If you have had 2 under two...

[mrsfrenchy]

I have a few questions for you:

-how old was your toddler when your baby was born?

-if you had a toddler that really liked (demanded) to be held/carried, how did that work out?

-if you had a toddler that needed to be parented to sleep for naps and bedtime, how did you handle that?

-if you had a toddler that was a hitter/scratcher, did they show agression towards the new baby?

-what kept you sane?

if I think of any more questions, I'll post them later.

[daytripper75]

I had two under two. My first was 20 months when #2 came along. It all worked out. Today they are 4.5 and 2.5 they love each other, they love me and there are no visible scars from that time.

If they both cried at the same time I would triage them, who needs me more? Can I do both?

I had my dh do my oldests bedtime routine starting when I was about 6 months so she got used to having daddy do things for her more.

The thing that kept me sane was repeating to myself "I am not the first woman to have more than one child." LOL! It worked!

Hang in there! It is all going to work out great.

[Anastasiya]

Originally Posted by mrsfrenchy

I have a few questions for you:

-how old was your toddler when your baby was born?

-if you had a toddler that really liked (demanded) to be held/carried, how did that work out?

-if you had a toddler that needed to be parented to sleep for naps and bedtime, how did you handle that?

-if you had a toddler that was a hitter/scratcher, did they show agression towards the new baby?

-what kept you sane?

if I think of any more questions, I'll post them later.

My first two are 18 months apart, my second and third are 15 months apart, and my third and fourth are 23 months apart.

My toddlers all love(d) being held. I don't do much toddler carrying-around because my back isn't very strong, so whenever someone wanted some snuggling and closeness I'd go sit down and hold them. With or without the new baby, it didn't matter - sitting and holding worked very well.

At bedtime if a child needed help sleeping I'd take the baby in with me and nurse, sit and hold/rock/bounce baby while toddler fell asleep.

I have never had a hitter or a scratcher so I can't offer any advice on that....

What kept me sane? I'm still not sane!

[Barefoot~Baker]

nak

dd1 was 21 mos

dd1 did like to be carried, it was ok bc dd2 was VERY content wherever

i weaned dd1 from my bed when i was 8 wks preg to avoid this

never aggression to baby, tho she did used to bite me

unfortunately lexapro but i'm bipolar

good luck

[Dov'sMom]

I have a few questions for you:

-how old was your toddler when your baby was born?
14 months

-if you had a toddler that really liked (demanded) to be held/carried, how did that work out?
When #2 was a newborn, I'd put him in a sling and carry #1 in my arms. After a while I learned to backcarry one of them (usually #1) and then as #2 got older, I became proficient at simply lifting two together.

-if you had a toddler that needed to be parented to sleep for naps and bedtime, how did you handle that?
Tandem nursing! #1 always nursed to sleep, so when #2 was really little I'd lie on my side by #1 and balance #2 in the crook of my upper arm, sometimes latched sometimes not. Then #2 got too heavy for that, but #1 learned to nurse from the far side, sort of leaning across me.

-if you had a toddler that was a hitter/scratcher, did they show agression towards the new baby?
N/a -- though #1 has since become a little more violent and I'm mor enervous for trouble when #3 comes along in 4-5 months...

-what kept you sane?

if I think of any more questions, I'll post them later.

[becoming]

My younger two are 20 months apart. I did a lot of sitting and holding both of them. A large recliner helped. Little one could sit on one side of me while baby was in my arms. Just remember that your babies need you more than the house or other responsibilities right now. That other stuff can wait.

[2goingon2]

Originally Posted by mrsfrenchy

I have a few questions for you:

-how old was your toddler when your baby was born?

16 MONTHS

-if you had a toddler that really liked (demanded) to be held/carried, how did that work out?

Fortunately I have the world's best husband who is the world's best father (yeah, I'm partial) and my toddler turned into a daddy's boy. There were times when only mama would do and daddy took care of the new baby while I loved on my toddler. I really don't see how single mamas do it all!

-if you had a toddler that needed to be parented to sleep for naps and bedtime, how did you handle that?

Same as above. We took turns.


-if you had a toddler that was a hitter/scratcher, did they show agression towards the new baby?

Not really but he did start to hit me when I would nurse the new baby. We just redirected and as soon as I could, I gave him a lot of love and attention. It didn't last and now he really loves on his little brother.

-what kept you sane?

Still not there!

if I think of any more questions, I'll post them later.

Don't know if I did this right - my answers are above.

I can't lie - it is incredibly tough. But, I know that they are little for only so long and there are lots of good times to go with the frustrating times. I am fortunate in that I have help from my two older kids when they are with me and my wonderful husband.

