How do you "not" do Santa?

[Pumpkin_Pie]

So, DS is 2.5, and I really would like to not do Santa with him. I remember being devastated by the whole thing, and I would prefer not to lie to him. I get that some people are not terribly torn apart when they learn that Santa is not real, but for the sake of this thread, I would prefer to talk about the actual logistics of not doing the whole Santa myth.

Here is what I want to keep: I want DS to go to sleep on Christmas Eve knowing gifts will be in his stocking on Christmas morning and under the tree as well. I also want him to experience some of the wonder of going to sleep and not really knowing when or how they got there. As in, he never hears me putting them out.

How do I realistically do it? I keep finding things with Santa on it, and when he asks who it is, I just say, "That is Santa" with no further explanation. What do you do when people tell your very young child who is just starting to understand things that Santa is coming? I don't want to make a big deal, and I also don't want him spilling the beans for any other kids, but I also don't want him thinking some guy is coming into our house in the middle of the night.

I just can't quite wrap my brain around how it will all work out this year, and for the next couple of years when he is really at the age when "Santa" is the most magical.

[rainyday]

We just never talked about gifts being from Santa. When Ds saw Santas around town, we'd say that it was someone dressed up like Santa. I suppose that at some point probably just explained that some people like to pretend that Santa comes to people's houses and delivers presents. Honestly, it's just never been an issue with our ds.

We did ask him to not tell other kids that Santa isn't real because we didn't want out child spilling the beans; luckily, with our child, that worked out just fine. He was happy to feel that he was in on a special secret, I think.

I think Christmas is pretty magical even without believing in Santa - family, presents, lights, special decorations, special foods!

[_betsy_]

My mom never made Santa a big deal. We knew the stories/origins of the idea, and who the big guy in the red suit was, but we were never threatened with him like SIL does to her kids (In JUNE: You better be good, Santa's watching!), and while we got a gift "from Santa" it was in the same wrapping paper as everything else, Mom's handwriting, etc. No attempt to hide who it was really from, and it was never the big, most expensive, most sought-after gift, either.

For my kids, I plan to do what my parents did, mostly. Mom was big on the idea that Santa was the personalization, the embodiment of the Christmas Spirit, of giving to others, of the magic of the season, etc.

[Asparagus78]

Coming at this from the other side of the coin, I guess... Growing up, we never did Santa - presents just "showed" up (none of that "you'd better be good" stuff either...). I didn't understand how anyone else could believe in Santa, but I was also jealous of how "magical" it all seemed. I truly felt like I was missing out on something. Fast forward 20-some years, and I now have to decide what to tell my son. At first, both DH and I decided to be honest, but guess what? He doesn't believe us!!!! He believes his big cousin (5) who told him all about Santa last year (when he was 2 - didn't think he would understand...) Now, he's already talking about when Santa will come, and how he'll make cookies for the reindeer (the neighbour's kids were harvesting their special reindeer carrots last month...). So I'm at a loss... Sorry for not being any more helpful, but I'm really interested in what others will have to say. Good luck!

[ellah]

Interesting. I also wish I could avoid all the Santa stuff if we have kids but I wouldn't know where to begin since they would see it everywhere, and I'm sure the grandparents wouldn't comply. Also I wondered how anyone who doesn't do Santa keeps their kids from spoiling it from others in school. I wouldn't want my kid to be the one to ruin anything for anyone else.

[jewelsJZ]

My parents didn't do the Santa thing with us when we were kids because my dad played Santa at a local Dept. store every year! For us, it was like we were in on a special secret. I don't remember my parents telling us not to tell other kids but I don't think we did.
It was still exciting and wonderful and magical to wake up on Christmas morning and get presents in our stockings and under the tree. I never felt like I missed out on anything. The focus of Christmas was being with family, sharing gifts, eating special food.
Dh and I decided to do the Santa thing with our kids but I hate the whole, "He's watching you, so be good." We don't say that but my oldest has heard it at school or from other adults and when he asks me about it, I just say, "Some people believe that Santa can see you all the time but I don't think that's true. You can choose what to think about it." He's decided it's not true because the North Pole is very far away so how can he see us all the way where we live? Works for me. He's a smart little bugger, though, so I'm sure we only have another year or two before he figures it out and he is definitely one who will tell his younger siblings the truth. Frankly it will be a relief to me because it is a lot of work keeping up this farce and I think my parents were onto something.

