If you have had 2 under two... - Page 3

[BubbyBooty]

Originally Posted by mrsfrenchy

I have a few questions for you:

-how old was your toddler when your baby was born?

-if you had a toddler that really liked (demanded) to be held/carried, how did that work out?

-if you had a toddler that needed to be parented to sleep for naps and bedtime, how did you handle that?

-if you had a toddler that was a hitter/scratcher, did they show agression towards the new baby?

-what kept you sane?

if I think of any more questions, I'll post them later.

well, my oldest was 14 months when her sister was born. She always wanted to be held so I carried both as long as I could. The bed time was hard but i took her crib and took the drop side off and placed the open side against my bed to where the mattresses were even. She slept their while her baby sister slept in a sleeper thing between me and dh. My oldest loved to hit and bite but never took it out on her sister. She was always so protective of her. The only thing that kept me sane was car rides lol. It would put them both to sleep lol.

[Heidi74]

-how old was your toddler when your baby was born?

DS1 was 23 months old when DS2 was born, so I barely fit in this category.
:-)

-if you had a toddler that really liked (demanded) to be held/carried, how did that work out?

DS1 likes to be carried, but doesn't get whiny about it. I have found, though, that it helps to be a bit proactive about it. If I don't wear him at some point during the day, or have another type of alone-cuddle time (like sitting on my lap while we read), he is more likely to start hitting or throwing things. Thankfully, DS2 likes and sleeps well in the stroller bassinet, so our routine is that when we walk to the playground, DS1 sits on my back one way. Also, when DS2 is sleeping, I'll sometimes ask if DS1 wants me to carry him. He will often come and ask to sit on my back (for a few minutes at a time), but he takes it nicely if I tell him he has to wait. In the beginning, I'd tandem wear them in a crisis, but I don't really do that much anymore.

-if you had a toddler that needed to be parented to sleep for naps and bedtime, how did you handle that?

Hubby took over DS1's bedtime routine during the pregnancy. Right now, he sleeps in DS1s room, and they cosleep for part of the night. DS2 sleeps with me. (It has gotten so I've completely tuned out DS1 in the night...I literally do not wake up when he needs attention. I know, it's awful, but it's because I trust DH to care for his needs, and I need every bit of sleep I can get.) In this situation, I believe that divide and conquer is the way to go, even if it means sleeping apart for a while.

Naps--DS1 sleeps best in his stroller, so in the beginning I would often jiggle the stroller while the baby rode in a sling...or take them both for a walk in the stroller. That was also the best way to get them both to sleep at the same time. Now, DS1 falls asleep on his own for naps, but that's how I did it in the beginning.

-if you had a toddler that was a hitter/scratcher, did they show agression towards the new baby?
He was not a hitter or scratcher, but after the baby came he started doing this on occasion. It seems to be more to get our attention than jealousy...at least that's how we interpret it.

-what kept you sane?

-Having help the first couple of weeks. DH was able to take three weeks off to care for DS1 and do the housework in the beginning.
-Having excellent outdoor gear so we can get out regardless of the weather. (Last week was the first time since DS2 was three weeks old where we had a few days that we didn't go outside. When the weather reached 5F, that was just too low for us. Otherwise, we go outside every day, and I wear DS2 inside my kindercoat..) Really--going outside has saved many a day. They nap so much better when they're in the stroller too.
-Good slings and baby carriers
-A good double stroller that is comfortable enough for them to nap in
-Occasionally going on an outing with just me and the baby, while DH takes care of DS1. Really--it's amazing how going out with just one child feels like a break! (I haven't been able to go out with just DS1 yet, since DS2 is BF, so he kind of has to come along.)

[CTH3989]

-how old was your toddler when your baby was born?
My DS was 20 months when DD was born.

-if you had a toddler that really liked (demanded) to be held/carried, how did that work out?
No help here, sorry.

-if you had a toddler that needed to be parented to sleep for naps and bedtime, how did you handle that?
DS started to become more independent when DD was born so I didn't have much trouble in this area. Usually, DD was sleeping when I needed to get DS down for a nap and bedtime or I would cuddle them both in bed with me.

-if you had a toddler that was a hitter/scratcher, did they show agression towards the new baby?
Sorry, no trouble here.

-what kept you sane?
Knowing that soon, my oldest would be out of the 'baby' stage and would be a little more independent.

[peaceful_mama]

I had a 4 year-plus a month-old and DD 5 days shy of 22 months old when DS2 was born.

DD has never been aggressive to the baby, she seemed to understand that he was a baby, not like her older brother.

My mom lives with us, I think the parenting-to-sleep went easier because she got to have a choice sometimes between the two of them. (DH works evenings) or between my mom and me if baby was asleep or content. She weaned because of the pregnancy so that helped a lot too.

She also sort of outgrew all her carrying and babywearing through the pregnancy, I kind of had to stop, she adjusted.

