feel like a failure

[saffrongirl]

I'm having such a hard day. First, I woke up to snow, snow, snow. I don't do well with cold weather and this was so demoralizing. Then I took baby to her two week appt. She weighed 7lb, 12oz when she was born and at one week old she was 7lb, 9oz. We really expected to see her gain at this appt. She latches really well and sucks very well for about 15 minutes until she sort of half-heartedly sucks. She is definitely getting milk but apparently not enough because her weight today was still 7,9. I just feel like such a failure. I've been crying all morning. I'm adding fenugreek and alfalfa but I just feel so sad.

Can someone tell me they've experienced a happy ending to this? My midwife said I need to eat more, drink more and do less.

I don't know. Everything seems so bleak right now.

[Pepper44]

Originally Posted by saffrongirl

I'm having such a hard day. First, I woke up to snow, snow, snow. I don't do well with cold weather and this was so demoralizing. Then I took baby to her two week appt. She weighed 7lb, 12oz when she was born and at one week old she was 7lb, 9oz. We really expected to see her gain at this appt. She latches really well and sucks very well for about 15 minutes until she sort of half-heartedly sucks. She is definitely getting milk but apparently not enough because her weight today was still 7,9. I just feel like such a failure. I've been crying all morning. I'm adding fenugreek and alfalfa but I just feel so sad.

Can someone tell me they've experienced a happy ending to this? My midwife said I need to eat more, drink more and do less.

I don't know. Everything seems so bleak right now.

Not from your DDC, but just jumping in to say that the first month or so of having a new baby can be so hard. You aren't a failure! Is it possible that your DD is not getting enough hind milk, if she only sucks for 15 minutes? Have you looked into block feeding?

Breastfeeding is wonderful for you new babe, so you are doing something wonderful for her! If you haven't already, call a local LLL leader. They will help you for free and give wonderful advice. I struggled with nursing for the first 6 weeks of my DD's life. I know how emotional and stressful it can be.

[confustication]

It took DS 1 almost 2 months to regain to birthweight. At 4 months he was 15 lbs.

Just try to relax and nurse whenever possible. Also, look into doing some weights before and after nursing to see how much milk is being transferred when she eats... you can either rent a scale, or find an accomodating pediatrician who will allow you to do a 'before' weight and an 'after' weight while you nurse somewhere comfortable. Many lactation consultants will also be able to help you with this.

With my last nursling I added fenugreek tea and a half a dark beer in the evening- it made a big difference. This time, I have HUGE oversupply issues, so I'm not touching the tea.

Other things I've found to impact the quality and quantity of my milk are how many calories I need (it's a lot!) and I have to eat a fair amount of fat- olive oil and butter are favorites, along with avacado. Yes, it makes losing the last few pounds tough, but baby and I are far healthier.

[2boyzmama]

Oh mama, you're not a failure!!! A few things might be happening...

First of all, was it the same scale as last week? Scales can differ by a few ounces, and really, 3 ounces isn't much at all!!

Did she just poop? One good squirt can weigh a few ounces, so if she hadn't pooped last week, and did poop right before being weighed this week, that could be a difference!

What about eating? Last week had she just eaten before being weighed? This week had it been an hour or two (or three even?) Because that can change a weight, too!!

Now all of that aside, some babies take a little longer to get back to birth weight, and that can be normal. How's her output? Is she peeing? Is she pooping mustard-looking poop? Is it green at all? Green poop can be a sign of a foremilk/hindmilk imbalance. Not enough poops or pees in a day could be a sign that she's not taking in enough. NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT!!! It takes a while to get into the groove of the breastfeeding relationship!!!

Try the teas, they can't hurt any. Pay attention to your diet, are you eating? (it can be easy to forget to eat!) Are you drinking to thirst? Don't push too much fluids, there's no need to drink 100 oz a day, just drink to thirst. You can also try pumping after she feeds, see if you get much. If you do, and if it's watery-looking, then she's not staying on long enough to get hind milk. So work on waking her...when she comes off, change her diaper and play with her a little, then put her back on the same breast again. If she stops sucking, tickle her feet, play with her chin, see if you can get her interested in sucking again.

