Older children at the birth?

[laneysprout]

I'm wondering how many of you with older children are hoping/planning to have them be present for this birth?

If you are planning to have them there, will you have someone there to support their needs while you're in labor - a grandparent, friend, etc.?

We would love to include our 2 yo DD in this experience (she will be just 3 when this new babe lands earthside), but part of me is concerned about her needs being met during my labor. We are planning a very hands-off home birth, and quite honestly the thought of having an additional person there to look after DD is unappealing to me.

Thoughts or experiences?

[MuslimMama]

DS will most definitely be there with me, God willing. For one thing, he has never been away from me and he is still nursing. Also, I do not think that I would enjoy the birth not having my whole family there. I want him with me.

[slsurface]

I expect that DS will be there for the birth. He will be just shy of 4 years old at the time. My mother and possibly my MIL will be around to make sure he is taken care of - my last labor was 30 hours. DS is a very sensitive child, so I imagine he will be in the thick of things and will want to "help" mommy by rubbing my back and such.

[maybemom05]

My LOs will not be at this birth. I have to deliver in a hospital - I have other health issues that preclude a homebirth - and the hospital was fine with having LO1 at LO2's birth, so long as someone was there to watch him exclusively. I thought I'd want him there, but when the time actually came, I really needed to be inside my own head and I found him too distracting - so it was just DH and I in the delivery room. (It turned out that the labor was so fast, we were only at the hospital for 20 mins before the baby came, which was about perfect!!)

The hospital has also introduced new visitor policies because of the flu - no children under 18 are allowed, including siblings, for the duration. So even if I wanted my kiddos there, I don't think it would work. At this point, assuming no complications, I will check the baby and myself out at the earliest possible second to introduce him or her to the family

[Shachar613]

I would really like DD to be there. She will be 2 1/2 when the baby is born. Besides for the midwife, I will have DH, MIL, and my sister there (as a doula) so I'm thinking that between the three of them, she will be taken care of. As it gets closer, I'd love to hear how those of you who plan to have your children at the birth will prepare them.

[Tulafina]

We plan on having both my DS's at this birth.

[LisaSedai]

Probably he'll be at my sister's or my Mom's house. I don't think DH could handle DS seeing my girlparts. LOL I'm probably going to hollar alot anyway and I wouldn't want to scare him.

[GoBecGo]

Hopefully my DD (she'll be 4 and a bit when the baby comes) will be there. Her dad, my ex, will also be there to care for her, along with DP of course, the 2 midwives, and hopefully a female friend.

[Sihaya]

DS will be 2.5 when this one is born. I am hoping that this birth happens overnight and it is a moot point, but if not I plan on having my mom and/or MIL there with him and deciding in the moment based on how I feel and how he's acting. 7-8 months is a long time developmentally and I just don't feel comfortable deciding now not knowing where he'll be maturity-wise.

[Jen H.]

Not sure what we'll plan. DS1 will be 6 when the time comes, so he could be there if he/we wanted. DS2 will be just shy of 3, but he's very needy and clingy with me and I wouldn't want him to be a distraction or have to be taken away because I couldn't handle his needs. That would probably upset us both. So we'll see...

[bdoody11]

I don't think my DD will be there. She'll be close to 3 1/2 by that time. She is sensitive and I don't want scare her as I tend to yell (and curse) a lot at the end. Plus, when I'm laboring I tend to want to be alone with just DH. I worry that she will be distracting to me and not allow me to really focus on my labor. I'm birthing at a hospital so she will probably go to my parents. I fantasize that DD could be at the hospital with my Mom and could come in just as the baby crowns. We'll have to see how the timing works out.

[Gypsy.Momma]

My 4 will be home and if they'd like to be present they are welcome to be. With the birth of my son they were just playing in the backyard, labour and the birth was only 45 minutes so by the time they came in there brother was in my arms

[Yaliina]

I hope to include DS (who will be 4 1/2 in June) in our homebirth. We'll have MIL to be responsible for him and make sure he's comfortable (which may require that I spend a lot of time convincing her that it's a good idea & reading up on the idea). I think he'll be cool with it- he's always been a pretty independent kid, though he can be clingy, so I'll probably come up with some code words to let MIL know if I need him to go away or something. I've never given birth (2 C/S), so I have no idea how I'll do with it.

[bjorker]

My dd will be close to 5 1/2 and I definitely want her there. In part because I know she will want to be there. I'll definitely prepare her by showing her videos (though we've already done that to some extent) so that she's hopefully not too worried, but knowing her she'll be VERY interested and intrigued by everything that goes on. And I definitely want to share it all with her. It would be very weird to me if she wasn't there, especially because we're planning a homebirth. But a younger kid I could definitely see being a totally different story.

[Pinoikoi]

I am planning a homebirth, so yeah, my ds's will be there. I am planning on birthing downstairs (kitchen, bathroom, linoleum, and a futon are already down there with plenty of room for a birth tub).. and my kiddos will be upstairs. I know three women (plus dp) that will probably come to my birth at this point, so no reason that they can't shift through to check on the kiddos upstairs.

[GearGirl]

Not in your ddc but I still wanted to respond! My older two were at the birth of their brother and it was amazing! It was a hospital birth but very fast. DH and I had disagreed on whether or not they should come (I wanted them there, he thought it was too much for them). we finally decided to have his cousin watch them for us because I had such a long labor with #1 I wasn't sure about them waiting around. As it turned out his cousin was having dinner plans that night (um, hello) and wasn't going to break them so the kids came. (We had just moved to the area so we didn't have anyone to rely on). The hospital staff was amazing, the OB was totally laid back, my 7 yo at the time videotaped the birth and my 4 yo watched. I think it was incredible for them to see, and there is no trauma from seeing it, although my 4 yo said she didn't want any stitches in her "butt". I'm so glad they were there!

[aslyn]

The hospital I delivered at before didn't allow children during labor, so that was never a consideration. During early labor with ds my dd walked with me and rubbed my back but when it came time to deliver she stayed home..I am not sure what the policy is at the hospital here, but during the earlier parts I'd be happy to have the company..once I am ready to push though I think they need to go..My kids are really sensitive to my needs and I think they would freak if they saw me in that much pain..

[caro113]

I plan to have DD there. My due date (according the internet) has her being exactly 20 months. I'm planning a home water birth and I would love to have DD in the water with me. It may not be possible, that's what I want.

Actually, my ideal birth would be just me and DD in the water, with no one else around. I love DP dearly, but I don't want him there.