[neetling]

-how old was your toddler when your baby was born? Our oldest was a week shy of 16 months old when our middle child was born

-if you had a toddler that really liked (demanded) to be held/carried, how did that work out? Sometimes she just couldn't be carried. Or we made 2 trips. She had to learn to like Daddy more when her sister was born. I sat with both of them a lot to cuddle.

-if you had a toddler that needed to be parented to sleep for naps and bedtime, how did you handle that? I tried to get them to nap at the same time or I put the baby in her bouncer or her swing while I helped our oldest. The one with the highest level of needs sometimes takes more precedence.

-if you had a toddler that was a hitter/scratcher, did they show aggression towards the new baby? She didn't have any

-what kept you sane? My husband let me catch up on sleep on his days off and coslept with our oldest while I coslept with the newborn. It was easier for a while until the baby started sleeping better and our oldest was more content at night. It was hard at first.

[lach]

- DD was 19 months when DS was born.

- DD was super, super clingy. I was really worried about her when I went into the hospital. When I came back, she didn't quite trust me. She'd spend a little bit of time with me, and then when DH or my parents came into the room she'd run to them. It REALLY hurt my feelings. After about a week at home, she was back to normal. It's hard to snuggle both at the same time. I made sure DD got a lot of snuggle time when DS was napping. I also got really good at putting them both on my lap: DB sleeping against my chest and DD sitting on my knees, and me reading a book. Basically, it all just sort of works itself out. It was very rare that both actually needed to be held at the same time.

- That wasn't the hard part: the hard part is neatly summed up in the following law of parenting: "The amount of time #1 can play quietly by herself is the amount of time it takes #2 to fall asleep, minus one minute." And really, that only comes into play after a few months, IME, because newborns are relatively easy to put to sleep. I would put DS to sleep before I did her.

- Luckily I did NOT have a biter/hitter/scratcher. But I have friends who did, whose children never laid a hand on the new baby. I also have friends with the sweetest, gentlest children who suddenly could not be trusted within a ten foot radius of the new baby. I would worry about this if it actually becomes a problem, because how #1 reacts may surprise you. In general, toddlers love babies and are surprisingly good around them. Again, not ALL toddlers: but I wouldn't lose sleep over this one until it happens.

- What kept me sane was waiting for the really really hard part that everyone said was coming, but which never really came. Not that it was all sunshine and roses, but I can't tell you the horror stories everyone and their mother was telling me about the pure hell of two under two... and compared to what I was expecting, it was all good.

In short, you muddle through. I cannot tell you how many people said "Oh, the first two years are sooooo hard and then it's much better," but I have to say that I actually found the newborn period to be really easy, for the most part. It all just sort of worked itself out. Unless you have a particularly high needs newborn, they mostly just sleep and eat and it's pretty easy to work #1's schedule around that.

Now that #2 is mobile and touching #1's things (to use #1's definition of her things, which is EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD) it gets a bit tougher. Her new thing is to lift up his foot as he's lying there, put her toy underneath it, and then snatch it away saying "No baby! No kick! No kick toy!" It's actually hilarious. Having two is genuinely fun, for the most part

[lach]

Originally Posted by neetling

The one with teh highest level of needs sometimes akes more precedence.

This is the best general rule. And it's usually not really a close call as to who needs you the most. If #1 is whining to be carried, and #2 is screaming his head off hungry and with a diaper full of poop, well, then, waiting 10 minutes to be carried builds character In my experience, by the time you were ready to devote attention to #1 in that situation, she had already gotten bored of whining and was off playing with something.

[Sierra]

I haven't read any other responses.

Originally Posted by mrsfrenchy

I have a few questions for you:

-how old was your toddler when your baby was born?

My son was 17 months when my daughter came to live with us, but my daughter was 6 months old (they are eleven months apart).

if you had a toddler that really liked (demanded) to be held/carried, how did that work out?

Hmmm. Not sure what you mean. It was hard on our backs, but I learned to carry a kid on each hip and also to use a carrier on my front and a carrier on my back at the same time. But it did demand that our kids also had to learn how to wait a little bit for their needs to get met.

I never did master growing additional arms.

if you had a toddler that needed to be parented to sleep for naps and bedtime, how did you handle that?

It helped that my work schedule was flexible (in order to have both parents on hand when possible), and that my son also went to childcare for limited hours in the day for the first few months. We tried to put the kids to sleep around the same time so that there would be breaks in the day, but we had to stagger it enough that one kid would go to sleep while the other looked at books or whatever, and then we could tend to the next kid. That actually got *harder* as they got older because they'd keep each other awake at times. They're three and four now, and this still comes up.

if you had a toddler that was a hitter/scratcher, did they show agression towards the new baby?

My son wasn't a "hitter/scratcher" at the time, and he never really showed aggression toward our daughter. But between the two of them, there have been fights/hitting/scratching/biting incidents along the way...each one doing their fair share of the "offending behavior." That seemed to start around the time our daughter started walking, and comes up periodically depending on their developmental stages.

what kept you sane?

