16 year old caught smoking pot by the cops...

[SamuraiMom]

.... and they let her off. Told the parents, but didn't charge her w/ anything, because it was her first offense. This is a friends daughter. My oldest is 11, so I have yet to deal w/ this scenario. The mom has grounded her for 6 months, until her 17th b-day, taken her $ and cell phone, and feels she should do more. So what would you do? What would an AP parent do? I really don't know what I would do. We have an open dialogue about drugs in our house, but I really don't know how my dc's will handle them when with their peers when the time comes. So W would you do?

[Dar]

I'd have a long talk with her about the importance of being smart about where and with whom she smokes and point out all of the things that could go wrong if she gets arrested for drugs.

[Mirzam]

Originally Posted by Dar

I'd have a long talk with her about the importance of being smart about where and with whom she smokes and point out all of the things that could go wrong if she gets arrested for drugs.

Same.

[tinyblackdot]

I would ask the courts to make her do community service. And i would also make sure to sit down and talk to my child about the risks with drugs, and with the consequences of them.

[heartmama]

I would do exactly the same as Dar.

[Karamom]

Originally Posted by Dar

I'd have a long talk with her about the importance of being smart about where and with whom she smokes and point out all of the things that could go wrong if she gets arrested for drugs.

I'm not the mom of a teen but I would do what Dar said.

[karne]

In my omnipotent parent fantasy world I'd have a strict talk w/ my child, and expect that our heart to heart would resolve the matter. Perhaps add in a class about driving while impaired, to get a certain message across.

In the real world, I'm w/ Dar, plus some serious discussion about the consequences of driving while impaired.

[SamuraiMom]

thanks ladies. I agree with Dar, and this is what I would do with my own children. I just think that this friend is more fire and brimstone. Not that I'm looking for such suggestions, but a consequences talk would be best at this point.

[Irishmommy]

Grounded for six months?????

Team Dar on this one.

Actually, we already did that last week, apparently 2 classmates/friends were suspended from school for having pot on them, so we had a chat.

[MusicianDad]

At 16?

With Dar on this one too. Discuss being smart about smoking pot. I'd also ask where she got it from. Discuss smoking weed gotten from someone you wouldn't trust with your life.

Honestly, any kind of punishment won't keep a 16 year old from smoking pot again. Even if she's grounded for 6 months. Besides, that is way too much energy to waste on pot.

[littleteapot]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad

Besides, that is way too much energy to waste on pot.

THIS.

In the scheme of things I really do not view pot as a big deal. At all.
I'd probably freak over cigarettes, but not pot.

[Ruthla]

I wouldn't have grounded her, taken away her money OR taken away the cell phone. Why create artificial consequences when what she's doing already has its own natural consequences? All that parent is going to accomplish is to alienate her daughter. Additionally, she has nothing left to "take away" if the teen does something else dangerous or stupid.

What I would have done was sat down and talked to her. Let her know just how lucky she is that she got off with a warning. Explain to her how a criminal record can affect her life, especially if she got caught after age 18. I'd also do a little research of my own and find out the answers to these questions, as well as the more pertinant ones of "what happens legally when a 16yo or 17yo is found with pot? Are they treated as adults or juveniles?"

I don't have an issue with marijuana per se. I fully support its legalization. The whole aspect of "my kid is smoking a natural herb that easily grows in this climate" doesn't bother me in the slightest. But breaking the law is dangerous because of the legal consequences, period. The only physical danger, really, is connected to its being illegal- how do you know it's not contaminated with something more dangerous?

[philomom]

Originally Posted by littleteapot

THIS.

In the scheme of things I really do not view pot as a big deal. At all.
I'd probably freak over cigarettes, but not pot.

Pot is a big deal. Once you break the law by smoking pot... you may get on a slippery slope of doing other illegal activities. Because once you break one little law and don't get caught.. why not break another? Laws exist to protect all of us from harm.

P.S. I've recently become a Master Gardener.... pot is in our book of poisonous plants.

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by philomom

Pot is a big deal. Once you break the law by smoking pot... you may get on a slippery slope of doing other illegal activities. Because once you break one little law and don't get caught.. why not break another? Laws exist to protect all of us from harm.

P.S. I've recently become a Master Gardener.... pot is in our book of poisonous plants.

Um... Wow... That's even more expansive then they usual slippery slope argument pertaining to pot, and sorry but no. Just because someone doesn't get caught smoking pot doesn't mean they are more likely to commit other crimes. More likely those who are most likely to not get caught smoking pot are those who are all ready pre-inclided towards other criminal behaviour.

Never have met someone who said "Dude, we didn't get caught smoking weed so lets go rob a bank!"

Just so you know, slippery slope arguments relating to pot have been pretty much discreteded.

[philomom]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad

Just so you know, slippery slope arguments relating to pot have been pretty much discreteded.

This Monday morning I just sat down with a large group (30)of parents of teens at my child's school. In Oregon, lots of these parents themselves grew up in "herb friendly" households. All of them agreed that once you bend the law for pot... it is very easy not go the speed limit.. ignore the underage drinking laws and other little annoying laws. Because you can. Because you get into the habit of thinking laws don't apply to you or the law is dumb. That's an attitude I won't tolerate my children having while they live under my roof.

[Juvysen]

Huh... having watched my husband (since he was 17) with these things, breaking the speeding laws and the drinking laws DEFINITELY came WAY before breaking the pot law. And he was never even remotely interested in any "harder" drugs. : I dunno - I realize this is a single case, but of all the pot smokers I know - the ones who did harder drugs, actually tried the harder drugs first (or cigarettes, too, for that matter), then took a step back and went with pot. Granted this is a single demographic - college students - but in my experience that's not how it was at all with anyone I knew.

[Irishmommy]

Originally Posted by philomom

This Monday morning I just sat down with a large group (30)of parents of teens at my child's school. In Oregon, lots of these parents themselves grew up in "herb friendly" households. All of them agreed that once you bend the law for pot... it is very easy not go the speed limit.. ignore the underage drinking laws and other little annoying laws. Because you can. Because you get into the habit of thinking laws don't apply to you or the law is dumb. That's an attitude I won't tolerate my children having while they live under my roof.

Hmm. I have been known to speed. I have drunk underage in two different countries, I have jaywalked. I'm sure I could come up with a few more.

But.

I have never smoked pot.

So the slippery slope of getting away with underage drinking/speeding (not at the same time)/jaywalking didn't lead to smoking pot. Why should smoking pot lead to the others?

[dawningmama]

Ditto what Dar said.

My goal is to raise kids who know & respect the law, but also question it and know the consequences of breaking it.

[BedHead]

I don't buy the slippery slope argument either.

As for the OP, as usual I pretty much totally agree with Ruthla The fact the law was broken would be the focus of my talks. Although, possession of pot is pretty well ignored here in Canada - not a single person I know who uses it personally has ever been charged with simple possession. And I don't know how well my kids would listen to me anyway - I get raw milk illegally, and the penalties for that here are greater than pot possession for sure!

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Well, I wouldn't ground her for six months. But, maybe I'd ground her.

When I was 16, my mom was having a party. While she was occupied, I took the truck out to the park with some friends. (I only had a learner's permit)

The cops picked us up because we were being obnoxious and drawing attention to ourselves.

I had to wait nine more months to get my license. I had to get a new learner's permit in six months. It was humiliating to be the ONLY 17 YEAR OLD IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD WITH THE MEANEST PARENTS ON EARTH.

But, I never screwed up like that again. I still screwed up. Just not like that.