[LianneM]

We told DS the story of Santa last year, and told him that it's a fun thing some people like to pretend, etc. When he flat-out asked me if Santa was bringing presents, I said no, there would be presents from us and other family members, etc.

Several times it's come up (you can't avoid seeing pics of Santa ) and he insists Santa is coming with presents, how will he get in since we don't have a chimney? etc. I've repeated that it's a pretend story, and he tells me I'm wrong.

:

He will even pick up toys that we gave him for Christmas last year as "proof" that Santa came. I told him they were from us, but he says no, I'm wrong.

So, for whatever that's worth we'll just keep being honest and if he wants to pretend Santa is coming.. whatever I guess

[4evermom]

We never did Santa growing up and haven't done it with ds. We're quite happy with it (never felt we were missing out) though I did have one brother who believed anyway for a while, lol. Dh was pretty devastated to find out that there was no Santa. His mom went to great lengths! I did have to tell MIL we weren't doing it but that became a non issue since she fell out of our lives when ds was 2 1/2.

Ds might have asked where the presents come from and I probably said different people (friends/relatives) brought them or sent them. He might have asked who that guy in red was and I probably said someone dressed up like Santa. He wasn't the kind of kid to believe in Santa, anyway. It wouldn't have made sense to him that a man would fit down the chimney or fly around with deers, even when he was 2 or 3.

I'm SO glad we don't do Santa. It is so much less stress. I don't need to sneak out of bed in the middle of the night to put presents under the tree. Ds surely would have woken up (velcro kid at night). I don't need to hide the special wrapping paper. I don't have to be careful of what I say or field questions. Never having picked up the "answers" when I was young, they don't come easily.

I don't think the spoiling it for other kids is even an issue. Even if it does come up (once in all ds' 7 Christmases did he say something to another kid who it turned out had never celebrated Christmas), another child is going to believe their parents over some random kid. If they believe, they aren't going to stop because one kid said so unless they already had developed doubts.

[philomom]

We don't celebrate xmas. I told the kids he was a "story person" at other folk's homes. They never spoiled the secret for anyone.

We do a big Soup and Solstice party for friends on the winter solstice. On xmas.... we have a hike if the weather is nice and eat out Chinese food or see a movie. I love the quiet.

[Pumpkin_Pie]

Great ideas! I definitely still want the anticipation of presents appearing under the tree on Christmas morning, so I am definitely going to keep that part of it. I think I will just play it by ear and if he asks me where the presents came from, I will just ask him where he thinks they came from and if he presses me, I will tell him that I put them there after he went to sleep.

[PlayaMama]

we don't do santa.

my ds doesn't believe us either

we always do a 12 days before solstice celebration, where we do a different activity for each day and light a candle in our celebration ring. we'll see how it goes this year now that he's old enough to really understand that mommy and daddy bring the toys.

[lilyka]

my kids have always just thought of Santa as a story book character. They still do not see presents or anything until they all magically appear at once. I mean they know we put them there but its still a huge surprise when they see all the shiny paper and ribbons and such. We have never been able to have a big fun Christmas morning because of my ex husbands family obligations and now custody BS but its still pretty fun.

We do stockings which they know is a santa thing but they also know it is just all make believe. They are kids, they don't mind playing make believe

[mamadelbosque]

We never 'did' santa as a kid but xmas was still a blast and awesome. We always knew who the presents were from (mom & dad mostly, as well as grandpa & grandma's, aunts & uncles), but it was still a thrilling morning/day... I distinctly remember plotting with my brother starting ~11pm the night before on how early we could convince mom & dad to let us open presents this year... 4 am? Maybe if we start bugging them at 1am they'll give in by 3am???

As for how we're going to 'not do' santa this year... we're just never going to pretend he's real and put out cookies and all that crap. Just say its a nice story. Just like The Wild Things, Winnie the Pooh & Curious George, and name who what presents are from - 'this ones from mommy & daddy, this ones from grandpa and grandma' etc.

[cappuccinosmom]

We told them from the beginning that "Santa" is a game some families like to play at Christmas. I told them about the legend of St. Nicholas, and that people have enjoyed making believe that "Santa" comes to bring them presents, but that it is a nice story rather than a reality.

