no one bats an eye.

You could explain to your dd that she has a legal name (the hyphenated version) and why you chose it (to honor both sides). Whether she chooses to go by that name is another matter.

It sounds to me more like you're hurt that your dh didn't want to change his name. I get that. Dh was a little hurt that I didn't want to change my name. He got over it. It doesn't make us less of a family.

For you, would it have been better if your dh had come out and said "I don't want to change my name."? In long run, how much does this matter? If it matters a lot to you, maybe you need to spend some time and energy (maybe with a counselor) helping the two of you work through it. If you decide it doesn't matter that much, maybe you can think of some ways to help you let it go.

It's pretty common for families not to share a last name, but maybe that's just in my rarefied world of academia. Thinking of my colleagues, I don't have a SINGLE colleague who shares a last name with their partner (and all who can be married are married). Not one. I don't either. I have one last name, and dh and the kids have a different last name. For me, it WAS because of professional reasons (I'd published under my maiden name). Our names don't hyphenate well (two long-ish last names, both of which tend to be butchered, not a good combo), so your choice didn't work for us.

"A rose by any other name would smell as sweet," right? Why is it so important to you to share a last name with your dh? I think that's the answer to how you're feeling. To me, it wasn't that important. But to you, it clearly is. What do you need to do to feel better about this?

[bugleg]

I was given two last names by my parents, with no hyphen. It is a constant PITA, but is a part of my identity and has very much shaped my experience. That said, I never chaffed as a child/young adult, and neither of my parents put any pressure on me to 'stick with it.'

Of course, while this arrangement suited my parents identity politics and our family, it didn't really account for me growing up to marry an independent feminist with no interest in taking either of my names, and there were even fewer answers when it was time to pick a last name for our little girl.

I think last names are compromise by nature--and the important thing is that all parties approach the decision with an open mind and a willingness to be flexible. Part of me wishes we had all changed our last names to something else, as we ended up all having different last names, but we don't always get our first choice!

[phatchristy]

Originally Posted by LynnS6

You could explain to your dd that she has a legal name (the hyphenated version) and why you chose it (to honor both sides). Whether she chooses to go by that name is another matter.

Yes, I already did explain it to her, explained why she has one part of her name from Mommy and one from Daddy. I know she is acting favorable to my last name first because my name is the less complicated one. Sounds better, easier to pronounce and easier to spell.

It sounds to me more like you're hurt that your dh didn't want to change his name. I get that. Dh was a little hurt that I didn't want to change my name. He got over it. It doesn't make us less of a family.

You know, it's more that we had an agreement BEFORE we got married that he did not follow through on. If someone makes a promise (and it was a very serious one at that) they should follow through with it. A lot of it had to do with part of his personality at the time. Honestly he wimped out. I almost hate saying it. DH had a very laid back, kind of wimpy, avoiding conflict type personality when I married him. I think a huge part of it was after the fact with his parents. I think he was on a very very basic level afraid of dealing with their reaction. And, it doesn't matter how messed up they are, and they are messed up (DH is always saying we moved 1800 miles away and they FOLLOWED us--only child) maybe he had some underlying hope that someway, somehow they would have a normal relationship at that time? I don't know, none of us see it happening today, that is for sure.

I'm also very idealistic about this sort of thing. In my mind, him promising to do this, something that most definitely affected our future family, etc. and not following through on it is also kind of a perpetual reminder in a way. It's one of those things you can't alltogether get away from.

For you, would it have been better if your dh had come out and said "I don't want to change my name."? In long run, how much does this matter? If it matters a lot to you, maybe you need to spend some time and energy (maybe with a counselor) helping the two of you work through it. If you decide it doesn't matter that much, maybe you can think of some ways to help you let it go.

He did want to change it, he just never got around to it, and then kept on making excuses. A lot of that had to do with his personality/lack of dealing with stuff at the time. He actually came home with the paperwork a few times, just never followed through.

