Preschool parent/teacher conference-seemed negative

[MisaGoat]

I had my first parent/teacher conference today.

It seemed like most of what was said was negative. He started less than 2 months ago and had not been in daycare or any group setting before.

-Said he was aggressive
-Want to evaluate his verbal skills at the pediatrician

I really, really do not see my son as aggressive. He doesn't roughhouse with me at all and rarely with Dad.

He is due for a physical so I'll ask about the verbal skills then, although I really don't think he is behind at all. He has a great vocabulary, sings and recites stories from memory.

There were other things too but I feel like her expectations for a 3 year old are very high.

He loves going to school, his teachers and the friends.

I was really upset that they kept bringing up the fact that he is an only child (not for lack of effort).

[Tjej]

I'm sorry. Maybe he isn't talking much at school and is expressing himself physically instead? That could account for the difference you're seeing between what you know about your DS and what the teacher had to say.

It's too bad that they seem so negative about things. Have you had a chance to watch them in action and see if there are bits of advice you could give them about how to interact positively with your DS?

Tjej

[eepster]

Sometimes kids act very differently in a school setting than they do at home.

We have been having issues with DS being very wild at school. While I was talking to his teachers about it recently, DS was getting into everything interrupting, wanting to run around the classroom, etc, etc. I mentioned that this is what he is like at home, and I could see how it might be more of a problem in a group setting. They then informed me that this was actually calm for him.

It's very possible that he seems like a completely different child when you're not around.

[MisaGoat]

Every time I've come to pick him up, he has been either sitting at the table doing puzzles, playing a color/shape bingo game, playing with animals, not running around yelling or making a mess. He puts away what he is playing with before he comes home.

I am sure he acts differently in a group setting but I don't think drastically so. I'll try to come into his school and spend some time in the classroom.

[purplemoon]

I would suggest that you observe the classroom. My son at his old school was labeled as aggressive and when I observed, I saw that the older kids (he was 2) were dragging him by the arm. He has some sensory issues, and he really freaks when held by the arm. I suggested that the younger kids and the older kids have seperate playtimes or they monitor better.

Also, my son was not verbal (yes, he does have a language delay but he DOES talk) at the school he was at. At all. They only knew he could talk when it was naptime and he was singing the ABC song to himself. This was after 3 months.

So, yes, kids can act differently at school than at home, yes there may be reasons either the school or just learning to socialize and learning to speak up that may factor in. Either way, if you and your son love this school, it will resolve itself.

However, I wonder about a school that focuses on the negative. Our parent teacher conferences at my son's current school (which is the best ever, but I am partial) focus on the strengths. Then we talk about "what we are working on". Even the discussion of my son's speech was done with nothing but compassion and respect. You leave thinking your kid is AWESOME because every kid is. And you know some skills that you can work on at home to make them more AWESOME.

I would be upset with a conference like that, and that has nothing to do with your son. He is young and new to the experience. He needs time, that is all.

But, it is great how your son loves it there. That is the most important thing!

[Purple Cat]

My sister had an only child, and received comments from the K teacher that her son had a hard time dealing with the other kids because, well, they acted like kindergardeners. Her son was so used to being around adults, that being surrounded by all these little grabby, immature kids challenged him. I wonder if your son might be acting "aggressive" when confronted by immature behavior. Just a thought. I think teachers tend to really, really flag "aggressive" behavior more than other behavioral issues and probably over-react. I felt much better when a social worker from Early Intervention complained with exasperation how worked up people get b/c there little kid hit another kid and simply ignore the quiet child who never stands up for himself and withdraws. My bet is if the teachers kept emphasizing your child being an only child they were responding more to his lack of experience dealing with a huge group of kids his own age.

The kids are still learning social skills, and if this is your child's first year in a school, he may be going up the learning curve in dealing with a group of kids, which is normal and expected. I would ask for specific examples of teh concerning behavior and observe the class.

My daughter started transition 2 y.o. preschool and never said a word. Never. At home, she had been precociously verbal. I think kids can be very, very quiet/silent in new settings, which is normal.

If your son likes the school, I would probably try to just continue and chalk up the teachers comments to their own lack of tact/over-reaction.

I get really worked up when people say anything negative about my child, too.