I handled a situation poorly and now I feel bad.

[Nala]

I was sitting in a visitor room at the hospital where my grandfather was dying and my daughter was overly tired and hungry, it was like 1:30 in the morning and I decided to close the door and nurse her (there was no one else in the room) a man came up to the door looked through the window then opened the door and said the door needed to remain open so if I needed to feed my daughter he could get me a bottle of formula from the post partum recovery floor. (he worked there) I told him I was okay feeding her with the door open and it didn't bother me. He said ok and walked off. about five min later a nurse came in with a towel and walked over to me and while saying "I wouldn't want you to be embarressed" she put the towel over my babies head. I stood up and took the blanket off and draped it over HER head and said "thank you, I am now much more comfortable." I pulled my shirt down and walked out and went to my grandfathers room. he died 15 min later. and I left the hospital. but now I feel really bad about the way I handled it. I feel like I was overly rude. But I have no way to contact her and apoligize I didn't see her name tag... Is there anything I can do to correct the situation or should I just let it go? what to you think?

[notjustmamie]

I would try not to waste too much worry on it. Yeah, you probably could have made your point in a more gentle way, but, frankly, so could she. You were no more rude than she was--perhaps less, since she covered you up first.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this as well as the loss of your grandfather.

[crunchy_mama]

I am so sorry about your grandpa- but would *try* not to feel bad about it- easier said than done, but what they did was completely unacceptable, especially in a hospital to try and force you to ff because they didn't want to see you bf'ing- especially harassing you as your g-father was dying, reprehensible, they are the ones who should feel the guilt.

[MaryJaneLouise]

I am sorry for the loss of your grandpa. I too would not worry too much about this. She was wrong to harass ANY nursing mother -- and one with a loved one in the hospital? Terrible.

[SpiderMum]

Actually...I think that's a pretty good way to get the point across. A complete stranger covering my baby with a towel of unknown origin totally crosses a line. You just did to her what she did to your child. Perhaps she'll realize how rude of a thing it was to do after she was subjected to the same treatment.

[blizzard_babe]

Honestly, I think you reacted perfectly appropriately, but I know how you feel... I often experience regret after I have an emotional reaction to something, even if that reaction is totally warranted and not at all inappropriate. You didn't take a swing at her, you didn't call her any names, and you didn't cuss. *She* was in the wrong, and you responded to her wrong-ness. Looking at it from the outside, I think you did great... but I know I'd be feeling exactly as you are had it been me.

I'm sorry to hear about your grandpa.

[Claire and Boys]

I also think you were completely justified to act as you did. She was in the wrong.

I'm so sorry for your loss *hug*

[beckyand3littlemonsters]

sorry for your loss
i took think you handled it really well, the nurse was in the wrong not you imo.

[zinemama]

I'm really sorry about your grandfather.

I think that what you did was understandable, but not appropriate. And I think it would make you feel better to do something to make up for it. A simple letter of explanation sent to the appropriate department of the hospital would be a nice gesture. It would very likely make that nurse revise the opinion she probably formed of you in that moment and establish a human connection.

[KirstenMary]

Let it go. You were suffering, and she had no right to invade your space or your child's space. I am very sorry for your loss.

[KirstenMary]

Originally Posted by zinemama

I'm really sorry about your grandfather.

I think that what you did was understandable, but not appropriate. And I think it would make you feel better to do something to make up for it. A simple letter of explanation sent to the appropriate department of the hospital would be a nice gesture. It would very likely make that nurse revise the opinion she probably formed of you in that moment and establish a human connection.

I disagree.

The OP was there at 1:30 in the morning...well after visiting hours. Obviously, she was there because there were extenuating circumstancues. In addition, she was the only person in the room. The nurse invaded both the space of a woman and her child - clearly, the nurse cared nothing of establishing any human connection whatsoever, so why on earth should the OP care about revising the nurse's opinion of HER?????

OP, let it go and move on with your life. Hugs.

[elanorh]

I don't know, I suppose it's possible that the guy who told her the door needed to be open, told the nurse about it (being closed) and the nurse thought it was closed because the mother was trying to be 'discreet,' so brought the towel assuming she was helping a mother who wanted to be discreet, to be discreet within the hospital's policies (ie the door must be open, she may not have a blanket, I'll loan her a towel so she feels more comfortable).

It's hard to know.

OP, I think that in your shoes, I'd probably be worrying about this more than I would normally, simply as a coping strategy for dealing with the loss of my grandfather. .... It's probably taking on larger significance for you than it had, in the nurse's reality. It's entirely possible, in fact, that she laughed about it later that evening.... Even though she may have been surprised at the time it happened.