[Heavenly]

Originally Posted by mrsfrenchy

I have a few questions for you:

-how old was your toddler when your baby was born? My son was 21 months when my first daughter

-if you had a toddler that really liked (demanded) to be held/carried, how did that work out? I would alternate between carrying my 21 month old in the carrier and putting the baby in the stroller and carrying my baby and putting my 21 month old in the stroller. Unfortunately there will just be times when you HAVE to carry the baby and yes, the toddler will be upset but that happens sometimes

-if you had a toddler that needed to be parented to sleep for naps and bedtime, how did you handle that? My son still wanted to be rocked to sleep for his nap and bedtime. Bedtime was easy because DH could do it while I took care of the baby but at naptime I would nurse the baby and then put her in the playpen and go rock my son. Sometimes I would hear the baby start to yell and I would have to put my toddler down and then the toddler would start to scream and NOBODY would nap that day but as stressful as it seems at the time you get through it. And no one is any worse for the wear in the long run.

-if you had a toddler that was a hitter/scratcher, did they show agression towards the new baby? Yes, my 21 month old was agressive to the baby. I had to nurse in a defensive stance because he would come and slap her in the head every time I nursed her. He also threw toys at her and tried to push her off me. We just kept reinforcing over and over (and over) again that we use gentle touches with the baby and talked about how the baby was little. We also talked alot about how the baby was so lucky to have the toddler as a big brother and how the toddler was such a wonderful help and how to baby would want to grow up to be just like the big brother. Basically just keep giving all the love you can and NEVER, EVER leave the baby alone in the room with the toddler. EVER. My mother's cousin was permanently brain damaged by his 18 month old brother who hit him in the head with a toy train when he was an infant. You can never be too careful

-what kept you sane? Sleep whenever you can, even if it's only for 15 minutes. Lay out the baby and the toddler's clothes the night before and make sure all your cloth diapers are washed (if you are using them). Lay out snacks for the toddler in a tray, like a veggie tray. Put little pieces of fruit, veggies, cheese, meat, crackers, etc. into it so you can lay that you when you are nursing and don't have to worry about the toddler all of a sudden being hungry. Get a basket full of little toys and books that your toddler is ONLY allowed to play with while you are nursing the baby. Switch out the items every so often so it stays interesting. Take all the help anyone offers you. If someone offers help ask them to fold your laundry, do your grocery shopping, make you a meal, whatever. Make sure you get some time for yourself. Give the baby a good nurse and just go out for an hour by yourself and have tea with a friend. Everyone will be fine and you'll feel refreshed when you get back. Make sure your partner realizes that having one is like having one and having two is like have ten! lol Sleep, sleep, sleep, but I already said that. And realize it goes by so fast! My two are 7 and 8 now and although the first year or two is a blur I made it through and it's all good now. Of course if you read my tag line you will see my 3rd is over 3 years younger than my second and yes, that was on purpose! lol But I did make it through the first two relatively unscathed.

if I think of any more questions, I'll post them later.

[ChetMC]

My Answers

How old was your toddler when your baby was born?
...our girls are exactly 16 months apart and our boys are exactly 17 months apart.

If you had a toddler that really liked (demanded) to be held/carried, how did that work out?
...DH took over a lot of the carrying. He'll carry the toddler in a back carrier while I carry the baby in the sling for outings. Holding two kids isn't so bad for a short time when one weighs less than ten pounds too. Often the compromise is that I will just sit down with the toddler rather than lifting them up to where I am. We also let our toddlers sit on the kitchen counter.

If you had a toddler that needed to be parented to sleep for naps and bedtime, how did you handle that?
...nurse the baby while the toddler is going to sleep or get the baby to sleep first. This has honestly not been a problem for us.

If you had a toddler that was a hitter/scratcher, did they show aggression towards the new baby?
....Our older DD was not a hitter or a scratcher so this wasn't a problem when younger DD was born. Older DS did hit the baby for about a week. We constantly demonstrated appropriate ways to touch a baby, and the whacking was eventually replaced with patting and legitimate hugging. Now, we were very fortunate however that DS was in a hardcore toddler copying phase when baby DS was born. If he'd been older and in the defiant, testing boundaries, do exactly the opposite of what I ask stage this would have been a lot harder. In my experience, younger than 18 months is too young for most kids to experience real jealousy. I think it's generally harder for 2 or 2.5 year olds to accept a new baby.

Stay sane?
...I don't know if I'm sane, but I like having closely spaced children. With kids that are close in age you can quickly achieve a high degree of parallelism. People think that our girls are twins. They are always together. They wear the same clothes. They enjoy the same toys, books and outings. They share a room and go to bed at the same time, and putting two to bed at the same time is way faster than putting one child to bed and then another. Our second DD and our first DS are 2.5 years apart and although they get along and play together (especially when older DD is at school) it's not the same as being near age mates which is the case with DD's 1 and 2. I'm really hoping that the boys will have the same kind of relationship in a year or so.