Birth Story: The Long Version
Nikolai Alexander’s Birth Story
On October 11th, 2009, I sat on the couch in my living room, doing a meditation with Alexander. We did a meditation for blessings, for prosperity, focusing on the blessing of our baby, and of the birth to come, a meditation we had done often together during the pregnancy, especially toward the end. As I had felt on many nights before, I felt angels or spirits dancing in celebration around us, in a circle. I felt supported and inspired. And then I heard my son tell me: Okay, mommy, I am ready to come now. It was so clearly his voice, and not my own, rising up to greet me from my womb.
We went to bed around midnight, laughing, talking joyfully of seasons and snow, and wondering when our baby would come, knowing I could easily be pregnant for another week or two.
At 2:30, I awoke with a new sensation. It was very small, but pinching, very low, definitely different. I got up to use the restroom, and had another pinch. I lay in bed, and another one came, a bit more intense than the ones before. My heart skipped a beat, as I recognized that this very different sensation could be the start of labor. And it felt like the shift in contractions that I had when I started labor with Finley. I got up and moved a few things around, put the jack o lantern out on the porch, stopping to breathe through the waves.
At 2:50, I woke up Alexander, calmly, but happily: “Sweetheart, I think this is it. I think I’m in labor. Will you come to the living room with me?” I held his hand, and we got comfortable on the couch, timing my contractions with the contraction timer online. Alexander started the fire, lit candles, put some music on. He made me laugh and laugh, and every two minutes, I paused to breathe through a wave. I closed my eyes and breathed slowly. They were real, but very manageable. After a few minutes, it was clear that this was labor, and we were very excited. But should we call Davi (the midwife) yet? I wanted to have the pattern established for more than a few minutes. We put off calling her until 3:30. The contractions had come consistently every two minutes for half an hour. While Alexander was on the phone with her, I felt a small pop: my water broke. It was not a gush, but it was more than a drizzle, too. It brought me to my feet, and I knew that labor was really going to start now. I felt ready and excited to do this.
Very quickly, the waves became more intense, and the only way I could handle them was to drop to the floor on all fours and breathe through them there. I made it into the shower, which felt great, and stayed on the floor of the tub letting the water pound on my lower back.
While I was in the shower, Alexander started to fill up the birth pool for me. He came back intermittently to check on me.
Eventually, I had to get out of the shower, because I had diarrhea cramps. My bowels emptied themselves, and then I knew I wanted to get out of the bathroom. By this point, I was vocalizing loudly and lowly through the contractions, and always in all fours or in baby pose on the ground. I asked Alexander to put his hands on my lower back, just touching me there, not pressing. It was all I needed, but it was exactly what I needed. I eventually made it down the hall, through the kitchen, and into the living room. I remember asking Alexander what time it was, and it was 4:15 when we made it back into the living room.
By this point, the waves were coming completely on top of each other. I was overwhelmed and trying to find a way to cope, still dropping to the floor. Alexander suggested I move my hips, which helped a lot. On all fours, I moved my hips back and forth very quickly, in a wiggle, while bellowing loudly and lowly. Once or twice I felt my voice start to rise, and my breathing start to become shallow, but I pulled myself back into myself, back into my power, and kept my voice low, and my breathing as slow as possible. I remember looking down, as sweat poured down my arms and legs, my wet hair scraggly and hanging over my head, as I could only look down at the rug. I was in a raw, primal state.
Suddenly, I felt the baby’s head start to come down the birth canal! I could not believe it! Could this be happening, already?! Is he already coming? I told Alexander: “He’s coming!” I was overwhelmed by the sensation of the head, the intensity of it, terrifying me in and of itself. I said “I’m scared!”, and had a moment of really wanting to get out of this thing…I said to Alexander “Please do not let another contraction come”. I asked for Davi, the midwife. He told me it would be okay, he would catch the baby. He reminded me that I am the mama, that I have to do this, that I need to dive in and do it. I looked down at my hands on the floor, at the rug. I closed my eyes and breathed. I drew on the strength of all the women who had birthed before, who were birthing now, I pulled it up from the floor and into my body. My arms held me up, and I knew I was strong, I could do it, I would do it.
When a contraction did come, through no will of my own, my whole body pushed the baby’s head down. There was nothing I could do stop it. I was just on the ride of this labor.
At this moment, Finley woke up, and called out on the monitor: Daddy! Why won’t you answer me? Alexander had to go and get him. While I was alone in the living room, I continued to draw on this strength, and I held the baby in. I did not want him to shoot out onto the floor, which wasn’t that soft. I seemed to will another push not to come.
The next thing I knew, Alexander came in, Finley in his arms, his other hands on my lower back, where I had needed them this past hour. Davi, the midwife walked in. She took over, while Alexander dashed Finley upstairs. She told me he was crowning, and she asked me to pant, so the baby wouldn’t come so fast. I panted through one contraction, and with the next one, his head popped out! I looked down, through my arms and legs, and could see his head!
Just then, Alexander came back downstairs, and Davi called him over to catch him. I expected my body to just push his body out like it had pushed his head out, but it didn’t. I looked back at Davi, who said “Push your baby out”. I couldn’t imagine having the strength to push myself. And the pain of the contractions and the pushes was completely gone! But, I mustered up all my strength, and gave one big push. Out came his body! It felt so amazing!!! Feeling his slippery shoulders, back, and bum, slide through me. Alexander caught him and passed him to me through my arms and legs. It was 4:43 am.
I turned around and sat down and held my baby boy. He was beautiful! So perfect! So much hair, and such a cute round face, and bright pink. He was quiet, did not cry, so I asked if he was okay. Davi assured me he was perfectly healthy, and breathing well. Alexander held us for a moment, but then had to go check on our Finley, who was upstairs and scared, and had chosen not to watch his brother being born.
Eva walked in, whom Alexander had called in the midst of the chaos, to come and be with Finley. She could not believe I was sitting with a baby in my arms! Ten minutes earlier, Alexander had called to ask her to come, and Davi had just arrived.
With the help of Davi, her assistant, and Eva, and with my baby in my arms, I made my way back to the bedroom. I delivered the placenta easily. Alexander joined me, while we snuggled in bed with our brand new baby boy. He nursed within the first hour.
I was, and still am, in heaven, with my bundle of sweetness, of love.
So far, he has been so very sweet, so mellow. He sleeps all the time and his head is wonderfully wobbly and he makes the cutest noises. We are so, so blessed.
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It is so fun to share the joy.
