I.Need.Help!

[Momma2Gianna]

I bypassed the "welcome" to come RIGHT to this board. I am completely at my wits end with my 19 month old daughter and I have tried all the other "conventional" wisdom...Some I put into practice, and it failed, some I considered putting into practice but couldn't, and some I put into practice and felt like a jerk and stopped.

And the issue is so small it's not even funny.

My daughter throws food off her high chair. And it drives me CRAZY!! She doesn't do it to signal she is finished, she just DOES it. I tried gently telling her NO I tried firmly telling her NO I tried yelling NO I tried slapping her hand (but she is also aggressive with other kids and we're trying to teach "we don't hit" in times of frustration and I felt like a butt smacking her) I try as often as possible NOT to spank her. I've tried taking her food away. I've tried giving her one bite at a time. I've tried ending the meal when she tosses a bite off her tray.

My first issue is the mess it makes. It's gotten so bad I dread making ANY form of rice because of the mess she makes.

My second issue is the rampant waste of food. We have a dog who is MORE than willing to clean up the mess for us, but times are tough all around and I can't stand to waste food like that.

Someone suggested this website and forum. I come to you now pleading for support and ideas.

<--------- THIS IS WHAT I STRIVE FOR!!!

[AGF]

I've got one of those too.

The only advise I have is that rice is easier to sweep when dried.

[LVale]

Ah, toddlerhood, how much I missed it. Now I am going through it with my 2nd grandson. He is 17 mths. He does the exact same thing. But I don't have a highchair to contain him in. What i did when my boys were little, I put an old shower curtain under the highchair. It contained the mess, but I was probably more permissive then most mothers. Toddlerhood is a time of exploring their little world, and it goes by much too quickly. Their whole being is tied up in new things like food, and toys and seeing how far they can throw it. Believe me your little one won't do it forever. I have 2 grown sons 32 and 29, and boy do I miss the times when they were little! But on the up side, my youngest has blessed us with 2 grandsons, ages 9 and 17 mths. So the fun starts all over again. My Dil is so shocked that I let the little one make messes at our house. That is when I tell her that is what a broom and a vaccum, and on the rare occasion a steam cleaner is for. No harm done. They are but little only once. And really my 17 mth. old grandson is too young for any kind of discipline, redirecting him is the key.

[hipumpkins]

How about, "We don't throw food we throw balls" and give her a ball to throw off the high chair. Get a bunch of nerf balls and let her drop them but then say, "We eat the food...yum!"
I remember from that age, "Honor the impulse"

[ma_vie_en_rose]

I think you have a pretty high expectation of your DD for her age. The second year of life is all about exploring food. Part of that is making messes. Maybe if you frame this period in her life as learning, you will be able to handle the situation a bit easier. There will be plenty of time to teach table manners in the very near future. She isn't a lost cause.

Something I found to be the most helpful for reducing the amount of mess they make is to only put a little bit of food on their tray at a time. When that is eaten, add a little more. If it is thrown on the floor, it is a small mess to clean. I would gently encourage her to keep her food on the tray to help establish your expectation. Try to recognize when she is done eating and end mealtime, but I would not use ending mealtime as a consequence for that. Food restriction should never be a consequence IMO.

Hang in there. This will pass. She won't be a messy eater forever.

[OGirlieMama]

OK, I know this is awful for you right now. Your child is making a mess! She understands what "No" means but she still throws food all over the floor! Believe me, I have been there. My twins were champion food throwers around that age. I was so frustrated and so tired of sweeping, and felt like I was failing to teach them about social norms and acceptable behavior because they just would not stop!

And then they stopped. Like that. One day I realized they hadn't thrown anything in a while. I didn't do anything differently - they just somehow realized food-throwing wasn't what most people did, and maybe it stopped being fun. I don't know. They didn't tell anything, they just stopped. Your daughter will stop, too. Maybe not tomorrow, but she will not be doing this for years.

In the meantime, what worked best for me was severely limiting the amount of food on their plate at one time. Makes it more of a pain for you - you have to keep putting more food on her plate as she finishes - but I'd rather do that than sweep it off the floor.

[jrabbit]

What if you put the dog outside, spread a big mat or towel on the floor, and put a plate of food in the middle for her? You can sit at the table and eat your meal with her to model "sit to eat". When she improves, "graduate" to eating in high chair again? Maybe occasionally - everyone eat on the floor?

I strongly believe in "no toys" at the dinner table, so I would be very hesitant to give her balls to throw off the high chair during meal time ...

I confess, my girls never did that!
(ETA: well, they seem only to do it in restaurants ...)

--janis

[ComplexOphelia]

Originally Posted by ma_vie_en_rose

I think you have a pretty high expectation of your DD for her age. The second year of life is all about exploring food. Part of that is making messes. Maybe if you frame this period in her life as learning, you will be able to handle the situation a bit easier. There will be plenty of time to teach table manners in the very near future. She isn't a lost cause.

Something I found to be the most helpful for reducing the amount of mess they make is to only put a little bit of food on their tray at a time. When that is eaten, add a little more. If it is thrown on the floor, it is a small mess to clean. I would gently encourage her to keep her food on the tray to help establish your expectation. Try to recognize when she is done eating and end mealtime, but I would not use ending mealtime as a consequence for that. Food restriction should never be a consequence IMO.

Hang in there. This will pass. She won't be a messy eater forever.

Yes to all of this!

I know it can absolutely be frustrating when food gets tossed on the floor, so giving tiny bits at a time helps to minimize the waste of food - it's what we're doing with DS now. If he decides to throw it, he's only got a spoonful to throw.

I do also give toys at the dinner table that are okay for throwing . If it gets me a bit more time to eat while he is happy, I'm all about it.