It's pretty common for families not to share a last name, but maybe that's just in my rarefied world of academia. Thinking of my colleagues, I don't have a SINGLE colleague who shares a last name with their partner (and all who can be married are married). Not one. I don't either. I have one last name, and dh and the kids have a different last name. For me, it WAS because of professional reasons (I'd published under my maiden name). Our names don't hyphenate well (two long-ish last names, both of which tend to be butchered, not a good combo), so your choice didn't work for us

.

"A rose by any other name would smell as sweet," right? Why is it so important to you to share a last name with your dh? I think that's the answer to how you're feeling. To me, it wasn't that important. But to you, it clearly is. What do you need to do to feel better about this?

I don't know that there is anything I can do to feel better honestly. I am fine having my name as it is now, however I feel bad that the kids have to deal with this. I think that for me this is one of those 'learning experiences' that you go through in life. We had decided to create our own 'family name' all those years ago mainly to satisfy the needs for the kids. And, honestly it is not ideal to either of us that their name is hyphenated, which is where we got our plan from.

At least though, our daughters and sons will understand that neither their mom or dad is 'more valuable' in the name department at least. That's one plus to the hyphenization. Though the negatives are the length and complication factors.

There are some issues two with husbands and wives having different last names, I've encountered them. On our gym membership I had to become hyphenated to be 'recognized', and a few other examples I could pull out. I just spent an hour the other week on the phone, fixing the warranty and registration on our new hvac system as they mistakenly put it only in my name.

On the flip side...

The one thing that is so interesting is that so many women over the year have opened up to me and told me that they wished that they had kept their names and that their kids had both like ours. I think in that respect, at least the fact that I feel no fear in going against societal norms is amazing to them.

I am the only one in my immediate group of friends who did not take their husband's name. I'm certain in academic circles this is common.

And, it was pretty funny when I had to explain to DDs why one of their teachers changed their name over the summer when they got married. They didn't seem to get it at first. LOL

[phatchristy]

Originally Posted by bugleg

I was given two last names by my parents, with no hyphen. It is a constant PITA, but is a part of my identity and has very much shaped my experience. That said, I never chaffed as a child/young adult, and neither of my parents put any pressure on me to 'stick with it.'

I feel the same, if the kids want to legally change their names when they are older it is completely their right to do so.

Interestingly, my father changed his last name shortly after marrying my mother (she changed it too) so I never had the same last name as my paternal grandparents...when I was really young I didn't understand it, but later on my parents explained it to me.

So, maybe I don't *think* changing a name is a big deal for that reason. Though I know it may mean more to some than others. For me it's about association in the immediate family, because none of my paternal relatives had our last name. Which is why I was fine with us having a 'family name' because that is what I grew up with as nobody outside my immediate family had that same name LOL.

So, to me it was 'choose a name that you like, that has some special meaning to you and represents your family and who you are.' And, we took time to do that before we were married, and I truly loved the name we chose. I think I'm past the sadness of not being able to have that name. Though I think that would have been a good family name for both of us and I regret letting DH take charge of the process and letting things lapse so far that he felt it was 'too late' to make the change.

[TiredX2]

phatchristy, let me make sure I have this right.

Before you got married, you were Name A and DH was Name B. The plan was to become Name & Name C. Instead, DH stayed Name B. The kids are Name A-B. And you are? Name A or Name A-B?

What do you *want* at this point? Do you want to have a common name together that is not from either of your families of origin (name C)? Or do you want to go with both last names together (A-B)? Or do you want everyone to have your last name (A) or what...? I can really understand your disappointment with DH not following through on what, to me, seems like a pretty serious promise.

Honestly, I would consider what you actually want and what you think is reasonable. Then I would work on getting that done. If you fill out the paperwork and put everything in order would DH sign the papers? IMO, it's not you nagging, it's him not following through on something that is important to you that he committed to doing. You are assuming he means to follow through on his commitment and you are encouraging him to do so. I would consider telling him that I want to settle this *once and for all*, make a date/time to do so, and bring all the paperwork to that meeting. Then actually deal with it.

