Need help

[beingmommy]

We have always raised our DS gently and with extremely AP principles. But now he is 28 months old and becoming impossible. He wants everything his way, immediately, and all the time.

If anything doesn't go exactly as he wants he has a meltdown.
If we do not do exactly what he wants he had a meltdown.
If we do not figure it out what he wants within 5 seconds he has a meltdown.

When everything goes the way he wants he is a complete and utter sweetheart and happy as a clam.

He also has taken to hitting me all the time. For fun! He runs up and smacks me on the face really hard (so hard it is audible!) and laughs. I will say, "That hurts momma. Please be gentle." And he will hit me again and laugh. I will leave the area and say I have to leave because it hurts when he hits me and he will follow me and hit me. I will hold his hands back so he cannot hit him and try to talk to him calmly and he will have a meltdown.

I am at my wits end. Today I raised my vocie at him for the first time ever and I just felt so angry at him for the hitting. I finally went into a room where he could not get to me and he ran back to the couch laughing.

I feel like he is becoming the epitome of a spoiled brat even though I know that meeting his needs and giving him unconditional love shouldn't make him spoiled. But still. He is just so relentlessly demanding and angry if he doesn't get his way.

He also will not let me do anything but give him undivided attention. I give him oodles of attention all day but if he gets engrossed in some toy playing by himself, sometimes I will try to maybe read a book or doodle or knit and he will immediately come over and snatch whatever I have away and throw it across the room. Then go back to what he was doing, only happy if I just sit there and watch him. Today he started hitting me and signing "all done" everytime I tried to talk to his dad. He wants undivided attention!!!

I do think we've been giving him too much power over us since we basically do everything he wants (except for the non-negotiable things like safety, carseats, diapers, and teeth brushing). But how do we fix that? How do we let him know we are people too and cannot cater to his every whim when that is what we have always done?

I am just so exhausted and ready to cry. I am also so sleep deprived because he still nurses several times a night. I thought things would get easier as he got older but everything just gets harder and harder.

[JaymeH]

Oh, momma, hang in there. Hugs to you.
I guess the first thing is to ask yourself if there's something else "big" going on in his life? Our LO is going to be a big sister, so I'm able to let a lot of the meltdowns roll off my back because I know that there's a lot on her plate.
I also, personally, give in to a lot of the "little things." If she wants to wear black socks with sandals, not worth making an issue. I have done chips and dip for breakfast because it's all she would eat one morning. Sounds like you do similar, not making an issue out of things unless it really comes down to safety/hygiene/etc. I can say that when I let go of a lot of things (our dd's BIGGEST issue is food/eating/dining table), I know that I felt better. I don't think that she melted down any less, but I know that my ability to see it as a phase, and remind myself "Well, she IS two" helped a lot.
Your son is not a spoiled brat, he's just an attention-loving two-year-old who enjoys his mommy (A LOT!). Sounds like you're doing great. Over time, he'll learn not to interrupt you in conversation, he'll learn that mommy has hobbies/friends and it's okay for her to share her time and energy with these other people/other things. Keep reminding yourself that he is a sweetheart. And keep reminding him about the hitting, because that is frustrating. Our dd is a "runner" and it is endlessly frustrating to pull her from a dangerous situation (like, if she runs from me in a parking lot), only to have her laugh in my face. Unfortunately, other than repetition, I have no idea how to teach her otherwise. Clearly I don't want to demonstrate that this could hurt her, so I just always grab her hand, say "we hold hands in a parking lot" and each day we take it day by day.
Honestly, it sounds like you're doing a great job, we just all have "those days!"

[aspenleaves]

Oh boy do I remember those years and actually it was just around the 28 month mark that I remember feeling the same way. I have only a moment so in short my advice would be to find your boundaries and stick to them. Like if you decide at a certain point that you will do the dishes after this one game (or whatever) and your DS throws a fit because you are diverting your attention do it anyway. Like once you make your mind up what will be just stick to your guns and know that learning to navigate this new behavior and these new challanges takes great time and effort and patience. The more consistent you are the better. And it is true that children can appreciate boundaries and knowing where the lines are to not cross. At 28 months though you have a ball of fire on your hands. I can honestly say in my experience you are entering the most difficult year to year and a half there is. (of coarse my dd is only 5 so we will see).

This is a time of dicovery for both (all) of you. Just breathe and know that every mom looses her patience.... that is how WE grow.

[Just1More]

Dont' have much time, nak, awkard postion...

But, on the hitting...

My ds craves physical play. hard physical play. he wants handled roughly SO bad and he's SO difficult when i don't. he was always pretty easy going with his daddy but really difficult for me. i learned it was because i was gentling him to much. one day (NOT IN A PUNISHMENT OR RETRIBUTION SORT OF WAY AT ALL), when i was goofing around with him i said, "hey i want to show you something." I helped him make a fist just so, and then showed him how to hit me. then i said, okay, my turn. and i not too hard, but none too soft, tapped him back. we did it three or four times each, and then he grinned great big and launched himself into my arms with a great big hug. he initiates the age-old "trading punches" game now, and he LOVES it. i truly think that made a huge difference, a good difference, in our relationship.

[beingmommy]

Thank you so much for the support and advice. Today was a little better.

It seems that my moving to a room where he cannot get to me (because of a baby gate) works best for the hitting. I have always felt a little awkward with this solution because it feels a little like withdrawing love or requiring him to "behave" a certain way. BUT today I decided to do it and say, "I love you but when you hit me it hurts so I need to move where you cannot hit me anymore. I love you but I need to stay here until you can be gentle."

I think it is working okay. He starts patting the floor gently!

[Mama2 '05'06]

Do you have the book Your 2 year old by Ames and Ilg? They're pretty cheap second hand on Amazon.com. They have alot of age appropriate info and suggestions although not all of it is GD, so you'll have to sort that out. But overall its a really good investment IMO.