Frustrated with DBF

[bandgeek]

We've had discussions about circ. He agrees that it's not necessary and we wont do it if we have kids (not that I would ever allow it anyway, but it's nice to be on the same page). But he thinks I'm a little crazy that I think it's so bad (the actual procedure). He doesn't believe that babies actually get strapped down and cut with no pain relief. He doesn't believe that people could actually be that cruel. He also thinks it isn't legal to do it without pain relief? I called him naive. He said I just want to think the worst of people.

He asked if I'd ever seen a real, live circ. Not a video (because those can be tampered with ). Well, of course not...I don't walk around hospitals asking to witness surgeries. But I know several nurses who have seen them and have assisted in them and they confirm that it really is as bad as I believe it is. But those opinions don't count because it's "hearsay", even though they were first-hand accounts of people I know personally.

I KNOW he's just having a hard time accepting that this happened to him. But it's frustrating. I have good reason to be passionately against circ. That doesn't make me crazy or judgmental or naive (believing everything I read on the internet).

Sorry, I just had to vent. I should be thankful this is the worst thing we argue about. He agrees it shouldn't be done without a person's consent. Shouldn't that be enough for me?

[MommytoB]

You just want someone to see how barbaric circumcision is but when it comes to some adult circ men they are sometimes too scared to see the truth and continously deny it.

[Bm31]

I think the denial is just part of living in a pro-circ culture. Of course there's got to be crushing, cutting, slicing, etc. involved to remove a body part. Just because a parent wishes for a circ'd child, the doctor can't snap his fingers and have it magically fall off. As far as pain relief, maybe yes...maybe no. Or is it even effective....maybe yes, maybe no. Why they would be concerned with pain relief is yet another contradiction since you often get the "they don't remember it anyway" justification.

Eventually I think he'll see the numerous contradictions and illogical reasons for circ. I think it's hard for any thinking, rational person not to come to that conclusion. Until then, at least it's good that he agrees in principle. That's a lot further than most will get living in a culture where circ. is so widely accepted.

[bandgeek]

Originally Posted by Bm31

Until then, at least it's good that he agrees in principle. That's a lot further than most will get living in a culture where circ. is so widely accepted.

Yes, he came around surprisingly easily. I told him DS wasn't and he was shocked....like so many people he thought it necessary for cleanliness and health and of course, a good sex life. I explained all the myths to him and why they weren't true, then told him I wouldn't ever do it. He looked hurt and said, "I wouldn't even get a say in the decision?" I said no, but neither would I. Our SON would be the one making the decision, when he's old enough, if that's what he chooses. He said, "Oh. Well when you put it like that, it makes a lot of sense".

[BlessedMommy2006]

Originally Posted by bandgeek

Sorry, I just had to vent. I should be thankful this is the worst thing we argue about. He agrees it shouldn't be done without a person's consent. Shouldn't that be enough for me?

:

You have a great boyfriend because he realizes that parents should not make that choice for their children. There are so many moms who want to leave little man intact and get fought tooth and nail from their DP. That is so wonderful that he won't push you to have any future sons circumcised. He doesn't need to necessarily be a raging intactivist--he just has to agree that it won't happen to his sons.

I agree, it is frustrating when people minimalize what really happens during circ, but perhaps with time, his view may develop and change.

[eepster]

Acknowledging the horror of circ, means admitting that the people he love and cares about, trusts and befriends, all have been complicit in acts of atrocity.

This is relevant here even though he has made it past wanting his own sons circ'd. http://www.udonet.com/circumcision/v...ty_of_men.html

Stop pushing him for now, it just keeps him on the defensive.

[bandgeek]

Originally Posted by eepster

Stop pushing him for now, it just keeps him on the defensive.

Yeah I didn't mean to bring it up. We were talking about the H1N1 vax and all the sudden we were on the topic of circ. It's not something I try to pound into his head. We've discussed it like 3 times ever and I usually don't go into detail...I was just surprised when he thought all my research was biased!

[KaylaBeanie]

I think what you've accomplished is great!

As intactivists, we don't have to convince everyone that circumcision is the worst thing in the world. We just have to convince them not to do it. Many people don't think circumcision is any big deal, but wouldn't do it to their son because they want it to be his choice. And really...that's great. They don't have to think it's barbaric. They just need to make the choice to let their son have the final say, you know?