Suggestions For Helping Two Year Old Express Anger In a Healthier Way...

[Enchanted Gypsy]

I was hoping someone might have some ideas for helping my DD (two years and four months old) express her angry feelings in healthy manner.

She gets overwhelmed easily and will just seemingly out of nowhere make the scariest, angriest face ( shocking to see on such a young child) and will lash out, hit, pull hair, pinch,scratch . This happens especially at get together with friends, but also at random times throughout the day. It's like she just suddenly gets this surge of energy and it comes out in anger but is seemingly unprovoked.

I am trying to come up with two or three things she can do instead when she feels this way. They need to be things she can do in public places..so hitting a pillow would not work as we don't walk around with pillows. I thought of telling her, grab mommy's or daddy's arms and squeeze real hard..but I thought maybe that is to close to pinching and also we aren't always right next to her for her to do this to.

I just feel since her reaction usually so physical that the replacement behavior should be so, it seems she needs this. That is the other reason for the squeezing my hand or arm idea. I also thought what about some type of calming yoga move, like movement therapy..but I dont know..maybe it should be an action that express's more what she is feeling without hurting others.

Thoughts and stuff much appreciated..

[crittersmum]

We used to get DD to clap her hands together really hard, or stomp her feet really hard. Right now we're trying to explore how to moderate feelings through some of her books, like, "When Sophie Gets Angry...Really, Really Angry."

[DDNemo]

I was just coming on here to post this thread! My dd is 20 months and has started to throw things when she gets angry. I have just stayed calm, looked her in the eyes and told her not to throw things. But I wanted to give her an outlet to express her anger in a more appropiate way. I was also thinking of suggesting that she stomp her feet. PP thanks for suggesting that book!

[Carlyle]

Jump up and down angrily, stomp, scream (if you're okay with that), yell "I'm really mad!", roar, pound the ground with your fists (especially if you're on grass). I have a friend who left a loose stretchy headband around her son's neck like a necklace and told him to pull on that when he needed to pull on something (he was a hair puller when upset). Good luck!

[Carlyle]

Ooh, and I just read some great suggestions on another thread by mrsfatty. Here's what she wrote:

"It's OK to be angry...but there are constructive, healthy ways to get rid of that feeling and aggression.

"Hands are not for hitting" is a great book on hitting...and what hands are for...that is a children's book...

I think that when a child (or an adult) is frustrated, it's important to have tools to know what TO DO, instead of just having a "don't" list.

When my kids are angry:
They need to use their words, not their hands or feet or teeth, etc.
They can draw a picture of how angry they are (choose the angriest color, draw as fast as you are angry, make an angry face with markers, etc.--and then have them show you the picture when they are done--and then ask if they need to color it out more or if they are done)
They can BLOW it out--blowing a pinwheel or a feather or a balloon
They can stomp it out--stomp your feet
They can run it out--moving around gets out the tension
They can jump it out--jumping (like stomping) creates the noise and movement necessary to make them feel better
They can throw balls (certain balls in a certain room)
Clean up
They can leave the room and go somewhere to be alone if they want or need to

Think of activities and things TO DO when you're angry--come up with the ideas when you're calm, so you have a constructive list to work from and that you can look at when you guys are angry. For the non-reader--you can create pictures of activities to do when angry--explain the chart that has the pictures and practice.