Vent, would this bother you?

[Lineymom]

I will be 36 weeks on Thurs and am planning a homebirth. Our money is really tight and the HB midwife has been beyond understanding of this. We have only seen her twice as I am seeing the CNM who delivered my 1st 2 dc for all my prenatals (had to get on medicaid--its free). Our plan was for her to take over care after the GBS test at 36weeks which I get on Wed. She is 2.5hrs from me and does not want to meet until the week of the 26th-30th (I will be 38 weeks on that Thurs) and that is at another patient's home halfway between us and the midwife. She is supposed to be giving me the pool etc at that time. So no more home visits (she did come at 30 weeks, the other time we just met in a park).

I really like her a lot and was really comfortable with her. I am getting really nervous, though. I am nervous about not really getting to know her as well as I should before the birth, but mostly about delivering before everything is settled. I have been having prodromal labor for the last almost two weeks now with the last several days being pretty rough. I don't want to go into labor now, but after 37 weeks, definitely. I have had big babies and this one is getting huge, too. I have really strong vibes about Oct 27th which is 2 days before I am 38 weeks. I would feel weird calling her in labor before at least one more visit with her and I really don't want to labor without the pool. However we are so bad off financially and we have not actually paid her a penny yet, so I don't feel like I can say anything about it, you know.

I think I should just give up and go the hospital route, but it just totally breaks my heart to think about it.

[wbg]

I think you should talk to her about how you feel. Your post is honest and heartfelt and maybe you can express your fears and concerns and she will help put your mind at ease.
It is wonderful that she is being understanding and flexible about your finances and as long as you can honestly say that you will be following through on your financial commitments to her, then I do not think that you should be scared to ask her for more support just because you have not yet paid her.
As your midwife, I am sure she will want to ensure you feel comfortable and empowered and supported going forward with your birthing journey.
Call her. Or write her an email. Give her a chance to respond to your concerns.
And all the best with your birth experience.

[Kidzaplenty]

I agree with PP, give her a chance. Explain how you are feeling before giving up on her and going the hospital route.

[Astraia]

Sometimes the initial connection you feel can go a long, long way. Additional visits might make you feel more comfortable, yes, but if you got all the right vibes and felt settled with her then they could just be icing on the cake.

If she's hesitant about driving all that way to see you, could you arrange to drive up to see her? Just have a chat, go for a latte- whatever?

I think that telling her you're thinking about not having a HB because you're not sure you'd be comfortable with her there is definitely worth it- I agree with all the PP's.

But I also think that giving up on your dream of a homebirth because you can't meet her more frequently isn't necc. the right route.

I might be biased though- I had my prenatals with a team of midwives (2 main midwives that rotate on-call weeks, and 2 back up midwives to come and second). The main MW I hadn't seen for about 4 months and the second one I had never even met.

Everything went basically fine. I ignored the second one (who didn't show up until the very end anyway) and the first one I got along with well enough on our first 2 meetings so I didn't give it another thought.

Even with those couple of meetings with her, I knew her better then I know my current OB for this pregnancy and I've seen him several times now!

[kathan12904]

Definitely talk as candidly as you can with your midwife. The more comfortable and up front you make your relationship, the more likely you will have that connection and compatibility. Nobody who works in the homebirth field is a stranger to not getting paid, but what is much worse than that is people who ignore the issue or underplay it. I'd suggest you call her and express your concerns. Invite her over to your house at an earlier time for dinner, or suggest that you and your family could do a pot luck at her house if the drive is the biggest issue. Be appreciative of her time, but make sure she understands how important this is to you. I'd also suggest having some amount of money to pay her as soon as you can. Even if it is only a little bit of cash, it serves as a reminder that you are going to pay her and do value her services. As far as switching to a hospital over this, that will have to be something you follow your gut on, but remember that if you go there, you can be sure to be attended by both doctors and nurses whom you do not know at all and have no rapport with and they may or may not have a pool available for you either.

[Lineymom]

I am feeling better about it now after talking to DH and going ahead and emailing her about it. Well, not directly about it, but I did express that I was concerned about the "what if" of going into labor before I see her again and she just replied simply that it was fine after 36 weeks and to call her, so that is what I will do and try not to stress about it. It would be worth it to have the baby before I get to see her again (around 38 wks) and not have the pool!

It is really just all the stress about money that makes me think of giving up on the idea of HB and going to the hospital, not the not getting to know her so much.