Feel bad for my nephew but feel bad for my sister....

[babygrant]

My nephew is 6 months old. He was circ'd at about a week old. My sister and her husband didn't want to circ....but BIL was circ'd at the age of 6 because of recurring infections. I explained to my sister that it should've never happened, but BIL remembers going under anesthetic, and how much pain he was when he woke up and for WEEKS afterwards, blah blah blah. Still don't agree with them, but anyways, my sister let BIL make the choice because he was the one "traumatized".

So when my nephew was a week old, my sister brought him to the pediatric floor of the hospital. She thought the doctor said to meet her in the pediatric department so she went to the nurses station and explained that she was there to get DS circ'd. A couple of the nurses made the "pffffft" noise and turned their backs and the one nurse said "Umm...we have absolutely NOTHING to do with mutilating little boys here, so you can take him somewhere else". My sister burst into tears and went back down the hallway where she ran into the doctor who was doing the circumcision. My sister was already suffering from a bit of PPD but that pushed her over the edge.

I am all for genital integrity and am very much pro-intact, but I can't believe how the nurses handled it. They could've made the effort to explain to my sister the benefits of being intact, or the risks of circumcision, instead they pushed my sister deeper into the PPD hole.

[Jennifer3141]

I feel badly for your sister because of her PPD but I love the that nurses stood up for babies and seemed totally horrified by the prospect of circumcision on their floor. That's a hospital I'd feel totally comfortable birthing in.

And if your BIL was the one who wanted it done, why didn't HE take his son to do it? Why on earth did your one week PP sister have to do it???

[babygrant]

Originally Posted by Jennifer3141

I feel badly for your sister because of her PPD but I love the that nurses stood up for babies and seemed totally horrified by the prospect of circumcision on their floor. That's a hospital I'd feel totally comfortable birthing in.

And if your BIL was the one who wanted it done, why didn't HE take his son to do it? Why on earth did your one week PP sister have to do it???

I gave birth in the same hospital and I wasn't even asked if my DS's was going to be circ'd. There's only one doctor out of the 8 that deliver there that will do the circ's.

[babygrant]

Originally Posted by Jennifer3141

And if your BIL was the one who wanted it done, why didn't HE take his son to do it? Why on earth did your one week PP sister have to do it???

BIL was working.

[BugMacGee]

Sheesh, we anti circ RNs are pretty much damned if we do, damned if we don't

[laurelg]

I'm sorry your sister had PPD, but I LOVE what those nurses said. LOVE it.

[Murihiku]

Originally Posted by BugMacGee

Sheesh, we anti circ RNs are pretty much damned if we do, damned if we don't

A courteous "Sorry, we don't do circumcisions here" equals not damned.

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

I'm sorry that someone was so rude to your sister. My mother is an intactivist and was a maternity nurse for a very long time. She never would have treated someone in that manner. It is not helpful to make nasty rude comments to strangers about circ. That usually only pushes people in the opposite direction. Your sister probably wouldn't have fled if the nurse had offered her some information in a kind and caring way.

[babygrant]

Originally Posted by BugMacGee

Sheesh, we anti circ RNs are pretty much damned if we do, damned if we don't

You know, I'm anti-circ and dream of becoming a nurse some day, but I can never imagine speaking with another mother like that.

[an_aurora]

Originally Posted by babygrant

You know, I'm anti-circ and dream of becoming a nurse some day, but I can never imagine speaking with another mother like that.

Ditto--I work in a hospital postpartum unit, and start nursing school in January, I would never talk to someone like that.

[BugMacGee]

I hear over and over ON THIS FORUM, that we, as health care workers, need to stand up for babies and against circ. That's exactly what these nurses did!!! It was a visceral response. Just like we all have with this issue.

Yes it was rude, yes there are better ways to do it, but I have a feeling that if this wasn't involving someone's direct family member, this board would be thrilled with that resonse.

I often feel like my quiet "polite" intactivism isn't doin' the job. It's not enough to "not ask" about circ. It's not doing the trick to provide them links and resources and education! I'm on the front lines here. The ones who want to do it, DO IT ANYWAY! It's very discouraging when you do it the "right" way and it doesn't work. But I guess it's different when it's a theoretical issue and you don't have to confront this issue in a concrete way every time you go to work! Those nurses said what I feel like saying every time I have a family that chooses to circ.

And no I absolutely do not talk to anyone that way, but if anything could make me do it, it would be the issue of circumcision.

[an_aurora]

Well, if they have the info and still do it, it's their legal right as a parent. I wish it weren't but that's the truth. Short of physically preventing them from circ'ing, what else can you do?

[LaffNowCryLater]

Yeah, it was unprofessional but at least they stood up for the poor babe when his own parents wouldn't

[Fellow Traveler]

Your story has me so conflicted and I think illustrates how hard this struggle is for many of us. We must condemn the practice but at the same time it could cause incidents like the one you describe. And while you don't want to hurt someone close to you (like a sibling) you want to make sure they don't hurt someone else close to you either. It's just so messed up.

[MyBoysBlue]

Everyone needs to realize that this happened in Canada where the circ rate is only around 10%. It is looked upon by most people, medical or not, as unnecessary at the least and as mutilation at the most. It is a very different climate. The nurses were rude but I know I would be tempted to say the same thing. Many Mother's to be that I have spoken to are insulted and appalled that I would even ask them if they would do such a thing to their precious boys.

[PuppyFluffer]

Originally Posted by Fellow Traveler

Your story has me so conflicted and I think illustrates how hard this struggle is for many of us. We must condemn the practice but at the same time it could cause incidents like the one you describe. And while you don't want to hurt someone close to you (like a sibling) you want to make sure they don't hurt someone else close to you either. It's just so messed up.

I thoroughly agree.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by BugMacGee

I often feel like my quiet "polite" intactivism isn't doin' the job. It's not enough to "not ask" about circ. It's not doing the trick to provide them links and resources and education! I'm on the front lines here. The ones who want to do it, DO IT ANYWAY! It's very discouraging when you do it the "right" way and it doesn't work.

The baby in the OP was still circ'd, so being nasty to her sister didn't help, either. I'm totally anti-circ myself. I can't even imagine how I'd react if a family member did it. But, I still don't see what something like the reaction in the OP is supposed to accomplish.

[innle]

Originally Posted by Storm Bride

The baby in the OP was still circ'd, so being nasty to her sister didn't help, either. I'm totally anti-circ myself. I can't even imagine how I'd react if a family member did it. But, I still don't see what something like the reaction in the OP is supposed to accomplish.

:
As they say, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

That poor little boy

[liseux]

I am sorry your sister is suffering. I do think they made a classic fear based decision, which is rarely one that will bring peace. It would have been nice if the nurse had gently asked her if she was fully informed about circ. She may have been swayed. We don't automatically inherit every problem our parents have!

If I was a nurse I would feel like saying exactly the same thing, but I would hope I would be more diplomatic. I met Marilyn Milos and she is incredibly sweet and diplomatic in her approach.

[hillymum]

Originally Posted by innle

As they say, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

That poor little boy

And his poor mom!