so emotionally low - need help please :(

[Tear78]

Ok, so I'm on CD2 of cycle 18, and I'm feeling like maybe I'm just not supposed to be a mommy. I've been hiding in my little niche in the TTC threads but I'm starting to feel out of place there where I'm constantly exposed to people getting pregnant at the drop of a hat. Does anybody have advice for me? I supposedly have a luteal phase defect as diagnosed by my OB by looking at my many many charts where my temp drops at around 7dpo and hovers just above coverline with spotting before my period. So I've been taking progesterone suppositories, but this cycle they don't even seem to have worked: look here I tried one cycle of Clomid, but when my OB said she didn't think I needed an ultrasound before taking it again, I decided she maybe wasn't the person to be monitoring my infertility. I think I might need a fertility specialist. Does anybody have advice where to start, or hopeful support for me? I'm just so so so discouraged and feeling like this will never happen. Thank you.

[luckymamato2]

I just had to reply. Have you been checked for open tubes? Has your partner been tested? Blood tests? I think I would go to an RE for a consult and tell them what you want, if it's more natural or more advanced help. You may want to visit a few if you have those options near you. Then sign up for the testing. Many insurance companies cover diagnostic workups, but not treatment. Find out what you have and make some decisions. IVF is not a guaranteed pregnancy no matter what they tell you or how young you are and it is very expensive. We did it 3 times, all fresh cycles, and we transferred all viable embryos each time. None were ever able to be frozen (not good quality and the Dr's had no good reason).

I think I have some kind of a luteal phase defect as well. I start spotting with high temps and my first day of full out bleeding I usually still have a high temp. Right now I have less than 28 day cycles, sometimes 21 days, with 9-10 days of spotting, bleeding, and spotting. I am awaiting some blood test results to see if there's something wrong with my hormones.

Don't give up on becoming a mama. It doesn't sound like you're done with doctors, you just need to find someone who specializes in infertility.

[kristenok18]

I'm so sorry. The days where the pain never stops and the heartache is more than you can bear are tough to endure. I cannot even venture over to the regular ttc board....much too painful. If you find it too much, hang out over here.

I would definitely look into a different dr. If your insurance allows, see a reproductive endocrinologist. Otherwise, call around for another obgyn who seems to be more helpful (or at least more knowledgeable!!) about ART. Someone who is willing to be more proactive. But don't wait for them to suggest things...be a squeaky wheel. Insist that they either monitor you on a cycle where you're using meds, or make sure they can satisfactorily explain why they don't think that is needed. Also, make sure that you get the standard tests done for both you and your partner. We were surprised to find that we had both male and female factors (this after we had one dc). At least we know what our issues are now so that we know which direction to go.

[Tear78]

Thank you so much for responding! I actually really like my OB, but I don't think she's specialized enough for infertility, since she gave me Clomid without any kind of monitoring.

I guess I'm looking for a more definite idea of what's wrong with me/us. I don't think my tubes are blocked because I got pregnant two months in a row, though I know that doesn't mean for sure it was from both ovaries. The first one was a chemical preg after 8 months charting and TTC, and the second was a blighted ovum discovered "not viable" at 9wks. That was in February, and nothing since then.

DH and I had planned to try the progesterone one more time before going in for a consult with a RE, but this recent experience really scared me: either the progesterone isn't working anymore or the batch from the pharmacy was bad. I called my OB but I missed their call back.

I have an appointment with my regular doctor on 11/2. My DH met with her for an unrelated event and she recommended checking my thyroid. She's a really thorough doctor, and I think she would do blood work, so that's a good start I guess. DH is out of the country now anyway, so I kind of feel like there's no chance of meeting with a RE this cycle anyway, but I kind of want to get the ball rolling.

It's so hard to find a balance between overstressing the whole thing, and waiting too long for help we might find out later could have solved everything. how do I find out if my insurance covers infertility help? I know I'm not giving up on being a mama...I just feel so scared to take hte next step, and I guess I've lost that feeling that science can explain everything since my cycles have been so messed up since the m/c and my chart and symptoms no longer seem to make sense to me.

I'm sorry for the ramble. It's so super helpful to hear from you ladies!!! Thank you!

[lotusblossom9]

I highly suggest going to a reproductive endocronologist. We tried for almost 2 years on our own and finally went to the RE. We now have a healthy 15 month old. I wish we had gone sooner!

Call your insurance company and ask what the infertility coverage is. When you call, ask if there is someone who specializes in questions on infertility coverage. At my insurance company, there is a nurse who deals with all of the IF questions. I have actually gotten conflicting information from other people, which is why I always ask for her. The following states have mandated IF coverage: Arkansas, California, Connectiut, Hawaii, Illinois, Maryland, Massachusetts, Montana, New York, New Jersey, Ohio, Rhode Island, Texas, or West Virginia. If you do not live in one of these states, you could still have coverage, it's just that these states have to offer some sort of coverage.

I suggest asking your insurance company to send you a paper copy of your IF coverage or asking if they have the information online. Like I said, I have gotten conflicting information from the insurance company, so it helps to have it all in writing.

