The gritty reality though seems to be in the figures I found, that around 67% of second marriages fail, then around 74% of third marriages. If you guys are breaking the mold, then that is wonderful for you, your kids and your step-kids. You are the exception though. Of course no one wants to go into a second marriage thinking 'well 67% of these fail'. We all want to be the exception, the one that makes a difference. Some of you are but most will not be in a sustainable relationship.
You are looking at a board where people come to seek advice on how to make a relationship work. I would say their chances of making it work are NOT the same as of someone who just enters a relationship without realizing the effort and the difficulty it entails (ANY kind of relationship). You are looking at a sample where partners are trying to better themselves, and are reaching out for a support network when they need it. Therefore, for all you know, 99% of people on this forum succeed in sustaining their relationships. You can't generalize, and I hope I explained well enough why. You are looking at a "tainted" sample.
Isn't it true that 50% of regular marriages will fail? What about the future kids that will have to suffer divorce of their parents? Wouldn't that mean that life is better lived when you don't enter any kind of commited relationsips?
I think the point here is not to judge a group because they chose to be with someone who was married before, but rather examine the validity of each relationship as it stands on its own. There are plenty of first time married and unmarried couples that shouldn't be together. Yet it doesn't mean that no one shoudl ever get married.
I think it's one thing to say "listen... you never spend time with the kids, you don't treat your partner with respect, you don't pull your weight in the relationship - maybe you should reconsider being in a relationship".
And it's a whole another story to tell someone "all I know about you is that you've been married before and have a child - you shouldn't be in a relationship".
That sounds very wrong to me, on many levels, ykwim? According to your view I should go through the following checklist as soon as may be to rescue DSD:
#1. run home and inform my sleepy DP that I just found out we shoudlnt' be together, because he's been married before. (The question is... should I eat the lunch he made for me the night before first? Should I throw away the sweet note he enclosed? Or is it okay to save it?)
#2. I should return the surprise he got for me last night, just because.
#3. I should tell DSD we are cancelling our special girls only trip in three weeks because apparently, she is not my child, and I am endangering her well-being and emotional stability.
#4. I should call up her mom and tell her to pick up her daughter from work tonight, because I shoudln't be here in the first place. (her mom wont' be thrilled... she never picked up dsd from work).
I guess the nature of your advice escapes me.