Would You Say This in Letter to Head Start?

[Purple Cat]

Background: the Head Start coordinator boldly told me that it was "better for Head Start" if my daughter with life-threatening food allergies did not attend their program because they serve meals. He wanted her to go to the state pre-K program. To him, it was fait accompli. I fought it because Head Start had a superior program to state pre-K and his efforts to move my daughter out was blatant illegal discrimination.

This coordinator, in turn, has been very difficult to me. He refused to give my children bus passes or bus schedules. He refused to return any phone calls regarding when they could start attending or our need for bus info/passes. I finally had ot go to the Director after 4 requests where completely ignored.

Now, the coordinator sent me a letter saying that he needed to meet with me and the teachers b/c my children leave 45 minutes early for a dance class that their OT strongly recommended they take. (She's writing a letter explaining that they need to be involved in community activities and this class in particular was very good for their issues). They also miss for some of their therapy b/c right now that's the only appt. time available. The letter seems to acknowledge that our med. appts. are fine.

He asks me to give him a day and time I can meet with him and teh teachers.

I don't want my children to be present during hte meeting. His first meeting with me he slammed his fist on the table (as the very first words and action after sitting down) and exclaimed, "Twins are always separated. No exceptions." The next meeting, with my very anxious daughter, cowering on my lap, curled up for protection, he shook his finger in my face, and frankly frightened me. My daughter completely melted down. I had to get a child psychologist to help my daughter who was already afraid b/c of an allergen exposure, feel comfortable going to school.

This coordinator also asked very intrusive personal questions in front of my children that showed tremendous insensitivity to my children.

Both my children are scared of him; I certainly do not feel comfortable with him myself or want him around my children.

I think this is simply retaliation and part of hte on-going problem I have with this guy. He copied hte director on the letter. I want to write all the reasons I don't want to have a meeting with him and teachers when my children are present.

Would you do it? Thoughts?

[KJoslyn78]

my first thought - my children would not go there... no. The simple fact taht he acts this way in front of children would have me worried about how he treats children when their parents are not in their presence.

[lindberg99]

Originally Posted by KJoslyn78

my first thought - my children would not go there... no. The simple fact taht he acts this way in front of children would have me worried about how he treats children when their parents are not in their presence.

I agree. Why do you even want them to go there? Or are they at a center where the coordinator isn't??

If they are getting OT, is it possible they could go to an early intervention preschool? (Or maybe that's what you meant by the state pre-K program?)

[Purple Cat]

The Head Start teachers that my children have are gentle and kind, much more so than the state pre-K teachers. (They are 4, so an EArly Intervention program isn't possible for them). This coordinator guy doesn't work with the children. He does the paperwork for enrollment, paperwork for transportation, and then if hte family is having a problem, like the kids aren't coming to school, he acts as a liaison with the parents. If he was involved with the kids, we wouldn't go.

[kay4]

Originally Posted by KJoslyn78

my first thought - my children would not go there... no. The simple fact taht he acts this way in front of children would have me worried about how he treats children when their parents are not in their presence.

ditto.

[Subhuti]

Guys...she may not have other options besides this program. Life is limited in that way at times.

I feel it is really inappropriate to have children in the room during the discussion. I also get the sense that you need to start a detailed log of what has happened. Like days you made the phone calls, how many you made, how they were not returned.

Also... is there anyone you can take into the meeting for support? A spouse? A relative? It sounds like a den of tigers...

I really feel for you... it's so hard when the petty bureaucrats seem to control your life. Schooling isn't mandatory til a certain age in each state, if you take them out early a couple of times each week for the OT recommended dance, there is not much they can do, right?

I feel it is terrible your little ones are being punished for having food allergies. The program needs to alter its menu to help you out. Our school adopted a no-peanut rule because a few kids get very ill from nuts.

LIz

[SageR]

If you have a good relationship with the teachers I suggest you go to them and ask that they act as go betweens for you. I always had a couple families who didn't really want to deal with anyone but me and I was happy to accomodate them.

I do think I would write a formal letter of complaint about this guy, though. The behavior you describe is really unprofessional and quite opposed to the nature of Head Start - he should be doing backflips to make your family comfortable. My last year teaching I had 12 out of 18 children receiving some kind of therapy or special accomodation. Being flexible is a big part of that program.

[daytripper75]

See if you can get a parent advocate to go along with you. Some states have groups that provide a professional to go along with you and make sure the law is being followed and that you are being served appropriately.
If you can't find an advocate, ask a smart, calm friend to come along. I've heard that it is best if the friend is male.
Also, take a look around wrightslaw.com and see what you can find that pertains to you. Print it out and have it ready.

Be strong, mama!

[eepster]

I'm a bit confused, are you thinking of writing to him, or his supervisors?

I would not bother writing to him to change the meeting, and I would simply cancel the meeting you have with him.

I would write to who ever is above him in the headstart program and I would put in all your past issues, as well as why you do not wish to attend a meeting with him now. If those letters got me nowhere, I would send another round of letters that involved elected officials and clearly stated that a third round would involve the press.