It was very important to DP for us to have the same last name when we got married. He would take mine, I could take his, we could make one up, but he wanted it the same. (Actually, same with religion for him). I would feel like it was a real betrayal if I agreed to that and then refused to follow through (though I'm not sure how I could stop him from changing his last name ).

[phatchristy]

I have name A, the original name LOL. All the kids have A-B, when I refer to our family I just call it the A-B family. Though, let me tell you, it only took them all like 9 years to write to the A-B family, AND DH's family still writes to us as the B family.

Lovely huh?

So, DD wants to go by just A. On all her papers now she just writes A as her lastname. I think part of that is the ease of use (B is a more difficult name to spell/write/read) and then many of her awards last year were in name A (though last year she always wrote both).

Yeah, we all should have been Name C. DH brought home paperwork many years ago, we should have just switched it back then. Now, his career is established, it would be kind of complicated actually unfortunately.

And, he doesn't want to 'go there' either. He considers that moment in time pretty much over and done. I mean, there aren't a lot of subjects that I could bring up that would evoke that kind of 'shut down' but that would be one of them. A while back I made a comment about it, and he basically shut down. I think that he looks back and sees it as a weakness/personal failure and doesn't want to deal with it. It's been 20 years, I know how he gets with this stuff. And, since there is no 'solution' I see really, what is the point? Our communication is actually really good.

In an alternate universe I would time warp back there and be very insistant on things. But in reality it does feel like the 'statute of limitations' on this should pass. I could change my own name (which I gues I control) but then what's the point? All the kids would be where they are still.

Originally Posted by TiredX2

phatchristy, let me make sure I have this right.

Before you got married, you were Name A and DH was Name B. The plan was to become Name & Name C. Instead, DH stayed Name B. The kids are Name A-B. And you are? Name A or Name A-B?

What do you *want* at this point? Do you want to have a common name together that is not from either of your families of origin (name C)? Or do you want to go with both last names together (A-B)? Or do you want everyone to have your last name (A) or what...? I can really understand your disappointment with DH not following through on what, to me, seems like a pretty serious promise.

Honestly, I would consider what you actually want and what you think is reasonable. Then I would work on getting that done. If you fill out the paperwork and put everything in order would DH sign the papers? IMO, it's not you nagging, it's him not following through on something that is important to you that he committed to doing. You are assuming he means to follow through on his commitment and you are encouraging him to do so. I would consider telling him that I want to settle this *once and for all*, make a date/time to do so, and bring all the paperwork to that meeting. Then actually deal with it.

It was very important to DP for us to have the same last name when we got married. He would take mine, I could take his, we could make one up, but he wanted it the same. (Actually, same with religion for him). I would feel like it was a real betrayal if I agreed to that and then refused to follow through (though I'm not sure how I could stop him from changing his last name ).

[MaterPrimaePuellae]

Well, here's one question I have always wanted to ask: if your child married someone else with a hyphenated, would she be (all made up)

Susan Elizabeth Albertson-Fernandez-Wesley-Hubersmitz?

I mean, at some point, the hyphenating has to stop, right?

I understand your feelings. I dropped my middle name (which I did not like), took my parents last name as a middle name, and changed my last name to Dh's family name. A part of my reasoning was that I like Dh's family name a bit more, and it does not RHYME with my first name like my parent's surname (thanks, mom and dad!) I did this mostly for convenience (and because I wondered about the hyphenating issue above), but I was NOT pleased when my in-laws *joked* about me keeping my parent's surname (like it was something I would never, ever do )

If my parents had given me the option during childhood, I would have wanted my mom's maiden name. It is distinctive and sounds nice. I have a friend who always used her Mom's maiden name at restaurants and even for signing inconsequential things. Her Dad's surname was Polish and long and very hard to spell, and her mom's was so nice and short and pleasant sounding that she recently named her daugher that surname

