Man at Kroger asked me if I needed to hide!!!

[filiadeluna]

Yesterday, my husband, 6-month-old daughter, and I were getting groceries at Kroger. My daughter was getting fussy and hungry, so I told my husband I would go up front to feed her while he finished shopping. I had to feed her at Kroger once before, and there was a chair right beside the banking area in which I fed her.

I am anything but discrete (why do I need to be?), but even though I'm large-busted, you can't see much over my baby's head anyhow. It's not like I'm yelling, "Hey, everyone, look at my boobies!" and waving them around. I have never had any impolite stares or words thrown at me in the past, and I NIP frequently in many different public locations.

Anyhow, this time when I went up to the front, there was no chair there, so I decided to stand up and nurse her. Not the easiest thing in the world when you don't have a sling with you, but I did it anyhow. I saw a man talking to a female employee nearby and whispering while they looked over at me. After my baby had finished up, the man walked up to me and said, "Ma'am, do you need to go back there?" and pointed to the employee room.

I quickly responded, "No. I'm about to check out." I was just so caught by surprise that I didn't have the forethought to really speak up and ask him why he thought I needed to move or anything like that. My husband was in a hurry to leave, otherwise I would have tried to find out whether or not this guy was an employee (he was not in uniform, so it wasn't clear to me). I think he was just another customer, though. I just didn't have time to find out. Regardless, it angered me. It seemed to me that I was making *him* uncomfortable, therefore, I must want to hide myself and my baby.

[laohaire]

It's possible he was just making sure you didn't need a seat? I might have offered you a seat if I saw you standing and nursing. That can be awkward and tiring, in my experience.

[crickets&tadpoles]

although i don't know the tone of the man's voice (which would say a lot), from what you've written it sounds like he was just offering you a place to feed your kid that would be more comfortable than standing there. If it were me, I would've happily said YES! (standing up and nursing is quite uncomfortable for me!).
But, then again, if the man truly acted disgusted with you, then I would have been fuming too!!!!

[blizzard_babe]

I agree with what the PP said... not having heard the tone, I'd guess that he just kind of felt bad that you were standing up and nursing and knew of a more comfortable place. He may have been whispering to his coworker about whether it was OK to let someone in back since usually that's not allowed.

But tone can say a lot. Him saying the exact same words in two different voices could convey two totally different meanings.

[elanorh]

It's hard to know without having seen the conversation and then his interaction with you --- whether he was being judgmental or trying to be helpful.

Several years ago, at a wedding, I noticed an acquaintance's wife was standing, swaying while nursing her 7 month old (covered by a blanket). And I smiled and asked her, "Did you know that there's a back room you could sit in while you nurse?" (or something like that).

I NIP everywhere, and was currently bfing (although not right that moment) a 2 1/2 year old .... I didn't mean for it to sound like I thought she ought to go to a different room to nurse. I just thought it would probably be more comfortable, than standing and swaying in high-heeled shoes.

It wasn't until later that I realized how it could have sounded to her ... I was just trying to be helpful and never even thought about the subtext she might have 'heard' in my suggestion. I did see the acquaintance later in the evening and told him I'd noticed his wife breastfeeding, and how wonderful that was [they had had a very difficult pregnancy and birth, micropreemie type situation], especially given all the extra challenges they must have had. I hope that he passed that comment along to her, and it's entirely likely though (since she didn't know me at all) that she thinks she had two interactions about breastfeeding at that wedding - one nosy judgmental woman who thought she should go to a different room, and then the nice lady her husband spoke with who appreciated all the effort she'd made to maintain a nursing relationship with her baby.

I do think as lactivists there are multiple groups of people we are interacting with:
A. Those who think bf is gross and should be hidden.

B. Those who think bf is private and might embarrass a woman (especially since they know others think it's gross). They may not have seen a woman NIP comfortably, may support bf but have only seen it in 'safe' locations (ie with family or under a blanket or whatever they thought was normal and safe).

C. Those who would like to bf in public but are afraid because of A and B (either because they also feel that way, or expect others to feel that way).

D. The choir (that is, those of us who are comfortable with NIP and whose family and friends are (hopefully) also comfortable with it.

[Dahlea]

I just have to say "yay" to another large busted mom who is not discreet! We don't have to flash everyone, but we don't have to cover up or "hide" either.

[rivkah]

I had to nurse standing up at a Hobby Lobby last night. I would have been so grateful if an employee would have offered me a seat, especially in a quiet room, since dd gets so distracted! My guess is, Kroger employee was just being considerate.

[H-bomb]

Originally Posted by rivkah

My guess is, Kroger employee was just being considerate.

I'd let it go and give the employee the benefit of the doubt. Sounds like he was trying to help.

[bmcneal]

Originally Posted by rivkah

My guess is, Kroger employee was just being considerate.

That would be my guess too.

[sunshynbaby]

Originally Posted by rivkah

I had to nurse standing up at a Hobby Lobby last night. I would have been so grateful if an employee would have offered me a seat, especially in a quiet room, since dd gets so distracted! My guess is, Kroger employee was just being considerate.

That was my first thought too.