If you bought and stored sperm for future conceptions, when did you buy it?

[Beastie]

Hi all,

I did a search, and while there's lots of info on the Queer Parenting thread about sperm storage issues, I don't think I've found an answer about this. Can you help?

As some of you know, I'm very newly (like 5.2 weeks) pregnant, a result of our very first attempt with an at-home ICI using donor sperm. Though we weren't especially attached to this particular donor, and would likely have used different donors for each insemination, if this little embryo sticks we WOULD like to keep open the possibility of using the same donor for future babies.

So the question is: how far into your pregnancy were you when you committed to buying and storing sperm for future pregnancies? As soon as you got a BFP? After the first trimester? With a baby in your arms? Never?

Right now, our donor is listed as having a fairly large supply, so this isn't urgent, but that could change, and I wonder if anyone has experience worth sharing.

Thanks!
Beastie

[quasar]

We bought vials for future use in January of this year and DS was born in April. We knew we wanted our son to have a bio sibling if possible. The thing that scared us a little was that sometimes our donor was available and sometimes he wasn't. (We used Xytex and you can see if a donor is available at any particular time, but you have to call to see how many samples they actually have.) So, when we saw he was available again, we decided to buy and store the samples to hopefully use for next year.

Thigns I would consider since you're using a bank are:

-Is the donor active? We knew that even though ours wasn't available at certain times, he still was presently coming in to donate. So the likelihood of him being avilable even next year was pretty good with the whole quarantine thing. If he wasn't active and those were the only samples left, that would be good to know so that you don't run the risk of running out of time to purchase.

-Are you willing to pay the storage fees or just take the risk that your favorite donor might not be available the next time? I know some places do have something where even if the donor 'retires' some samples are set aside for those that have previously had children with them.

Ok, so that's only two things and they're basically the same. In the end we did it before our son was born so we could be assured we'd get the donor we wanted. Also, we thought, "We better buy up before Ray comes in case we change our mind." But in all honesty, financial situations can change quickly, and it's possible if we hadn't purchased them when we did we might not have been able to buy them later on when we needed them.

The only other thing to consider, which would maybe support waiting until after the birth, is the overall health of your current baby, unless that doesn't matter as much to you. It's something no one likes to think about, but if your baby ends up having a birth defect and it's possible it was linked to the donor's side, would you still want to try again with the same donor? For us, we never really considered there'd be any problems, and the pregnancy went well, so we just bought them before DS arrived.

Good luck with your decision. I know we struggled a little bit trying to figure it out. But I feel comfortable knowing we do at least have enough for a few tries waiting for us when we're ready again.

[quasar]

Just wanted to add that we used a total of 4 different donors and got pregnant on the fifth try. So we weren't especially attached to the donor in the beginning, but we are extremely pleased with the result and want to use him again.

[indigoscot]

we had always planned on using the same donor for me and dp. we found a donor that we both liked - always a hard decision imo - and on the recommendation of the clinic we were using to get me pregnant, bought 6 vials. our first try with me was bfn, second was bfp. during the second tww, i checked to see the availability of our donor only to find he only had a few vials left, and those were for art and so we didn't purchase them - our clinic really was not on the ball with giving us advice. we could have purchased those vials and used them but we didn't know that back then.

our options were - hope that dp would get pregnant with the 2 vials we had left, try to reactivate our donor, or just choose another donor we liked.

after our son was born, i emailed our bank and asked if any vials had been returned. by some miracle, another client had reactivated our donor and had requested 20 vials and they had 6 extra!! it took about 2 months of negotiation and waiting until we got the notification that the other client was allowing us to purchase the 6 extra vials. we also had to pay a percentage of the reactivation fee. dp got her bfp on try #3. we still have 2 vials left of our donor.

we also purchased vials of another donor that we both liked and who has similar characteristics of our original donor - same height, weight, eye colour and hair colour. we plan on having one more child and the odds are we will have to use our other donor - unless we get lucky again and someone sells back vials. our original donor has already told our bank that he has no interest in being reactivated again.

the moral of our story is - if you really want a bio sibling for your baby buy the vials now. there is no guarantee there will be any in the future, even if he is still donating now.

g

[Beastie]

Thanks for all of this good advice, Quasar and Indigoscot. You've given me (us) a lot to think about.

Anyone else? I think this is one of those situations where hearing many strategies and approaches helps. Plus, it creates a great resource for the thread, no matter what DP and I end up doing...

[mkpgoddess]

Honestly, we bought a ton the first go-round because we expected it to take way longer than it took to get a BFP. We're more concerned that said sperm has been on ice for almost five years now, and while they say it doesn't matter....well....I'm just paranoid.

Anyway, buy now. You never know what life has that will cause you to wait between siblings (we expected to try again WAY sooner, but new jobs and cross country moves changed all that), and it will give you peace of mind not to worry about whether you have more for later.

HTH,
Samantha

[elismum1908]

We bought as soon as I got pregnant. It was the first time I got pregnant after using at least 6 donors and we had faith all would be well and it was. One huge factor was that our donor was no longer active and there wasn't much left if him, so we knew we had to buy then to be safe.

The irony? Before we bought more we still had two in storage and that's all it took for me to get pregnant this time! So we have three left in storage and don't plan on having anymore kids. Once this pregnancy is over and we have a healthy babe in arms we'll figure out what to do with the left over vials.