Dealing with babyish behavior

[m9m9m9]

I find myself becoming more and more frustrated with DD who is almost 5.5 because she continues to exhibt babyish behaviors. I have tried everything and it doesn't get better and I caught myself to day almost berating her and I hate that idea.

Basically, she will talk and act much, much younger than she is for example when she sees a dog she will point and say "doggie!" much like a toddler would. I am sure that doesn't seem all that bad but most of her mannerisims are much like that - more in line with what one expects from a 3 yr old than from an almost 6 yr old. Another issue is that physcially she is about the size of a 3 yr old and many people mistake her for being much younger so now I think she tends to act that way. In public, if I insist she do something I know she is capable of such as putting on her coat or carrying a stuffed animal she brought into the store she will often pitch a fit and start crying or claiming its too heavy. The result is that people around us start looking at her with looks of sympathy and saying "aww,she's so cute" or worse "poor baby" while I just stand their and roll my eyes and insist she do what I know she can on her own.

I have caught myself telling her lately "stop acting like a baby! Its ridiculous!" and I know I sound horrible but honestly I have tried all other approaches and nothing seems to work. Any advice for dealing with this?

[limabean]

I tend to indulge DS a bit when he acts like that, figuring that it's just his way of voicing that he needs some extra attention/closeness like he remembers having when he was younger. In fact, just an hour ago my almost-5yo DS wanted to lie on his back and have me put his PJs on him like I did when he was a baby, so I did, and I even said stuff like, "Oh, let's put the baby's leg in his PJs! Now where's the baby's arm?" He giggled and babbled like a baby, then once his PJs were on he got up and started acting like a regular 5yo again.

I've heard people here at MDC mention a book about Love Languages, and from what I've garnered from their discussions, some people have "acts of service" as one of their love languages, where having someone do things for them, even things they're capable of doing themselves, is reassuring and reinforces their feeling of being loved. I don't know, I haven't read the book, but it makes sense to me, and I know there are times when I feel tired or sensitive, and if my DH just indulges me a bit and gives me some extra TLC, it does feel good and I'm able to bounce back and pull my own weight again.

With kids, I know how annoying it can seem at times, but thinking about it from a grown-up perspective, I would feel really sad if I was in one of those sensitive, needy moods and asked DH to do something for me and he said, "Oh, grow up and do it yourself." I'm not beating you up for what you've said to your DD -- believe me, I've said plenty to beat myself up for too -- just trying to offer an alternate perspective, since it sometimes helps me to think about how I'd feel if someone said to me what I say to DS when I'm frustrated.

[Pepe]

My 4yo DS likes to pretend to be a baby. I'm not sure if that's exactly what's going on with your LO as you mention she has special needs, so feel free to ignore or modify this idea (of course)--but I do play along a little. When I tire of it, I tell him why I prefer him as a 4yo: he can talk to me, he can tell me how he feels, he can do sooooo many things for himself...you get the idea. It's the truth! Also, sometimes I end his "turn" and pretend to be the baby myself.
Good luck!

[Carley]

Originally Posted by limabean

I've heard people here at MDC mention a book about Love Languages, and from what I've garnered from their discussions, some people have "acts of service" as one of their love languages, where having someone do things for them, even things they're capable of doing themselves, is reassuring and reinforces their feeling of being loved. I don't know, I haven't read the book, but it makes sense to me, and I know there are times when I feel tired or sensitive, and if my DH just indulges me a bit and gives me some extra TLC, it does feel good and I'm able to bounce back and pull my own weight again.

With kids, I know how annoying it can seem at times, but thinking about it from a grown-up perspective, I would feel really sad if I was in one of those sensitive, needy moods and asked DH to do something for me and he said, "Oh, grow up and do it yourself." I'm not beating you up for what you've said to your DD -- believe me, I've said plenty to beat myself up for too -- just trying to offer an alternate perspective, since it sometimes helps me to think about how I'd feel if someone said to me what I say to DS when I'm frustrated.

I totally needed to hear this today - thank you so much for writing!

[sg784]

Originally Posted by Carley

I totally needed to hear this today - thank you so much for writing!

i like the spin you put on it

[meemee]

yup that's how i feel too.

my 7 year old still acts like a baby.

and i acted along with her till i reached my tolerant level. and then i asked her to curtail it because i was getting irritated. she felt that was reasonable and stopped when i needed her too.

but when she does act like a baby or puppy i do play along and really treat her like how she wants to be treated. its funny and silly sometimes.

[limabean]

Originally Posted by meemee

yup that's how i feel too.

my 7 year old still acts like a baby.

and i acted along with her till i reached my tolerant level. and then i asked her to curtail it because i was getting irritated. she felt that was reasonable and stopped when i needed her too.

but when she does act like a baby or puppy i do play along and really treat her like how she wants to be treated. its funny and silly sometimes.

The bolded is a good point. When kids pretend to be animals, princesses, firefighters, etc. we don't usually discourage it -- I wonder what it is about acting like a baby that causes us to lose patience or feel that they're "too big" to be acting like that.

[GoBecGo]

Originally Posted by limabean

The bolded is a good point. When kids pretend to be animals, princesses, firefighters, etc. we don't usually discourage it -- I wonder what it is about acting like a baby that causes us to lose patience or feel that they're "too big" to be acting like that.

Don't you think society is just set up for grown-ups and doesn't celebrate babyhood or childhood in any way really and so we all feel pressure to grow up and for our kids to grow up...?

From the second DD was born people wanted to know when she'd be sleeping through, when she'd be weaned, when she'd crawl, walk, talk, jump. Can she sign? Does she know her alphabet? How high can she count? Is she in pre-school yet (when she was 20months old!)? Is she STILL not in nursery? Has she not gotten out of nappies yet? And so on and so forth. Seriously everywhere i look people (general society) want kids to be, or at least act, older, all the time. Teen-style dresses for 5 year olds, pole dancing "toys" for little kids, the obsession with getting one's child reading asap, cafe's that welcome "children who behave appropriately" (i.e. like adults). The pressure is creeping and gets to all but the most incredibly resistant. I am ashamed of how many times i got incredibly frustrated at my DD for wetting her pants or pooping in the wrong place, she has been dry and clean day and night since the month before she turned 3, why on earth did i think i needed to "train" her at all!?

[meemee]

Originally Posted by GoBecGo

Don't you think society is just set up for grown-ups and doesn't celebrate babyhood or childhood in any way really and so we all feel pressure to grow up and for our kids to grow up...?

yup yup!!! i soo agree.

worst is i find that is within me sometimes too - when its too much trouble if she is being a baby or a puppy or .... "not acting her age" - whatever that may be.