If I were you, I would not fight my daughter on making her use both names. You obviously prefer your own, and I probably would, too. The full name will always (well, unless she legally changes it) be the one she has to remember to write down on college apps, SAT forms, standardized tests, medical forms, etc.... I'd let her write "Susan Smith" on her school papers if she wants too. This is the consequence of your Dh's actions, really, not yours... (imho)

[Smithie]

"You know, it's more that we had an agreement BEFORE we got married that he did not follow through on. If someone makes a promise (and it was a very serious one at that) they should follow through with it. A lot of it had to do with part of his personality at the time. Honestly he wimped out."

Yup. And he knows it, and that's why he's not pitching a fit about your dd using Name A. He knows that his past actions have led to the current situation.

I say just go ahead and let her use Name A if that's what she prefers. Don't put pressure on her either way. She will figure out what works for her as she grows.

[phatchristy]

If I were you, I would not fight my daughter on making her use both names. You obviously prefer your own, and I probably would, too. The full name will always (well, unless she legally changes it) be the one she has to remember to write down on college apps, SAT forms, standardized tests, medical forms, etc.... I'd let her write "Susan Smith" on her school papers if she wants too. This is the consequence of your Dh's actions, really, not yours... (imho)

I say just go ahead and let her use Name A if that's what she prefers. Don't put pressure on her either way. She will figure out what works for her as she grows.

Thank you to you two ladies. See, that was kind of what I was wondering about too. I guess, in a way it is OK, or reasonable to have it that way. It's funny in a way, but when DH and I talked about names after the fact (after it was really obvious nothing was going to get changed) we purposefully put my last name first because he acknowledged that it was likely that way that she wouldn't feel as uncomfortable growing up having his name messed up in class...that they could at least get my name right.

Though I do feel bad in a way, BUT you ladies are right. This would have been completely prevented with his following through with our original plan. So, in this case it sort of turned into an unintended consequence in a way.

We have a couple of extended family members who go by different names other than their given names, and they're quite used to just writing things differently on formal documents.

[azgirl]

Okay, so I grew up with both last names...my sister and I had both my parent's last names on our birth certificates. When my mom registered us for school she was told that only one name could be our last name on school records unless the two names were hyphenated. It's pretty easy to add a hyphen to a birth certificate (from another country BTW). So we went through school with hyphenated last names. It was always an issue/weird/complicated etc. but it really wasn't a big deal. Everyone always teased me about what I was going to do when I got married. Anyway, I dropped both names like a hot potato!! I kept my middle name and added my husband's last name. I revel in our shared family name. While I didn't mind the hassle/uniqueness of having a hyphenated last name...I have very sad, hurt and poignant feelings about missing out on having one last name for our whole family. It made my family seem less whole/complete/cohesive. I could not have articulated that as a child, but that is where any sadness about my name comes from. I could not wait to become a family with one last name.

My sister isn't married and sometime in high school started using only one name. I don't feel like she formally "picked" it. It is just the first last name and the one we were usually alphabetized under etc. Also, I think she identifies slightly with it because it is our more "ethnic" foreign name. Her credit report shows both, it doesn't seem to cause too many problems. She is a bit scattered and disorganized and it doesn't seem to matter. Her son has his dad's last name followed by her last name (the first one, the one she uses most often). It is hyphenated. In that situation, the two last names make so much sense to me (and her, obviously) because they aren't a family and my sister felt weird raising a kid with only his dad's name. So, in that case our history with two names helped her come up with a cool solution for that situation that I don't see too often. In my dad's culture, the second name is always the mother's name and it drops off in the next generation and is replaced by THAT mother's last name. So, only the father's name passes through the generations.

I think it would have been lovely for you to all have had name "C" but it seems too late for that now. You could just not worry about it or you could all change to your husbands name. The way I look at it, as long as your surname was acquired the traditional way, you are either going to be using your dad's name or your husband's dad's name. I am not surprised that your normally communicative husband "shuts down" .... names are really primal and symbolic and it is hard to put into words what we feel about them. I don't think I have ever told anyone how sad it made me not to have one family name....because it seems so disrespectful to be disparaging about the names my parents lovingly and carefully chose for me...

