Establishing a bed-time routine

[MittensKittens]

We've been a go-with-the-flow type of family, in everything including bed-time routines. That is, we've had no established routine. So far, it has worked. My nine month old nurses himself to sleep when he's ready, after which I usually do something with my three year old, surf the net, or on some rare occasions I even get round to doing the dishes, unloading the washing machine, or some other mundane activity. My three year old goes to sleep when she wants to, which is normally when I go to sleep. (Which is very early, because I want her to go to sleep!)

Well, after a nine-month break from my work at home job, I have started again this week, and I figured that it would be great if the kids could go to sleep so I could work afterwards. For the past couple of days, I have tried to nurse my Baby to sleep, read some books to my Big Kid, talk some about our day and about what we're going to do the next day, sing some songs and hopefully sneak out of the Family Bed and leave my two peacefully sleeping babies. And we'll all live happily ever after .

It didn't happen, obviously. The two kids find great joy in playing with each other, laughing at each other hysterically and pulling on each other each time the other has finally decided to go to sleep. I'm not persistent enough apparently because here we are, both kids are awake again, and I didn't get to do any work at all. It's like they can smell that I have no intention of going to sleep with them, so they are refusing to do so too. So I have given up for tonight, and I will go to sleep together with them, once again. I'll have another go tomorrow.

Please mamas, help me with this. I want no crying, but I do want to set up a healthy sleep routine. I don't care where and when the baby sleeps, he nurses on demand and sleeps when he needs to. But my three year old does care about me leaving the room WITH the baby, when she is supposed to sleep and stay in the room on her own. So I figure that it is easier for the both of them to go to sleep together. I accept that this is a process and not something that will happen overnight (no pun intended ), but it looks like were are getting nowhere.

How do you do it? At what time? Does it work for you, and how do go get it to work?

[MittensKittens]

OK, they are finally asleep, much as intended but not without me nearly falling asleep myself.

[JaymeH]

For what it's worth, it does sound like you have a routine. You know your kids, their habits, what works best. Now it's just a matter of you squeezing in some time to work. I have no idea what you do, but could you wake up early in the morning before the kids stir? Or could you put the baby down, then let your 3yo fall asleep near you as you work (in a home office, or on the couch? And then move her to the bed when you go to sleep?). Good luck, I'm sure you'll figure it out!

[MG01]

no good answers, just a for another sleep deprived mama with no time to work/study- at least it sounds like you are getting sleep i'm jealous, if that makes you feel any better.. but it's like they have these little freaking sensors, that if they know you are leaving the bed or room they wake up right away- maybe an evolutionary thing? don't ask me.. but yeah, maybe try working in the same room with a dim light or shooting for getting work done during early moring and/or daytie naps instead? no good answers here, it's a guessing game and we have to make do- let us know what works, i too would like to be able to put my son down (a little younger than your oldest, he's 7.5 mos) down and then get up and study- well, when i am not so sleep-deprived, the past few weeks all i want is to sleep, i don't even care about falling behind in school right now) but yeah ideally i would like some semblance of a good night's rest and then to be able to put kiddo down an hour or two before me so i can have me time to get a snack, brush my teeth, and study for classes, work on my home based business, and/or read a book.. doesn't look like it's gonna happen anytime soon. let me know if you find a solution!!

[MittensKittens]

Thanks for your replies!

Both kids will fall asleep on my lap with no problems, but I only have one lap, and I need to be hands-free to be able to type, because I have a writing job. Getting up in the morning would be entirely possible, but at that stage I am not in a writing mood, and I would be able to produce only coffee-deprived, sub-standard material .

Perhaps the key is waking the kids up earlier in the morning, instead of letting them sleep until they wake up naturally. That might result in them being tired earlier in the evening, and actually wanting to go to sleep. As I go along, I find both my kids are as stubborn and persistent as I am . It is really lovely that they play so well together now, but it would be great if it were not at the time they are supposed to sleep.

Any other suggestions would be more than welcome!!!

[Daisie125]

I was in a similar situation when DD was about 18 months old (so that would have made DS 3). I just wanted to spend some time with my husband and wanted my kids to go to bed before 2am

We started doing the same things every night. For us it was dinner, bath, brush teeth, quiet story time with daddy in the bedroom. When we first started bedtime didn't come right after the quiet story time... BUT we also didn't do anything fun after that either... all the lights stayed low, the toys and books were put away and we talked a lot about nightime = sleep.

We slowly started moving up their wakeup time to a reasonable hour (*ahem* not 12 noon) and bedtime just natually started coming after quiet story time. DH would lay with DS until he fell asleep, and I would nurse DD and put her in bed once DS was asleep.

The whole process to this point probably took about a month.

Now, about 6-7 months later, both kids go to sleep on their own without any sort of fight or issue. Never thought my kids wouldn't need to be parented to sleep, but it happened

[tankgirl73]

I would agree that the trick is probably to wake them up earlier for a little while. You'll have a few days or so of tough days... tired, cranky kids wanting to fall asleep at suppertime... But *hopefully* after a transition phase they'll settle into an earlier sleep-wake schedule.