[Purple Cat]

Thank you for all the helpful suggestions. You are right, PP. I don't think writing him would be beneficial. I'm stressed, and am having a hard time calculating the best way to respond, which is why I posted. It's much better to detail for his supervisor, the head of hte program, why I do not want to meet with him.

I have solid documentation for my children's absences for therapies. I have orders from their pediatrician for the therapies. I have the OT's and PT's tests showing their fine motor skills are in the 1st percentile, as in horrible, and my son's gross motor delays are significant, 9th percentile.

I think i have a good case that if the school refuses to provide therapy, but a documented need for services, then their absences need to be excused. (They were found ineligible for an IEP). AFter all, I'm being told I have to document that the children already receive services b/c Head Start is required to help parents access medical services, such as OT and PT, that their children need.

Thank you. I love being able to get some suggestions and insight instead of just ruminating and worrying.

[Free Thinker]

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. I guess I don't understand why this one man has to be involved? I would think that the delays would be adequate to request an IEP, does this program just not do them? WHy doesn't your child qualify for one? THose are just a few questions I would ask, because it sounds like your twins both do have reason to request an IEP. I know you say that this school has a superior progam, but maybe the other school would be more accomodating? I would write a letter stating the dates and time you are available for a meeting, and go in with a list of questions you have about the FUTURE dealing with your children. I wouldn't bring up all the bus pass stuff or not returning e-mails (I agree it's awful, but it won't get you anywhere at this point). I would have a list of the Drs and types of therapy your kids get outside of school, along with assessment type forms that show where they are currently at. Try to speak more to the teachers and gently ignore the coordinator. I would not take the kids to this meeting, and I would have everything organized so that the super could see that you are an organized and concerned mom

Good Luck!

OH, and at our school they do sometimes ask that twins be in different rooms, but it is ultimately up to the parent if you insist! I think it varies depending on the school, but from what I have read on twins and school, everyone is different. Some are ready to be separated, some are not, and sometimes one twin is ready to, and the other still needs the security of their twin. It's something that a MOM knows best If I were you, I would do whatever YOU think will be best for each of them. I would think at 4 that they would still want to be together, but you may also want to talk to the therapist because sometimes twins w/ speech delays do better when you separate them. I know mine are only 2, but they do not have many actual "words" instead they chatter on and make all kinds of sounds 'words' that only the two of them understand. Because they both understand what the other is saying, they don't even attempt to say most words. I am hoping this improves with age, but it may be something to consider when thinking about separating them.

[lauren]

Does the program have a policy/procedure for grievance and appeals (like hospitals & other providers do)? You may want to file with this more formal channel to have your concerns resolved. Check the program handbook.

[yarngoddess]

It seems to me that you REALLY need some sort of an advocate that's on your side here! It feels like this man thinks that he can bully and yell his way into submission, and those are BAD qualities that reflect poorly on the Head Start program. I would go OVER his head- to his boss and talk about these issues. There is NO reason for this man to behave the way you've described. Keep us updated.

[Purple Cat]

Thank you so much, everyone, for your helpful comments and support. I feel the same way. I cannot imagine how many people he bullies into things, given his behavior.

So far, I have a draft letter addressed to the Head Start Director stating I will gladly talk to the teachers about my children's 45 minute absence once a week. I briefly explain our reasons for the absence. Then, I explain that I am not able to meet with this coordinator and cannot permit my children to be around him and give examples of his behavior supporting my decision.

It'll be interesting to see whether they drop the issue of the 45 minute absence or try to use it to exclude us from the program. My hope is with written details of this guy's behavior they will simply drop things.

I'll see. I'm going to keep working on the letter for a few days.

A big thank you.

[SunshineJ]

If you do agree to meet with this person sans children, I would demand that the director be there as well or I would not meet with him. People are less likely to act out if their boss is watching! I cannot believe you are still dealing with issues from this school! Also, keep in mind that Head Start is a government program (federal I believe) and there is a chain of command you can follow in complaining about this guy. He does not need to be working with the public, and from what you've stated about him, many of his actions go against the principals of HS.

[elizawill]

i would definitely meet with him & demand his supervisor be present as well. i would go in with a witness of my own and notes to keep on point. i would be sure and let this man know that the meeting will not follow his agenda, as you have issues that require immediate attention. i would be furious.

[lovebug]

s! OMG i would be so upset i would do as PP said meet with him AD his boss! i would also make sure that HIS issues were not the only ones covered. with a witness of my own i would go in with guns blazing! nice calm guns, but guns nonetheless!!!

[Valerie Walsh]

Would You Say This in Letter to Head Start?

I would not write a letter but do as requested and attend the meeting with this individual and the teachers. I would expect that my children could be occupied with an activity in another area of the room or outside if it was, due to the time constraints of the adults (including teachers), necessary for them to be there.

[Purple Cat]

mm

[Valerie Walsh]

Would You Say This in Letter to Head Start?

Thought the food allergen issue was resolved with your child enrolling in the school. You should ask to see the school's allergy plan if you and/or your child are not comfortable. I would not expect this individual to behave as he has in previous meetings with teachers present-that's why I would go.