I'm trying to think what I'd do, if I were you. If you're from that area and it's a small hospital, it's possible you could call the nursing supervisor for the hospital and thank her for the good care your grandfather received, and then tell her that you do want to talk with her about an incident - describe it, tell her that honestly you were in an emotional state that you don't know WHY the nurse may have been offering the towel, that you stand by your right to nurse wherever without covering, but that you wish you had handled it differently (if this is true, of course). (Or, that you would like her to talk to the staff about appropriate interactions with nursing mothers, if you don't feel your reaction was inappropriate).

[RolliePollie]

I agree that you shouldn't feel bad at all! The nurse violated your personal space. Hopefully she'll think next time she goes to harass someone!

[RolliePollie]

Also, if you're going to address anyone - you should write an open letter to the hospital about how horrible it is to undermine a breastfeeding relationship by offering formula and implying that breastfeeding is embarrassing.

[zinemama]

Originally Posted by KirstenMary

so why on earth should the OP care about revising the nurse's opinion of HER?????

Well, because the OP clearly stated that she felt bad about the way she handled it. In situations like that, it can make us feel better about things to take that extra step. To show that we're a bigger person.

Isn't that what we teach our kids?

[tayndrewsmama]

Originally Posted by RolliePollie

Also, if you're going to address anyone - you should write an open letter to the hospital about how horrible it is to undermine a breastfeeding relationship by offering formula and implying that breastfeeding is embarrassing.

That was completely out of line.

I am sorry about your loss.

[Momily]

I would give the nurses a little slack here. I think that if you see someone close the door before beginning to nurse, it's not unreasonable to think that they might be uncomfortable nursing with the door open, and if they're in a situation where they're clearly not there by choice, it might also be reasonable to offer things to make them more comfortable. So, I'm not going to fault either employee for offering what they did. To me it's like the difference between asking someone to move to the bedroom to nurse in your home, and offering your den as an alternative to someone who asks if they can nurse in your bedroom.

However, I agree that draping the blanket over the baby's head wasn't the right way to offer it.

If I'm giving the nurses the benefit of the doubt, however, and assuming that they're acting from a place of compassion, I'm also going to assume that, like most people, they realize that the OP was grieving and exhausted, and think nothing of her response.

OP, I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Nala]

Thanks for the great opinions. I guess I just feel like if someone wants to be taken seriously they should act in an appropriate manner. I was upset that the man offered to get me formula, and even more upset when the nurse came in with the towel, but I think when trying to defend something as normal as breastfeeding it is important to act rationally so that people are more apt to listen and learn. I know in my life if some one is making a fool of themselves I won't listen but if they calmly and rationally convey their feelings I am much more willing to listen and absorb what they have to say weather or not I agree. I do agree that the nurse probably isn't half as bothered by it as I am. And maybe this is bothering me so much because I am using it to keep my mind off my grandpa. I just know that normally I am much more rational and really enjoy expressing my feelings and opinions in a non-emotional manner. I don't know, I feel bad because that was abnormal behavior for me, Maybe I will write a letter as suggested thanking them for the top notch care for my grandfather (which it was) and also mentioning (politely) my feeling on the breastfeeding situation. And I closed the door because the orderly's were pushing carts around that were squeeky and I was trying to get DD to go to sleep distraction free not because I wanted privacy.
Either way I still feel bad but not nearly as bad as I did this morning. Thank you for the support

[Nala]

Thanks for the great opinions. I guess I just feel like if someone wants to be taken seriously they should act in an appropriate manner. I was upset that the man offered to get me formula, and even more upset when the nurse came in with the towel, but I think when trying to defend something as normal as breastfeeding it is important to act rationally so that people are more apt to listen and learn. I know in my life if some one is making a fool of themselves I won't listen but if they calmly and rationally convey their feelings I am much more willing to listen and absorb what they have to say weather or not I agree. I do agree that the nurse probably isn't half as bothered by it as I am. And maybe this is bothering me so much because I am using it to keep my mind off my grandpa. I just know that normally I am much more rational and really enjoy expressing my feelings and opinions in a non-emotional manner. I don't know, I feel bad because that was abnormal behavior for me, Maybe I will write a letter as suggested thanking them for the top notch care for my grandfather (which it was) and also mentioning (politely) my feeling on the breastfeeding situation. And I closed the door because the orderly's were pushing carts around that were squeeky and I was trying to get DD to go to sleep distraction free not because I wanted privacy.
Either way I still feel bad but not nearly as bad as I did this morning. Thank you for the support

[Dahlea]

I wouldn't feel that badly about it. Maybe she'll remember that next time she tries to cover a baby without consent.