A commitment to getting out of the house whenever possible...and a diaper bag always packed and ready to go for that purpose.

By the way, there are some blogs that speak to all this:
http://1yearapart.blogspot.com/ and http://2undertoo.blogspot.com/ for example.

[prothyraia]

-how old was your toddler when your baby was born?
20 months

-if you had a toddler that really liked (demanded) to be held/carried, how did that work out?
My oldest was pretty independent as far as wanting to be on his own feet goes; I did sometimes wear both the toddler and the baby at the same time. It's also entirely possible to pick up a toddler and just sit him/her on your hip while you have a baby in a sling.

-if you had a toddler that needed to be parented to sleep for naps and bedtime, how did you handle that?

We would often all lay down together when someone needed to sleep. If it was the baby, sometimes my toddler would play around in the room while I nursed his brother to sleep. If it was my toddler, I would nurse him first then roll over and nurse the baby to keep him occupied while my older son cuddled against my back and fell asleep.

This helped get them on a similar nap/sleep schedule, which was great.

-if you had a toddler that was a hitter/scratcher, did they show agression towards the new baby?

Hitter. No aggression towards the baby until the baby was old enough to do things like scratch/pull hair/hit/get into his toys.

Overzealous playing and accidently hurting the baby, though, that was a big problem.

-what kept you sane?


When the baby was napping, I would sometimes put him in his bouncy seat and surround it with a mobile playpen type thing. And then drape a blanket over the top. This kept him safe from his older brother and any flying objects. Think "shark cage"

[MyFillingQuiver]

Originally Posted by mrsfrenchy

I have a few questions for you:

-how old was your toddler when your baby was born?

-if you had a toddler that really liked (demanded) to be held/carried, how did that work out?

-if you had a toddler that needed to be parented to sleep for naps and bedtime, how did you handle that?

-if you had a toddler that was a hitter/scratcher, did they show agression towards the new baby?

-what kept you sane?

if I think of any more questions, I'll post them later.

We had a 6 year old, and a 12 month old when the baby was born. LAM didn't work for us that particular go-round. Soon, we had 3 under 3 for a short time.

He was a pretty demanding baby, but by the time he was able to walk-10 months, he REALLY wanted his independence. Had he been clingy, I would have carried them both.

What kept me sane was knowing I was doing the most important job in the world. It was a busy time, but looking back was the NEATEST time in my life! Looking forward to the end of the day, when they both fell asleep and it was time for me and daddy was very wonderful, too.

We now have #5, and he is 4 months old...I would welcome them close together again. For us, it was easier than the large age gaps!

[purplemoon]

- 18 months apart
- Number one had plenty of time to be held when the baby was sleeping but not enough as he wanted of course. That was hard, but you learn to hold both sitting on the couch. Carrying? Not so much.
- We all slept together at the same time. His nap was my nap. Wonderful.
-Agression? Yes. I had to always watch them together. It was outgrown quickly.
- sanity? Who says I'm insane, I was insane once, who says I'm insane, I was insane once, who says.....sorry. I got a little side tracked.

Biggest tips ever? Sleep whenever you can and try to get nothing done at all. If you find that somehow people need to be fed and clothes clean, do it, but don't excel at it. Survive for the first 6 months. After that, you can worry about everything else.

Enjoy it while it lasts (it does go by faster when you don't have a second to think) and it isn't as hard as you think it will be.

[neetling]

Originally Posted by lach

This is the best general rule. And it's usually not really a close call as to who needs you the most. If #1 is whining to be carried, and #2 is screaming his head off hungry and with a diaper full of poop, well, then, waiting 10 minutes to be carried builds character In my experience, by the time you were ready to devote attention to #1 in that situation, she had already gotten bored of whining and was off playing with something.

oops, I forgot to spell check. I could have been nakking

[confustication]

-how old was your toddler when your baby was born?
He was 14 months, now 15 months. We're still adjusting.

-if you had a toddler that really liked (demanded) to be held/carried, how did that work out?
He loves being held and carried, and is still working on walking, so sometimes (often) he *needs* to be carried. I figure this is why women were given hips. He sits on one hip while I hold the newborn with the other arm. The day after I returned from the hospital (two days pp) I was wearing the newborn in the moby, had DS 1 on one hip, and was stirring dinner with the other hand. Usually though, DH and I split them up.

-if you had a toddler that needed to be parented to sleep for naps and bedtime, how did you handle that?

I don't. DS 1 goes to sleep on his own without a problem- and has or many month. I'm a HUGE believer in helping them learn to put themselves to sleep pretty early. (We don't do CIO, but we do encourage them gently. It works for us.)

-if you had a toddler that was a hitter/scratcher, did they show agression towards the new baby?

