How to respond...

[Lil'Momma]

My dd was born at 34 wks and weighed 5 lbs 9 oz. At five months old she weighed 11 lbs. Our pedi is pleased with her growth, very supportive of breastfeeding (has never reccomended supplementing to get her weight up) and is very supportive of waiting until six months to introduce solids. I am tired of people asking "how old is she" then when I answer they say something like "oh, she's so tiny" or "is something wrong with her?" I end up launching a long explanation and rationalizing everything, The other day at church a 12 year old asked "why is she like that? so little I mean, Is she sick... what's wrong with her?" She asked in front of everyone and I was really embarassed! Then I usually get asked if I am nursing and when I answer yes I get a bunch of advice how she would gain so much more if we gave her some formula. To add to all that when I am asked if she does well on solids and I tell them she hasn't started any yet they look at me like I've lost my mind then they launch into this whole spill about how I should have started months ago, especially with an "underweight baby", I am just sick of it. And I don't really know what my real question is here... anyone have the same problem? Also. when I checked the WHO breastfed growth charts. DD isn't even on them for her age! yet she is in the 5% on the formula charts... is that right???

[Tee25]

Hmmm I kind of have the opposite problem with a big baby. She was full term and 9lb 6oz at birth. People advised me to supplement because they thought breastmilk wouldn't satisfy her hunger. Welp 4 months later they were wrong. Plus I always get comments from my in-laws. Seems like they can't wait for the day when I start feeding her rice cereal. The other day one of my in-laws gave me toddler formula...didn't even know they made that. Another comment just last week was "you're going to want to start feeding her cereal soon, because you're going to get sick of feeding her so often!" I know they kind of mean well, but am really getting tired of the unwanted advice!

Guess I don't have any words of advice. Seems like people want to give babies formula whether they are big or small LOL. You are doomed either way

[Stephenie]

"She is a bit small because she was born early. We're feeding her the way her doctor recommends and he's pleased with her size."

Most people won't debate what a doctor has to say.

[_betsy_]

Yep, whip out that the Dr. is OK with her weight gain and her size, and everyone will back off.

If people nag you about solids, just say this is the new recommendation. The only people who ever balked at me waiting till 6+ months were off an older generation, people who had babies 30, 40, 60 years ago. Things change. And when you mention that the recommendations have changed, and they say "My grand niece started her baby on solids at 2 weeks and she's fine" just say that the baby is very lucky that that worked safely for them, and then change the subject.

[PatioGardener]

The growth charts - did you account for her prematurity? The WHO charts are only for term infants, and your baby was 6 weeks early. If you plot her weight at 5 months on the WHO chart at 3.5 months, you would get an approximation of her percentile, but only an approximation.

It's awesome that you have such a supportive pediatrician ! Try to ignore people who aren't supportive. "Our pediatrician says she's perfect" may be a good response to any comments about size/weight!

[haydn'smommy]

Originally Posted by Stephenie

"She is a bit small because she was born early. We're feeding her the way her doctor recommends and he's pleased with her size."

Most people won't debate what a doctor has to say.

I was going to say tell them to suck it, but what she said is much nicer. I think you are doing a great job, mama. Keep up the good work and no worries about what other people say. You know what they say about opinions...

[paulamc]

Re: the growth charts

It's not surprising that on the WHO chart your babe is off the chart, but on the CDC one she is on it. In the earlier months breast fed babies are, on average, heavier than formula fed babies, but later on this gets reversed.

[mi.birthdoula]

I agree with what some other posters have said about a simple response that her dr. says she is doing great!

On a side note I too have a dd who is still not on the charts. My 5lb 11 oz daughter is at the 50% at almost 5 yrs, but my dd who was 7lb 6oz full term at birth is the one who is not on them at all and she'll be 3 in Jan. She's perfect in every way, and smart as a whip, just really small. She still wears 18 month pants, and 24 mo tops, and dr isn't worried a bit cause she eats like a horse and is gaining at her own perfect pace.

[itsajenism]

Originally Posted by Stephenie

"She is a bit small because she was born early. We're feeding her the way her doctor recommends and he's pleased with her size."

Most people won't debate what a doctor has to say.

That's pretty much exactly how I would respond if I were in this position.
Keep it simple and throw in the "Doctor" card.

It doesn't leave much room for unsolicited advice.

[aleatha5]

I do the "doctor" card when people say my DS is small (of course he is, he was born 4 weeks early). I did talk to the doctor and he said breastmilk only for the first six months to lessen the chance of Chron's (my DH has it). So, when people start yapping about cereal in his bottle (which he doesn't get) I simply say, "oh no, the doctor specifically told me NOTHING but breastmilk" And they are happy

[KristyDi]

random stranger: She's so tiny! What's wrong with her? etc."
you:"She is small isn't she? She was a few weeks pre-mature, but she'll catch up soon enough."

if they persist then you can pull out the dr card.

I think the key is appearing confident yourself. If you look doubtful or seem like you think you need to justify the situation then they'll think you want to have a discussion about it.

[calebsmommy25]

Originally Posted by _betsy_

Yep, whip out that the Dr. is OK with her weight gain and her size, and everyone will back off.

If people nag you about solids, just say this is the new recommendation. The only people who ever balked at me waiting till 6+ months were off an older generation, people who had babies 30, 40, 60 years ago. Things change. And when you mention that the recommendations have changed, and they say "My grand niece started her baby on solids at 2 weeks and she's fine" just say that the baby is very lucky that that worked safely for them, and then change the subject.

Garr...this is the most infuriating, ignorant arguments a person can make and use as 'parenting' advice.

I agree that it seems to be a catch 22 on a big or small baby should have formula, to either put on weight or to satisfy them. It is a bit ridiculous.

OP- Keep up the good work with breastfeeding her, and just try to let the comments slide off. I'm so happy to hear you have a supportive pedi. They are very, very hard to find.

[busylizzybee]

I agree with everyone's advice. I think people of a different generation seem to take it as a criticism of their parenting that we do things differently now.
You're doing great!

Usually I just respond with- "isn't it funny how things change?

But in my head I say 'yeah- and back then you thought smoking was good for you and no one wore seatbelts. Excuse me if I don't take your advice.'

[Llyra]

That's more than a pound a month gain, which sounds just fine to me. My DD2 was also small at birth 5 lbs 7 oz. I found pointing out her prematurity helped people to understand a lot.

In any case, I also agree with using the adjusted age on the charts, if you haven't already.