Potty-trained 4.5 yo having accidents?

[two_sets_of_twins]

My DD born 3.23.05 has been potty trained since a little before she turned 3. She trained easily with very few accidents after she decided she wanted to wear "big girl" panties. However, in the past few months she has begun having accidents on a regular basis, almost daily. The biggest concern is that she does not tell me about it and will often stay in her soiled clothing even after I ask her to change. Obviously this hygiene issue must be addressed so I'm just wondering the best approach to take.

I haven't ruled out an abuse issue that may be associated with the recent bedwetting {not that I suspect it} but there are no other behavioral issues that have arisen. I'm looking for some advice on how to help her not have the accidents anymore as well as how to encourage her to have proper hygiene. I've been reminding her to use the bathroom and have talked to her about the "bad soldiers" {germs} associated with leaving soiled clothing on. My friend suggested washing her off in a cold shower every time she does it, telling her even when she's crying that it's cold that that is what gets the germs off from peeing in her panties. I just don't want to put her through this so I'm looking for other ideas.

Thanks in advance.

[K-Mom3]

My ds is 5 and is a high functioning special needs child so our situation may be a little different. Here are my thoughts anyway--take them for whatever they are worth to you.

DS toilet trained at 2 1/2 with not too much trouble. He still has phases where he will start wetting the bed again. But he also had daytime issues in phases for quite a while after he trained. Sometimes it seemed to correlate with extra stress in our home or some other difficult thing going on. During one episode of day-time wetting we realized that he was afraid of the sound of the toilet flushing. So definitely look for what issues might be causing this phase. Also consider an infection as a possibility.

A chart worked well for one of his phases--I did a square for daytime and one for night each day and I would draw a little picture in the square if he got through it dry.

You could consider checking her clothes every hour (or whatever time frame you choose) and giving some reward for being dry (like a little picture or a personalized song or one fish cracker or whatever will motivate her). That way you can keep closer tabs on when she's wet and can give more positive reinforcement. You could even give a fish cracker to every child in the family who's dry if that would help her--especially if it is only for a few days.

If she wets, I personally wouldn't insist on a cold shower but I would make her stop whatever she is doing right away to take care of cleanup and clothes changing.

Hope one of those ideas might help you out! Good luck!

[aspenleaves]

My DD had some accidents well after she was potty trained. My mother would always say, don't worry accitdents are normal. That said I think the accidents my DD had were normal. She did it on two different occaisions that lasted maybe a month, maybe six weeks. Sometimes the accidents were daily, sometimes not. Never at night time. I actually think night time bedwetting is considered quite different than accidents during the day.

Anyway, I would not do the cold shower thing. I think this would backfire or just create bad stress around an already stressful issue. Just encourage him with big boy talk "I know you can do it" type stuff. I would do the reminding thing. Maybe come up with a plan together "what will help you remember to got potty? a timer? a certain song?. I guess you also have to find out the reason... is the potty too far away and he doesn't want to stop what he is doing? Is it physical like he can't read his body signals anymore? I think it is quite normal for children to not want to go potty.

In my dd's case I never did figure out why she started and then stopped this behavior. I would keep the energy all positive, but firm. No punishments etc. I would make him clean up the accident though. If htere is anything other than clothes to clean up have him do it. And also put the clothes in the laundry and hit the buttons for rinse (or whatever), dry the clothes and fold them and put them away.

I would avoid any kind of shame or ridicule or punishment. But again, be firm.

[JL83]

Could she have a low grade infection like a mild UTI?

[rzberrymom]

My DD potty trained around 2 1/2, and she's now almost 5--in the last several months, she's been having accidents about every other day. With her, it has seemed like it's a control issue--she'll be wriggling around and it's obvious she has to go, but she'll be yelling "I DO NOT NEED TO GO!!" This will go on until she finally has an accident--she knows she needs to go, but she seems to be asserting some sort of control over the situation.

[leurMaman]

I'm going to watch this thread - as my 3yo is having constant accidents now. I think I know you, btw, from the pregnancy thread 10/08

[two_sets_of_twins]

Your name does look familiar. Are you a Bradley teacher too?

I've been really busy this week and not tried any of this yet, but I'm looking forward to implementing some of the suggestions. I'll also be watching for signs of an infection. She doesn't seem to have pain or frequency but I guess a low-grade infection could have just urgency.

I also instinctively want to avoid any punishment or shame associated with it. I try to be matter-of-fact about it, just asking that she take care of it. A chart may work well for her and she's a very girly girl so maybe just the idea of being a lady and taking good care of her body will help. I'll keep you all posted.

[leurMaman]

Yes I am a Bradley teacher I'm half-way through a series right now and have a doula job in early February. I just got back into teaching after a long haitus following DDs birth and soem issues. Things are going much better

I took DD in to the doctor's yesterday for an eye infection and was told that she has a really bad ear infection. Is that linked to all the accidents and issues?

I like your chart idea. I'll have to look into that. I got back on the boards after a while because I need more organization and parenting tips. Three are overwhelming me right now - I wanted to hear from you mommies of many. Good luck with chuck.

[mom22girls]

I had a 4.5 year old who would have poopy accidents. It was a combination of doesn't like to transition (even if she's STANDING IN THE BATHROOM PLAYING WITH WATER) and the fact I think she wanted more positive reinforcement. I'm not a sticker chart fan - but I finally started buying really cute stickers and I'd put one on the calendar for every clean day we had. Even now sometimes (at 5.5) she'll ask why she doesn't get a sticker anymore. But she's a middle child (why I'm on the GP board right now looking for help!) and I think the extra recognition was what she needed. I'm guessing here, but I think you have to go to the underlying cause - and that it's probably not a "here's what I did it'll work for you," solution. I just offered my experience as a "you're not alone" story, because, WOW, I felt really alone - and when people started telling me it was way out of normal range, and had I googled encopresis, I panicked. I think it's a highly individual and situational thing.

hugs and hang in there!

[abi&ben'smom]

I was going to suggest the UTI also.

[moaningminny]

My 4.5 year old (born March 24 2005) has the same issues. She's been checked for UTIs, but we've figured that it all comes down to the fact that it's how she deals with change - sometimes even small changes.

I'll admit we've used bribery, but to be honest it's a last resort for us and we're so frustrated about it that we're willing to try anything (well, almost anything).

We do ask her quite a bit if she needs to go, and when she does have accidents we tell her she needs to get herself changed and put her dirty clothes in the washer. This is not a punitive thing, it's a natural consequence and we're very matter of fact about it like "Oh, you had an accident. When you have accidents you need to clean them up".

The biggest frustration comes from knowing that she does have the bladder control but seems to be ignoring the signs. I understand your frustration!