How to influence them now?

[BedHead]

My kids were not raised the way I would do it if I was doing it now. Oh there were some things I did like co sleep, wear them, etc. but for the most part their upbringing was mainstream. They weren't gently disciplined, extended breast fed, homeschooled, or any of the other things that if I had it to do over I would do. And their diet was atrocious. They are 20, 18 and 15 1/2.

I am wondering if people have ideas of things I can do now to try and influence their decisions when they have their own kids, to try to gently get them to at least be open to more 'crunchy' thinking with their kids? Or am I too late? Please note this is not coming from a place of guilt, but from one of wanting to continue to do the best I can for my kids, even though they're basically adults now. And I do NOT want to become one of 'those' mothers either, or HEAVEN FORBID mothers-in-law!!

[Oriole]

Hm... I think I would just have small talks now and then reflecting on your parenting, and allowing them to see what you feel about the choices you've made as a mother.

Food is probably the easiest bit, since you can still lead by example there, even after they've grown.

**** I ask myself the same questions, since I did not get a final say in many choices of raising DSD. I just try to be an example in today and now, of what I hope she will become as a parent. I don't think one can do much more than that?

[karne]

Here's my two cents, FWIW. I think that no matter your parenting style early on, if you have a loving respectful relationship, that probably is the best thing at the particular ages your kids are at. I recall as a college age student having an amazing relationship with a couple for whom I baby sat frequently, and eventually lived with. They shared pretty openly about their relationship, values, thoughts about being a couple, being individuals, raising children, love, etc. It was so eye opening to be treated with respect by people older than I, and given access to adult ideals and real life parenting situations. I really took it all in-it was very formative for me. I guess that's all to say that I think communication and honesty about life choices and decisions is extremely important.

[littleteapot]

Model the behavior you want to instill. This works far better than any lecture.

When the opportunity comes up, talk a little about why you do those "Weird" things you do. Don't make it preachy or weird, and don't make it judgmental - teens are especially sensitive to any condescending tone and are probably going to throw out anything you say if they sense any, "I'm better than..." rhetoric hidden in there.

A random example: We don't let our kids drink cow's milk (mostly due to family history of allergies, but also health reasons: re, behavioral and autism), but my sister is totally hooked on it. When my daughter asked us at the dinner table, tearfully, why M gets to drink it and we don't we were put in an awkward position: we didn't want to implicate her as doing "bad" but also take the opportunity to educate everyone, while also letting her know that as you get older you gain the ability to make informed choices for yourself. I also took another opportunity during really glaring, "DRINK MILK" commercial that airs here almost every 15 minutes to reiterate a few messages to M. We talked about how being "bad" for you hasn't hurt the ice cream industry - and the milk people should stop trying to be something they aren't... while she enjoyed a cool glass of it.