My second took 4 weeks to get back to birthweight, then was an incredibly slow gainer after that, but he had some serious health issues that complicated things. It's unlikely that your little one has anything "wrong" with her, but do pay attention to her, how she sucks/swallows, how she breathes, whether she has alert periods from time to time, etc.

Most of all, just relax, and enjoy your baby! I udnerstand how you're feeling, I sat awake at night crying trying to feed my second, the feeling of failure was horrible, HORRIBLE!! Especially since my first had been such a great feeder, so robust, so healthy, hit every milestone way early...then to have a failure to thrive baby made me think that something was wrong with me!!! But we eventually figured it out...his drs said there was no way he'd be able to feed at the breast, but he did!! And your daughter will continue to, too!!

[2boyzmama]

Oh, and have someone knowledgeable check her tongue!!! I can't tell you how many tongue-tied babies I've seen in LLL! A poor mom calls in desperation because everything seems fine, then suddenly baby stops gaining and her supply drops off, and many times it's been a tongue tie that prevents the baby from transferring milk sufficiently. Once the tie is clipped, mom and baby both feel so much better, and weight gain usually picks up quickly. Some tongue ties are hard to diagnose, so call your local LLL to ask for referrals to local dentists that know what they're looking for. Some will even do consults for free!!

[saffrongirl]

Originally Posted by 2boyzmama

Oh, and have someone knowledgeable check her tongue!!! I can't tell you how many tongue-tied babies I've seen in LLL! A poor mom calls in desperation because everything seems fine, then suddenly baby stops gaining and her supply drops off, and many times it's been a tongue tie that prevents the baby from transferring milk sufficiently. Once the tie is clipped, mom and baby both feel so much better, and weight gain usually picks up quickly. Some tongue ties are hard to diagnose, so call your local LLL to ask for referrals to local dentists that know what they're looking for. Some will even do consults for free!!

What would this "look" like? My midwife who is a LLL person has seen her breastfeed and said her latch looks good. I think she's just not nursing long enough at a time to get hindmilk. She's gung-ho for 15 min or so and then sort of peeters out - just sucking to pacify. I've changed her to wake her then and tickled her, etc. It doesn't seem to change things. But when she's awake she's not lethargic and is fairly alert - not acting hungry I mean. I don't know; I'm rambling. I just feel sort of desperate.

[Pepper44]

It's totally normal to feel desperate, don't worry. I felt the same way when my DD refused to latch on.

If you think she's not getting enough hind milk try nursing her on one breast for a 3 hour block, then during the next 3 hours nurse her only on the opposite breast, and so on. That way she'll get the fore milk the first time she nurses for 15 minutes, then the next time she nurses the hind milk will be right there...

[2boyzmama]

Originally Posted by saffrongirl

What would this "look" like? My midwife who is a LLL person has seen her breastfeed and said her latch looks good. I think she's just not nursing long enough at a time to get hindmilk. She's gung-ho for 15 min or so and then sort of peeters out - just sucking to pacify. I've changed her to wake her then and tickled her, etc. It doesn't seem to change things. But when she's awake she's not lethargic and is fairly alert - not acting hungry I mean. I don't know; I'm rambling. I just feel sort of desperate.

Some ties you can see...when she pushes her tongue out, is it flat or heart-shaped? You can probably google "tongue tie" and see some images. She should be able to extend her tongue past her lower lip, AND move it fully side to side, and up and down. Test on yourself...open your mouth as far as you can, THEN try to touch the roof of your mouth. Can you touch it without having to close your jaw? If you have to close your jaw much, you may have a slight tie. It's hard to see some of the ties, which is why a good dentist might be required.