Not an issue here, yet. we'll see what happens when he's mobile.

-what kept you sane?

Sane? Who said I was sane?

[mbhf]

Originally Posted by mrsfrenchy

I have a few questions for you:

-how old was your toddler when your baby was born?

-if you had a toddler that really liked (demanded) to be held/carried, how did that work out?

-if you had a toddler that needed to be parented to sleep for naps and bedtime, how did you handle that?

-if you had a toddler that was a hitter/scratcher, did they show agression towards the new baby?

-what kept you sane?

if I think of any more questions, I'll post them later.

#1 was almost 22 months when #2 was born, #2 was 20 months when #3 was born, #3 was (a few weeks shy of) 24 months when #4 was born.

All of my kids have needed to be held a lot as toddlers. around the house I generally put the baby in a carrier and carried the toddler when needed (up stairs, etc) and when out and about I wore one on the front and one on the back. Generally the baby goes on the front but #2 had very high nursing needs and #3 was more easy going so once he got to be a few months old he often went on my back instead.

For bedtime, I usually just wore the baby to sleep and then got in bed with my older kids when it was time. The baby might stir when I lay down but generally they went right back to sleep. My kids have generally given naps up around the time the next baby came but I think it would have worked the same way.

My kids have always been very gentle with the baby, they are fairly gentle in general though. Well, most of them are.

I stayed sane by letting go of my expectations about how it should be. I followed their lead and gave them what they needed. It is really so much easier to do than to talk about it.

[BroodyWoodsgal]

Originally Posted by purplemoon

- 18 months apart
- Number one had plenty of time to be held when the baby was sleeping but not enough as he wanted of course. That was hard, but you learn to hold both sitting on the couch. Carrying? Not so much.
- We all slept together at the same time. His nap was my nap. Wonderful.
-Agression? Yes. I had to always watch them together. It was outgrown quickly.
- sanity? Who says I'm insane, I was insane once, who says I'm insane, I was insane once, who says.....sorry. I got a little side tracked.

Biggest tips ever? Sleep whenever you can and try to get nothing done at all. If you find that somehow people need to be fed and clothes clean, do it, but don't excel at it. Survive for the first 6 months. After that, you can worry about everything else.

Enjoy it while it lasts (it does go by faster when you don't have a second to think) and it isn't as hard as you think it will be.

Thanks for this post. I love you.

[earthmama369]

-how old was your toddler when your baby was born?
DD was 19 months old.

-if you had a toddler that really liked (demanded) to be held/carried, how did that work out?
I often wore DD on my back and DS on my front. DD went in a mei tai first, and then I would sling DS on my front over the mei tai straps.

-if you had a toddler that needed to be parented to sleep for naps and bedtime, how did you handle that?
That was hard and I didn't always handle it with grace. DH and I pulled a "divide and conquer" for bedtime and that worked well. We started getting DD used to DH settling her down at bedtime before DS was born so it wasn't new and she wouldn't associate the transition with the new baby. For naps, what worked was either luck of timing, when DS happened to fall asleep first and I could focus on DD, or putting them both in the car and going for a drive until they passed out. I never really found a good rhythm when DS was awake because he was so big I couldn't easily nurse them both at the same time and he wasn't often quiet or calm enough to let DD cuddle to sleep the way she wanted to.

-what kept you sane?
Remembering that we wanted them close so that they could really play and be friends when the baby was big enough. Remembering that this time, in the span of our lives, was short. Asking for concrete help and support from dh. A large supply of chocolate. Naps whenever I could.

[Smithie]

My oldest two are 22m20d apart, and the elder was a delayed walker. So for a while there I had a 7 lb baby and a 30 lb baby.

IIRC correctly, I dealt with the walking issue by spending a lot of time in the house, where DS could walk/crawl/climb at his own pace while DD and I wandered along behind. I didn't grocery shop with them together. When we did go places, I would carry DS on one hip and DD in the other arm through the parking lot.

Naptime was a thing of the past for DS (he gave it up during my pregnancy, how handy!) and at bedtime I would give DD to Daddy while I did DS' bedtime routine, and then I'd come back to the living room and rock and nurse DD and bring her to bed with me when I was ready. The fact that DS was sleeping in his own room was a real lifesaver for me. I could not have dealt with the two of them all night. If DS did wake at night, DH would usually go deal with him.

DS spent the first week of DD's life trying to murder her, but after that it was really just a matter of not leaving them unsupervised. DD had a lot of "parking spots" in the different rooms so it was easy to drag her around the house with me.

Sanity? Very escapist date nights. Once every couple of weeks we got a sitter and went to a tribal casino. I played slots for tiny amounts and drank Manhattans out of a plastic cup. It was totally redneck, but I loved it being in a world that was millions of miles away psychologically from Mommyland.