I was thinking more about the travel in particular and I wondered if there is a food allowance when you travel? Maybe you could negotiate that you would bring food instead and get that amount towards childcare. Or take cheaper flights. Or eat the mileage. I'm not sure if any of those would work, but it might be something to ask about - it's a way to give the message that you are looking for a solution to be a team player.
For the in-service, I know, it's crazy. Do you know any of the other parents in the daycare? I've been talking to two other families that are at ours about possibly each covering one of the weird days off, so that we sort of run our own little co-op "camp" and each of us only has to take 1/3 the days off. It would be an exhausting day, but the kids know each other and it might be worth it.
I would worry about you being completely financially dependent on your husband. I know right now daycare is eating most of your costs, but you're still positioned better for making money as those costs go down over time. Although I'm still not sure PT is working for you. $1200 is close to what we pay for full time care, and it's there mostly full-time (except those in-service days!)
Your DH is just being a #@$#% when he makes that comment to you about entitlement - deliberately hitting you where it hurts. Hence my statement above.
On that note, although I realize he is limited in his time off, etc., I think FT workers sometimes can get away with days off more simply because the PERCEPTION is that they are there ALL THE TIME. Whereas with PT workers the PERCEPTION (not the reality) is that they are not there when you want to talk to them.
I am not guilting you!! I am saying, maybe he can bloody well take the day off this time. Chances are it will impact his career less, or at least stress him out less.
For the whole help/no help thing... gently, I think you are seeing it in very black and white terms. Like there are people who need help all the time and never give back or really use the help to actually get better, and people who don't accept help, and very little in between. In fact there is a whole world in between. It is okay to say "I'm struggling" and ask for help; it's sort of where you go from there that makes all the difference.
And finally, on this topic of making the choice that is best for the kid... I agree, but in my life anyway, it's not always clear what that is in the context of reality. I think "good enough care" is, well, good enough.
For the in-service, I know, it's crazy. Do you know any of the other parents in the daycare? I've been talking to two other families that are at ours about possibly each covering one of the weird days off, so that we sort of run our own little co-op "camp" and each of us only has to take 1/3 the days off. It would be an exhausting day, but the kids know each other and it might be worth it.
I would worry about you being completely financially dependent on your husband. I know right now daycare is eating most of your costs, but you're still positioned better for making money as those costs go down over time. Although I'm still not sure PT is working for you. $1200 is close to what we pay for full time care, and it's there mostly full-time (except those in-service days!)
Your DH is just being a #@$#% when he makes that comment to you about entitlement - deliberately hitting you where it hurts. Hence my statement above.
On that note, although I realize he is limited in his time off, etc., I think FT workers sometimes can get away with days off more simply because the PERCEPTION is that they are there ALL THE TIME. Whereas with PT workers the PERCEPTION (not the reality) is that they are not there when you want to talk to them.
I am not guilting you!! I am saying, maybe he can bloody well take the day off this time. Chances are it will impact his career less, or at least stress him out less.For the whole help/no help thing... gently, I think you are seeing it in very black and white terms. Like there are people who need help all the time and never give back or really use the help to actually get better, and people who don't accept help, and very little in between. In fact there is a whole world in between. It is okay to say "I'm struggling" and ask for help; it's sort of where you go from there that makes all the difference.
And finally, on this topic of making the choice that is best for the kid... I agree, but in my life anyway, it's not always clear what that is in the context of reality. I think "good enough care" is, well, good enough.
to you. It's a difficult situation. I agree with the other PPs - perhaps a switch to full time child care or another type of care would be good. Please do ask your friends or co-workers for help. Many I'm sure would love to help and wouldn't see it as a "burden" at all. It's all just part of being a friend. If it makes you feel more comfortable, perhaps you can offer a trade -- maybe offer to help them with big organization project or house/pet sit etc.