I also made sure to tell them that we don't want to spoil the fun if other families play the game, so we don't go around telling people that "Santa isn't real".

[Peony]

We don't do Santa but do X-Mas. On X-Mas Eve after kids go to bed, DH and I fill stockings and put presents under the tree. We've never said they were from us but DD1 didn't know Santa was something kids believed in until she was 4 or 5 so I'm guessing she always thought they came from us. He was just a cartoon character to her.

Once she was 4 or 5, I started talking to her about how some children believe Santa is real and go into the whole gift thing and that we don't talk about Santa not being real with other kids. Last year she asked if the tooth fairy was along the same lines, I said yes.

We still read Santa books, watch movies, talk about the story, etc... X-Mas is still a wonderful time of year. I like not having the pressure, having to worry about messing up something. DH and I also both found out that Santa was not real in not so great ways so we never wanted to do the same with our kiddos.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

We buy the gifts, wrap them then put them under the tree sometimes up to a week or more before Christmas so the kids have always known we get them. As for Santa I have told mine from very early on that santa has nothing to do with gifts they get. I want my kids to know where the gifts came from and appreciate that we got them. We also open gifts on Christmas eve night not Christmas morning because this is how I did it growing up and it gave us kids all night to play with the new toys since we also had no bed time then The fun me and my brother used to have

In your case you want to put the gifts out Christmas eve night for him to see in the morning without him knowing who put them there. At his age just simply saying "oh my look what at this and leave it at that". I doubt that he will ask how they got there for a few more years yet.

[SweetPotato]

My dd has tended to be quite shy around new adults- especially men and epecially older men. Last year (she had just turned 3) I asked her if she wanted to "play Santa" and pretend that he was coming and bringing presents, etc. and she said NO WAY. Some mom at the mal asked her if Santa was coming and dd said "No-- I'm not a big fan" LOL!! This year she is VERY into make-believe-- I think we spend more time being other people than we do being ourselves- so I'm fairly sure that she'll be excited about "playing Santa"- and I trust her imagination to make up for whatever magic we don't push on her. I do a lot of askng "do you want to pretend Santa is coming to our house? Would that be fun? What do you think he might bring?, etc. Dh and I are both atheists and scientists and not at all into the idea of teaching her to believe in things that experience does not show her to be true-- but we also want her to be free to explore and pretend and have fun and decide forherself what seems reasonable. That said, we definitely need to have the talk this year about how some other kids very much believe that it's true and not just pretend-- she is a talker and rather enjoys sharing her knowledge with anyone willing to listen!

[BetsyS]

We did Santa growing up, until I was about 8 or so. Christmas was still good after I found out the truth.

For our children, we've chosen to just downplay Santa. We'll answer questions about it, get their picture made with him, but he's just another character out there, like Curious George or Mickey Mouse. On some level, I think they know that Curious George isn't really real, and on some level, I think they know Santa isn't real.

[jlobe]

Hi...

We tell Christmas stories from around the world. Santa comes from Saint Nicholas (which is a much better Christmas story than Santa). They are all magical stories and we enjoy them as stories. For Christmas, my kids get/give presents ( I don't want them just getting). DD(5) and DS(3) open a gift Christmas Eve (pajama's) and then the next morning open more. They are as excited as I was about Santa and I don't feel it's been an issue. I'm more concerned about her not ruining it for other kids, but I don't stress about that too much either. I mean, they are going to figure it out at one point.

[KristyDi]

The Santa discussion has been the most tension filled one between my DH and I so far. I loved the traditions surrounding Santa growing up and my family still continues them. My parents still play Santa and put out presents and fill stockings on Christmas Eve even though my youngest brother is 24. I wanted to preserve these type of fun traditions while still honoring my DH's need to be honest w/ our kids about Santa.

Our DD will only be 21 months old this Christmas so not really old enough yet, but our future plan is to "play Santa." Once each kid in my family found out that mom and dad were Santa we got to help put out presents and that was lots of fun. I'd like to get DD in on the action by allowing her to play Santa for me and DH (we can each help her choose and set out presents for each other). When future kids come each sibling can play santa for the others or maybe we'll draw numbers so you only play santa for one other family member. While mom and dad play santa for all the kids. That's the current plan anyway, we'll see what happens. This way also allows my dad, who LOVES Christmas and playing Santa to keep doing so for his grandkids if we ever spend Christmas morning there.