Admitting that DS still nurses himself to sleep.

[eepster]

DS has been having problems at his preschool. One of their thoughts on the matter is that DS doesn't get to sleep early enough (this is true.) They feel that his insomnia and sensory issues are related, and have recommended that we go to a center that will offer both OT for his sensory issues and has a sleep clinic.

I'm a bit afraid to admit that DS still nurses himself to sleep. He is 3 3/4 yo, and really needs to be held still in order to fall asleep.

I'm a bit worried that they won't accept this and pressure us to stop.

I don't really want to just avoid the topic though, since I am a life long insomniac myself, and know that if this is something they can help DS with it will make his life so much better.

[GearGirl]

Maybe you can turn it around and say something like "I'm so glad that I can still nurse him at night because it seems like one of the best things to help with his sleep issues." Often people have no information or knowledge about extended bfing so if you set the tone you can help them to see it as a positive.

[Cavy]

Oh man, I can feel a rant coming on about sleep training gurus (WILL TRY to refrain).

I would ask the sleep clinic what their philosophy is, what service they think they can offer and what methods they like to use. You may find this all in their literature, or online. Are they purists are pragmatists? Are they there to genuinely help you and the child as individuals, or do they adhere to a strict set of rules of how children should fall asleep and what parents must or must not do to help their DC sleep well?

You sound open-minded that nursing-to-sleep is not necessarily something you want to continue. If the clinic staff show an ability to be flexible and open-minded, then I would tell them the whole facts of how he goes to sleep currently. And be willing to work with their suggestions about it in future. But if they turn around and insist on strict rules in sleep training, can you really work with that??

I'm a life-long insomniac, too, DD can be insomnaic too, but not my 3 boys; it's genetic as far as I'm concerned, not enormously bad habits I somehow instilled into them (we are sloppy about bedtimes and terrible at routine, too).

[eepster]

Originally Posted by Cavy

I'm a life-long insomniac, too, DD can be insomnaic too, but not my 3 boys; it's genetic as far as I'm concerned, not enormously bad habits I somehow instilled into them (we are sloppy about bedtimes and terrible at routine, too).

I definitely think it's genetic, but I hope there are ways to treat it anyway. I have many issues that are clearly genetic (as I'm sure many people do) that I seek treatment for, a bad gallbladder and thyroid from maternal GM, bunions from paternal GM, blood sugar issues from maternal GP, etc. If they have a way to help DS with it, then I'm all for getting help even if insomnia is in his nature.

To a certain degree the nursing is incidental to the falling asleep. He needs to be restrained and quiet to fall asleep. He will also fall asleep in his car seat and on rare occasions while simply being held tightly in a lap. Of course since he nurses, the easiest way to get him to happily curl up and be held in my lap is to offer him yum-yums.

I just worry they will frown upon the whole nursing thing in general, and make our lives difficult, and refuse to help us. If DS's behavior at school doesn't improve we really have a problem.

[Qestia]

I think you're probably onto something that a big part of it is being restrained and held tightly. DS is getting OT once a week, and definitely needs the same sort of sensory things to fall asleep (though I didn't BF him past 5 weeks of age). He has a very heavy blanket that he wants in all weather, I think it helps. I think the approach to use with the sleep clinic is to make sure they are in full communication with the OT sides of things, and if you mention nursing, do so in a matter of fact way, mentioning, as you did here, that you think it's really more about the being held and as you said is "incidental".

[russianthistle]

My son, who is the same age as your son, still (usually) nurses to sleep, too. He does not have sensory issues, but his mother (me ) is a night owl...as is his grandfather. It gets my son to sleep quickly. Additionally, it helps to avoid bedtime pressures and stressors on a number of different levels. I choose to nurse my son to sleep because it makes bedtime peaceful and loving when it might not otherwise be.

[aran]

DS1 had this problem still at 3 3/4 yo. He has sensory issues big enough for us to go to OT, but minor enough in clinical terms that they dismissed him after a few months of work with him.

What has helped us: (1) lots of physical exertion during the day, (2) a much earlier bedtime than we think he will accept, (3) a full belly at bedtime, (4) melatonin occasionally, (5) something to occupy his mind, but semi-bore him to sleep - for this we stumbled on showing him adult-level science shows (like NOVA) on TV cuddled tight with Daddy as a substitute for nursing unless he asked to nurse. When we started this bedtime routine, DS1 never watched TV at any other time - it was just something DH and I did on a whim because we kind of needed a break and threw up our hands in frustration trying to find other ways of getting him to sleep. Books stimulated his mind. Nursing wasn't stimulating enough, so he would be planning events for the next day while nursing and couldn't relax. Sometimes listening to an audiobook would work if he was snuggled in close to one of us. The TV option keeps his attention enough that he doesn't fidget, but he doesn't understand much of it so he drifts off after awhile.

We still have problems with early waking, but things have gotten better as he aged. Age 3 was the absolute worst though. DS1's nanny almost quit over his behavior problems stemming from a lack of sleep.

I was tempted many times to go to a sleep clinic but didn't because I didn't want to deal with second-guessing on nursing and co-sleeping, which I instinctively *knew* DS1 needed to give up on his own timeline.

Hope some of my experiences are helpful for interpreting your situation.

[russianthistle]

I have to agree with what Aran says above about the bedtime being earlier than expected.

We recently eliminated naps and now start bedtime right after dinner. There seems to be this magical window around 7:30... If I get everything all said and done (potty, teeth, stories...) then, he will drop off in 5 min. It's amazing.

However, if we miss the "window," then it could be another couple of hours, no matter how tired he is.

[eepster]

Originally Posted by russianthistle

I have to agree with what Aran says above about the bedtime being earlier than expected.

We recently eliminated naps and now start bedtime right after dinner. There seems to be this magical window around 7:30... If I get everything all said and done (potty, teeth, stories...) then, he will drop off in 5 min. It's amazing.

However, if we miss the "window," then it could be another couple of hours, no matter how tired he is.

Sadly, if DS falls asleep before 10 o'clock he is guarantied to wake up again by midnight, then be up for hours.

[aran]

Originally Posted by eepster

Sadly, if DS falls asleep before 10 o'clock he is guarantied to wake up again by midnight, then be up for hours.

BTDT. I am not sure when DS1 stopped doing that (i.e., getting up th emiddle of the night, if I gave him an early bedtime). I think it was after he turned 4. I found sleep problems to be so so hard, and they really affected every aspect of our lives. (They still do at times). Good luck with whatever you decide.