[mamamia10]

Originally Posted by saffrongirl

I'm having such a hard day. First, I woke up to snow, snow, snow. I don't do well with cold weather and this was so demoralizing. Then I took baby to her two week appt. She weighed 7lb, 12oz when she was born and at one week old she was 7lb, 9oz. We really expected to see her gain at this appt. She latches really well and sucks very well for about 15 minutes until she sort of half-heartedly sucks. She is definitely getting milk but apparently not enough because her weight today was still 7,9. I just feel like such a failure. I've been crying all morning. I'm adding fenugreek and alfalfa but I just feel so sad.

Can someone tell me they've experienced a happy ending to this? My midwife said I need to eat more, drink more and do less.

I don't know. Everything seems so bleak right now.

nak
agree with pp....and adding on 1 handed

first of all I like your MW advice....next you are doing great!!

ask for a specialist in posterior tongue tie...that may be what is going on

also try a guiness...great for increasing milk supply and minimizing nerves

[saffrongirl]

Thank you everyone. Another question: how long *should* a baby nurse to be getting sufficient hindmilk? I never had these issues with my first dd but I can't remember how long she would nurse in a sitting.

[rebeccajm]

Originally Posted by saffrongirl

Thank you everyone. Another question: how long *should* a baby nurse to be getting sufficient hindmilk? I never had these issues with my first dd but I can't remember how long she would nurse in a sitting.

It's different for every baby. DS2 nurses much more quickly than DS1 did. He usually gulps it all down in 10-15 minutes! I feed him on one side at a time. In my hospital, they tell you to feed 15-20 minutes on each side per feeding, but he has never been able to go that long, simply because he eats so fast. If I feel like there is still some hind milk on the last side he fed on, I'll let him feed on that side for a few more minutes before switching to the other side. I can tell if the breast isn't completely empty, and you will learn to tell with time. Sorry that's probably not much help. It's such an individual thing, so it's hard to put a number to it, yk?

[MichelleAnnette]

nak
As long as baby regains birth weight by 10-14 days, weight gain is not a problem. Both my babies took longer than 7 days to regain birth weight and neither had any trouble nursing. Baby should have 6-8 wet cloth diapers/5-6 disposables per day. That is a good sign baby is getting enough. Nursing for "only" 15 min is normal for some babies. My ds nursed for just a few min - he was efficient. Dd nurses all the time. Babies are all different.

[saffrongirl]

You ladies are all so great! I'm thinking of calling another LLL person and seeing what they think. I've basically been nursing dd non-stop since yesterday, in the three-hour block pattern. I think she's been spitting up more now though - perhaps she's full and I'm just feeding her out of my own paranoia??

I am just feeling so worked up about this and trying to get some perspective. She has been weighed on three different scales - one after birth and then the midwife's portable one at the one week appt and then her scale in the office yesterday. It just seems like there could be so many variables that could change things an ounce here or there.

Anyway, I'm doing the fenugreek and alfalfa. Drinking tons of water and doing the three-hour block thing. I *maybe* feel more full but not engorged. DD continues to have 6-8 wet/poopy diapers per day (probably more even) and doesn't seem lethargic or anything. I dunno...rambling again.

[2boyzmama]

Originally Posted by saffrongirl

You ladies are all so great! I'm thinking of calling another LLL person and seeing what they think. I've basically been nursing dd non-stop since yesterday, in the three-hour block pattern. I think she's been spitting up more now though - perhaps she's full and I'm just feeding her out of my own paranoia??

I am just feeling so worked up about this and trying to get some perspective. She has been weighed on three different scales - one after birth and then the midwife's portable one at the one week appt and then her scale in the office yesterday. It just seems like there could be so many variables that could change things an ounce here or there.

Anyway, I'm doing the fenugreek and alfalfa. Drinking tons of water and doing the three-hour block thing. I *maybe* feel more full but not engorged. DD continues to have 6-8 wet/poopy diapers per day (probably more even) and doesn't seem lethargic or anything. I dunno...rambling again.