[Tigerchild]

2nd grade is often when emphasis on handwriting begins in many public schools.

Are you sure the real reason why DD doesn't want to write out her whole last name is because of the length? I helped in the classroom with writing time with 2nd graders last year, and almost everyone wanted the shortest name possible ("nicknaming" yourself the first two or three letters of your name was quite common) as avoidance.

If that's the case with DD, then I would sympathize but explain that as she gets more practice in, the easier it will become.

I would be real careful about projecting a bunch of emotions on this just yet. Your feelings are not hers, and vice versa. I'd ask about whether or not her hand is getting tired from writing first and last names on every dang piece of paper in class.

[crl]

DH and I kept our last names. But that was our agreement before we got married. For me personally, I don't care what the heck other people call themselves, I'm just not changing my name.

One thing that I noticed in your original post was that you would be bothered if your child wanted to drop your name, but your dh says he isn't. I get the impression you aren't quite sure whether to believe him? I can say with absolute certainty that dh is not attached to his last name or to our kids having his last name. He volunteered to change his name--I told him I didn't particularly want him to. He volunteered to have our kids have my last name--I told him I didn't care and that the grandparents would be happier if we used his. We're talking about naming No. 2 and I joked that some of the names we were considering sounded better with my last name. He instantly said, sure, let's use yours this time--I declined again. So, maybe your dh really doesn't care.

I understand why you still regret that the original agreement on names wasn't kept. I would be sad about that too. But I kind of think that train has left the station, especially since you've already named kids.

As far as your daughter goes, I would not change her last name legally. I would let her use which ever she wants "socially" and I would let her work out with her teachers what she is allowed to use at school for homework and such.

Catherine

[noobmom]

Ah names. We're the same as OP. I kept my short, easy-to-spell-and-pronounce (and un-google-able) last name, DH has unique, hard-to-spell last name. DS is hyphenated. Our thought is that if he ever wants to legally change to one last name or the other, that's his choice, once he's an adult. However, there's nothing wrong with using alternatives in non-legal settings. People do it all the time with first names. As long as you're not conspiring to commit fraud, you can pretty much use whatever name you like without changing it legally. I've even cashed checks written to "Myfirstname DH'slastname"--a person who doesn't exist (my mom forgot I hadn't changed my last name early in my marriage).

We rarely have problems with having three different last names in our family--in fact, I've never had to show marriage or birth certificates for anything short of getting a passport.

I guess I don't really have any advice, except to say that maybe if you could just let go of all reasons you ended up wit this particular solution, you'd find it's really not a terrible one after all.

[Ellien C]

Originally Posted by phatchristy

Any thoughts on strategies to resolve my personal feelings? Obviously I still feel strongly about it if it bothers me 15 years later. I really want to get some other perspectives.

So what's the real issue here? Do you regret not changing your name to his when you first got married? Do you regret that the kids have a long hyphenated last name, that the "family" has 3 different last names?

I kept my name and DH kept his. We were both in agreement that neither of us liked hyphenated last names. He was pretty adamant that the kids have his last name and I was pretty adamant that I was keeping my name. Our daughter has his last name since that was important to him. I thought we might have more kids and I could maybe sneak mine onto one of them eventually, but it looks like we'll just have 2. (number 2 still to be born...).

DH would have preferred I take his name, but it was a non-started. I never considered changing my name. I think over the years he's gotten used to it. We've started to meet more people with different last names.

It's not too late - you could still hyphenate your last name or change it all together to his and put the kids under one name.

I did know 2 separate couples (oh 3 actually) who created entirely new last names. One was a same sex couple and chose "Strongheart." Another couple had to wait at least 5 years until they had enough money to both pay to change their names.