When will this pass?

[Morgana]

Several women told me that I won't want to go back to work once I give birth. I guess it's a feeling that "everyone" goes through. I didn't believe it because I've been so career driven but now I REALLY want to be a SAHM. This desire started about a month before maternity leave was over. I'm been back to work now for 3 mos. DD is 6mos. I thought this would lessen over time but it's intensifying. How do I know if this is desire is for real or just the new mommy hormones type thing? I'm afraid I'll never really be happy working again.

[meemee]

well having a child changes everything.

for many it means changing their major in school, for some their work. i remember this famous CEO making mucho bucks gave it all up to be with his family.

i had to go back to work like you. i hated it till dd was 3. at 3 i could see she would have dealt with dc or separation from me much better than she had to earlier.

however let me warn you being a SAHM is not a piece of cake either. esp. someone from a career background.

i HAD to make sure i had time to do my thing. but being a sahm does not solve anything.

you WILL be happy working - maybe something else - when your dd is older. i went back to school when dd turned 6 because i noticed she doesnt need me sooo much anymore.

not one day have i regreted my decision. i got to be home with my dd as much as i could with unemployment.

but no mama you are changed forever and life will never be the same anymore.

[purplevega]

I felt the same way. I could not believe I would want to leave my fab job to stay home with my baby. But I did. I returned to work for 2 months after a 14 week maternity leave and could not take it any longer. I left 1 amazing job for another, SAHM. It sucks to be broke but we have made it work for 5 years. I am in school now and start a full time schedual in January to become an RN. January both kiddos will be at a sitters 12 hours a week while I somehow juggle 20 hours of school. Follow your gut. If you can somehow make it work to be a SAHM and want it, I say go for it. Your baby is only little once and I feel incredibly special that I was there for all those "moments". Kim

[simcon]

I think everyone is very different, and it's hard for someone else to predict when things will pass...or not. I loved being home with my daughter when she was an infant--by the time she was a toddler (18 months+) I craved the kind of intellectual and social stimulation that my job/field would provide, at the same time that I loved spending my days with her. I started a ft job when she turned 2, because it was in the field where I wanted to work, and a great opportunity to advance to exactly the job that I wanted to be doing. Now that my daughter is 6 and I have a 9-month-old baby, I wish I could be home with the baby at the same time that I love my job and career. I try to make the most of whichever space I'm in at the time--being fully home at home, and really enjoying my work at work--but honestly, I do have conflicting desires.

And while, for me, life did change when I had children, and the desire to be with them was always there, what I want to be doing at any given moment in terms of work/SAHM balance does shift over the months and years.

Originally Posted by Morgana

Several women told me that I won't want to go back to work once I give birth. I guess it's a feeling that "everyone" goes through. I didn't believe it because I've been so career driven but now I REALLY want to be a SAHM. This desire started about a month before maternity leave was over. I'm been back to work now for 3 mos. DD is 6mos. I thought this would lessen over time but it's intensifying. How do I know if this is desire is for real or just the new mommy hormones type thing? I'm afraid I'll never really be happy working again.

[kcparker]

My son is 27 months old, and I STILL wish I could quit my job and stay home with him. That would take DH getting a job that brings in an equivalent salary, which hasn't happened yet. I am grateful that at least DS had his papa at home fulltime for his first two years, and even now is only going to daycare 2 days a week...

[Carita]

um, for me - when he was about 14 -16 mo or so , he really started getting along with his kids at preschool, and really made friends. Then I knew he was really enjoying himself when he could talk about all the fun he was having at school. Then I stopped feeling guilty.

[Teenytoona]

IDK. For me, the stress and unscheduleness and constant crying of my newborn... I was estatic to go back to work. My job isn't fabulous, I like it well enough, but it's not a dream job. It's just that it's structured, and that's what I need. I don't deal well with the lack of schedule and general haphazardness of babylife.

[Ellien C]

That's how it was for me. At 6 weeks PP, it was inconceivable to me that women went back to work at that point. By 9 weeks, I was like - OK, I could go if I had to and by 12 weeks I felt ready. It helped that DH stayed home with baby for next 2 months. I'm pretty happy with my balance right now. Though I was sick last week and it REALLY sucked.

[caenach]

I think there will always be some days that I wish I was staying home with DD. Having a child definitely restructured my priorities and my goals and I certainly am not as enthused about or as involved with my career as I was before she was born.

I'm sure it probably is mommy hormones, to some extent, but that doesn't mean your feelings aren't valid...and it doesn't mean you don't have good reasons to decide to stay home. I think it just comes down to personal choices. If you and your partner weigh your options and decide it's worthwhile for one of you to be a SAHP for awhile--it's not like it's a decision that can't change or be re-evaluated in a year or two.

In my experience, the working thing did get a little easier around 9 months, and then a little easier again around 1 year. I think, as DD gained more independence and seemed to begin enjoying aspects of her daycare experience, it became easier for me to focus a little more on work, on my sense of personal achievement, etc. But I'm sure that's not the same for everyone!

[Mosaic]

I distinctly remember being back at work for 6+ months and asking my friends the same thing.

For me, I needed to make some changes in my child care arrangements, and as someone else said, once DD hit 1 and became more social, I realized she enjoyed being at school and I didn't hate being at work all the time. DD is 3 now and honestly you couldn't pay me enough to be home with her all day long! Her daycare environment is 5 zillion times better than any environment I could give her at home!

I also think part of it came when I gave up pumping after her 1st birthday and just nursed in the mornings/evenings. I hated the pumping/cleaning/storing/freezing/thawing/measuring cycle every darn day and nursing was just sooooo much nicer and easier.

[rivkah]

For me: never passed. I still want to stay home 3 years into working full-time. I miss my three children all day at work and I'd trade the kids-driving-me-crazy for the-boss-driving-me-crazy any day.

Danged mortgage!

[Elecampane]

I think it's hardest when they are infants and gets easier as they get older. My DD is now 3 and she loves going to daycare--she loves her friends, the caregivers, she has so much fun. More fun and stimulation than I think I'd be able to provide (personally) as a SAHM. However, I'm expecting #2 this spring and I am heartsick thinking about putting him/her in daycare at three months, pumping, all that. I dearly wish the laws in this country (US) would provide a year of maternity leave--unpaid is fine--so that mothers could spend that precious first year with their child if they choose and still be able to come back to their job.

[Qestia]

It's different for everyone, frankly I never felt that way--but I did work from home 2 days a week in the first year of my son's life, and am still home one day a week now, so I think that's a balance that works well for us. It sounds like you are still trying to find balance, though.