Did anyone just NOT tell certain family/friends?

[SuzyLee]

Grrr..... I am 19 weeks and planning a HB. I am also seeing my FP doc for concurrent care since I had preterm issues with DS and may end up having to have a hosp. birth because of that. Plus my FP doc is awesome and does a lot of homebirth backup.

So.... most/all of my friends know about the homebirth. The IL's know- they probably totally disapprove but since I don't really care what they think, it doesn't bother me.

I am thinking about just not telling my mom. She is not a fan of homebirth. I think I could convince her (she read some cosleeping literature tha my doula left at our house and is a total convert, lol) but I just don't even want to deal with it.

Then there are some very close family friends who are like an aunt and uncle to me, and their duaghter is a close friend of mine. They are 100% completely, never going to be swayed, truly beleive that HB is dangerous and should be illegal. I just don't even want to go there with them. So far I have just lied by omission and mentioned Dr. appts but not midwife.

Keeping it a secret only is going to work for so long, though. Eventually I will have the baby and they will want to hear about the birth. Ug. I hate confrontation, can you tell?

[JenChaffee]

I mentioned it to my mother and some of my friends when I was still in the considering phase. They reacted so badly, that I now simply omit pieces of info when talking with them.

I am doing parallel care with CNMs and OBs as I am considered high-risk with twins. I plan to do HB with a CPM. I tell them about appointments with midwives, but never specify which one, and no longer mention HB. I feel like kind of a weenie for not standing up for myself and advocating HB, but I think that the last thing I need right now is the anxiety that would come about from being pestered about the dangers of HB.

If I suddenly feel inspired, maybe I will fill them in. I expect that I will not end up feeling so inspired until I actually give birth. Yes, they will probably be sad that I kept something so significant from them, but I will deal with that hurdle when it comes!

[Emmeline II]

Originally Posted by SuzyLee

Keeping it a secret only is going to work for so long, though. Eventually I will have the baby and they will want to hear about the birth. Ug. I hate confrontation, can you tell?

After the birth tell them, and if the appear to want to make a peep tell them that if they have anything negative to say that you do not want to hear it--and keep a supportive person close to run interference.

There is a chance that they will choose to keep quiet once it has already happened.

[Lineymom]

I told my parents around 28-30 weeks (I am 35 weeks). We are planning on telling the in-laws after I get the GBS test and confirm the baby is staying head-down etc, as they are our neighbors and will be our childcare (I'm not having the kids here for the actually birth, but want them here soon afterward.)

Everyone esle, my brother, my husband's siblings, my grandparents, will find out after it happens. I don't need the pressure.

[Fly Girl]

I told my dad and my brothers because I knew they would be supportive. I didn't tell my mom, grandma, aunt, and cousins because I knew they would think I was out of my mind. But my dad let it slip to my mom who told the whole lot of them. Weirdly though, not one of them mentioned it to me. And even now, a year after DD's birth they still won't talk to be about it. I would have told them about my homebirth after the fact but it wasn't needed.

[DCMama01]

I initially withheld the home birth part and let some assume that I was going to the hospital. But I didn't like how that felt and felt like people should get used to hearing about home birth so that it isn't so weird and crazy to them. Now with that comes family members who think my mom should talk me out of it or people who think I'm not considering safety, but oh well.

[wbg]

We did not tell most people. Mainly because, I knew that my parents and in laws would be so worried, no matter how well intentioned, and I did not want them putting any negative energy surrounding our birth into the universe! We told the 2 people who were to be involved in child care who we knew would be supportive. It was tricky with my older kids, but what we did was say that if we could we would try have baby at home but that it was going to be a big surprise. They were so excited to be involved in the big secret! Then whoever asked we always referred to our back up OB and back up hospital. Including the older kids. We wanted the option of a transfer to not seem intimidating to them so it worked for us. After the fact, we told people. My parents were intrigued. MIL actually thanked me as she said she would have been a nervous wreck. We had a water birth and she is afraid of water! Plus she still believes doctors are ALWAYS right! When they pressed us, we said that we did not tell people as we wanted it to be our special and intimate journey. No one was offended that we did not tell them and no one shared their birthing horror stories as when they are looking at a healthy baby and Mama it all seems a bit pointless!

[SelenaJean]

We're not telling certain family members because we know they will not be supportive at all. I just do not want to deal with negative opinions and horror stories. We plan on waiting to call them after the baby is born instead of when I'm in labor.

[emnic77]

I'll likely tell my parents because they're supportive of homebirth (my mother used to assist) and I"ll tell my close friends, but honestly beyond that I don't consider it anyone's business. I suppose if asked I wouldn't lie, but I don't see the point in just telling people "just because" either. I know my in-laws wouldn't be supportive, and I don't have the time or patience or desire to "discuss" it with them, and again, the bottom line to me is that I just don't see how it's their business.

[sunflowergrrl]

We did not tell ANY family,and only told a few friends - ones who had or were planning a homebirth. Like other people said, I knew most family and friends would have concerns and I just didn't want any negative vibes around me. It was so exciting to tell them after the baby was born! I also typed up an e-mail that explained our entire decision to homebirth for them to read after the baby was born.