Wellbutrin, BF & Guilt

[sharkysmom]

A little history, I have suffered from major depression since I was about 11, I am now 32. I have always rejected/hated the idea of being on meds. I self medicated for years with drugs and alcohol(because that really helps) but now have been sober for over two years. I was on Paxil when I got preg, went off because the bottle said "do not take if pregnant" plus I didnt want possible side effects to baby. By the 2nd trimester I was a mess!! In that deep dark black cess pool of despair, trying to claw my way up it's slippery sides. At that point my midwife said to go on Wellbutrin, I conceded because I really couldn't take much more.
So now ds is almost five months and I take 100mg twice a day, ebf and lately have been feeling down Life is certainly stressful, to long to explain but life is always stressful. I feel like I need to up my dose but I feel so bad, am I going to hurt ds long term with these drugs? I mean I try to do all natural as much as possible (no vac/organic/all natural cleaners/etc) and then I put these chemicals into my body and they go into my bf. Also I wonder is this even the right med for me? I feel so guilty and honsestly weak, why can't I just be happy?? All I have ever wanted was to be happy, now I have everything I have ever wanted my beautiful, wonderful, amazing ds and I am feeling down...I hate it!!!!!!
I guess I needed to vent but I wonder what all you other mamas feel about having to take meds. I tried St johns in the past and other natural alternatives but they didnt help. I want to be the best mama I can be but is it really the best when you need meds to do it??

[yogachick79]

oh mama (((hugs))). I took Wellbutrin XR for a while after DD#2 was born and had no qualms about it. I should have been on another drug to manage my BP, but it has some pretty scary side effects, so we went the Wellbutrin route. I was on 150mg per day with no side effects for DD, however I stopped after several months because I seemed more irritable on it (can happen esp for BP).

Do what you need to do to be a good mom for your babe. Are you taking anything like Evening Primrose Oil and Fish Oil to suppliment while you are on the Wellbutrin? Talk to your doc about maybe upping just by another few mg and adding those things. It might be worth a shot.

[sharkysmom]

Thanks yogachick! I do take fish oil but I know nothing about the evening primrose oil. How do you take it? How much?
Today is a better day, I know I am doing the best I can by my LO and that is really all I can ask of myself.
I have to go in for an appt next month so I will talk to my Dr. then.