Being teased at school - how to help? x-posted Childhood years

[hergrace]

DS1 (6 years old) is being teased at school to the point that he is breaking down and hitting his tormentors. Seeing as the school shows no interest in addressing the underlying problem that my son is being teased so mercilessly and is intent on punishing him for crossing the line into physical aggression, I am left to my own devices to help him toughen up to be able to withstand the teasing.

Since so many of us here at MDC are raising kids outside the mainstream, many of us must deal with this. I'm looking for any resources that might be helpful in working with my son.

ETA: I am specifically looking for resources on working with him on managing his emotions. I am working with the school through all appropriate channels.

TIA

[caro113]

Have you talked to the school? I mean like the principal and/or superintendent, not the teacher. They do have a responsibility to keep your son safe and keep him from being in a hostile environment.

If they insist on not taking care of the problem, you can simply tell them that they will or you will be looking into legal action and/or pulling him from school. That usually gets them going. I know that's a harsh step, but if your son is being bullied and then HE gets in trouble for defending himself, something needs to be done.

I hope something works out for him. I know how hard it can be on a child when no one seems to care about him being bullied.

Have you thought about karate classes? Not to teach him how to beat up other children but just to build self esteem? It's supposed to do wonders.

[Pavlovs]

Originally Posted by caro113

Have you thought about karate classes? Not to teach him how to beat up other children but just to build self esteem? It's supposed to do wonders.

My son is very sensitive - he would cry if someone looked at him funny or said something to him that seemed confontational. He's been in Tae Kwon Do for 6 months and it has done wonders for his self esteem and confidence. I can't recommend it enough!

[brightonwoman]

My son was on the receiving end of some bullying last year. Unfortunately nobody at the school believed him because the kid who was doing it was physically smaller than DS--but he was verbally and emotionally just nasty to my DS (who may be big but is very sensitive), and nobody seemed to care until the day DS wound up and socked the kid. DS had not said anything to us about the situation I guess because boys want to seem tough and who wants to go crying to mommy...I dunno. Anyway, I hadn't been aware of all this until I got the call that DS had socked the other kid, and I asked DS about it and he told me the whole story (which had been going on for weeks)
DH and I sat down with him and expressed pride that he had not been the aggressor, and that he had been so patient...we reminded him that it's better to run away or find an adult etc, rather than to get physical, but we didn't get him in any trouble for defending himself. I think that's really important--to make sure that your DS knows that you are not mad at him for defending himself, esp if this has been ongoing--but of course then it's also important to try to help him find better ways of dealing with the issue.

I agree with the pp who said to lay it out for the school. Where is this bullying happening? Who is supposed to be supervising at that point? Tell the teacher, the lunch monitor, the recess monitor, the principal, or all of the above. If they've all heard already, and still nothing is being done, then I would call the superintendent AND also file a written complaint with the school and the district. Having it in writing will be beneficial if you have to take legal steps down the road. Obviously hopefully it won't come to that, BUT putting it in writing also shows everybody that you are dead serious about this.

I don't have personal experience with martial arts (it's not available to us at present) but I too have heard good things--giving your son confidence will certainly be a good thing, and I don't see how it can hurt for him to have the skills to stand up physically too (it might make some of those teasers think twice before harrassing him and he wouldn't even have to do anything, kwim?).

[annettemarie]

I'm sorry this is happening. I'm going to ask move this to Learning at School.

[One_Girl]

I think you need to talk to the principal about this. The counselor may also be a good resource. My dd's counselor is very good at getting to exactly what is going on and helping all children involved accept responsibility for their actions. You need to acknowledge that it was very inappropriate for your son to become physically aggressive when you do this if you want to be heard though. You should also bring each complaint about being teased to the teacher if you feel it is a legitimate complaint. I also think it may be a good idea for you to E-mail the teacher and acknowledge that your son's actions were wrong but also emphasize that you are worried about the bullying he is recieving but you thought it was normal until this point. Give her specific examples of instances and if your son is normally not aggressive then point that out to her and tell her that this really worries you because he seems to think no body cares to keep him safe and he has to take matters into his own hands.

I have found that E-mail works much better when I communicate with my dd's teacher because she has been teaching for a long time and is very chatty. When I E-mail her she actually reads it and then thinks about what I am saying but when we talk on the phone she doesn't let me get a word in at all. It is really annoying.