I think it sounds like you're doing it all "right", I bet either there was scale variance, or other variables I listed above, and maybe she's just a petite slow gainer. not every baby will gain an ounce a day! watch the other signs like output, behavior, etc. you're doing great!!

[ElliesMomma]

hi, i just wanted to chime in here b/c i have another slow gainer. he is just over a month old, has regained his birthweight and then some (about 5 ounces over). he has also grown an inch and three quarters in length, and head circumfrence (sp) is increasing. according to my doctor, as well as things i've read on kellymom, the baby's growth will go first to head/brain growth, then to length, then to weight. so falling short on weight is not the worst, when head and length are growing.

i like your advice to eat more, drink more and do less. i was probably guilty of doing the opposite of all three. i just wasn't hungry! also had a hard time refilling my ice water, as we have the old fashioned ice trays and you kinda need to hands, which i didn't have often. also i did too much out of the house b/c i also have a three year old.

so i am redoubling my efforts to eat better, keep my water cup filled and stay home. i am already seeing results in that my DS is sleeping more. (this was also part of our earlier problem, i think. he wasn't sleeping well through the noise his sister created. we are working on that, too.)

also you mentioned reflux. my baby has some degree of that too. i was probably overfeeding him. i am making more of an effort to hold him upright after feedings and be patient for his burps. the burps sometimes take 10 to 15 minutes to come. he really struggles/squirms around waiting for them, and is so relieved when they come.

overall though he looks like he's thriving. when he's awake, he is very alert. he holds his head up, moves his arms and legs, looks around, always turns his head toward his sister when she comes to see him (which is very often). and his wet/poopy diaper count is higher than what's "expected."

some kids are just slow gainers, i think.

two more things i would note, just to make you feel better (potentially-- i hope it helps):

1) i have my husband's baby book and his mother kept good notes. he was 6 pounds 8 ounces at birth, then dropped each of the next weeks, to a low of 6 pounds, and was 6 pounds 9 and 1/4 ounces at week four. so being a slow gainer could be genetic.

2) my college roommate, who has nine kids, and the youngest is 3 months old, visited this weekend. her new baby, is also a slow gainer, and took two months to regain her birth weight. my friend said slow gaining has been the case for four of her nine kids. and you should see them all today, quite tall, normal weight, healthy looking (quite a brood. they were all in my house. yipes! my daughter seemed so quiet all of a sudden when they left, but i digress).

keep us updated on your baby's growth! and thanks for posting.

[saffrongirl]

Well I went to see my doc and she was SO encouraging. She said dd looks really good and that I should trust my instincts. We then weighed dd and she was at 7 lb, 13 oz!! Woot! So she's an oz above birth weight. Then I fed her and she was 8 lb, 2 oz after eating for 10 minutes. She did have a diaper and onesie on the second time I weighed her but I don't think they weighed the whole difference so she must be taking something in.

I just feel such a weight off. I'm going to keep on like I have been. We'll weigh her again on friday and whenever I want at the doc's office. Hopefully she'll just keep gaining. Doc wants to see a half ounce to an ounce per day gained.

We also saw the chiropractor (baby and myself) and she was really great too. She checked dd's latch and said that looked pretty good as far as her anatomy is concerned (jaw, tongue, etc.). She also did some cool craniosacral work on dd and that was really neat to see.

Anyway, hopefully she'll have gained again on Friday and things will be looking up. Btw, how much *should* she eat per feeding ounce-wise at 15 days old? I'm sure it varies per child but in general what do they eat?

[skydancer]

Just catching up with this...sorry you have had such frustrated and discouraged feelings, but I'm glad things seem to be working out well. Your little one sounds like she is doing just fine and you are doing a great job sticking with bf and finding solutions to make it work for both of you!