I can relate to how you are feeling because I was at a similar point. It was actually a relief, and empowering in a way, to find out why I wasn't getting pregnant and the steps to take to get pregnant. I won't lie, it can be a hard road, but I have a beautiful son and I don't ever, ever regret going for help at the RE.

Also, if you meet with an RE, ask if they monitor on Clomid. My first RE didn't and I happened to read on another Infertility board about a woman, who went to the same doctor, who got Ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome because she was not monitored on Clomid. I decided to go for a second opinion. I went for a second opinion, who diagnosed me differently anyway, and monitored me on Clomid. I got pregnant on the first cycle with that doctor, after 9 months with the first one.

Keep us posted! Don't hesitate to PM me if you need any help with trying to figure out IF coverage!

[Tear78]

thank you, thank you thank you for sharing your story with me and that valuable information. I keep trying to tell myself that there is a path out of this hole for DH and me. There just must be. I have to believe that. I would have more faith in the path if I had medical evidence that the steps we were taking were heading us in the right direction. I spoke with my DH about this tonight on the phone, actually. Our niece was born in Germany today, 2 1/2 weeks after my due date. I'm sure many of you can understand how I'm feeling right now. It's a very volatile emotional place to be. DH was so sweet, and so caring, and so loving in his proclamation that he just knew we would be in their shoes together someday. I think he will be up for going to a RE with me soon after he gets back. Hopefully feeling like we're moving forward will help me feel less helpless. Thank you again, this has been a real support for me tonight.

ps - I just wanted to add that I remember the first couple times I posted on the TTC board how I felt like I had to earn my way in to get people to reply. I know I am new over here, I am so touched by how you ladies have reached out to me and been so supportive. Thank you!!!

[kristenok18]

Oh, gosh, that's a lot to take today. . My nephew was born 2 weeks before I would have been due (m/c at 8wks). The physical pain I felt from grief then was literally incapacitating. Not an easy time at all.

[WeasleyMum]

I'm echoing all the great replies here-- see an RE. I would tell anybody who's having a hard time concieving to see a specialist sooner rather than later; I waited longer than I should have. Finding out what's covered shouldn't be too difficult, just call your insurance provider, or go to their website (usually easier). Your OB may be great, but infertility isn't really what they specialize in. Find out who she would reccommend as the next step.

Don't listen to that awful, 'maybe I'm not meant to be a mom' feeling: punch it in the face. I had four miscarriages, one after another, and felt the same way-- that maybe it just wasn't meant to be. I was so sure that pregnancy # 5 was going to end the same way, except that it didn't, and now I'm a mom. Even after the whole pregnancy and almost five months of motherhood, it's still hard to believe when I think back to before. Don't give up, and don't believe those thoughts. 18 cycles is a long time... I hope that you are successful very soon.

[Oriole]

My sister has been through this roller-coaster, and you have to believe it will be okay. *hugs* It took her many months, doubts and heartache, but they did eventually go to a doctor, and she is expecting twins due in three months.

You'll be a mommy. It will be okay

[Carlyle]

I just thought I'd pop in to say I love you HERE, even though I already said it on the phone. I love you.

[newmommy7-08]

Honey you NEED an RE! Just because your DH is unavailable doesn't mean you can't get the ball rolling. Your first cycle is probably going to be a monitoring cycle anyway. They'll have you do a bunch of blood tests, possibly an u/s, poss checking for blocked tubes and other things like that. DH will only have to give a sperm sample... which can be done anytime they're open. We did 16 months of TTC on our own. then 8 cycles with the RE. The first cycle was monitoring, then we did 6 cycles of clomid, 4 at 50 mg for 5 days and 2 at 100 mg for 7 days, always w/ blood work, and u/s. It took 4 cycles for them to decide that the clomid wasn't enough and I wasn't ovulating on my own no matter what the clomid tried to do. So the last 2 cycles we added an ovidrel trigger shot which makes you ovulate w/in 24-48 hours, had timed intercourse, and on the second cycle of that it worked!

My point is the RE's office is properly equipped to completely monitor yoru cycle, something your reg. ob is not. You would still be going back to your ob once you get pregnant. So it's not like you're leaving her forever, you're just saying.... ok we need a specialist to help us out here, so we'll see you in a month or so when i get my BFP! Oh and if your concern is u want your dh to meet the re, you can always make another appt w/ them when he's back.

I've got a great reccommendation for an RE in the SW PA area if you're w/in that area!

[Jrene]

Originally Posted by Tear78

Ok, so I'm on CD2 of cycle 18, and I'm feeling like maybe I'm just not supposed to be a mommy. I've been hiding in my little niche in the TTC threads but I'm starting to feel out of place there where I'm constantly exposed to people getting pregnant at the drop of a hat. Does anybody have advice for me? I supposedly have a luteal phase defect as diagnosed by my OB by looking at my many many charts where my temp drops at around 7dpo and hovers just above coverline with spotting before my period. So I've been taking progesterone suppositories, but this cycle they don't even seem to have worked: look here I tried one cycle of Clomid, but when my OB said she didn't think I needed an ultrasound before taking it again, I decided she maybe wasn't the person to be monitoring my infertility. I think I might need a fertility specialist. Does anybody have advice where to start, or hopeful support for me? I'm just so so so discouraged and feeling like this will never happen. Thank you.

I know how you're feeling. I've often asked myself that same question. Don't give up hope. But I do think you need to see a specialist. That way you'll get monitored better and get better answers on why you're not getting pregnant.

The RE may want to try other methods with the clomid and maybe you're not on a high enough dose. I personally take 100mg and 150mg, then take a trigger shot, then 36hrs later do IUI. Which IUI are pretty inexpensive.

You need to start looking for RE's and maybe think about IUI, its usually the step some do before IVF.

[Tear78]

I called a fertility clinic in my area (western New York). It was recommended by a friend. I'm so scared. Thank you so much for helping me have courage to call. I guess I wait and see if/when they can see me. I also need to talk with DH about it again, but I think he's on board. We're just so afraid of what they'll say. But if it's bad news, knowing will probably be better than waiting and agonizing, and then knowing. Thank you again for your support!!!

[lotusblossom9]

Originally Posted by Tear78

I called a fertility clinic in my area (western New York). It was recommended by a friend. I'm so scared. Thank you so much for helping me have courage to call. I guess I wait and see if/when they can see me. I also need to talk with DH about it again, but I think he's on board. We're just so afraid of what they'll say. But if it's bad news, knowing will probably be better than waiting and agonizing, and then knowing. Thank you again for your support!!!

Tear78,
I'm so glad you are finding support on here. I'm glad you called the fertility clinic!
Did you happen to call your insurance company yet? Is that fertility clinic covered? FYI, my insurance company requires that you call them before you go to the RE to authorize the initial consultation. Just thought I'd mention that...so you aren't denied coverage.
When you go, I suggest taking all of the information you have...of passed cycles, charts, etc. I would also ask your OB to send a copy of your file to the RE's office (and also get a paper copy for yourself). I kept a binder with all of my info organized in plastic sleeves. I think it helped to give the RE a complete picture of what had been going on.
I was very scared before going to the RE too. But you are one step closer to finding out what they can try to help you have a baby. Keep us posted!

[Happily Blessed]

everybody is saying what I would normally say. So I just wanted to give big hugs to you. We dealt with infertility for 7.5 years before we were able to conceive my son with IVF. He will be 3 in January and we are not able to conceive a sibling for him.

God bless you on this journey to motherhood.

[Jane]

Hey Tear!
I'm in a similar boat, in that we've been trying for awhile with one miscarriage. Dh and I were just talking today about what we are willing to pursue and what can be done and what we know.
As you do, we know that I ovulate, at least occasionally. There's at least one pathway from ovary to uterus. My dh made at least one good sperm, once. That's a lot of postive things. You know your body was good enough at being pregnant to hold onto a pregnancy for 9 weeks even though there wasn't a baby to help sustain the pregnancy.
I am looking forward to getting more information. A sperm analysis for dh, thyroid studies for me (I alternate between low and regular thyroid), a look at my blood sugars (family history of diabetes is strong), possible an exam of my tubes or hormone studies during my cycle. I'm not sure where we'll go with the information, but it will be good to be standing on a foundation of information.
I do think an RE is the place to go. There isn't a lot of reason to waste good time when you're sure you want a baby now.
I am def feeling weird as I approach my due date. Hugs to you.

[Vermillion]

Tear, I'm sorry you're having trouble, HUGE s

I have no real advice, as I'm trying to figure out what my issues are as well. My body is just rebelling BIG TIME against the thought of getting pregnant right now, so I feel your frustration.

Sending you lots of good thoughts! I hope you get some answers soon so you can figure out the best plan of action!

[lisko15]

Tear...



I'm so glad that you called a fertility clinic. As for your insurance questions, being located so "near" you, I would suggest checking their website. We have Excellus and I found out everything that they cover on the website. I just searched "infertility" on the main page for members. I hope that tidbit can help, even though you may have different insurance.

I will PM you in the a.m. sometime.

to you!

[Noelle C.]

Honey, no more Clomid without monitoring. Even with montoring, high-order multiples happen. It's been over a year. Time for an RE.

Also call your insurance company directly for coverage info, and be prepared for the possibility you'll have to fight to get them to follow through.

[newmommy7-08]

I do want to add one thing. Don't be surprised if your RE doesn't pay much attention to any charting that you've done. Mine sort of blew it off and when I questioned her she told me that temping and charting is extremely subjective. Room temp, motion during sleep, not waking at exactly the same time, reaching for the thermometer can all have an effect on your temping making it not as accurate. We temped and charted for months and showed a definate pattern of ovulation. She proved via blood tests and u/s that at least from that cycle on I wasn't actually ovulating w/o meds, even tho I had very regular AFs.